What is the meaning of the word i love you

“I Love You.”

These may be the three most important words in the English Language.

They’re often the first words we speak to our newborn children and the last words we utter from deathbeds to our families. They’re the words that can signify  a turning point in romantic relationships and the words we often use to express our feelings to those who matter most to us. They’re the words that ultimately define our marriages, our friendships, our families, our faith and our lives.

These three little words are packed with power!

Sadly, anything with power can be misused and abused. It’s the same with Love. Many will attempt to twist and distort the true meaning of love to manipulate others, exploit others for selfish gain or fuel unhealthy, codependent relationships. The concept of love has been hijacked, cheapened and distorted by many and it’s time we reclaim it!

Below are four distinct truths that should all be expressed and meant each time you use the words, “I love you.”

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com 

Next time you say, “I love you,” remember that you are really communicating these four separate truths all at once:

1. I am committed to you.

Love, but its very definition, is rooted in commitment. Love is so much more than a feeling. It’s a choice to stand by someone through all the ups and downs of life; for better or for worse, no matter what!

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:7

2. I will protect you.

When we express real love to someone, we’re asking them to place their heart and their life into our hands, because we’d be willing to die to protect them. When you love someone, you must be willing to risk your own comfort, your reputation or even your own life to protect theirs.

“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” –Jesus (John 15:13)

3. I will believe in you even when you struggle to believe in yourself. 

People aren’t perfect; but love is. If you love someone, choose to see the best in them. Patiently offer grace to help them overcome their frailties and flaws; and allow love to bring out the best in you both.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

4. I will prove my love for you by my actions.

Words are important, but without matching actions, our words are empty. Love cannot be expressed merely by words; it must by communicated by the consistency of our actions. When we truly love someone, our words and our actions will be aligned.

“Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” 1 John 3:18

For more tools to help you build stronger relationships, please watch our FREE video The 7 Laws of Love.

For ways to build a stronger bond of love in your marriage, check out our bestselling book iVow: Secrets to a Stronger Marriage which is now also available on iTunes for Download on iPhones, iPads and all Apple devices.

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“I Love You”

“I Love You”

April 29, 2020

How the iconic expression differs across cultures

The phrase “I love you” is universally understood and used across all cultures, but how it’s used, when, and in what context tends to vary widely. Interestingly people for whom English is not their native language tend to say “I love you” in English most of the time. Of course, differences also exist across sex and age groups with women sharing the expression more than men. The good news is that overall people are saying “I love you” more often. These are some of the fascinating results revealed in Emotion expression and the locution “I love you”: A cross-cultural study conducted by City University of New York (CUNY).

The phrase is used most frequently in relationships with lovers (62%) followed by parents (40%) grandparents (38%) with their children or grandchildren. Only 34% of married couples said “I love you” was spoken frequently with the majority (46%) saying it was shared occasionally. Among friends, the majority of respondents (44%) said the phrase was shared occasionally, while 53% said they rarely expressed it to their siblings. Never was the most common response (81%) in relationships with neighbors and co-workers. The phrase was most often expressed verbally and overwhelmingly by females. For those who spoke English but it was not their native language, 67% said they chose to say “I love you” in English and that doing so was a conscious choice.

When asked to define the parameters in which “I love you” was used in their culture, respondents often stressed romantic relationships and emphasized the “weight” and seriousness of its meaning. Others said it was understood that they were loved and they didn’t need to hear it all the time. Here are some of their responses that display different understandings of love and sometimes the openness or closure to it.

Maria (Polish, female)
“I know that if I would tell my parents straightforward that I love them they would not feel comfortable, same thing with my sister. We [Polish people] know we love each other but we don’t say it straight to somebody’s face if it is not our husband or wife.”

Pete (Syrian, male)
“‘I love you’ is a more serious and committing term in other cultures. Middle eastern girls I know who hear that from a guy automatically think marriage.”

Christy (Chinese, female)
“Every time when I go back home, my father always go to kitchen and asks me what I want to eat. He doesn’t say anything but make food for me quietly. It is very touching every time when I see my father does it. Love doesn’t have to be express verbally… In China, men are always the heads of the families. In order to show men’s power, they don’t say ‘I love you’ easily because it is considered emotional when they say it… I am considering myself as the second generation in United States. Therefore, I have learned how to say ‘I love you’ and not to hide my feeling inside.”

Sam (Guyanese, ethnic Indian, male)
“In a family it is usually understood that your parents love you; children don’t expect to hear it all the time… I don’t remember the last time my parents have told me that they love me, neither do I remember when my brother or sister has done it, but it doesn’t bother me…In my culture, it is normal to wait a long time before telling someone that you love them, and it is not also done frequently because it will lose its meaning.”

Sally (Jamaican, female)
“I dated someone American who thought I was cold because I didn’t say the word. I just can’t use the word so freely. Love is a very strong word, and I want to make sure that I mean it and not say because it is expected of me… I usually can write it but not say to people…’I love you’ is said when you won’t see the person for some time or they are traveling, or it’s a special day.”

Jung (Korean, female)
“I don’t know why, but in my culture, to tell a person ‘I love you,’ so hard to come out from a mouth. We feel in heart but to say it is a very hard thing to do… My culture believes verbal declaration of love is not important. Older people says verbal declaration occur when people were young and passionate in their hearts.”

Michael (Slovak, male)
“In average Eastern European settings (family, friendship, and romance) ‘I love you’ is rather scarce, arguably due to considerable weight of the expression. Our people believe that gravity of expressing love is way too great to be diminished by spontaneous moments of urge to say ‘I love you.’”

Adis (Cuban, female)
“… in the Cuban culture, people tend to speak very loud and are not afraid to express their feelings. My family members tell you upfront that they love you. They are not emotionally restrained at all.”

Carlos (Colombian, male)
“It’s something that Latin people don’t really hold back on verbally. The word is sometimes thrown around like a love struck teenager.”

Maurice (Jewish, male)
“Men don’t really say ‘I love you’ in my culture. We use nonverbal declarations. The men in my family and possibly culture are notoriously lazy and thoughtless; so when we actually do something not lazy and thoughtful it’s our way of saying ‘I love you.’”

Sue (Romanian, ethnic Hungarian, female)
“It’s quite embarrassing for me to see a man all emotionally exposed; I shut them down… My partner is American who feels the urge of declaring his love to me verbally and nonverbally way too often. And he is hurt by my reaction or lack of response. It took me four years, but I learned that it is important to him, so I let him say it, and I say it back, surprisingly easily. English is not my first, second or third language, saying ‘I love you’ means nothing to me. I wouldn’t dare say it in Hungarian to anyone.”

Dina (Puerto Rican, female)
“My husband does not like to say ‘I love you,’ so nonverbals are important for me to watch out for… My husband feels that love should be shown, not constantly said.”

Pat (African-American, female)
“My husband is Caribbean and I am American. We have been married for thirteen years, but together for 21 years. In that time I have seen him grow from holding back his emotions to now being more verbal about sharing his love for me, with me by verbally telling me, instead of keeping it to himself. I, on the other hand, have always shown my love and tell him so every chance I get.”

Pam (Columbian, female)
“On the phone, when I speak to my dad, I tell him that I love him and miss him. For me it’s mostly on the phone and sometimes but rarely in the person’s face.”

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The other day I asked my boyfriend, “What do you mean when you say ‘I love you’?”

“Erm…”

This probably sounds like the worst question ever to be asked by your girlfriend. Thankfully, he knows me well enough to know that I wasn’t fishing for compliments or looking for reassurance. No, instead I actually wanted to have an analytical discussion about the meaning of the word “love.”

What do we mean when we say “I love you”?

Strangely, “I love you” seems to have a much less fixed meaning than most phrases. Each time I say “I love you,” I’m expressing a cluster of different things, which might include:

* “I care for you really deeply.”

* “I really appreciate you being in my life.”

* “I’m committed to you and our relationship.”

* “I’m really attracted to you.”

* “I’m here for you and I want the best for you.”

* “I’m too lazy to get out of bed right now and it would make me realllly happy if you went downstairs and made me a cup of tea…”

Not every instance of “I love you” is meant to express all of these – it varies a lot from context to context. The “I love you” I say to my boyfriend is very different from the “I love you” I say to a good friend, which is different again from the “I love you” I say to a family member. But even with the same person, “I love you” can mean very different things: When my boyfriend is having a bad day, it means “I care about you deeply, I want you to feel better, and I’m here for you if there’s anything I can do to help.” When I’m having a bad day and my boyfriend comes over to cheer me up, it means, “I really appreciate you and I’m glad you’re in my life.” And in fact, a lot of the time I just say “I love you” because I feel an urge to say it, without consciously thinking about what I’m expressing at all.

© le vent le cri/flickr

You don’t love me like I love you

Think about how bizarre this is. Imagine an alien lands on earth and asks what this phrase “I love you” means. (The alien knows enough English to ask the question, but not enough to understand the phrase, obviously.) What do you tell him? “Well, it’s kind of used to express a deep level of caring, but what exactly it means varies depending on the context and whom you’re talking to, and a lot of the time when people say it they don’t really mean anything specific by it, they just feel like saying it.” Er, what?! Doesn’t that lead to a lot of confusion and miscommunication when the other person doesn’t know exactly what’s being expressed? Why wouldn’t you just have different words or phrases to differentiate among these situations and reduce the ambiguity?

Of course, there are plenty of words in the English language whose meaning varies from context to context. The word “break,” for example, has over 70 possible meanings and uses. But generally context makes the meaning perfectly clear – whilst “break” can mean both a short interlude and the act of splitting something in half, when I tell you I’m “going for a break,” it’s pretty clear which of the two I mean. Obviously context also helps a lot with “I love you” – if I tell my friend I love her after she’s just done me a massive favor, I assume she won’t interpret this as a confession of sexual attraction. But I think there are still a lot of cases where the meaning is a lot harder to decipher, and much more dependent on the intentions of the person saying it – especially in romantic relationships.

© Adam Foster/flickr

Changing how we talk (and think) about love

Maybe a richer vocabulary for love would actually improve our relationships. Different words could mark different stages of commitment, making things clearer to all parties involved. There would be less confusion about whether the person you’re into feels the same about you. Those awkward conversations that start with, “So… where is this going?” would no longer be necessary. Not only would having more words for love remove ambiguity, it would simply allow us to express more. We’ve all been in that situation early on in a relationship where we’re really into someone, but don’t quite feel we’re at the “love” stage yet. How do you express that? You probably awkwardly say something like “I, er, really like you.” This feels pretty lame to me: I mean, I also “really like” coffee, and my dog – and yet I don’t have a good way to tell that guy I’m seeing that how I feel about him is different from how I feel about a great espresso.

It seems strange to me that we have such a limited vocabulary for what is one of the most important parts of human experience and connection. The Greeks had four words for love, and Sanskrit supposedly has 96. It’s been suggested that there’s a close relationship between the words we use and our thoughts: in particular, that the language we speak can affect how we think. I can’t help but wonder what the implication is here for not just how we communicate about love, but how we think about it, too.

Photo: nicholas/flickr

This article was originally published on Oct. 15, 2014

But what if they’re expressed in two words (“te amo”) or just one (“ahibbik”)? It isn’t just a question of language, of course. Dating culture differs by geography and affects the meaning of those words. I asked literary translators and dating experts what “I love you” means all over the world. Their answers show that although love is a universal value, the words we use to express it carry vastly different meanings.

Japan

Japanese does not have a direct analogue to “I love you.” The words that get defined as “love” in dictionaries and taught that way in language courses are closer to “like” (suki) and “affection” (ai). The phrase “ai shiteiru” means something close to “I love you,” but it doesn’t function as a relationship milestone in Japanese. Most people probably hear it more often in movies than in real life. Consider “I adore you” in English — a gorgeous sentiment, but who says that? Instead of saying “I love you,” a Japanese person would be more inclined to use any number of context-driven expressions of devotion and support, like “Work sounds tough” or “I can tell how hard you’re trying” or “I support you.”

— Sam Bett, literary translator

France

There’s definitely less pressure around saying “I love you” in France than there is in the United States, and it usually happens much earlier. Every person and every relationship is different, but I would say that most people in France say it after about two months. Dating in France is very different from the United States. We don’t have this casual dating period when it’s okay to date several people at the same time and keep your options open. Things end up going faster because we’re all in; it’s pretty common to go on three or four dates per week with someone you just met. In France, meeting friends usually happens after a few dates and meeting the parents usually happens within one to three months.

— Adeline Bréon, dating coach

Iraq

“Like” and “love” are translated into the same word in Arabic. It’s not unusual, say, for a man to court a woman with “ahibbik” during a first encounter. Here in the United States, relationships evolve from liking to loving (culminating, potentially, in commitment), but in Iraq, the progress from courtship to commitment is marked with a family visit. The man’s family meets the woman’s family to ask for her hand in marriage. The visit is a declaration of commitment by the family and the suitor. In this sense, it might be equivalent to the commitment signaled by “I love you” in America. That said, there are other ways to express deep and sincere feelings — a’shaqich (“I’m deeply in love with you”), amoot alaych (“I’m dead in love with you”). There are exceptions, of course. Since 2003, Iraqi society has been going through an identity crisis, and almost all traditional social norms are being challenged, including courtship and marriage.

— Qussay Al-Attabi, scholar of Arabic literature

Argentina

As with most anything in Argentina, opinions are split as to whether “te quiero” (“I want you” or “I desire you”) or “te amo” (”I love you”) reflect a stronger commitment. “Querer” packs a punch, in tangos and in the work of Jorge Luis Borges and other poets. Both phrases could lead to wedding bells or moving in together. Getting there, however, may take as long as explaining what Peronism is, or come as quickly as a flash flood. Along the way lovers might express their emotions by saying: “Me re copás,” which loosely translates to “you absolutely fill me / take me over”; “Me va [or] me re cabe tu forma de ser,” meaning: “the way you are is my way.” More action-oriented phrases include: “Me movió la estantería” (“s/he shook my rack/bookshelf”); “Me flechó” (“her/his arrow hit the mark”); “Cada vez que la/o veo me mata” (“every time I see her/him s/he kills me”). For a soft landing, try “Me encantás” (“you enchant / charm me”). Though boring, “Estamos en sintonía” («we are in sync”), may still work. A word of caution: If you get to “Alta onda pegamos,” meaning “we’ve hit a high vibe or wave,” chocolate and flowers may be in order.

— Saúl Sosnowski, professor of Latin American literature at the University of Maryland at College Park

Iran

In 20th-century Iran, men were generally the first to say “I love you,” and this almost always had to be followed by a promise of marriage and a formal visit to the woman’s parents to ask for her hand. In 1979, the Islamic revolution set back the clock for women. Morality police roamed the streets, punishing any public mingling of men and women who weren’t related to one another. Unless they were married or close relatives, men and women could not even stroll together. By 2009, 60 percent of Iran’s population was younger than 30, and the expression and execution of love transformed. Virginity was mocked, and “I love you” lost its holy luster. Now, saying “I love you” can also mean “I am ready to move to the next step of our relationship and sleep with you.” Among educated city dwellers, it is as commonly expressed by women as by men.

— Sholeh Wolpé, Iranian-American writer and literary translator

China

When dating, “wo ai ni” is the man’s signal: He wants an exclusive relationship. Before that, a woman might hold hands with him, kiss, go to the movies, go hiking, but she will generally wait for this important phrase before having sex or appearing in public as boyfriend and girlfriend. After this first “wo ai ni,” both members of a couple will probably say it to each other every day. It’s just the first time the man says it that is also his way of saying he wants to be exclusive. This relates to young people only, ages 20 to 35. Older people don’t say “wo ai ni” much at all.

South Korea

There’s a lot of variation, and South Korea is in a constant and rapid state of social change. But typically people don’t say “I love you” so much among husband and wife, or between parents and kids. My partner is Korean, and I rarely hear her say that to her mom or vice versa. The understanding is that the love is there; it just doesn’t need to be declared verbally the way Americans might. However over the past few decades, film and media portraying Western conventions of saying “I love you” have played a role in influencing young people’s relationships. Couples have become a lot more demonstrative about their affection. You wouldn’t have seen much hand-holding until the 1980s or 1990s, but now it’s a lot more common. It’s still relatively rare for couples of over 40 to say “I love you,” to each other, but it becomes more common below that age.

— Stephen Epstein, professor of Asian languages at Victoria University of Wellington

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Question

Answer

I think you’re right on the mark. “I love you” can mean many different things, as you mentioned, but in an exclusive relationship between a guy and girl of marrying age, it carries huge emotional weight. You’re good to stop and think about it.

Our confusion about “I love you” is complicated by our too casual use of the word “love.” We love everything. We love those shoes! We love that song! We love those French fries. And we love God. By the time we’re finished loving everything, we’re not sure what the word means anymore.

But whenever you say it, you are saying something about how you think and feel about the object or person to whom you are referring.

We know what we mean when we say we love a certain pair of shoes. And we know what we mean when we’re in a forward-moving relationship, we’re of marrying age and we say “I love you.”

The two meanings are not the same.

I didn’t utter those words to my then-girlfriend (now wife) until I knew she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Yes, it was basically a “this is stage one of my courtship of you” statement, because what I meant by it was, “I love you as I have never loved, nor to the best of my understanding could ever love, any other woman.”

“I love you” in that context is a statement of exclusivity, a chip to be played only when you have a sense of “’till death do us part.”

I love a certain pair of shoes, but only until a newer, cooler, more comfortable pair comes along that I love more. Then my love moves on. But love between a man and a woman is a narrowed-down kind of love.

Imagine a very large circle of very many people — a number of whom you love, meaning you share with them a certain level of trust, respect and affection. Then imagine a smaller circle, within the larger, with fewer people. You also respect these people, but you love them on a deeper level of emotion. These are family members and close friends.

As the circles get smaller, the exclusivity grows larger, until you are down to one other human, the one with whom this level of affection, commitment and trust is shared with no other.

This isn’t to say that the love of Christ poured into our hearts isn’t mutually shared with others equally at the deepest spiritual level — it should be as we mature in Christ, but it is to say that there is one for whom that love is intended to bind us for life as a living, breathing parable of the love that Christ has for His church.

When you look around and notice there is only one other person in that small circle of exclusive love, then yes, you can say it. It’s true.

Blessings,

JOHN THOMAS

Copyright 2011 John Thomas. All rights reserved.

Perhaps the most powerful three words known, “I love you” is a phrase that carries with it a lot of meaning.

So what if your guy constantly says it? Is it because he loves you that much, or is it something else?

Let’s talk about what it means when he says it constantly, and how to tell if he’s being genuine, or if he’s manipulating you.

11 things it could mean

1) He wants to remind you

There are any number of countless reasons why your man is constantly telling you he loves you, ranging from sinister to sweet. Let’s start with one of the most benign.

He just wants to remind you and make sure you know you’re loved. I personally express my love and affection quite frequently, and for some it might come as a big change from a previous relationship.

In that way, then, they might wonder why I’m saying it so much, perhaps even worry. But I don’t mean anything by it, except the inherent meaning of those iconic three words.

The same could hold true for your man. He might genuinely feel the need to tell you, as a reminder of his undying love for you.

Here’s a great article to help you figure out if he’s making love to you, or if he’s just having sex.

2) He really enjoys being close to you

It could be that your man really enjoys being close to you. That closeness inspires him to verbalize his feelings.

He also knows that when you hear him express his love for you, you find it endearing. In that way, he’ll be able to be closer to you, which is something that makes him supremely happy.

How close is he to you? Is he affectionate in other ways, too? If it seems like he’s overflowing with affection for you in more ways than one, it’s likely he’s all about being close to you.

3) He could be insecure

All of us have certain insecurities, whether about small things or big things. These insecurities can be about our bodies, physical attributes, or emotional insecurities.

It’s these latter types of insecurity that can cause relationship issues, and it could be a reason why he’s constantly telling you that he loves you.

His perpetual need to vocalize his love for you could be a kind of cry for validation. He feels insecure, unsure, and unable to vocalize those insecurities appropriately.

So, he compensates by constantly telling you that he loves you. Here are some more signs that an insecure man in love will show.

4) He doubts your love

On the other hand, it could be that he’s doubting how much you love him, and therefore constantly telling you that he loves you to elicit a response.

Whether it’s a way to “give you a hint”, or a way to get you to say it more, he doubts your love.

Does he seem skeptical about other facets of your devotion? Is he overly jealous, or perhaps overly curious to pry into your personal life?

If so, it could be that he doubts your love for him. Again, that could tie into insecurities. It could be that he’s sensing a natural change in the relationship, or something more legitimate.

In any case, if there’s a constant, unending stream of “I love you’s”, it could mean that he doubts your love.

In a one-sided relationship? Here are the brutal signs that you are, and what to do about it.

5) He thinks you’re wonderful

In this article, I’ll often bounce back and forth from potentially negative reasons to positive reasons why your guy is constantly telling you he loves you.

Therefore, then, let’s talk about how smitten he could be with you. When I fall in love, I fall deep into love. Every facet, feature, and character quirk makes me fall ever deeper.

What comes next is an inability to keep my mouth shut. I have to express my affection because I think this person is endlessly wonderful. I suppose it might be a bit overwhelming for my partner, but it’s just how I express my love.

It could be the same for your man. He might just think you’re wonderful, so much so that he has to constantly tell you he loves you.

In fact, it could be that you’re soulmates. Here’s a look at a bunch more signs you are soulmates.

6) He has really strong feelings for you

Along the lines of the last point, it could be that your man is having really strong feelings for you. Or that those strong feelings are catching him completely off guard.

It may just be that his head’s all in a whorl, the depth of his feelings for you is really catching him by surprise.

In his giddiness, he may not even realize just how much he’s telling you that he loves you, or that he’s constantly saying it.

Maybe you find it a little bit annoying, but also endearing. Don’t rain on his parade, he’s completely infatuated with you.

His strong feelings for you inspire him to gawk over you, use pet names, tell you he loves you, call you pretty, cute, or all of the above.

If you’ve ever wondered what exactly it means when a guy calls you “cute”, here’s a great article that details just what might be going through his head.

7) He’s not sure how to express himself

Sometimes guys aren’t the best at putting their feelings and emotions into words. Indeed, communicating with women, in general, can be difficult for men.

It can be hard at times to even understand what we’re feeling for ourselves, let alone find a way to convey that to someone else.

The same holds true for positive emotions, as well. He could be struggling to exactly express the depth of his love and loyalty, so the way he does it is by saying he loves you…constantly.

Or, maybe he’s having reservations, or working through negative emotions, things like fear. He could be afraid to lose you. He could be afraid of change but senses a need for it.

So, in an effort to quell his fear, he overcompensates and tells you he loves you…constantly.

The relationship is changing

Like everything in our universe, nothing is static. The same holds true for relationships.

They’re kind of their own living, breathing being. They change, adapt, grow, develop, and sometimes die. It’s the way things happen in this world; change is honestly beautiful.

Therefore, your relationship might be changing. Shifting, growing, evolving. This might scare your man—often men are resistant to change.

And besides, his feelings are strong for you, and it’s always scary when those definitions, boundaries, and dynamics change.

Whether desperation, fear or doubt, the changes in your relationship may inspire him to constantly tell you he loves you.

It could be that he’s taking things more seriously now, and he’s ready to take things to the next level. He’s sure of his feelings, they’ve grown strong, and he’s eager to spend longer with you.

That could be a big reason why he’s constantly telling you he loves you.

9) It could point to something else

There’s the possibility that when he constantly tells you he loves you, he doesn’t mean “I love you” at all.

It could be pointing to something else entirely. He could be hiding something, he could be feeling guilty for doing something he knows would make you upset.

It could be cheating, or it could be something less serious. In any case, he’s using extra affection to “butter you up” or just to distract you from his guilty conscience.

Pay attention to his other mannerisms and actions. Does he seem paranoid, or distant in other ways?

These kinds of dichotomies will clue you into whether or not he means he loves you, or if it’s pointing to something else.

Here’s an interesting look at some key signs to look out for if your partner is having an emotional affair.

10) He could have an ulterior motive

Along the same lines, he could be sending you a constant stream of “I love you’s” in an effort to get something from you that he wants. He could be hiding something from you that he wants to cover over.

He could be using his charm and the emotional effect those words have on you to manipulate the way you feel about him, about the relationship, and so on.

Once he has you in his pocket, he can start to manipulate you in other ways. And then, while he manipulates you, he’s likely to keep love bombing you in this way.

It’s a common tactic of manipulators and narcissists. In other words, it’s pretty evil. Here’s a great article to help you spot evil people and how to deal with them.

So does he actually mean it?

One of the big question marks raised when a guy is constantly saying he loves you is whether or not he means it.

Is he being genuine?

It’s a good question to ask yourself; deciphering whether or not it’s true can be remarkably important. Why?

Well, as I mentioned in a couple of points, it could be that he’s using the phrase as a way to manipulate you, get what he wants, or cover something up.

But, let’s talk about some ways to decipher if he’s being genuine.

One of the first things to look out for is his actions. It’s easy to tell someone you love them all the time, more difficult to show it.

What’s that age-old phrase? Actions speak louder than words.

Definitely an overused platitude — however, it has a lot of relevance. If he’s genuine, he’ll be expressing his love more than just verbally. It’ll be clear in all the ways he treats you — with tenderness, kindness, and acts of love.

Maybe he takes you out frequently or gives you little gifts. There’s any number of ways that your guy will express his love for you if he truly means it.

Another great way to decipher if he’s being genuine about it is to quiz him when he says it.

How?

Well, let’s say he tells you he loves you. You can respond by asking him to explain himself. This tactic can get frustrating if you overuse it, it can come across as if you’re skeptical of him and perhaps overly insecure yourself.

However, it can give you a good gauge of the depth of his feelings. It’s easy to say “I love you,” but more difficult to explain what exactly inspired him to say it.

Ask him what he loves most about you. A simple “Why?” can give you a good gauge on how sincere he is.

If he’s being genuine, he’ll maybe stutter a bit, but soon start gushing about all the reasons why he loves you so much.

On the flip side, though, if he’s not genuine, he’ll brush off the question, give a simple answer without much thought, or something similar.

Is he being manipulative?

This question is important to ask, too. Especially if he exhibits any of the negative signs we discussed earlier in the article.

Naturally, it’s not fair to accuse your boyfriend of being manipulative preemptively. However, if you have reason to worry, you have reason to keep a sharp eye out for more signs of manipulation.

An important thing to remember when you’ve begun to surmise you’re in an unhealthy relationship with someone who is manipulative is to take your time.

Don’t rush things, jump down his throat, or confront him immediately. Not only will it lead to a bad outcome, it could be dangerous for you and your safety.

Manipulative love-bombing can be an insidious tactic used by an abusive partner to keep the wool over your eyes and to ultimately control you in as many ways as possible.

Pay close attention to when he tells you that he loves you. For someone who’s using love-bombing as a tactic, he’ll say it at very specific times.

It could be right after he asks you to do something for him, or when he tries to convince you your friends are unhealthy for you.

Anything that might raise a red flag and be seen as manipulative or controlling, he’s going to couch it in sweet words and loving sentiments, in the hopes you won’t notice.

But you’ve got a sharp eye out for these things. Don’t let his manipulative love-bombing control you.

Your significant other should make you feel safe and loved in a variety of ways, not just one exclusive way.

Look out for those disparities. Pay attention to how he really treats you — his actions and behavior, his attitude towards you. Does he call out your character and criticize you all the time, just to quickly follow by telling you how much he loves you?

All of these are big red flags that you’re dealing with someone who’s using your love and devotion as a way to manipulate you and control you.

The takeaway

There could be countless reasons why a guy is constantly telling you I love you; it could mean a wide variety of things.

Whether it’s because he has really strong feelings for you, doesn’t know how to adequately express himself, or has something else on his mind, there’s a good chance that he really does mean it.

On the flip side, there is the chance that he’s hiding something from you, or trying to avoid a conflict. Don’t be afraid to pick his brain about it if you’re worried about it.

If the constant stream of “I love you’s” makes you uncomfortable, discuss it frankly with him.

If he really does love you as much as he says he does, he’ll be willing to listen to you and come to a compromise.

On the other hand, there’s the chance that he’s using love-bombing as a tactic to control and manipulate you.

This can be hard to spot, but there will be a marked difference between the way he treats you and the way he says he treats you and feels about you.

In other words, he’ll be critical, demanding, controlling, and mean — but he’ll couch it in sweet loving words, constantly telling you he loves you.

Keep a sharp eye out for it, but don’t react in an extreme way, it won’t end well.