Word for telling someone not to do something

In the day-to-day of living with our closest people, and even with people not so close like friends or co-workers, frictions, misunderstandings, or discomforts can arise.

Those kinds of situations are quite normal since we are not all the same, nor do we all have the same level of sensitivity. And of course, we all give importance to different things.

An expression or behavior that might be very annoying to you, might be just normal for another person, so no one should be angry.

When it is not possible to continue in a certain way, but we do not want to be abrupt, we must act with precision and tell the other person to stop doing something.

Telling someone to stop doing something is best done with a brief and calm explanation of how it affects you and how you rather would like the situation to be. Use “I” sentences and avoid pointing at the other person with “You”.

The need to express your discomfort

When uncomfortable situations occur to us, the most appropriate and healthy thing is to let that person know that something has bothered you and you want them to stop.

It’s appropriate because if we don’t say it, that annoying situation could repeat itself. Taking into account that others are not fortune-tellers and therefore cannot know what our feelings are or know if something has bothered us.

Let’s say that up to here, it is nothing new for you. Important are the benefits of expressing our disagreement and how we say it to the other person.

Benefits of expressing that something has bothered you

One of the benefits that having a lot of weight is that telling someone that something has made us uncomfortable makes us free. Free to express precisely what bothers us.

If we don’t, we will have to swallow the annoyance, put up with it, feel anger, discomfort … and not only that time that it has bothered us, but all those that come after.

Becoming free people, without a doubt, makes us happier people, which is no small thing. Happy because, we will be able to negotiate with the people around us and in this way, avoid many tantrums, anger, and bad moods.

Being happy will undoubtedly help us sleep better. Otherwise, as said before, we will have to endure the discomfort.

Expressing calmly and in good manners what we think, say or what has bothered us, will make people around us behave in the same way as us.

In this way, they will see us as a person they can talk to and who will also respect their opinions. On the contrary: If we never express what we think, from the outside we will be seen as very reserved people, and that does not usually inspire confidence.

Expressing yourself improves relationships

Saying what bothers us will help us to maintain healthier and more sincere personal relationships since the people with whom we interact will end up knowing us, and at the same time, understanding us better.

On the other hand, being honest about this and saying what has bothered us helps us to set limits. Indeed, by setting our limits, we can only do it ourselves.

Remember that others will not know what bothers us or what does not if we do not let them know. Therefore, express yourself and set a limit with that person very clearly so that they do not bother you.

Saying what has bothered us, reinforces our self-esteem because we will be avoiding everything that bothers us. And that is thinking about ourselves, and about our well-being.

Don’t attack others

What most of us do most often is tell that person what he or she has done wrong. Or, rather, what we understand that he has done wrong, and for what we are upset.

Bad expressions:

For example, we can say things like:

“You haven’t called me all day today, if I haven’t accidentally called you…“

“I sent you a message in the morning and you haven’t answered it yet.”

“I’m talking to you and you don’t stop looking at the computer, you don’t listen to me!”

Things like this have probably all been said at some point. What we get by expressing ourselves in this way is that the other person feels attacked, with which they will surely defend themselves and get angry.

Better expressions:

On the contrary, in the previous examples, we could say:

“I feel like you don’t care about me if you don’t call me all day.”

“I have the feeling that you don’t care what I write if you don’t answer my messages.”

“I get the impression that you do not listen to me when I speak to you.”

Then you can tell him how he might behave so that you don’t feel bad, or so you don’t misinterpret his behavior. If we say it this way, the other person cannot feel attacked; nor can he tell us that this is not true, because who we are talking about is ourselves.

Saying the above, that person could explain to us why he has done it; most likely there is a reasonable reason. And from there, become more aware of what things bother us.

Set your objectives before you criticize somebody

Making a criticism is asking for a change and is making another person aware of what is bothering us so that they stop doing it.

Normally, we criticize badly and what we get is that the other person feels attacked and becomes defensive instead of changing.

The first thing will be to be clear about what our objective is, and what we want the other to do, stop doing, or do differently.

It is not convenient to abuse criticism, or use it in a general way. Do not use words like everything, anything, never, and always.

If I am calm and happy, I will not get carried away by anger and I will keep my objectives in mind, if the other is calm and happy, they will have a more receptive attitude and will be more likely to change what bothers them.

Remember that it is not convenient to abuse criticism and that the target of our criticism must be behavior and not people.

How to report annoyances

So… what is the best way to tell someone to stop doing something? We will use the “I” Messages and The Sandwich Technique.

The “I” Messages

These are the messages that are sent in the first person. They do not imply a negative evaluation of the other (unlike in the “you” messages) and do not damage relationships. Instead, they will increase the probability that the other will change.

The best way is to talk about yourself and not about him/her. Tell her how you feel when she does or does not do certain things.

It will not be the same to say to your mother-in-law, for example, “You are a bore” than to say to her: “When you call me at work, I feel overwhelmed because I am very busy and I cannot attend to you”.

The Sandwich Technique

It consists of cushioning the negative charge of what we say by also saying something positive and incorporating empathy.

We will start by empathizing. Following the example above, you could say to your mother, “I understand that you want to talk to me”.

Then, we will say what bothers us using Message me: “… But when you call me at work, I feel overwhelmed because I am very busy and I cannot attend to you”.

Then we’ll ask for a change: “I’d rather you call me when I’ve gotten home”.

In closing, we will express something positive. For example: “So I can give you all the attention you deserve”.

Don’t swallow your annoyance

We repeat, telling someone the things that are bothering us should that person become to change so that it does not happen again.

Of course, If he/she is close to you and is at least fond of you, he/she will do his/her best not to make you uncomfortable. Or he/she will negotiate with you how to act so that neither of you feels upset.

Remember that expressing to someone what bothers you is your right. But remember also that your freedom ends where the other persons begin.

If necessary, block the person on their messenger apps and social media profiles.

If you decide to swallow one annoyance, and then with another, and later with another without saying anything, you will be disrespecting yourself. And we’ve heard it before: No one will respect you if you don’t do it first.

In addition to all of the above, saying at every moment that something has bothered you, prevents us from having to swallow our disagreement.

If things add up and accumulate to a lot of annoyance, you no longer say things properly, but you can explode and say inappropriate things.

I want to very politely ask someone (my professor) not to do something anymore, and I’ve been searching about how I should do it for more than 2 two hours, yet I could not find any useful answer.

To give you more context, I have a timing issue with one of my classes at university, and my professor is working on the issue. However, I want to ask him not to work on it anymore and tell him I’ll figure something out myself, but I don’t want it to sound rude or sarcastic. How could I ask him? Are any of the following options appropriate?

1 — I kindly ask you not to work on this issue anymore.

2 — Please don’t devote your time to working on this issue anymore.

3 — I just wanted to respectfully/politely ask you not to work on this issue anymore.

4 — I’d be grateful if you’d stop working on this issue. (I think it’s not appropriate to say «stop doing that», though. To me, it sounds like I’m annoyed and I’m asking him to stop annoying me, but I’m not a native speaker of English, so I’m not sure.)

More generally, how can I ask someone not to do something without being rude/sarcastic or without implying that I’m annoyed?

• #1

Hi all, if I want to advise someone not to do something, for example, smoke, should I say:

«I suggest you not smoke.»
«I suggest you don’t smoke.»

Are the two constructions both correct?

Many thanks!

• #2

No, only the latter «I suggest you do not smoke / don’t smoke» but you could say «I advise you not to smoke»

• #3

I don’t think the first version is wrong. It is formal though. In context it may sound better:»I suggest you not smoke at all until your lungs are fully healed.»

The second can even be ambiguous, in the wrong context: «I suggest you don’t smoke because you can’t afford to smoke!» It could mean «I am accusing you of being too poor to smoke».

• #4

You may be interested in this thread, Edison: I suggest that <he not go there / he doesn’t go there>.Both constructions are correct, but the subjunctive form («I suggest you not smoke’) is more commonly used by some AmE speakers than it is in BrE.

Nonetheless, as a BrE speaker, I do say it sometimes. It may depend on the formality of the situation, or on the potential for ambiguity. Particularly in writing, where tone of voice doesn’t help, «I suggest you don’t …» could be understood as suggesting that some fact (the fact that you don’t do something) is true, rather than as giving advice. That may not be a very likely scenario in the particular case of «I suggest you don’t smoke», but velisarius has given a possible instance.

So they’re both correct, where ‘correct’ means ‘in accepted usage (somewhere)’.

«I suggest you not smoke» is more justifiable in terms of traditional grammar, carries no risk of ambiguity, is preferred by some AmE speakers, and should nonetheless be understood by BrE speakers (though some may find it excessively formal).

«I suggest you don’t smoke» is the more idiomatic in BrE; and, judging by the results of a Google search I’ve just done, it’s also pretty widely used in obviously AmE sources.

Ws

• #5

«I suggest you not smoke.»
«I suggest you don’t smoke.»

If you’re telling the person that he or she shouldn’t smoke, then only the first one is the correct one.
If you’re guessing, perhaps from something you’ve observed, that the person is not a smoker, then it’s the second.

• #6

This subjunctive, as in the first sentence, seems to me like completely standard AmE. I find the second sentence slightly jarring.

• #7

The last two posts echo the position taken by AmE speakers in that other thread I mentioned … and yet I’ve found «I suggest you don’t …» in a lot of AmE sources.

A Google search gives a lot of hits … but then you can find anything you want via Google. So then I tried it in the WR «in context» search, and found «I suggest you don’t …» in many, many US news publications. And Google Books comes up with numerous instances of its use by American authors.

In COCA, I found only three results for it. ‘Ah!’, I thought … But then COCA also gives only three results for «I suggest you not …».

I’m going to stick my neck out now, and wonder whether the AmE views we’re seeing in the forum are essentially those of editors and teachers and the like, rather than representing general usage …? (OK, now I’ll put my tin helmet on and keep my head down while I wait for the flak!)

Ws

• #8

As pointed out in post #5, the meaning might be slightly different and perhaps introduce some ambiguities. I think it’s pretty normal AmE speech to say «I suggest that you not get in the way but just leave them alone..» and not particularly literary.

• #9

As pointed out in post #5, the meaning might be slightly different and perhaps introduce some ambiguities. […]

… and in posts #3 and #4.

I wasn’t making a case against «I suggest (that) you not …» (in fact I made a pretty good case in favour of it, in #4). I just didn’t want the OP to go away thinking that either of those forms was categorically unacceptable, which was the impression given in #2 and #5 — but in completely opposing directions!

I imagine that F-f’s «No, only the latter» was based on what’s heard most in BrE in everyday speech. My guess is that Parla’s «only the first one is the correct one», although that first one is often heard in AmE, was from a (what can I say? …) traditional?/conventional?/textbook? standpoint: hence my slightly flippant comment about editors and teachers.

Parla, I’d be interested to hear your views on the use of «I suggest you don’t …» by numerous AmE writers — including a significant number of journalists and professional authors (of both fiction and non-fiction works). Of course there are good arguments in favour of

«I suggest you not …» (see my #4), and I’m often an ardent defender of the subjunctive, but don’t you think this is a case where the other form has become an accepted alternative usage?

Ws

• #10

If I did, Ws, I’d have said so (as I often have when I think another way to say something is equally good). There are obviously other equally good ways to say what the OP intends, of course («I don’t think you should», among others), but in my opinion, «I suggest you don’t» isn’t one of them.

• #11

It is used in a different way. You say to me «I am not looking forward to seeing him tomorrow.» I say to you «I suggest that maybe you don’t really like him very much.»

• #12

This subjunctive, as in the first sentence, seems to me like completely standard AmE. I find the second sentence slightly jarring.

For it to take more of the subjunctive, it would sound like this, «I suggest that you not smoke.» Kind of silly now but it was more common at one point in time…

• #13

I don’t think adding or dropping the «that» makes it more or less the subjunctive. «I suggest he not smoke» and «I suggest that he not smoke» are equally in the subjunctive.

• #14

As pointed out in post #5, the meaning might be slightly different and perhaps introduce some ambiguities. I think it’s pretty normal AmE speech to say «I suggest that you not get in the way but just leave them alone..» and not particularly literary.

I completely agree.

Hi,

I have a great doubt! In the Students course book it is explained the structure WANT/ASK/TELL someone to do something. It also explains that you say «I don´t want you to tell anyone». Then it says:

Verbs ASK and TELL have a similar construction in the negative form. Note the position of not:

He told us not to worry.

Then, when we turn over the page, there is an exercise that says: Make the sentences negative.

1) He told me to leave.

The teacher´s book provides de following answer: He didn´t tell me to leave. It should be ‘He told me not to leave’.

So, I wonder:

1) What is the difference between:

Consider these examples.

a) He told me not to worry The ‘not’ applies to the verb ‘worry’. His actual words were ‘Do not worry’.

b) He didn´t tell me to worry? The ‘not’ applies to the verb ‘tell’. Perhaps he said nothing at all. Or perhaps he said something completely different, eg ‘Hi, how are you?’.

2) Is the teacher´s book wrong? Yes. If no, I do not understand why they provide an explanation that does not agree with the exercise (moreover, this confuses the students and teacher too!)

Same comment for these examples.

— He asked me not to worry.

— He didn’t ask me to worry.

But it’s different with ‘want’, because you can have what you might call ‘a negative want’. There is usually no real difference in meaning, with these examples.

— He wanted me not to worry.

— He didn’t want me to worry.

Best wishes, Clive

Uncle Bob would like anyone who will sit down long enough to listen to believe that he is plagued by the most unbelievable misfortune known to man. Think of any possible problem the universe can inflict upon humankind and you can rest assured that Uncle Bob has been through it and survived to tell the tale. And he will tell the tale. Again. And again and again until you find yourself unconsciously clutching a butter knife with murder in mind.

«Hey Uncle Bob! How are you today?»

«Well, you know I’m not one to complain, but… (insert forty minutes of monotonous whinging and complaining here)… blah blah blah. What do you think I should do?»

That’s the worst part… he asks for advice. He always asks for advice.

He never takes the advice though. He pretends to think about it for a while, and then, in a doom-ladden voice, proceeds to explain why the advice given won’t work. By the end of the conversation, what started out as a minor hiccup has become a catastrophe of cosmic proportions.

And yet, every time he asks for advice, I find myself, in spite of previous experience, giving it to him. Like this…

 

stop it/that

phrase

used for telling someone not to do something that they are doing

hands off

phrase

used for telling someone not to touch or take someone or something

give something a rest

phrase

informal used for telling someone to stop saying or doing something that is annoying you

pack it in

phrasal verb

Britishinformal used for telling someone to stop doing something that is annoying you

cut it/that out

phrasal verb

spoken used for telling someone to stop doing something that you do not like

don’t bother

phrase

used for telling someone that they do not need to do something for you. You can also say this in a way that shows you think someone has not been very helpful

must you?

phrase

used for telling someone that what they are doing annoys you

hold it

phrase

used for telling someone not to move

can ill afford (to do) something

phrase

formal used for saying that someone should definitely not do something because it will cause problems

knock it off

phrasal verb

used for telling someone to stop doing something

Hi Everyone,

Today I thought we’d review the topic of passwords. Yes, those annoying, often forgotten, but necessary codes we use to protect our data.

If you’re like me, I have scraps of paper and post-it notes all over with my passwords! I know that they are necessary, but, sometimes they can just be a pain! So, let’s look at some vocabulary related to computers and passwords. Then we’ll read an article about password security, and for grammar we’ll review two common verb patterns : verb + infinitive and verb+-ing.

Do you ever have trouble remembering your passwords?

Ok, before we read that article on passwords, take a look at these 6 statements and decide if they are True or False. Remember to go through all 6 statements and then check your answers at the end.

Click on this link below to start the True/False quiz

https://www.goconqr.com/en-US/quiz/33730425/Passwords

How did you do? Now, read the article and you can check your ideas.

Do we really need strong passwords?
A way to know

1. Complex passwords don’t usually stop attackers, but
   they make everyday life much more difficult for
   computer users, says the UK security agency GCHQ.
   They recommend using a simpler approach.
2. GCHQ gives some helpful advice for people who
   work in IT, as well as normal users. They warn people
   not to keep their default passwords. They also say
   that people should avoid storing passwords as plain
   text because other people, including attackers, can
   easily read these documents.
3. The organization says we should stop using too many
   complex passwords if we don’t want to suffer from
   “password overload”. This is what happens when
   people create too many long passwords for different
   websites and write them down so they can remember
   them. Writing down passwords is unsafe.
4. People often use complex passwords because of
   organizations’ rules. For example, to be considered
   “strong”, passwords must be a certain length or
   include numbers or special characters, like ! or *.
   Companies should allow people to use their own
   simpler passwords.
5. These simple passwords might consist of just three
   short words, for example. Or people could consider
   using password managers, software that creates
   and stores passwords. The passwords might be
   complex, but people will never need to remember
   them because their computer will do that for them.
   Computers don’t mind storing and remembering
   complex passwords – it’s what they’re designed to do.
6. The report says that software password managers
   can help, but, like all security software, they can be
   hacked and are an attractive target for attackers.

You’ll notice some verbs in the article are bold and underlined. Please match those words with their meanings below and one verb is extra.

Meanings

___________ make or change a rule to say someone can do something

____________ try not to do something

___________ think about

__________ feel that something is necessary

___________ feel that something is a problem

__________ give someone advice about the best thing to do

_________ do not continue with an activity

_________tell someone what to do in a dangerous situation

Verbs and Meanings

allow = make or change a rule to say someone can do something

avoid = try not to do something

consider = think about

need = feel that something is necessary

mind = feel that something is a problem

recommend = give someone advice about the best thing to do

stop = do not continue with an activity

warn = tell someone what to do in a dangerous situation

want is the extra word.

Ok, now that you’ve defined some verbs, let’s review that common verb patterns. Take a look at the underlined, bod verbs in the article and you will see the the verb patterns are verb + infinitive and verb + –ing. Look at these sentences from the article.

Here are some helpful tips when we use these verb patterns:

1. The verbs avoid and stop are followed by a verb + -ing / an infinitive with to.
2. The second verbs in the sentences with warn and want are verbs + -ing / infinitives with to.

3. In these examples, the use of warn is different to the use of want because warn is immediately
followed by the second verb / an object.

This can be confusing, so let’s practice by making some sentences.

In this table below unscramble the words in each box and make complete sentences. Change the verb forms and tenses where you need to. I did the first sentence as an example for you.

The boys / dislike / wash / the car. 1.The boys dislike washing the car.

My dog / can’t stand / have / a bath. 2. ____________________________________________________

We / hope / visit / Australia / next year 3. _________________________________________________

I / not mind / wait / for you / after class. 4. ________________________________________________

She / need / practice / her pronunciation. 5. _________________________________________________

They / promise / help me / with my homework. 6. __________________________________________________

The teacher / tell / the students / speak English. 7. ___________________________________________________________

The police / warn / us / not go / into that area / yesterday. 8. __________________________________________________________

Ok, here are the completed sentences:

The boys / dislike / wash / the car. 1.The boys dislike washing the car.

My dog / can’t stand / have / a bath. 2. My dog can’t stand having a bath.

We / hope / visit / Australia / next year 3. We hope to visit Australia next year.

I / not mind / wait / for you / after class. 4. I don’t mind waiting for you after class.

She / need / practice / her pronunciation. 5. She needs to practice her pronunciation.

They / promise / help me / with my homework. 6. They promised to help me with my homework.

The teacher / tell / the students / speak English. 7. The teacher told the students to speak English.

The police / warn / us / not go / into that area / yesterday. 8. The police warned us not to go into that area yesterday.

Now, since practice is so important, take a look at these sentences below and select the correct form of verb + infinitive or verb + -ing.

1. My parents never allow me to come home / coming home after midnight.
2. They considered to sell / selling their second car.
3. Most people enjoy to spend / spending time with their families.
4. When will you finish to clean / cleaning the kitchen?
5. I am learning to ride / riding a horse.
6. What do you plan to do / doing this weekend?
7. My father suggested to visit / visiting the museum.
8. He wanted to see / seeing some new paintings.

It helps sometimes if you say the sentences out loud, even to just yourself, and that way you can hear how the verbs sound and it might be easier to pick the correct one!

How do you think you did?

Answers:

1. My parents never allow me to come home after midnight.
2. They considered selling their second car.
3. Most people enjoy spending time with their families.
4. When will you finish cleaning the kitchen?
5. I am learning to ride a horse.
6. What do you plan to do this weekend?
7. My father suggested visiting the museum.
8. He wanted to see some new paintings.

Hope you are all doing well on this rainy day.

Remember to relax and practice!

1. Money claimed by someone as
compensation for harm done.

2. To send someone to prison
or to a court.

3. An adjective referring to a
judge or to the law.

4. Not guilty of a crime.

5. Any act which is not legal.

6. A person who has studied
law and can act for people on legal business.

7. A disagreement or argument
between parties.

8. A specialist court outside
the judicial system which examines special problems.

9. A set of arguments or facts
put forward by one side in a legal proceeding.

10. An official who presides
over a court.

11. To make an allegation in
legal proceedings.

12. Someone who is accused of
a crime in a criminal case.

13. A person who makes a claim
against someone in a civil court.

14. An agreement reached after
an argument.

15. To hold someone legally so
as to charge them with a crime.

16. A case which is being
heard by a committee, tribunal or court of law.

17. To find that someone is
guilty of a crime.

18. Failure to carry out the
terms of an agreement.

19. To bring someone to court
to answer a criminal charge.

20. To ask a high law court to
change its decision or sentence.

21. To say that someone has
committed a crime.

22. Having the legal ability
to force someone to do something.

23. An adjective referring to
the rights and duties of private persons or organisations.

24. The arguments used when
fighting a case.

25. A legal agreement between
two or more parties.

26. An adjective referring to
crime.

27. A group of 12 citizens who
decide whether or not someone is guilty in a trial.

28. A written or spoken
statement of facts which helps to prove or disprove something at a trial.

29. To order someone to pay
money as a punishment.

30. A court order telling
someone to stop doing something, or not to do something.