Someone made this statement:
You found the perfect partner (looks, finance, personality) but the
sex is a bust, would you cheat?
I found it offensive that she was making the question ‘would you cheat’ look very normal but I didn’t really know how to describe it. I pointed it out but she claimed there was no need to brush such a present day reality under the carpet. I considered it logically and eventually used the term Argumentum ad populum to express the fallacy in her statement but what I actually wanted was a word to use in describing her action i.e. making something wrong appear normal because it is common. I couldn’t come up with anything, any help?
Kit Z. Fox♦
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asked Nov 3, 2012 at 17:59
Chibueze OpataChibueze Opata
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From your own moral point of view, you could say that she has a skewed moral compass and that she’s simply rubber-stamping the mores of the morally bankrupt society that we live in.
Or something like that …
answered Nov 3, 2012 at 20:13
coleopteristcoleopterist
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You might be looking for a term such as ethical drift.
Here is an example from nursing («a gradual erosion of ethical behavior that occurs in individuals below their level of awareness»), and here is one from business («Slowly drifting away from professional and legal standards and personal standards a business person has long been associated with»). Have a look and see what you think.
answered Nov 3, 2012 at 19:46
The action (of asking such a question) might be referred to as gauche (“Awkward or lacking in social graces; bumbling”) or tactless (“having no tact; unaware or intentionally inconsiderate of someone else’s feelings”). The behavior of asking might be considered déclassé, except that dictionary-usage of déclassé is along the lines of referring to a person “degraded from one’s social class”, I think, rather than one engaging in degrading behavior.
answered Nov 3, 2012 at 18:14
1
This might be minimization or reduction, the opposite of exaggeration: downplaying, discounting, or understatement. The purpose is to make an unethical act seem more trivial than it is:
Minimizing makes unethical transgressions seem smaller. The person who admits that he or she did something wrong but states, «It’s not that big of a deal.» Minimizing is one of the most common ways we reduce our feelings of guilt and worthlessness resulting from transgressions. —The Ethical Executive
EDITED TO ADD: In your example: When asking «would you cheat?» so matter-of-factly, as if it were a common thing to ask or a reasonable option, the questioner might be minimizing the negativeness of cheating.
answered Nov 3, 2012 at 18:37
Mark BeadlesMark Beadles
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At the risk of sounding glib, you may just be looking for normalize.
Though normalize doesn’t necessarily carry the connotation that its object is wrong, it does communicate what you objected to: the speaker’s normative assumption [in this case, with respect to cheating].
If the question is posed in a way that assumes cheating is an uncontroversial choice (via tone or word choice, for example), then regardless of whatever response is given, the very act posing the question in such a way works to normalize the notion that cheating is a legitimate option for someone in the scenario in question. That is, if the assumption goes unquestioned.
For more, see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normalization_%28sociology%29
answered Nov 4, 2012 at 21:54
I would say she was making a «moral solecism», in other words a mistake in her use of the expression «would you cheat?» to offer it as if it were an acceptable response to the evaluation of the partner.
Looking at her statement from a formal logic standpoint, you could also argue that she is committing a sophistry, a fallacious argument based on a mistaken assumption: that cheating on a partner is an acceptable form of action based on the decision being made.
This is a good question of yours. Really has made my brain work. I wonder if what you really want is the word habituate: «make or become accustomed or used to something», because it carries the connotation of making something abnormal become normal. And certainly, that is what she is doing here, making the assumption that cheating is an acceptable option because people do it all the time.
RegDwigнt
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answered Nov 3, 2012 at 23:02
I think «sheep mentality» fits. It implies following a trend because of its popularity without giving it a serious thought. It still doesn’t mean the subject would be otherwise unacceptable, but it gives a definitely negative connotation.
answered Nov 5, 2012 at 0:13
SF.SF.
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This is in fact an effect of drift in social norms, not about language as such: The text-book definition of what is right and what is not stays, but the society tacitly approves of transgressions.
However, there’s the related concept sometimes known as a bad factoid in technical contexts.
Someone speaks of it as if it were a fact, others help spread the impression by repeated use of the expression, and eventually it becomes axiomatic: no one questions its veracity, but everyone accepts it as a fact.
Bad factoids can sometimes be statistically proven as the ‘majority opinion’. But they cannot be proven by verification of facts.
answered Nov 5, 2012 at 7:14
KrisKris
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I will suggest:
vulgar :
- lacking in cultivation, perception, or taste
- morally crude undeveloped, or unregenerate
- lewdly or profanely indecent
or
uncouth :
- lacking in polish and grace
answered Nov 3, 2012 at 19:36
JimJim
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I think «naturalistic fallacy» is somewhat apropos and along the same lines of Argumentum ad populum, although she doesn’t really imply one OUGHT to cheat, rather that many would.
answered Nov 4, 2012 at 16:25
MikeyMikey
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What I think you’re getting at is that a question can imply the validity of a certain (objectionable or invalid) choice simply by presenting it as plausible option among many.
To me, that’s basically a loaded question:
A loaded question is a question which contains a controversial or unjustified assumption.
answered Nov 4, 2012 at 21:22
One could accuse her of making a complicitous assumption that cheating is normal.
answered Nov 4, 2012 at 2:38
phatfingersphatfingers
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You could say something along the lines of; «Something isn’t necessarily correct purely because popular consensus suggests it. Whilst it may be the norm in certain circles of society, it’s still morally/ethically bereft.» It might also be worth pointing out that something / someone with attributes with which the plaintiff is not satisfied cannot by definition be perfect, and that it is an oxymoron to suggest otherwise.
Or you could just call them an idiot, depending on their apparent level of intelligence.
J.R.
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answered Nov 4, 2012 at 1:02
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The correct word, in my opinion, is ‘Misnomer’.
According to Wikipedia:
A misnomer is a word or term that suggests a meaning that is known to be wrong. Misnomers often arise because the thing named received its name long before its true nature was known. A misnomer may also be simply a word that is used incorrectly or misleadingly.
Jim
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answered Nov 4, 2012 at 1:19
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One could describe her as a «Lemming» based on behavior. Though shown to be biologically inaccurate, the term has been taken up by the popular culture specifically for people who act against common sense (and to the detriment of themselves and all) based on an urge to conform or follow trends.
There is probably also a way to see that the word «gentile» could be used in this way, but I think it’s both radically pejorative and limited in other ways, so I’ll leave the matter there given no other interest.
-
She is quite a lemming of an author; implying that tactless infidelity is an acceptable choice in the presence of an unhappy relationship.
-
The author implies that tactless infidelity is an acceptable choice in the presence of an unhappy relationship, which is quite gentile of her.
answered Nov 3, 2012 at 20:39
New AlexandriaNew Alexandria
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August 16, 2022
Oh no, I did something wrong.
I wish I hadn’t said that.
I feel really bad about what I did.
All of us have felt bad about something we did or said.
Wouldn’t life be so much easier if it came with an “undo” button?
Unfortunately, we can’t change the past. We have to live with the consequences (results or effects) of our previous choices.
But there’s a magic word that we can use to make things a little better.
Can you guess what it is? (Hint: It’s only five letters long!)
Yes, you’re right. It’s “sorry.”
Learning to say sorry in English is essential to speaking polite English. It’ll help you in personal relationships as well as professional ones. Keep reading to learn essential phrases, tips and tricks for saying sorry in English.
Download:
This blog post is available as a convenient and portable PDF that you
can take anywhere.
Click here to get a copy. (Download)
Saying Sorry: The Absolute Basics
Saying “sorry” means we admit our mistake (whatever we did wrong) and take responsibility for our actions. It means we’ve done something bad and now we’re trying to do better.
I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. I promise I will not be mean to you again.
We also say “sorry” when we’re feeling really bad about someone and we want to show that we understand and care for their feelings.
I’m really sorry to hear that you lost your job.
The word “sorry” is used in many situations.
Also, depending on what we did and who we’re speaking to, the way we apologize (say sorry) changes.
Common Vocabulary Words for Saying Sorry
Sometimes, just saying sorry isn’t enough.
There are specific words and phrases we can use to express or explain our feelings.
I’ll be using them in this post, so first let’s learn some of the most important words related to saying sorry:
Apologize (verb): To say sorry.
Regret (noun or verb): The horrible feeling when we wish that we hadn’t done a certain thing.
I have lots of regrets about the way I acted. (Noun)
I regret signing up for that stressful job. (Verb)
Apologetic (adjective): Showing regret for something you’ve done.
She was really apologetic about shouting at you in the meeting.
Ashamed (adjective): Feeling really bad or embarrassed about past actions.
I am ashamed of how hurtful I was to my sister.
Remorseful (adjective): The painful awareness of our wrongdoing. Similar to “ashamed.”
After fighting with his best friend, he was remorseful about the way he had treated her.
Fault (noun): A flaw or an error. When used with a personal pronoun like “my” or “your,” it means taking responsibility for your actions or assigning blame.
It was my fault that we arrived late, and I’m sorry.
I’m sorry we’re late, but it was her fault, not mine.
Mistake (noun): Any error or misunderstanding. We frequently use the word “mistake” with the verb “make.”
I made too many mistakes, so we failed the group project.
Forgive (verb): To stop feeling angry or upset at a person who did something bad.
I don’t know if I can forgive her yet.
Quick Tips for Sincere Apologies
Saying sorry won’t fix a problem immediately. An apology isn’t a good apology until you mean it and you really want to do better. Here are some quick tips for sincere apologies in English:
- Take responsibility for your mistake(s): Admit that it was your fault, using the first person (I, me, my, mine). Don’t blame anyone else for your actions.
- Focus on your body language and tone: Make eye contact with your listener and try to speak in a soft and calm voice. Your apology must sound sincere and heartfelt.
- Ask for forgiveness: If it’s a major mistake, you must ask for forgiveness. But be prepared for the fact that there’s a chance that you may not be forgiven.
Saying Sorry in English: Essential Phrases for Perfect English Apologies
As I’ve mentioned before, saying sorry depends on context.
In other words, apologizing is different depending on the situation. Did you really make somebody feel bad, or did you make a very small mistake, like bumping into somebody at the store? Are you talking to a boss, or are you talking to your best friend? Did you make a mistake, or are you offering comfort?
All of these things will impact how you say sorry.
I’ve included many different phrases that can be used in each of these situations.
Check out my examples. Pay special attention to the phrases in bold. These are the essential (most important) phrases you need to learn to say sorry.
To get you started, check out the video below, which gives a helpful overview of the different ways to use sorry in English with explanations, context-specific examples and native clips.
Saying Sorry When You’ve Done Something Wrong
Very often, we make major mistakes or we mess up.
Some of these mistakes might be deliberate—that is, done on purpose. (Perhaps you got angry at a coworker, so you took something from their desk.) Some mistakes could be accidents or misunderstandings.
But either way, if the mistake was your fault, you should own up to it (accept responsibility) and apologize.
I’m so sorry. I was incorrect.
I apologize for my mistake. I should have been paying more attention.
That was wrong of me. I promise I will never do it again.
I messed up and I’m sorry. I will try to do better next time.
Saying Sorry When You’ve Hurt Someone’s Feelings
All our actions have consequences and affect people around us.
Sometimes what we say or do can upset people.
In such cases, it’s important to apologize as well as to ask for forgiveness. You can also ask what you can do to make the other person feel better.
I’m very sorry for forgetting the groceries. Please don’t be mad at me.
I didn’t mean to hurt you but I’m sorry I did. Will you please give me another chance?
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.
I’m filled with remorse for what I did last night.
It was my fault that I lost my temper. Will you please forgive me?
I’m so sorry. I’m ashamed of lying to you.
I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to make this up to you?
I truly regret what I did.
Saying Sorry When You’ve Made a Small Mistake
Not all of our mistakes are big. Bumping into someone in a store or stepping on someone’s toes when you’re in a hurry are minor mistakes. They might happen when we’re careless or distracted.
However, we should still apologize in these situations.
Here are some simple phrases for small mistakes. Remember to say these phrases with a smile and a cheerful tone:
Oh, sorry! I didn’t see you there! (Used when you step on someone’s toes or bump into someone)
Sorry about that!
Sorry, it was an accident!
Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that!
Saying Sorry When You Want to Express Sympathy for Others
Saying sorry isn’t just for when you make a mistake.
We also say it when we want to sympathize with others. In other words, we say sorry to show that we understand and care about our family members, friends or acquaintances when they experience difficulties.
Here are some phrases you can use to sympathize with someone:
I’m so sorry to hear about your break-up. How are you coping now that she has left?
I’m sorry that this happened to you. It must have been so terrible. No one should have to go through that.
I’m very sorry. I’ve been through this and I understand how you feel.
I cannot express how sorry I am to hear about this.
I’m really sorry to hear that you lost your job. I’m here for you if you wish to talk about it.
However, if the context is the death of someone, we usually use the phrase “my condolences.”
I’m sorry to hear about your father. My condolences. He must have been a great man.
Saying Sorry When You’re Trying to Get Someone’s Attention
In certain cases, you can use “sorry” to get someone’s attention. This is useful when you need somebody to repeat something, or when you need somebody to move.
Sorry, could you please repeat what you said?
Sorry, could you move over a bit so I can get through?
Sorry, could you pass me my jacket?
In these situations, we can also use words like “pardon” or “excuse me.”
Pardon? Could you repeat that?
Excuse me, can you pass me the salt?
Bonus Phrases: Saying Sorry in Special Situations
So far, I’ve talked about some of the most common situations where we need to apologize.
Now that we’ve covered the basics of saying sorry, let’s look at some more advanced phrases that native speakers might use. These are some phrases you might use in very informal situations (such as talking to a close friend), or very formal situations (such as a professional email).
Saying Sorry in Very Informal Situations
The way we apologize to a stranger is different from the way we speak to a close friend.
In fact, when it comes to casual situations with friends, we often use informal or “slang” language. These terms are especially good for talking about small mistakes.
My bad, I forgot to bring the book.
Oops, sorry!
How silly/careless/stupid of me to say that!
I goofed, sorry!
Whoops!
Sometimes, if we’re texting with friends, we can shorten the word “sorry” or modify the spelling.
Sry. See ya soon! (Sorry. See you soon!)
Saying Sorry in Formal Situations
Apologies are really important in crucial situations, such as the workplace or an official environment.
For instance, employees may have to apologize to their bosses, either in writing or in person, if their work isn’t good enough. Or, workers may have to say sorry to customers or clients when something goes wrong.
In these cases, it’s best to use formal phrases. For example:
I would like to sincerely apologize for my mistake.
My apologies. I take full responsibility for that failure.
I owe you an explanation for my disappointing behavior.
In a professional email, you can use phrases that are even more formal. For example:
Please accept my sincerest apologies regarding…
Please accept this as my formal apology for…
Allow me to apologize on behalf of the entire company.
It’s really uncomfortable when you know you’ve done something wrong, but you don’t know the right words or phrases to admit your faults.
After reading this, you’ll never feel that way again!
Now, you know how to say sorry in any situation. Try practicing the above words and phrases by saying them out loud in front of the mirror.
If you’re unsure of how to pronounce certain words, look them up in an online dictionary. And remember, an apology isn’t an apology until you mean it. So try to be as sincere as you can, and keep practicing until you get it right!
Download:
This blog post is available as a convenient and portable PDF that you
can take anywhere.
Click here to get a copy. (Download)
Sometimes, you might come across a situation where someone has done something and tried to blame you for it. It can be hard to know how to deal with these situations or how to describe the person. This article will explore the best synonyms for such a case.
Which Words Can Describe When Someone Accuses You Of Something They Are Guilty Of?
It can be hard to know what words work best when you want to describe this situation. However, this article has a few good choices, and we recommend the following:
- Gaslighting
- Hypocrisy
- Projecting
- The pot calling the kettle black
The preferred version is “gaslighting,” and it seems to be one of the most popular words in modern times. We use it whenever someone is trying to accuse you of doing something they know they have done, which tries to pass the blame before you realize what is happening.
Gaslighting
So, let’s start with the preferred version and work our way through. You can use “gaslighting” or “gaslight” whenever you’re trying to show that somebody is convincing you that you had done something wrong (when it was, in fact, they who was wrong).
If someone is gaslighting you, it means they’re trying to convince you that you’ve done something wrong. Often, it’s obvious to people outside of the situation who the guilty party is, but gaslighters have a way of convincing innocent people that they are guilty.
The definition of “gaslighting,” according to The Cambridge Dictionary, is “to trick or control someone by making them believe that their memories or beliefs about something are wrong, especially by suggesting that they may be mentally ill.”
Unfortunately, it can be all too easy to fall for a gaslighters ploy. If they convince an innocent person that they are guilty, they’ll usually go along with it without any further complaints.
While you might notice that your friends or family members are being gaslit, you won’t actually be able to convince them of it.
Instead, you just have to give them time to try and figure it out for themselves. Eventually, they’ll realize that someone is gaslighting them, and they’ll be able to act accordingly to stop it from happening again.
Here’s how you might use gaslighting in a sentence:
- He was gaslighting me throughout the relationship, making me believe that I was the monster and not him.
- You have been gaslighting me ever since I got here! You’re the problem that needs fixing, not me!
- I do not want to gaslight my mother, but I feel like I will have to if she figures out the terrible things I did!
- You can not gaslight me anymore. I’m wise to your tricks, and I won’t have it!
- She has been gaslighting me from day one, and I won’t let it happen again!
Hypocrisy
You might also find “hypocrisy” to be quite useful. It works in many cases where someone is accusing you of the exact thing they have done themselves.
Hypocrisy (or being a hypocrite) is something where people go against their own beliefs or truths. They will often say or do something and then claim that they won’t say or do those things. It’s similar to gaslighting, but it’s often unintentional.
The definition of “hypocrisy,” according to The Cambridge Dictionary, is “a situation in which someone pretends to believe something that they do not really believe, or that is the opposite of what they do or say at another time.”
Some people are hypocritical without realizing it. While this isn’t a good personality trait to have, it’s easy for people to believe they’re doing the right thing when really they’re going against their own beliefs.
This hypocrisy can extend to treating someone as guilty when you are the problem. If you have done something that you didn’t think was bad at the time, then realized it was after, you might find a way to blame another person and try and get them to take the fall for it.
While some people do treat hypocrisy with malicious intentions, others genuinely do not realize they are doing it.
Just like gaslighting, though, it can be hard to tell someone when they’re being treated unfairly by a hypocrite. It can be even harder when that person is close to them or loves them.
Here’s how hypocrisy could look:
- I don’t mean to be a hypocrite, but I certainly wouldn’t do that again!
- You’re being a hypocrite by blaming me for this thing! I clearly saw you do it!
- Stop being so hypocritical! I saw what happened, and I’m definitely not the guilty party here.
- Your hypocrisy is on another level. No one is going to believe you when you try to tell them that I did that.
- Stop with all the hypocrisy because I can’t take it anymore!
Projecting
While “projecting” is a little more specific, it still works well in this situation. When someone else has done something wrong, they might try to blame you, and this is where the idea of projection comes from.
If someone is projecting, it means they’re placing the blame for something they have done on another person. They often find someone to take the fall for them, which makes it seem like they’re not guilty of the thing that has happened.
The definition of “projecting,” according to The Cambridge Dictionary, is “to wrongly imagine that someone else is feeling a particular emotion or desire when in fact it is you who feels this way.”
Projection is something we can apply to all sorts of aspects. You might notice from the above definition that it refers to thoughts and emotions, but in this case, we’re talking about something that someone has done wrong.
If someone has committed a crime or done a bad deed, they might feel remorseful for it. To counter this, they will try and find somebody who will unknowingly take the fall for what happened.
This is not a desirable quality, but it’s fairly common to come across in some people. Sometimes, they simply do not have the stomach to get in trouble, so they’ll project their issues on to someone else, in the hopes they will take the fall for it.
“Projecting” and “projection” could work as follows:
- I think he’s projecting his problems onto me. I wouldn’t dare commit an atrocity like that!
- Your projection on these matters won’t take you any further. No one is going to believe you.
- Stop with all your useless projections! No one wants to hear another word from you.
- I don’t mean to project this onto you, but I really need you to take the fall for this.
- He’s been projecting his misdemeanors onto me and making me out to be the bad guy for all of his mistakes!
The pot calling the kettle black
This one isn’t a word at all. In fact, this is an idiom, and it’s quite a common one. You can use it to describe exactly the situation that we’re trying to, where someone guilty is trying to convince you that you’re guilty.
This idiom is a great way to show that someone is accusing another person of the thing they did. The idea is that both the “pot” and the “kettle” are already “black.” Therefore, it would be stupid for the pot to call the kettle black when it’s obvious, and they both already are.
The definition of “the pot calling the kettle black,” according to The Cambridge Dictionary, is “something you say that means people should not criticize someone else for a fault that they have themselves.”
The idiom suggests that if the pot was a different color, they would have a reason to blame the kettle for something.
However, since both instruments are the same color, there would be no reason for the pot to call the kettle any names that it also has. A visual example is a great way to show what hypocrisy and gaslighting look like.
You could also mix the idiom up to talk about any things. As long as there is some common connection between those things, and one of them is calling out the other, it’s an acceptable idiom choice:
- The wolf in sheep’s clothing calls the lamb guilty.
- The pot calling the shining knight black.
To name a few choices, the above (and any other variations) work well.
Here’s how the idiom works in sentences:
- Oh, look at the pot calling the kettle black. Do you really think I’m going to fall for that rubbish? I saw you do it.
- If it isn’t the pot calling the kettle black. Everyone knows you’re the one who did this, not me.
- He’s just the pot calling the kettle black. I wouldn’t take any notice of what he has to say on these matters.
- You’re the pot calling the kettle black in this one. Everyone knows that I would never do that.
- Stop being the pot that called the kettle black. You have done all of those things and so much worse than I have!
Martin holds a Master’s degree in Finance and International Business. He has six years of experience in professional communication with clients, executives, and colleagues. Furthermore, he has teaching experience from Aarhus University. Martin has been featured as an expert in communication and teaching on Forbes and Shopify. Read more about Martin here.
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when you do something wrong
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