«I love you, but I’m not in love with you.»
These words can be the hardest to hear in the world:
It cuts like a knife. But what does it really mean when someone you love says this?
RELATED: What Is Love? Here’s What Loving Someone Truly Means
While it can be a sign of trouble in your relationship — and t may not be what you wanted to hear — this statement isn’t always a bad thing.
Here are 5 things it means when someone says, «I love you, but I’m not in love with you» — and not all are bad.
1. «It’s over.»
It’s your worst fear realized. People will drop this line during a serious talk about the future of your relationship, or say it totally unprompted.
Either way, they’re laying the groundwork for the breakup in no uncertain terms.
Chances are, you know this is what they’re saying, even if you can’t admit it to yourself yet.
But that’s not the only reason someone will say, «I love you, but I’m not in love with you.»
2. «We’re not there yet.»
Sometimes, people say this as a way of warning us to back off. They want you to know that they have strong feelings, but they’re afraid that things are moving too fast. That’s okay.
This is usually in response to you telling them you love them or are in love with them.
It’s actually the best-case scenario when someone says, «I love you, but I’m not in love with you,» because it means that they’re still interested in moving forward. They’re just afraid of screwing things up.
RELATED: 11 Cute Things To Say When You Can’t Say I Love You Back … Yet
3. «I don’t want to get back together.»
If your ex says this to you, it’s often their way of softening the blow. They want you to know that they appreciate your time together and that they still think a great deal of you.
But they definitely don’t want you back.
Whether or not they really mean it, it’s still smart. If your ex tells you that they love you but they’re not in love with you, this is their way of saying, «Move on. You and I do not have a future together.»
4. «I only see you as a friend.»
This is the «I love you as a friend» that many people will pull out if they can tell that you’re pushing for more than just friendship.
It hurts the most when it comes from someone you really care about. If a friend says this to you, you need to respect their wishes and back off.
It doesn’t mean that their feelings for you won’t ever become romantic, but that they will have to develop on their own without you trying to change their mind.
5. «The spark is gone.»
When your relationship lacks the passion and excitement it once had and your partner says, «I love you, but I’m not in love with you,» this is what they mean.
It’s not always as serious and relationship-ending as it may sound. It’s often more of a cry for help. Believe it or not, this can actually be a good thing.
Related Stories From YourTango:
Oftentimes, relationships will wither and die with both parties afraid to face the truth: This isn’t working.
If your partner is willing to admit this, as hard as it is to hear, it means that you have a shot at fixing things before it’s too late.
Now’s the time you need to put all your focus into spending time together, recapturing the magic, and taking the necessary steps to build a healthy relationship.
RELATED: What It Means When Someone Always Says ‘Love You’ Instead Of ‘I Love You’
More for You:
Brad Browning is a relationship coach and breakup expert from Vancouver, Canada. He has 10 years of experience working with couples to repair and improve relationships.
Statement used to express regret and or fear about the current situation of an amorous or once amorous relationship. It generally means that the person who is expressing himself/herself has a deep emotional bond with their current mate, but that bond is possibly/probably not strong enough to merit a lifetime, or long-term commitment. Usually, there is either some dissatisfaction, disappointment, or confusion on the part of the person using this statement.
by TEX37 October 11, 2009
Get the I love you, but I’m not in love with you. mug.
6 Min Read
Contents
- The Devastation Of Hearing ‘Love But Not In Love’
- Why People Fall Out Of Love
- Coping With Hearing Your Partner Isn’t In Love With You
- Reader Comments (300 +)
Relationships aren’t constant, they’re always changing. This means being able to weather the ups and downs is a crucial skill for all relationships. Sadly, many couples really struggle with doing this. I often work with couples where one person feels devastated because their partner,“loves me, but isn’t in love with me.”
This feeling is very, very common in long-term relationships, but ultimately it doesn’t have to mean the end.
Feeling, or being told, that your partner loves you but is not in love with you is one of the most painful things to face. In fact, most partners cannot believe it when they hear it. Hearing these words often comes as a complete shock and can send people into a tailspin, leaving them feeling desperate and depressed. There are things, however, that can be done to cope and possibly turn things around.
The Devastation Of Hearing ‘Love But Not In Love’
What follows being told he loves me but is not in love with me is what makes hearing these words even harder to understand and accept. Often after this is said a bag gets packed and the partner leaves, separates or says they want a divorce. A woman I’m counseling right now came home to find a note on the kitchen counter saying not much more than, «I love you, but am no longer in love with you,» and her husband had already moved out while she was gone from the house.
Sadly, being told this has become very common, so if it’s happening to you, you’re far from alone. Here are a few messages I’ve received from other partners in the same situation:
I need help. My husband told me that he still loves me but is not in love with me anymore. That he has no feelings for me. He also told me that he isn’t sure he even wants to work on the marriage. He said that he is leaving and isn’t sure whether he will miss me and if he wants to even come back home. We have been together for 15 years. I am still really in love with my husband. I want my marriage. I want him to want me and love me. I cannot even deal with the thought of him not returning home. At this point I am certain he has the mindset he isn’t coming back home.» -Val
Having your partner tell you they’re not in love with you doesn’t just happen to older relationships either.
My husband of 3 years asked for a divorce for the second time. We now have a 2 year old and I love him very much. I do not want this. I am trying to make it work, which was I did last time and he did eventually came home, but we got pregnant right after he came home so everything we learned went to the way side. Then I had a few medical things for the last 3 years and now he says he us not in love with me and he has been unhappy, because I don’t desire him, which I do. I want to change our relationship, but I don’t know if it’s to late.» -Bella
Why People Fall Out Of Love
Being told this always happens for the same reason — a partner has fallen out of love. Or at least they believe they’ve fallen out of love. Although it doesn’t change the presence of the “out of love” feeling, what many partners mistakenly assume is that a lack of excitement, lust, and the all-consuming interest that’s present in the beginning of a relationship means that they’ve fallen out of love. That “new relationship” feeling is a high and once it fades it feels like the love has gone too. It’s possible, however, that it’s not gone at all, it’s just changed and now the excitement and enthusiasm that was once effortless requires some effort to maintain.
There can be many contributing factors and triggers to the “love but not in love” feeling as well — cheating, midlife crisis, depression, and many more.
I believe my husband may be going thru a midlife crisis. I’ve read a lot about it so I’m convinced that’s what’s happening. We have been married for 9 years and have 1 daughter; however I am also the step-mom to his children from his prior marriage. Our marriage is not perfect by any means, but I did not think it was in a position for him to tell me one day he’s not in love with me anymore. He said he needed to move out on his own and figure out what he should be doing with his life because perhaps he’s not meant to be a husband and only a father. This all happened 2 months after his 40th birthday, which to him was very hard to deal with.» -Kate
And it’s not just men who say this to their partners, because women say it too.
About 3 months ago my wife told me she loves me but is no longer in love with me. I found out the reason being that I was yelling at the kids a lot, drinking more and she didn’t feel heard when arguments arose and basically over time just gave up and felt defeated. I’ve been doing everything in my power to eradicate my ways. I no longer drink everyday, am very patient with the kids and listening very closely to what she says to me.» -Colin
Coping With Hearing That Your Partner Isn’t In Love With You
What can you do when your partner tells you they love you, but are not in love with you? Unfortunately, there’s no bullet-proof answer.
The best thing you can do is to practice prevention. Don’t let your relationship drift apart, which all relationships do unless we’re intentional about preventing it. So if you haven’t heard those words yet, or you have but the relationship hasn’t gotten to the point these examples have, start now to reinforce the love and connection.
But if you’ve had your partner tell you this, and you’re already wrestling to grasp the idea my partner loves me but is not in love with me, don’t panic or overreact. Let’s learn a little more about this:
My partner of 17 years has said he loves me but is not in love with me. We have had our ups and downs over the years, including me having an emotional affair 6 years ago after he wasn’t paying me attention. He has said he will never forgive me for this and I know I hurt him very much. The thing is he said we are over, but he is still sleeping in the same bed and wanting sexual relations. From reading your post, «How Can I Get My Husband to Love Me Again?», I can see that I have been pleading too much with him about reconsidering. I realize I am at fault for some of our ups and downs. I have been seeing a counselor, and have made changes within myself to try to see if I can get him back. I know it is going to take time, perseverance and patience, but as he is still living in the house I’m hoping he notices the changes. I really do love him and we have 2 wonderful children I want us to be us again, even though he has said he don’t think his feelings will change.» -Jennifer
Jennifer gives some great examples of what to do and not to do when you’ve learned my partner loves me but is not in love with me.
Don’t «plead» or ask a million questions ‘why’ (your partner often doesn’t know the answers themselves). Instead, make changes in yourself that will make you more confident in yourself and therefore more attractive to your partner (this doesn’t mean just in your appearance).
Most of all, give it some «time» and be «patient.» It took time to lose the love and it takes time to get it back.
Obviously, it will take more than just changing yourself to get your partner to fall in love again, but it’s the place to start. And making changes in yourself can make them look at you in a new way and give them reasons to reconsider their love you but not in love with you feeling. Your changes may even inspire them to make changes in themselves as well. A healthy relationship, after all, requires effort from both partners in order to work.
Editor’s note: This post was originally published July 1, 2015 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Looking for More? Check Out These Articles
- Why Doesn’t He Love Me?
- My Husband Doesn’t Love Me, But I Still Love Him
- We’ve Started Divorce Proceedings But Want To Stop It
- Get More Help When the Love is Gone
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Jeremy told me that he loves me but he’s not IN love with me. I knew where this was going and sure enough, I was right. The next thing he said was ‘I want us to be friends, good friends.’ The LAST thing I want to be now is his friend. I don’t ever want to see him again.
Ellen was upset. Actually, she was outraged, and hurt, and confused, and brokenhearted. And if you’ve ever been in Ellen’s shoes, you probably know how she felt. And if you’ve ever been in Jeremy’s shoes, you know what he felt, and perhaps had just as much difficulty articulating it as he did.
«I love you but I’m not IN love with you.» We have heard from so many people who were on either the sending or the receiving side of this message that we began to get curious about what was going on with them when they spoke those words. Some of the things that we heard them say about what they really meant but felt that they couldn’t say were:
- I’m not enjoying our relationship any more and I don’t really want to continue being in it.
— And these were just a few.
Not every relationship is meant to last forever, and more often than not, each partner may feel differently in regard to whether or not it’s time to call it quits. But how do you know when it’s really over and when the discomfort that you feel is an indicator that there’s work to be done before you can upgrade your relationship to the next level? Knowing the difference between these two is crucial, but not necessarily obvious.
The impulse to get out can be strong when things (inevitably) get difficult in a relationship. There is an understandable tendency to rationalize this decision by telling ourselves that it’s just not working anymore, rather than looking at some of the deeper causes for feelings of boredom, resentment or discomfort. The problem with leaving too soon is that that the love that you wanted to experience may be available on the other side of the next challenge, or the one after that.
«Love» is often another term for «infatuation,» which literally means, «to be in a state of unreasonable and short-lived passion.» The word «fatuous» means «deluded and self-deceiving.» We are, when we are in a state of infatuation, quite literally «out of our minds» and our brains are drenched in hormones and chemicals like endorphins and oxytocin that produce irresistible sensations, feelings and urges. Fortunately, the experience of infatuation is temporary. The question has to do with how we deal with the inevitable let-down when that loving feeling is lost. One way is to look for someone else with whom you can recreate this experience. Some people are so in love with the feeling of falling in love (another term for infatuation) that they become serial lovers, sometimes in the hopes of finding that person with whom there will be no fading effect. (Not likely.) Some just decide that they are not the settling-down type. Then there is that small group that knows that infatuation is impermanent and that something even better than that awaits those who are willing to explore and investigate the deeper reaches of relationship: that which lies beyond sensory pleasure.
Unfortunately, there is no generic answer to the question «How do you know when to hang in there and when to cut your losses?» It is, however, a pretty safe bet that if you don’t feel that you’ve given things your very best shot, then it’s worth hanging in there a bit longer and making that extra effort. Athletes experience what they refer to as a «second wind,» which often occurs after the point at which they feel that they are on the edge of depletion. Being in relationship, as many of us know from our own experience, is not unlike being an endurance athlete or a marathon runner. It may require the willingness to hang in there and go past the point where you feel like quitting and giving up in order to find the hidden strength or energy needed to finish the race.
Of course, there can be a time when it may be necessary to call it quits. When you’ve given your best, kept your focus on doing your own work and learned the lessons that your relationships has provided you, it could be time to consider the alternative. To do so at this point is not a matter of quitting, but rather letting go and grieving the loss.
If we engage with others consciously and responsibly, then each relationship provides us with greater insights and wisdom that contribute to the compassion and love that we have to bring to all of our future relationships. The gifts on this path are abundant and amazing. They include: courage, commitment, imagination and compassion, and oh yes, patience — lots of it — because it doesn’t happen overnight. And you get to benefit from them regardless of the outcome of your relationship. It’s a pretty good deal.
Related
Love
5 Ways To Interpret «I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You»
Author:
Updated on February 21, 2021
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
By Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Linda Carroll is a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified life coach currently living in Oregon. She received her master’s degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981.
Last updated on February 21, 2021
«I love him, but I’m not in love with him.»
In the 35 years I’ve been a relationship counselor and among the thousands of couples I’ve worked with, at least 25% of them start their sessions with this statement. Although this statement is expressing a real feeling, it can mean many things. It usually takes the client or couple several sessions for them to discover where it falls on the continuum. Is it a part of the normal stages of a relationship, or is it a sign of the relationship is over?
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There are five main things that this statement may really mean:
1. «I want out of the relationship.»
I want out of the relationship and am clear it’s done, and I want to be nice about it. I don’t want to hurt my partner’s feelings, and this is easier to say than «It’s over.»
Ending a relationship won’t ever be nice or easy. It’s painful and hard, which is why some people might try to cushion the blow with statements like «I love you, but I’m not in love with you.» They may earnestly care about their partner but simply don’t want to continue in the relationship anymore.
Just note: if what you really want is to break up with someone, know that it’s not a comfort to the person being broken up with that their partner loves them but is not in love with them.
2. «I’ve met someone else.»
I’ve met someone else with whom I feel alive, like I used to with my current partner.
Sometimes a person will meet someone new who makes them feel alive, and they realize they don’t have that feeling with their current partner anymore. The difference between how they feel about the new person and the current partner may make them come to the conclusion that they’re no longer in love with the person they’re in the relationship with.
Of course, chances are, they would end up in the very same situation with the new person in the future if they were to enter into a relationship with them. Every relationship will go through lulls. Your aliveness needs to come from within you; that «falling in love» feeling is a chemical high that isn’t meant to last forever.
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3. «I feel emotionally closed off.»
I’m noticing we’re arguing a lot, and instead of feeling like you’re my person, I’m closing off to you emotionally.
Some people feel they’re no longer in love when there’s been a lot of conflict. The thing is, everyone has difficulties and parts of their relationship that don’t work. All couples have many irresolvable issues, and the difference between the thrivers and divers is not whether they have differences between them (because, seriously, every couple has them) but how they are managed. This happens because we learn the skills to handle it, and the good news is that anyone can learn skills.
(Here are a few ways to rebuild a relationship that’s falling apart.)
4. «Our sex life no longer excites me.»
Our sex life no longer excites me. The sex has become dull, boring, or predictable.
Sometimes not having sex for a period of time can make people believe the love is gone. Our sexual relationships are like the other parts of our connection—we need to find new ways to keep things alive. In the same way a runner can feel wiped out and then push through the wall to find a second wind and a better high than ever, this often happens in our lovemaking when we get a little creative. (Here are a few ways to slowly build up sexual desire again in your relationship.)
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5. «I’m depressed.»
This one is harder to translate, but it’s a very real possibility. The person feeling this could be depressed, and the color may have faded in many things they once enjoyed—including their relationship. If you investigate and believe you or your partner is actually depressed rather than falling out of love, it’s time to reach out to a mental health care provider to seek out support.
Love but not in love: Is the relationship over?
We interpret this feeling, which is also about the absence of another kind of feeling, as a sign the relationship is not going to last. Although this may prove to be the truth, it is more likely that it isn’t.
Think about what you do for a living. Are you a professional, a student, an artist of some sort? Can you remember when you had the thought that brought you to this place? «I want to be a musician.» «I just got the greatest job as a graphic artist.» «Finally I’m an attorney, a kindergarten teacher, a business owner.» This is often accompanied by a sense of expansion and happiness, as though you have reached the top of a mountain, a sense of arrival. Three months later, when you’re knee-deep in desk work, administration complications, or having to manage an impossible co-worker, what do you feel then? Does it mean you put in your resignation immediately? Probably not—and it’s no different in our relationships.
We don’t stay in that high place all the time. Some days are cloudy, some are stormy, some are gray, and sometimes the sun shines. Relationships are seasonal and cyclical, and the statement, «I’m not in love with my boyfriend» can mean many more things than «it’s time to leave.» Sex can be rekindled, intimacy can be rediscovered, and depression can be managed.
A long-term relationship has many seasons: Don’t interpret that feeling of not being in love as a recipe for disaster but rather as a mystery to explore and find your way through. If you’ve fallen out of love with your partner and are committed to bringing back the spark, here are your next steps.
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Q: What is a two part word that means to be not committed in love starting with fan?
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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
| «I’m Not in Love» | |||
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One of the side-A labels of the original 1975 UK single |
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| Single by 10cc | |||
| from the album The Original Soundtrack | |||
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| Released | May 1975 | ||
| Recorded | 1974–1975 | ||
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| Label | Mercury | ||
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| Producer(s) | 10cc | ||
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«I’m Not in Love» is a song by British group 10cc, written by band members Eric Stewart and Graham Gouldman. It is known for its innovative and distinctive backing track, composed mostly of the band’s multitracked vocals. Released in the UK in May 1975 as the second single from the band’s third album, The Original Soundtrack, it became the second of the group’s three number-one singles in the UK between 1973 and 1978, topping the UK Singles Chart for two weeks. «I’m Not in Love» became the band’s breakthrough hit outside the United Kingdom, topping the charts in Canada and the Republic of Ireland as well as peaking within the top ten of the charts in several other countries, including Australia, Germany, New Zealand, Norway and the United States.
Written mostly by Stewart as a response to his wife’s declaration that he did not tell her often enough that he loved her, «I’m Not in Love» was originally conceived as a bossa nova song played on guitars, but the other two members of the band, Kevin Godley and Lol Creme, were not impressed with the idea for the track and it was abandoned. However, after hearing members of their staff continue to sing the melody around their studio, Stewart persuaded the group to give the song another chance, to which Godley replied that for the song to work it needed to be radically changed, and suggested that the band should try to create a new version using just voices.
Writing and composition[edit]
Band members of 10cc in 1974
Stewart came up with the idea for the song after his wife, to whom he had been married for eight years at that point, asked him why he did not say «I love you» more often to her. Stewart said, «I had this crazy idea in my mind that repeating those words would somehow degrade the meaning, so I told her, ‘Well, if I say every day «I love you, darling, I love you, blah, blah, blah», it’s not gonna mean anything eventually’. That statement led me to try to figure out another way of saying it, and the result was that I chose to say ‘I’m not in love with you’, while subtly giving all the reasons throughout the song why I could never let go of this relationship.»[5]
Stewart wrote most of the melody and the lyrics on the guitar before taking it to the studio, where Gouldman offered to help him complete the song. Gouldman suggested some different chords for the melody, and also came up with the intro and the bridge section of the song. Stewart said that the pair spent two or three days writing the song, which at that point had a bossa nova rhythm and used principally guitars, before playing it to Godley and Creme. Stewart recorded a version with the other three members playing the song in the studio on traditional instruments – Creme on guitar, Gouldman on bass, and Godley on drums – but Godley and Creme disliked the song, particularly Godley, as Stewart later recalled: «He said, ‘It’s crap’, and I said, ‘Oh right, OK, have you got anything constructive to add to that? Can you suggest anything?’ He said, ‘No. It’s not working, man. It’s just crap, right? Chuck it.’ And we did. We threw it away and we even erased it, so there’s no tape of that bossa nova version.»[5]
Having abandoned «I’m Not in Love», Stewart and Gouldman turned their attention to the track «Une Nuit A Paris», which Godley and Creme had been working on and which would later become the opening track on The Original Soundtrack album. However, Stewart noticed that members of staff in the band’s Strawberry Studios were still singing the melody of «I’m Not in Love», and this convinced him to ask the other members of the group to consider reviving the song. Godley was still sceptical, but came up with a radical idea, telling Stewart, «I tell you what, the only way that song is gonna work is if we totally fuck it up and we do it like nobody has ever recorded a thing before. Let’s not use instruments. Let’s try to do it all with voices.»[5] Although taken aback by the suggestion, Stewart and the others agreed to try Godley’s idea and create «a wall of sound» of vocals that would form the focal point of the record.[6]
Recording[edit]
Stewart spent three weeks recording Gouldman, Godley and Creme singing «ahhh» 16 times for each note of the chromatic scale, building up a «choir» of 48 voices for each note of the scale. The main problem facing the band was how to keep the vocal notes going for an infinite length of time, but Creme suggested that they could get around this issue by using tape loops. Stewart created loops of about 12 feet in length by feeding the loop at one end through the tape heads of the stereo recorder in the studio, and at the other end through a capstan roller fixed to the top of a microphone stand, and tensioned the tape. By creating long loops the ‘blip’ caused by the splice in each tape loop could be drowned out by the rest of the backing track, providing that the splices in each loop did not coincide with each other. Having created twelve tape loops for each of the 12 notes of the chromatic scale, Stewart played each loop through a separate channel of the mixing desk. This effectively turned the mixing desk into a musical instrument complete with all the notes of the chromatic scale, which the four members together then «played», fading up three or four channels at a time to create «chords» for the song’s melody. Stewart had put tape across the bottom of each channel so that it was impossible to completely fade down the tracks for each note, resulting in the constant background hiss of vocals heard throughout the song.[6] Composer and music theory professor Thomas MacFarlane considered the resulting «ethereal voices» with distorted synthesized effects to be a major influence on Billy Joel’s hit ballad «Just the Way You Are», released two years later.[7]
A basic guide track was recorded first in order to help create the melody using the vocals, but the proper instrumentation was added after the vocals had been recorded. In keeping with Godley’s idea to focus on the voices, only a few instruments were used: a Fender Rhodes electric piano played by Stewart, a Gibson 335 electric guitar played by Gouldman for the rhythm melody, and a bass drum sound played by Godley on a Moog synthesizer which Creme had recently purchased and learned how to program. The drum sound that was created was very soft and more akin to a heartbeat, in order not to overpower the rest of the track. Creme played piano during the bridge and the middle eight, where it replicated the melody of lyrics that had been discarded. The middle eight is also the only part of the song that contains a bass guitar line, played by Gouldman. A toy music box was recorded and double tracked out of phase for the middle eight and the outro.[6]
Once the musical backing had been completed Stewart recorded the lead vocal and Godley and Creme the backing vocals, but even though the song was finished Godley felt it was still lacking something. Stewart said, «Lol remembered he had said something into the grand piano mics when he was laying down the solos. He’d said ‘Be quiet, big boys don’t cry’ — heaven knows why, but I soloed it and we all agreed that the idea sounded very interesting if we could just find the right voice to speak the words. Just at that point the door to the control room opened and our secretary Kathy Redfern looked in and whispered ‘Eric, sorry to bother you. There’s a telephone call for you.’ Lol jumped up and said ‘That’s the voice, her voice is perfect!’.»[5] The group agreed that Redfern was the ideal person, but Redfern was unconvinced and had to be coaxed into recording her vocal contribution, using the same whispered voice that she had used when entering the control room. These whispered lyrics would later serve as the inspiration for the name of the 1980s band Boys Don’t Cry.[8]
Release and promotion[edit]
According to Stewart, at the time of recording The Original Soundtrack the band was already being courted by Mercury Records (part of the Phonogram group) to leave Jonathan King’s small UK Records label, where they were struggling financially. He said: «I rang them. I said come and have a listen to what we’ve done, come and have a listen to this track. And they came up and they freaked, and they said, ‘This is a masterpiece. How much money, what do you want? What sort of a contract do you want? We’ll do anything.’ On the strength of that one song, we did a five-year deal with them for five albums and they paid us a serious amount of money.»[9] Despite impressing their new label with the track, Phonogram felt that it was not suitable for release as a single due to its length, and released «Life Is a Minestrone» as the first single from The Original Soundtrack instead. However, many influential figures in the music industry were demanding that «I’m Not in Love» be released as a single, and Mercury eventually bowed to the pressure and released it as the second single from the album. The band were forced to edit the track down to four minutes for radio play, but once it charted, pressure from the public and the media caused the radio stations to revert to playing the full version.[5] Record World said that «One of the most technically perfect productions of this or any year is kind pf a cross between ‘2001’ and the golden era Lennon-McCartney ballad days.»[10]
Released in May 1975, «I’m Not in Love» became the band’s second number-one, staying atop the UK singles chart for two weeks from 28 June. In the US, the record peaked at number two on the Billboard Hot 100 for three weeks, deprived of an expected[11] top spot placing by a different number-one each week (Van McCoy’s «The Hustle», The Eagles’ «One of These Nights», and the Bee Gees’ «Jive Talkin'»). In the UK the single was released in its full length version of over six minutes; in the US and Canada it was released in an edited 3:42 version, and with a different B-side.
Legacy[edit]
«I’m Not in Love» has enjoyed lasting popularity, with over three million plays on US radio since its release, and it won three Ivor Novello Awards in 1976 for Best Pop Song, International Hit of the Year, and Most Performed British Work.[6][12] It has appeared in numerous films and television shows, most famously in Guardians of the Galaxy. Queen Latifah recorded a cover for her album Trav’lin’ Light,[13] and a cover version by Kelsey Lu was featured in the TV series Euphoria.[14]
Axl Rose cited it as a song that meant a lot to him as a teenager: «So nonchalant, so cool ….».[15]
Personnel[edit]
Adapted from the liner notes of The Original Soundtrack.[16]
- Eric Stewart – lead vocal, electric piano
- Graham Gouldman – guitar, bass guitar, backing vocals
- Kevin Godley – Moog, backing vocals
- Lol Creme – piano, backing vocals
- Kathy Redfern – uncredited whisperings : Big Boys Don’t Cry
Charts[edit]
Certifications and sales[edit]
Will to Power version[edit]
| «I’m Not in Love» | |||
|---|---|---|---|
 |
|||
| Single by Will to Power | |||
| from the album Journey Home | |||
| B-side | «Fly Bird», «It’s My Life» | ||
| Released | 29 June 1990 | ||
| Length | 3:48 | ||
| Label | Epic | ||
| Songwriter(s) |
|
||
| Will to Power singles chronology | |||
|
American musical group Will to Power covered the song for their second studio album, Journey Home, releasing as the first single from the album in 1990. It reached the top ten on the pop charts of the US, Canada, Norway, and Portugal.
Track listing[edit]
| No. | Title | Length |
|---|---|---|
| 1. | «I’m Not in Love» | 3:48 |
| 2. | «Fly Bird» (Reprise) | 3:46 |
| 3. | «It’s My Life» | 5:23 |
Charts[edit]
Weekly charts[edit]
Year-end charts[edit]
| Chart (1991) | Position |
|---|---|
| Canada Top Singles (RPM)[57] | 54 |
| Canada Adult Contemporary (RPM)[58] | 50 |
| US Billboard Hot 100[59] | 83 |
| US Adult Contemporary (Billboard)[60] | 37 |
10cc acoustic version[edit]
| «I’m Not in Love» | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Single by 10cc | |||
| from the album Mirror Mirror | |||
| B-side | «Blue Bird» | ||
| Released | 1995 | ||
| Length | 3:30 | ||
| Label | Avex UK | ||
| Songwriter(s) |
|
||
| Producer(s) | 10cc, Rod Gammons | ||
| 10cc singles chronology | |||
|
In 1995, Eric Stewart and Graham Gouldman re-recorded «I’m Not in Love» as an acoustic version for the last 10cc studio album Mirror Mirror. It was released as a single and charted at #29 in the UK[61] giving the band the highest position since «Dreadlock Holiday» in 1978.
Track listing[edit]
- «I’m Not in Love (Acoustic Session ’95)» — 3:30
- «I’m Not in Love (Rework of Art Mix)» — 5:51
- «Blue Bird» (Graham Gouldman) — 4:04
Deni Hines version[edit]
| «I’m Not in Love» | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Single by Deni Hines | |||
| from the album Imagination | |||
| Released | 1996 | ||
| Length | 6:02 | ||
| Label | Festival Mushroom Records | ||
| Songwriter(s) |
|
||
| Producer(s) | Ian Green | ||
| Deni Hines singles chronology | |||
|
In 1996, the Australian singer songwriter Deni Hines released «I’m Not in Love» as the fourth single from her debut album Imagination (1996). At the ARIA Music Awards of 1997, «I’m Not in Love» was nominated for two awards — ARIA Award for Best Female Artist losing to «Mary» by Monique Brumby and ARIA Award for Best Pop Release losing to «To the Moon and Back» by Savage Garden.[62]
Track listing[edit]
- «I’m Not in Love»
- «It’s Alright» (quiet summertime version)
- «Joy» (full testament mix)
- «It’s Alright» (summertime remix)
Olive version[edit]
| «I’m Not in Love» | |||
|---|---|---|---|
 |
|||
| Single by Olive | |||
| from the album Trickle | |||
| Released | 27 June 2000 | ||
| Recorded | 1999 | ||
| Genre | Trip hop | ||
| Length | 4:39 | ||
| Label | Maverick | ||
| Songwriter(s) |
|
||
| Olive singles chronology | |||
|
Following their debut album, the English trip hop band Olive recorded a cover of the song. At the cusp of their new record contract with Maverick Records at the time, the band debuted the song on the label’s soundtrack for the Madonna film The Next Best Thing before releasing it as the debut single from their second album, Trickle.
Fronted by the lone vocals of singer Ruth-Ann Boyle, the song simulated the backing tracks of the original; the most audible modification made to the song is a percussion track in the style of drum and bass, turning the song into an upbeat dance track.
Accompanied by dance-oriented remixes on the single release, the song gained sufficient nightclub play to reach number one on the Billboard Hot Dance Music/Club Play chart (on the week of 1 July 2000),[63] as well as airplay on dance-hits format radio.[64]
References[edit]
- ^ Breithaupt, Don; Breithaupt, Jeff (2000), Night Moves: Pop Music in the Late ’70s, St. Martin’s Press, p. 71, ISBN 978-0-312-19821-3
- ^ Pitchfork Staff (22 August 2016). «The 200 Best Songs of the 1970s». Pitchfork. Retrieved 13 October 2022.
«I’m Not in Love» is one of the sentiments rarely voiced in pop…
- ^ Pelly, Jenn (16 August 2013). «Watch: Twin Shadow Covers 10cc’s «I’m Not In Love»«. Pitchfork Media. Retrieved 25 May 2015.
- ^ «VH1’s 40 Most Softsational Soft-Rock Songs». Stereogum. SpinMedia. 31 May 2007. Retrieved 31 July 2016.
- ^ a b c d e Buskin, Richard (June 2005). «Classic Tracks: 10cc – ‘I’m Not in Love’«. Sound on Sound. Cambridge, England: SOS Publications: 62–69. Retrieved 21 September 2015.
- ^ a b c d Presenters: Richard Allinson and Steve Levine (9 May 2009). «The Record Producers – 10cc». The Record Producers. Season 3. Episode 4. BBC. BBC Radio 2.
- ^ MacFarlane, Thomas (16 October 2016). Experiencing Billy Joel: A Listener’s Companion. Rowman & Littlefield. pp. 59–60. ISBN 978-1-4422-5769-6.
- ^ Popson, Tom (15 August 1986). «Boys Don’t Cry Hit Trail, Counter ‘Cowboy’ Image». Chicago Tribune. Retrieved 31 January 2017.
- ^ «I Write The Songs». The10ccfanclub.com. Retrieved 27 March 2014.
- ^ «Hits of the Week» (PDF). Record World. 26 April 1975. p. 1. Retrieved 10 March 2023.
- ^ Casey Kasem, American Top 40, 19 July 1975
- ^ «1976». The Ivors. 11 May 1976. Archived from the original on 16 April 2016. Retrieved 10 October 2016.
- ^ James, Steve. «Just A Minute With: Queen Latifah». Reuters.
- ^ Maicki, Salvatore. «Kelsey Lu takes on 10cc «I’m Not In Love»«. The Fader.
- ^ Wall, Mick (January 2002). «Eve of destruction». Classic Rock. No. 36. p. 95.
- ^ The Original Soundtrack (liner notes). 10cc. Mercury. 1975. 9102 500.
{{cite AV media notes}}: CS1 maint: others in cite AV media (notes) (link) - ^ Kent, David (1993). Australian Chart Book 1970–1992. St Ives, NSW: Australian Chart Book. p. 307. ISBN 0-646-11917-6.
- ^ «10cc – I’m Not in Love» (in Dutch). Ultratop 50.
- ^ «10cc – I’m Not in Love» (in French). Ultratop 50.
- ^ «RPM Top 100 Singles — August 23, 1975» (PDF).
- ^ «RPM Top 50 Pop — August 23, 1975» (PDF).
- ^ «10cc – I’m Not in Love» (in German). GfK Entertainment charts.
- ^ «The Irish Charts – Search Results – I’m Not in Love». Irish Singles Chart.
- ^ «Nederlandse Top 40 – week 27, 1975» (in Dutch). Dutch Top 40.
- ^ «10cc – I’m Not in Love» (in Dutch). Single Top 100.
- ^ «10cc – I’m Not in Love». Top 40 Singles.
- ^ «10cc – I’m Not in Love». VG-lista.
- ^ «SA Charts 1965–March 1989». Retrieved 5 September 2018.
- ^ Salaverri, Fernando (2015). Sólo éxitos 1959–2012 (1st ed.). Spain: Fundación Autor-SGAE. p. 194. ISBN 978-84-8048-866-2.
- ^ «10cc – I’m Not in Love». Swiss Singles Chart.
- ^ «Official Singles Chart Top 100». Official Charts Company.
- ^ «10cc Chart History (Hot 100)». Billboard.
- ^ Hoffman, Frank (1983). The Cash Box Singles Charts, 1950-1981. Scarecrow Press. p. 592. ISBN 0-8108-1595-8.
- ^ Whitburn, Joel (1993). Top Adult Contemporary: 1961–1993. Record Research. p. 238.
- ^ «National Top 100 Singles for 1975». Kent Music Report. 29 December 1975. Retrieved 15 January 2022 – via Imgur.
- ^ «Jaaroverzichten 1975» (in Dutch). Ultratop. Hung Medien. Retrieved 12 July 2014.
- ^ Lyttle, Brendan (27 December 1975). «1975 Wrap Up – Top 200 singles of 1975 as compiled from RPM charts». RPM. 24 (14). Retrieved 21 September 2015.
- ^ «Top 100-Jaaroverzicht van 1975». Dutch Top 40. Retrieved 14 August 2021.
- ^ «Jaaroverzichten – Single 1975» (in Dutch). Single Top 100. Hung Medien. Retrieved 25 February 2018.
- ^ «Top Selling Singles of 1975 | The Official New Zealand Music Chart». Nztop40.co.nz. 31 December 1975. Retrieved 10 October 2016.
- ^ «1975 Best Sellers: Singles». Record Mirror and Disc. London, England: Spotlight Publications. 10 January 1976. p. 12.
- ^ «Pop Singles». Billboard («Talent in Action» supplement). 27 December 1975. p. 8.
- ^ «Top 100 Year End Charts: 1975». Cashbox Magazine. Retrieved 17 January 2015.
- ^ «British single certifications – 10cc – I’m Not in Love». British Phonographic Industry. Retrieved 25 February 2022.
- ^ «Will to Power – I’m Not in Love». ARIA Top 50 Singles.
- ^ «Top RPM Singles: Issue 1448.» RPM. Library and Archives Canada. Retrieved 27 August 2021.
- ^ «Top RPM Adult Contemporary: Issue 1456.» RPM. Library and Archives Canada. Retrieved 27 August 2021.
- ^ «Eurochart Hot 100 Singles» (PDF). Music & Media. Vol. 8, no. 4. 26 January 1991. p. 27. Retrieved 27 August 2021.
- ^ «Will to Power – I’m Not in Love» (in German). GfK Entertainment charts.
- ^ «The Irish Charts – Search Results – I’m Not in Love». Irish Singles Chart.
- ^ «Will to Power – I’m Not in Love». Top 40 Singles.
- ^ «Will to Power – I’m Not in Love». VG-lista.
- ^ «Top 10 in Europe» (PDF). Music & Media. Vol. 8, no. 7. 16 February 1991. p. 18. Retrieved 27 August 2021.
- ^ «Official Singles Chart Top 100». Official Charts Company.
- ^ «Will to Power Chart History (Hot 100)». Billboard.
- ^ «Will to Power Chart History (Adult Contemporary)». Billboard.
- ^ «RPM 100 Hit Tracks of 1991». RPM. Library and Archives Canada. 21 December 1991. Retrieved 27 August 2021.
- ^ «RPM 100 Adult Contemporary Tracks of 1991». RPM. Library and Archives Canada. 21 December 1991. Retrieved 27 August 2021.
- ^ «1991 The Year in Music & Video: Top Pop Singles». Billboard. Vol. 103, no. 51. 21 December 1991. p. YE-14.
- ^ «1991 The Year in Music» (PDF). Billboard. Vol. 103, no. 51. 21 December 1991. p. YE-36. Retrieved 10 August 2021.
- ^ «10 C.C.» officialcharts.com. Retrieved 31 July 2019.
- ^ «ARIA Awards – History: Winners by Year 1997». Australian Recording Industry Association (ARIA). Archived from the original on 26 September 2007. Retrieved 21 March 2012.
- ^ Whitburn, Joel (2004). Hot Dance/Disco: 1974–2003. Record Research. p. 193.
- ^ Ball, Joann D. «Olive, Trickle«. Consumable Online. Archived from the original on 31 May 2001. Retrieved 29 August 2006.
External links[edit]
- 10cc – I’m Not in Love on YouTube