Word for not accepting help

I happen to be this type who always finds it hard to turn down someone who asks for my help.

You know, like when people ask to borrow some money, ask to take them to see a doctor, ask to help with English (I’m a nonnative speaker), ask to teach them some difficult subject, and anything. Moreover, this type of personality will not turn down one’s request even if they are in a difficult situation themselves.

I don’t think that the word kind or nice or selfless would be suitable for this.

I read this too, but the word altruist is used to describe someone who never asks for help, not for someone who can’t say a «no» to someone else who asks them for help (which means that they may frequently ask for others’ help too).

Besides, I don’t know whether this is a negative or positive personality. So I can’t figure out the right word to describe it.

Do I comprehend this in a weird way?

Unit 2

                   Making Requests / Asking for Permission/
Offering Helps
—————————————————————————————————-


Asking for, Giving and Refusing Permission
by Using the Modals Can/Could

If
someone is given permission to do something, they are allowed to do it; if
someone is denied permission to do something, they are not allowed to do it.
You can use the modal verb ‘can’ to ask for and give permission.

·       
A:
Can I ask you something? B: Yes, of course you
can.

‘Can’t’
is used to refuse permission. ‘Can’t (cannot)’ is the negative form of the
modal verb ‘can’.

·       
A:
Can I go to the cinema with my friends, Dad? B: No, you can’t.

Refusals
can often be softened with other words. For example:

·       
A:
Can I ask you something very personal? B: No, I’m afraid you can’t.

You
can also use the modal verb ‘could’ to ask for permission; it is more polite
than ‘can’.

·       
A:
Could I ask you something? B: Yes, you can. (NOT … Yes, you could. / No, you couldn’t.)

Remember:
Do not use ‘could’ to give or refuse permission. To give permission, use the
modal verb ‘can’. To refuse permission, use ‘can’t’.

Expressing, Granting and
Denying Requests by Using the Modals Can/Could

When
you make a request, you ask someone for something or ask them to do something.
The simplest way to ask for something is to say ‘Can I have…?’ You can also
add the word ‘please’ to be more polite.

·       
A:
Can I have my book back, please? B: Yes, of course you can.

·       
A:
Can you help me lift this chair? B: Sure I can.

If
you want to make your request more polite, use the modal ‘could’.

·       
A:
Could I have another cup of tea? B: Yes, you can. / No, you can’t. (NOT …Yes, you could.)

Remember:
Do not use ‘could’ to grant or refuse a request. To grant requests, use the
modal verb ‘can’. To refuse requests, use ‘can’t’.

Asking for, Giving and
Refusing Permission by Using the Modals May/Might

‘May’
and ‘might’ are used for permission mostly in a formal style. They are much
more formal, tentative and polite than their siblings ‘can’ and ‘could’.

·       
Can I leave work a bit earlier today? (more
informal, casual)

·       
Excuse
me, may I leave work a bit earlier today? (formal)

‘Might’
is even more formal and polite than ‘may’. It is mostly used in indirect
question structures.

·       
I
wonder if I might leave work a bit earlier today?

You
can also say

·       
Might I leave work a bit earlier today?

but
the above indirect question structure sounds more natural.

‘May
not’ is used to refuse permission.

·       
A:
May I borrow your lipstick? B: No, you may
not!

A
note: Speakers of American English often prefer to use the modal verb ‘may’
(instead of ‘can’ or ‘could’) to ask permission.

Expressing, Granting and
Denying Requests by Using the Modals May/Might

You
can also make requests with the modals ‘may’ and ‘might’. Requests with ‘may’
or ‘might’ sound very polite and formal. In less formal or casual situations,
you should use ‘can’ or ‘could’.

·       
Excuse
me, may I have a look at your newspaper? (very
polite, formal)

·       
Can I look at your newspaper for a moment?
(casual, informal)

·       
Excuse
me, I wonder if I might have a look at your newspaper for a moment?
(very polite, formal)

·       
Might I have something to eat? (very polite,
formal)

Requests
with ‘might’ sound a little bit old-fashioned. Some English speakers find
‘might’ to be too distant for making requests.

‘May
not’ is used to deny a request.

·       
A:
May I borrow you car? B: No, you
may not.

·       
A:
Excuse me, I wonder if I might have a look at your newspaper for a moment?
B: No, you may not!.

Language for asking permission
Question head	subject	verb phrase with base infinitive
Can Could	I he she they	borrow your pen? use your phone charger? take the day off tomorrow? ask you something? have one of your sandwiches?

·       
 

Language for asking permission 2
Question head	subject	verb phrase with present simple
Would it be OK if Would it be alright if	I he she they	borrow/s your pen? use/s your phone charger? take/s the day off tomorrow? ask/s you to help me? have/has one of your sandwiches?

·       
 

Language for asking permission 3
Question head	subject	verb phrase with past subjunctive
Would it be OK if Would it be alright if	I he she they	borrowed your pen? used your phone charger? took the day off tomorrow? asked you to help me? had one of your sandwiches?

·       
 

A word about politeness

When asking for permission to do something we usually use the word ‘please‘ to make the request sound more polite. It’s not grammatically necessary to use ‘please‘ but you may sound rude if you don’t use it. ‘Please‘ can be put in different places in the sentence; at the start, end or before the verb: Please can I borrow your pen? Can I please borrow your pen? Can I borrow your pen, please? A more important way of showing politeness is the tone of voice and intonation. Even if you use the word ‘please‘ you can sound rude if your pronunciation is not correct. Generally the longer an expression is the more formal and polite it sounds. However remember that pronunciation is always very important in a spoken request for permission.

Requesting Permission

MORE FORMAL

Would, could, please + verb are used to request permission.

May I leave early?

Might I leave early? (excessively formal)

Would you mind if I left early?

Would you mind my leaving early?

I would like to ask you if I might leave early?  (formal!)

LESS FORMAL

Can and other expressions are used informally in speech to request permission.

Can I leave early?

Is it a problem if I leave early?

We’re leaving early, you don’t mind, do you?

I need to leave, do you mind?

Is is OK if I leave early?

Conversations

Conversation 1 John and Sandra are a couple on holiday in Paris and John goes up to a stranger: John       :  ‘Excuse me, sorry to bother you,                  would you mind taking our picture?’ Stranger : ‘No not at all. Where would you like to                  stand?’ Sandra    : ‘Here’s fine. In front of the Eifel                  Tower.’ Stranger  :  ‘Great, say cheese.’	Conversation 2 Paul needs to ask his boss for permission to leave work early the next day: Paul       :  ‘Mr Clark.’ Mr Clark :  ‘Hi Paul, is everything OK?’ Paul       : ‘Yes thanks. It’s just, do you mind if                  I leave early tomorrow? I need to                  take my sister to the airport.’ Mr Clark :  ‘No, of course not. That’s fine. Paul       :  ‘Thanks.’
Conversation 3 Harry needs to make a call but his phone battery is flat. He’s with his friend Bill. Harry   : ‘Oh no, my phone’s dead. Is it OK if I                use yours? To phone Carol.’ Bill       : ‘Yeah sure. Go ahead. How are you                and Carol getting on?’ Harry   : ‘Cheers. Not bad, not bad at all.’	Conversation 4 Pat and Anne are classmates. Pat’s pen runs out: Pat    : ‘My pen’s run out. Could I borrow one             of yours?’ Anne : ‘Sure. Here you are.’ Pat    :‘Thanks.’

Offering Something to Someone

There
are several ways of offering something to someone in English. A polite way of
offering something that most learners are familiar with is to use the
expression ‘Would you like…?’ For example:

·       
Would
you like a cup of tea? / Would you like a biscuit or something?

When
you’re talking to someone you know well, you can use the less polite form ‘Do
you want…?’ For instance:

·       
Do
you want a cup of tea? / Do you want a biscuit?

When
you know the person well, and you want to be more persuasive, you can use the
imperative form have:

·       
Have
some more coffee. / Have another slice of cake.

In
very informal situations you can also use just a noun group, making it sound
like a question:

·       
A:
Black coffee? B: Yes, please. / A: Tea? B: No, thanks.

A
note: British people often use the verb fancy as a way of informally
offering something. For example:

·       
Fancy
a drink? meaning Do you want a drink?

·       
Fancy
some coffee? / Fancy a biscuit?

Sometimes
you are offering something that is not immediately available. In such
situations you can use the expression ‘Can I get you something?’ For example:

·       
Can
I get you something to drink? / Can I get you something to eat? / Let me get
you something to drink. / Let me get you something to eat. / Can I get you
anything? A cup of tea or coffee? Some juice? / Sit down and let me get you
some cake.

If
you want the other person to take what they need, you should use the
expressions ‘Help yourself’ or ‘Help yourself to something’:

·       
A:
Do you suppose I could have a glass of wine? B: Of course. You know where
everything is. Help yourself.

·       
Please
help yourself to some coffee. / Help yourself to sugar.

When
you are offering help to someone, you can say ‘

Shall I…?’:

·       
Shall
I fetch a nurse? / Shall I fetch the doctor?

Confident Offers

If
you are fairly sure that the other person wants to have something done for
them, you can say ‘Let me…’ :

·       
Let
me buy you a drink. / Let me carry your briefcase. / Let me help.

Less Confident Offers

If
you are not sure whether the other person wants you to do something, you can
make a less confident offer. You can say ‘Do you want me to…?’, ‘Should I…?’
or, more politely, ‘Would you like me to…?’. For example:

·       
Do
you want me to help you with your homework?

·       
Should
I help you find a good doctor?

·       
Would
you like me to take your shoes off?

Another
way of making a less confident offer (when you are not sure that it is
necessary) is to add ‘…if you want’ or ‘…if you like’ after using ‘I’ll…’
or ‘I can…’. For instance:

·       
I’ll
drive you back home if you want.

·       
I
can show you my new house right now if you like.

‘Can
I…’ is also used to make a less confident offer:

·       
Can
I give you a lift anywhere?

Sometimes
you can also use the verb need to make an offer. For example:

·       
Do
you need anything?

Offers to a Customer

Shop
and company employees sometimes say ‘Can I …’ or ‘May I…’ when they are
politely offering their help to a customer on the phone or in person:

·       
Flight
information, can I help you?

·       
Dorsey
& Whitney, Jamie speaking, how may I help you?

Replying to an Offer

The
most usual way of accepting an offer is to say ‘Yes, please’ or ‘Thank you/Thanks’.
For example:

·       
A:
Would you like some coffee? B: Yes, please.

·       
A:
Have a banana. B: Thank you. / Thanks.

When
you want to show that you are very grateful for an offer, especially an
unexpected one, you can say something like ‘Thank you, that would be great’ or
‘Oh, thank you, that would be lovely’. You can also say ‘That’s very kind of
you’, which is a more formal alternative. For example:

·       
A:
Shall I run you a bath? B: Yes, please! That would be lovely/great.

·       
A:
Shall I help you carry the shopping? B: Thank you. That’s very kind of you.

The
usual way of refusing an offer is to say ‘No, thank you’ or, informally, ‘No,
thanks’. You can also say something like ‘No, I’m fine, thank you’, ‘I’m
alright, thanks’, or ‘No, it’s alright’. For example:

·       
A:
Do you want a lift? B: No, I’m alright, thanks. I don’t mind walking.

·       
A:
Shall I cook dinner tonight? B: No, it’s alright.

If
someone says they will do something for you, you can also refuse their offer
politely by saying ‘Please don’t bother’:

·       
A:
I’ll get you some water. B: Please don’t bother.

If
you have read the article carefully, you may have noticed the use of modal
verbs in many of the above expressions. Modal verbs are a type of auxiliary
(helping) verbs, and they are used to indicate the necessity or possibility of
an event, and to make offers, requests, and suggestions. The modals
used in the above expressions are will, would, can, shall, should, and may.

Conversations : Offering Help

Conversation 1 A: Would you like me to help you on your new     project? B: I would love the help! Would you prefer     helping with the writing part or is programming     more your thing? A: I would enjoy helping with the writing portion. B: Perfect! You’ll be working alone on that      portion. Do you like to work alone? A: That is OK sometimes. B: Our first meeting is next Monday. Could you      meet with us at that time? A: No, I can’t be there. B: Please send me your background information          before the meeting so I can look at it. A: I can send that information to you. B: OK. I look forward to working with you. Enjoy      your week!

Conversation 2 A: Could I help you on your new project? B: I have a need for help with writing and also a     need for help with the computer work. Which     would you prefer? A: I want to help with both. B: That would be wonderful. Sometimes we will      be working together and sometimes     independently. Would that be OK? A: Most of the time that is what I prefer. B: We start on Monday. Can you be there? A: I am not sure yet. B: I need your background information before the     meeting. A: I will do that. B: I’ll enjoy working with you. Have a great day!

Handout 1

TURN THE HEATING UP	OPEN THE WINDOW
MAKE SOME TEA	SEND THIS LETTER
TAKE MY DOG FOR A WALK	LEAVE WORK EARLY
USE YOUR BATHROOM	LEND ME SOME MONEY
GIVE ME A LIFT HOME	BORROW THIS BOOK
USE YOUR TELEPHONE	STOP SMOKING
PASS THE SALT	SHOW ME THE WAY TO THE NEAREST BANK
HELP ME WITH MY ENGLISH HOMEWORK	TRANSLATE THIS LETTER
CLOSE THE DOOR	TURN THE VOLUME DOWN
SWITCH THE LIGHT ON	DO THE WASHING-UP

LEVEL: Intermediate

TYPE OF ENGLISH:
General English

HELPING PEOPLE ; Ways
of helping people

Study the following sentences. Try to guess the meaning of
the expressions in bold and check below to see if you are right..

 I didn’t know which hotel to book, so I asked
Janet to give me some advice. She
    knows a lot about the city.

Alison decided
to give her grandfather a hand with the dishes.

Sophie didn’t
need to order a taxi because I offered to give her a lift.

Bruce fell off
his boat and was unable to swim, but luckily somebody came and saved
    his life.

I didn’t have
much money so I asked Tom to lend me some cash.

When I was
visiting Paris I had nowhere to stay, so an old friend of mine put me up

    for the night.

give somebody advice

   offer somebody your
opinion about what to do or how to act in a particular situation

give somebody a hand

   help somebody with
doing something that requires some effort, e.g. carrying bags,
   doing homework etc.

give somebody a lift

   take somebody
somewhere in your car

save somebody’s life

    stop somebody from
being killed

lend somebody cash

   give somebody money
and expect the person to pay you back later

put somebody up

   let somebody stay
at your place temporarily

Offering, accepting and refusing help

Study the dialogues below: 
Offering and accepting help

1.A: Would you like me to help you?   B: Yes, please. If it’s not too much trouble.
2.A: Can I give you a hand?                  B: Thanks. That’s very kind of you.
3.A: Can I give you a hand?                  B: Thanks very much. I’d appreciate that.

Offering and refusing help

1.A: I can help you with your homework if you like.    
   B: No thanks, I think I can manage.

2.A: Do you need any help with that form?         
   B: Thanks very much, but I can do
it myself.

3.A: Shall I answer the phone?     
                        
   B: No thanks, it’s all right.

What would you say in each of the situations below?
1. A tourist in your town looks lost. Offer to help her.
    Do you need any help?   / 
Would you like me to help you?

2.You see an old lady trying to lift a heavy bag.
    Can I give you a hand with your bag?  / Would you like me to help you with your
bag?

3. Your teacher says that it’s hot in the classroom. You are
near a window.
    Shall I open the window? /I can open
the window if you like.

4.You are a guest at
somebody’s house. The phone is ringing, but your host is busy in
    the kitchen.
    Shall I answer the phone?  /
    Do you want me to answer the phone?/
    I can answer the phone if you like.

Accepting and refusing help
Complete the responses to the offers of help using expressions from the
dialogues.



Accepting help


1. A: Would you like me
to help you with the dishes?

    B: Yes, please. If                                     .

       
2.  A: I can lend you some money
if you like.

     B: Thanks. That’s                     .


3.  A: Do you want me to help you
choose a computer?

     B: Thanks very much. I’d                     .

Refusing help

1. A: Shall I carry some of your bags for you?
    B: No thanks,

2. A: Do you need any help in the garden?
    B: No thanks, I
think……………..

3.  A: Would you like
me to help you cook dinner?

     B:Thanks very much, but I can                 .

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

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