- To have the last word or to be right: That is the question
- But who are the stubborn ones?
- A (re)taking of power
- How do you get the last word?
To have the last word or to be right: That is the question
Yes, indeed, that is the question. Having the last word may not be a habit for some of us, but that doesn’t mean we never do it. Let’s face it, when the subject is close to our hearts, we all want to have the last word, even if it’s some kind of inaudible gibberish that sounds like “you’re talking complete rubbish!”
🙃 Having the last word doesn’t mean you’re right. At best, it means you’re stubborn, that you refuse to let go, at worst, it means you’re arrogant.
But who are the stubborn ones?
Whatever the discussion, my father doesn’t give up and if the subject is politics or sport, it’s even worse, the conversation becomes a real fight. It’s annoying because you can’t say anything to the other person. It’s impossible to make your opinion heard! 🤐
Today, debate seems to have taken hold everywhere. You need to have an opinion on almost everything and on top of that, you need to have the last word. But why? So you’re not seen in a bad light? So you’re respected? So you look smart? Yes, that’s a big part of it. Having the last word allows us to protect ourselves, to be one of those who know, to silence doubt, lack of confidence, and failure.
A (re)taking of power
By forcefully and tenaciously ending a conversation yourself, you can say that you’re defending your position, imposing respect (imposing full stop), and taking power over others. However, this desire to always have the last word can also be a takeover of the child you were. What if, behind all these stubborn people who don’t give up, there are wounded children who rebel? 💪
I will no longer be silent
This is the case, for example, of children who weren’t listened to, who weren’t allowed to speak, or weren’t given the space to express themselves. Of course, there are also children who have been bullied, who have been forced to stay silent (due to bullying at school, domestic violence, or even incest, for example). Always wanting to be right means that they’re no longer the submissive, silent child they once were.
I’m in control
What could be more unbearable for someone who needs to control everything than the other person talking? Indeed, a conversation is anything but control. It’s impossible to know what the other person is going to say, every new sentence is a surprise, an unexpected event. The fact that we’re unable to let go, that we’re afraid of the unexpected, is, therefore, enough for us to cling to the only thing we think is reliable: our own words. That we impose again and again, ever louder.
How do you get the last word?
In general, I’d say that you shouldn’t always try to have the last word. Always wanting to be right in a conversation indicates that you’re in a competition. It’s therefore no longer a conversation, but a battlefield 🪖 with a winner and a loser. It’s not a climate very conducive to harmonious relations.
However, we’re not always saints, and sometimes we need to have the last word. When we doubt ourselves when we don’t have very high self-esteem, when we give in too easily and regret it, when we don’t have a comeback, when we don’t know how to express our arguments, etc. Faced with someone who’s always imposing themselves and shouting the last word, we can easily opt for silence or sulking, but we can also try to have the last word… when it’s necessary. So how do we do it?
- Choose your battles: Don’t fight over something trivial. Not all discussions should lead to a free-for-all. You need to learn to let go and ask yourself: do you really need to have the last word in this conversation?
- Sharpen your arguments: Don’t go into battle unarmed, so there’s no point in trying to be right if you don’t know anything about the subject. If on the other hand, you have information, knowledge, and arguments, you gain confidence and insist or rather demonstrate and convince. Don’t forget that the best way to have arguments and an opinion on things is to be curious and open-minded. So don’t get tired of discovering.
- Don’t try to win: Sometimes the best way to have the last word is not to try to have it. So listen to the other person, really listen, soak up their opinion, empathize, and maybe concede a “you’re right”. “You’re right” is still the best way to have the last word and defuse a potentially tense discussion.
- Manage your emotions: A message that is interfered with by our emotions often becomes a troubling message. If anger or tears arise, take time to breathe or to slip away. The secret is to understand that the person who shouts loudly isn’t the most powerful, and the person who cries isn’t the weakest. It’s not a question of that, but remaining calm always makes it easier to follow through on your thoughts.
Editor’s note: A habit that’s a sign of suffering…
A pathological need to have the last word, whatever the subject, is a sign of suffering, a traumatic event from the past. If you’re unable to let someone have the last word and if this bad habit is damaging your relationships, don’t hesitate to make an appointment with a psychologist. Together, you’ll be able to understand where this behavior comes from, trace its origins, and put in place new habits that will allow you to live happier.
🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy… It’s here and now!
#BornToBeMe
Be sure to check out these articles;
- How to stop being a narcissist
- What to do when your boyfriend is cheating on you
- What are the signs your man doesn’t respect you?
Why do some people need the last word?
What’s appealing, rationally or not, about the last word?
You see it all the time on social media when people get into small or heated arguments. But the phenomenon existed long before social media or the Internet.
The appeal of “having the last word” coincides with the desire to be right.
In one sense, there’s nothing wrong or unhealthy about wanting to be right. Who wants to be wrong?
But there are different contexts, psychologically, for wanting to be right. One context is social. The other is what philosophers call epistemological.
The social context means, “I’m right because I’m seen as right. And I want to be seen as right.”
The philosophical or epistemological context means, “I’m right because the facts, evidence and logic supports it. I know I’m right.”
A sense of satisfaction from the second is the kind a person with authentic self-esteem feels. But paradoxically, that same person with self-esteem no longer feels a need to be right. Because he knows he already is. If others express recognition of that fact, well that’s nice — but it’s not necessary.
So the people who MUST have the last word about something reveal something about themselves. They reveal that they NEED to be right, and they need that verification and validation socially and interpersonally — not objectively, like the person with authentic self-esteem.
Other motives exist for wanting the last word. One is a false belief that, “If I said it last, then that means I won. My opponent has no answer.” That’s not always true. Sometimes people give up talking to you because they cannot counter what you’re saying. But that still doesn’t make you right. And sometimes people give up because they’re convinced you’re not hearing them, or replying to their most important point. So they see you as hopeless on the issue. Or maybe just annoying.
Don’t flatter yourself merely because you got the last word. It doesn’t make you right or credible. Only facts, evidence, logic and objective truth can do that.
Follow Dr. Hurd on Facebook. Search under “Michael Hurd” (Rehoboth Beach DE). Get up-to-the-minute postings, recommended articles and links, and engage in back-and-forth discussion with Dr. Hurd on topics of interest. Also follow Dr. Hurd on Twitter at @MichaelJHurd1, and see “Michael Hurd” on MeWe.
Why do I always want the last word?
An obsession with having the last word probably also means your partner struggles to hear and validate your perspective, especially when tensions are running high. “They see validation as either agreement or capitulation,” Olmedo said. They could have self-esteem issues.
Why you should let him have the last word?
Allowing someone else to have the last word stops the disagreement or argument from escalating. This is always good. Arguments are pretty much always stupid and ridiculous. People keep repeating themselves over and over again, nobody wants to listen to the other person, and you hardly ever change your point of view.
Should I let him have the last text?
Rule 1: Never be the last one to text. Every time you’re in a texting conversation, make sure that he is the last to text. When he texts you, he will be waiting for your response, even if it’s just an “ok” or a “goodnight.” If your response to his text message isn’t necessary, don’t send it.
Is it important to have the last word?
Getting the last word means that you win the debate. It also shows your moral superiority. This should convince your opponent that you are correct, and will certainly impress your fellow Wikipedians. It is particularly important to get the last word where you are in some doubts as to the merits of your case.
How do you let go of an argument?
Here are four simple statements you can use that will stop an argument 99 percent of the time.
- “Let me think about that.” This works in part because it buys time.
- “You may be right.” This works because it shows willingness to compromise.
- “I understand.” These are powerful words.
- “I’m sorry.”
What to say when someone is arguing?
“Tell them what you’re hearing,” says Headlee. “In other words, ask them to explain what they’re upset about, then say, ‘It sounds like you feel unappreciated. I’m really sorry I made you feel that way. ‘ It’s important to avoid saying, ‘I’m sorry you feel like that,’ which puts responsibility on the other person.
How do you argue gracefully?
How does being polite help us overcome everyday disagreements?
- Anger just makes things worse.
- Practice, practice, practice.
- Fake it until you make it. 1) avoid dogmatism. 2) respect the other person’s feelings. 3) keep your cool. 4) attack the argument, not the person. 5) winning doesn’t matter.
What to say in a fight to win?
“Respectfully acknowledge the other person’s view point, even if you don’t agree with it,” says wellness coach Erin Stair, MD, MPH. Say things like “I see what you’re saying there,” or “That’s a good point.” They might be so thrown off that you can walk away the winner.
How do I get my friend back after a fight?
How to Rebound After a Fight With a Friend
- Take time to process what happened.
- Ask yourself what happened.
- Consider your role in the fight.
- Surrender to your responsibility and apologize.
- Don’t be afraid to admit you’re wrong.
- It’s OK to question your relationship.
- Consider discussing your fight in person.
- Continue to work on your relationship.
Should I talk to my friend after a fight?
In some cases, the friendship could be changed after the fight. Try to talk to your friend to see if things can be made better. If you’ve hurt your friend’s feelings, then the best approach is to be upfront with your friend about what you did or said to upset them.
How can you tell if someone doesn’t like you?
12 Subtle Ways to Know Someone Doesn’t Like You
- They Close Themselves Off with Their Body Language.
- They Don’t Offer You a Sincere Smile.
- They Don’t Mirror You.
- They Don’t Look You in the Eyes.
- You’re Conversation is Clipped.
- There is Little or No Touch.
- They Never Make Plans with You.
- They Never Listen.
How do you know your friend is jealous of you?
Six Signs Your Friend Is Jealous
- They greet your good news with negativity. When something good happens, you want to tell your closest friends about it.
- They frequently try to outdo or one-up you.
- They make you feel bad about yourself.
- They struggle with insecurity and self-esteem.
- They don’t offer support.
What is jealousy a sign of?
People that are prone to intense jealousy or possessiveness often harbor feelings of inadequacy or inferiority and have a tendency to compare themselves to others. Jealousy, at its core, is a byproduct of fear, fear of not being good enough, fear of loss.
Is jealousy a sign of mental illness?
Abnormal jealousy: Also called pathological jealousy or extreme jealousy, this may be a sign of an underlying mental health issue, such as schizophrenia, anxiety, or issues with control.
What is abnormal jealousy?
Pathological jealousy, also known as morbid jealousy, Othello syndrome or delusional jealousy, is a psychological disorder in which a person is preoccupied with the thought that their spouse or sexual partner is being unfaithful without having any real proof, along with socially unacceptable or abnormal behaviour …
What is Othello syndrome?
Othello syndrome (OS) is a type of paranoid delusional jealousy, characterized by the false absolute certainty of the infidelity of a partner.
What is de Clerambault syndrome?
De Clerambault in 1885 is reviewed and a case is presented. Popularly called erotomania, the syndrome is characterized by the delusional idea, usually in a young woman, that a man whom she considers to be of higher social and/or professional standing is in love with her.
What causes Othello syndrome?
It is characterized by recurrent accusations of infidelity, searches for evidence, repeated interrogation of the partner, tests of their partner’s fidelity, and sometime stalking. The syndrome may appear by itself or in the course of paranoid schizophrenia, alcoholism, or cocaine addiction.
Is jealousy a symptom of bipolar?
Although an individual may present with morbid jealousy, the underlying psychiatric problems may show major illnesses like bipolar mania in up to 15% and schizophrenia 20%, among other diagnoses like depression and alcohol-related disorders. Morbid jealousy may not only be delusional, but also obsessional in nature.
aving the Last Word. It describes a certain type of stubborn personality.
If someone always has to “have the last word” it means that when that person is arguing, they never will admit that they lost. They will keep arguing until the other person stops talking. They need to be the person who is the final speaker.
Imagine a husband and wife having a silly argument about almost nothing.
The husband might be wrong but really stubborn. His wife might say something like, “well, I really don’t agree with you, but I can’t really say anything because you always need to have the last word“.
Listen for this on TV and in movies. Ask your native speaking friends or teacher about it. It’s common and useful. If someone won’t let you win an argument, you can ask, “why do you always get the last word?“
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About
VO KIM TRI
It’s not the best taste in your mouth, always having the last word. It doesn’t matter if it is the most eloquent sentence or the most hurtful thing that you can think of, it is the idea that there is this hanging thought in the air, with no real ending in sight. The conversation that was never really supposed to end, but it has by the other’s choice. It is the idea that they don’t want to pursue more and you are left in the dust. It is the last word that always leaves a heart in pain.
Why is it that people fight for this position? Of saying the last unspeakable thing. To have the upper hand in the conversation by getting in one last dig. One last cut. One last draw of the sword before putting an end to it all. It is the most damning of positions to be in, the place where we feel that something could happen, but it won’t. We are the ones that put a stop to it. We are the ones that ended it. It is the last word that always leaves us with this unsettling feeling.
Why is it that there is always that one person who you want to talk to the most that always leaves the conversation in a moment too soon. Leaving your thoughts hanging in the air, with that last sentence on your tongue. It doesn’t feel good to always have what is left unsaid, only able to linger in the mind and not exposed to the universe for what it is worth. To have this idea of what could be, but not present to the world because it is unspoken to the one it should be said to. It is in the last words that we feel that we are not being real.
The silence is damning of always having the final say. Of knowing that I will be the one to physically end the conversation because you have mentally already done so for us. To feel like I can talk to you for hours and want to know more, but you are fine with the little that is said and need nothing but the basics in my head. There is the whole world to be exposed at our fingertips or just a moment to be said on our lips, but it is the idea that in your head, I am not worth the last breath. It is in the last words that we feel the loneliest.
It isn’t the need to have the last word, that leaves us with it. It is the indifference. It is the pursuit of an unwanted conversation. It is the need for someone that doesn’t need us, that leaves us hanging in the valence of nothing. No words. No breath. No motion. It is in the nothingness that we feel these last words lingering in the atmosphere, left to be unanswered by the one that we want to answer them the most. Why is it that the last world always leaves us with this uncertainty and searching for more? Why do we continue to seek the conversations that we will constantly find ourselves having the last word in? Why do we continue to fall into the trap of always pushing the conversations to the limit where we will be left alone again?
Why do we continue to keep searching for the last word?
Feature image via Ian Panelo on Pexels