What do you understand by the word love

“Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!”

Moulin Rouge – a movie all about love with their well-known quote, “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return”. The movie perfectly portrays how two people who were not allowed to be together would do everything in their willpower to love each other till they take their last breath.

That’s probably the general view of loving someone unconditionally that you would do everything and anything to be together. However, with over 7 billion people on this planet, not everyone will have the same definition. Love is a very diverse term. Everyone needs it in some way or another, and therefore, everyone has their own definition to what ‘love’ means to them.

Haikal, 12, Romantic, Adventurous

In my opinion, love is not how much you say ‘I love you’ but how much you can prove it’s true. It’s about how patient and kind you are, it does not include boasting, it is not how arrogant and rude you are.

Love means accepting a person with all their failures, stupidities, and their imperfection. For example, love means there is no more busy world, it’s always about priorities. You will always find times you feel the most important about.

So in conclusion, I think love is a variety of different feelings; it’s about accepting someone for who they are and have feelings and do whatever it takes to have their forgiveness or even their heart.

Joseph, 21, Withdrawn Over-Thinker

I don’t believe in love at first sight. Attraction at first sight, yes. Affection at first sight, perhaps. But love?

Love, to me, rests on the same cline as companionship. And companionship is the foundation of love. Respect, understanding, and enthusiasm are the pillars on which this foundation is built – not initial attraction, not initial perception.

I suppose I am, to an extent, a victim of the ‘mere-exposure effect,’ in which a preference for someone or something comes with familiarity. I was close friends with my girlfriend for seven years before ‘asking her out,’ and I truly think that this friendship has served as an excellent point of reference over the last two years.

Therein lies the crux of my contention: love is not the gunshot signaling that the race has begun, but nor is it the feeling of crossing the finishing line. Love is the race – the journey – itself. Cliché? Yeah, sort of, but I do think it holds that the muddy concept of ‘love’ cannot be confined to the claustrophobic space of initial meeting, and this casts heavy doubts over the idea of love at first sight.

I respect but can’t identify with the desire for ‘one night stands’ or ‘wicked hooks,’ or whatever lingo is being used these days to denote seemingly frivolous dealings with a significant (or not so significant) other. It simply isn’t in my personality to consider such physical interaction to be so detached from emotional connection.

Of course, that’s not to say that love is static; it is an ever-changing construct, arbitrarily named and largely blurred at its edges. For some people, love at first sight might both exist and be fruitful, and I’m totally fine with that. In fact, let me make an amendment to my opening statement: I don’t believe in love at first sight for me.

Love exists outside the realm of human relationships, but I think nuanced meaning clouds its existence. I love coffee, I love the fresh air, and I love poetry, but I’m not in love with them.

I am in love with my girlfriend.

Kirsty, 23, Secretly Sentimental

An important element of love is to love yourself. Accept yourself and embrace the parts of yourself that you don’t necessarily like about yourself. This is an important lesson in how to love someone else. If you love yourself, you can be more generous with the love you give to others. You find yourself feeling more fulfilled and more loved than you could possibly imagine. You’ll find yourself smiling at the thought of whoever it is that you find you love. Love means seeing flaws and accepting them as positive traits. You’ll feel a sense of completeness that you never knew you were lacking in the first place, and no matter how long you’ve been apart whether it be hours or months you’ll feel like you’re coming home.

Luke, 21, Avocado Enthusiast

To possess a true love for something, some place, some ideology or someone and feel the reciprocation is often perceived as a final hurdle on a pathway to utopia, ‘a hypothetical place or state of things where everything is perfect.’

If I were to use something as simple as an “avocado” as a representation of any human, object or place capable of being truly loved; love can be defined to me as the feelings you are overcome with when you stumble across one of these wonderful green oval-shaped specimens, one that is of perfect ripeness, far superior to any avocado you’ve found on the shelves before. So flawless that as your knife pierces through the delicate skin effortlessly leaving you two immaculate halves not only does your heart and mind constantly discover new boundaries of excitement but a level of contentedness and satisfaction settles in.

With a little feta cheese to accompany, all spread over the finest sourdough toast, and experienced in your own personal paradise, each bite brings forth feelings of invincibility and superiority that not a thing in the world can overcome the sheer happiness. I love avocados.

Sarah, 14, Open-Minded and Exciting

What is love to me? Love is something unconditional and can’t really be explained in words. Of course, I’ve never experienced it yet, but it’s something I wish to feel in my lifetime.

The best way you can really say it is, it’s a feeling that you can’t shake, no matter how hard you try. The feeling when you love that special someone or something you can never live without. The feeling to need them and protect them.

Love is when you look at that person, and your heart accelerates, you get goosebumps. Every time you touch them you feel the electricity radiating off the both of you. You can never feel selfish with them and sacrifice anything or everything if it means you can be with them for the rest of your life. It’s when that person makes you happy no matter how you’re feeling. No matter the gender, ethnicity or person.

But love isn’t easy, it comes with consequences and sacrifices that if you are willing to make you know you’ve found the right someone/something.

I know very few people who are truly, deeply, and madly in love with each other, and let me tell you every time I see that it gives me the shred of hope that there actually might be someone out there for me.

So that’s what love is to me. How bout you?

Sharvin, 19, Dog Lover

Everyone at a pinnacle point in their life has experienced love regardless if they were loved or have been loved. It’s an inevitable feeling that captures the heart with full on passion, infatuation, and desire. It comes in all sorts of forms like with family, friends or an intimate love. In my experience, love “feels so good but hurts so bad”, I went through many amazing memories of my life with the women I love but at the end, it will either end up a fairytale or just like a wrecking ball being swung at you at immense pace.

My love generally lies in the animal kingdom. Such exquisite creatures roaming on our planet for millions of years and have been proven a predominant significance. Dogs are my favorite, especially pugs, golden retrievers, shih tzu, and corgi’s! I have a pet dog that, in all honesty, feels like another younger sibling. Their presence is a remedy for sadness or stress; they will be there through your ups and downs, which clearly defines the term, “dogs are a man’s best friend”. They may be a little annoying at times when it comes to barking or pooping all over the house but hey they are not as privileged as humans to have an intellect.

Marina, 20, Classic and Eclectic

To me, love is the most powerful thing on this planet. It can make you go crazy, feel every emotion a human ought to feel all mixed together, it can make you sick, and it can also make you feel more alive than anything ever can. Whether it’s loving yourself or loving someone else (or even loving an idea or a thing), it will consume you and make you feel infinite.

To me, I know that love is the greatest thing out there – that without it, we are nothing. Something that pushes you to achieve it, no matter what others say or who stops you. It’s the happiness it can bring you when you’re feeling down and once taken away, that’s when you feel like everything has gone to hell.

To be frank, it is dangerous to love, but it’s a risk you should be willing to take. Love so deeply it overwhelms you. Once you fall in love with something or someone, you’ll know it. Trust me on this. It may take time, but it’ll be worth it. You just need to find your star.

Featured photo credit: Susanne Nilsson via flickr.com

Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure.^[1][2] An example of this range of meanings is that the love of a mother differs from the love of a spouse, which differs from the love for food. Most commonly, love refers to a feeling of a strong attraction and emotional attachment.^[3][4][5]

Love is considered to be both positive and negative, with its virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection, as «the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another» and its vice representing human moral flaw, akin to vanity, selfishness, amour-propre, and egotism, as potentially leading people into a type of mania, obsessiveness or codependency.^[6][7] It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one’s self, or animals.^[8] In its various forms, love acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.^[9] Love has been postulated to be a function that keeps human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species.^[10]

Ancient Greek philosophers identified six forms of love: essentially, familial love (in Greek, Storge), friendly love or platonic love (Philia), romantic love (Eros), self-love (Philautia), guest love (Xenia), and divine or unconditional love (Agape). Modern authors have distinguished further varieties of love: unrequited love, empty love, companionate love, consummate love, infatuated love, self-love, and courtly love. Numerous cultures have also distinguished Ren, Yuanfen, Mamihlapinatapai, Cafuné, Kama, Bhakti, Mettā, Ishq, Chesed, Amore, Charity, Saudade (and other variants or symbioses of these states), as culturally unique words, definitions, or expressions of love in regards to a specified «moments» currently lacking in the English language.^[11][12][13]

Scientific research on emotion has increased significantly over the past two decades. The color wheel theory of love defines three primary, three secondary and nine tertiary love styles, describing them in terms of the traditional color wheel. The triangular theory of love suggests «intimacy, passion and commitment» are core components of love. Love has additional religious or spiritual meaning. This diversity of uses and meanings combined with the complexity of the feelings involved makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.

Definitions

The word «love» can have a variety of related but distinct meanings in different contexts. Many other languages use multiple words to express some of the different concepts that in English are denoted as «love»; one example is the plurality of Greek concepts for «love» (agape, eros, philia, storge) .^[14] Cultural differences in conceptualizing love thus doubly impede the establishment of a universal definition.^[15]

Although the nature or essence of love is a subject of frequent debate, different aspects of the word can be clarified by determining what isn’t love (antonyms of «love»). Love as a general expression of positive sentiment (a stronger form of like) is commonly contrasted with hate (or neutral apathy). As a less-sexual and more-emotionally intimate form of romantic attachment, love is commonly contrasted with lust. As an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is sometimes contrasted with friendship, although the word love is often applied to close friendships or platonic love. (Further possible ambiguities come with usages «girlfriend», «boyfriend», «just good friends»).

Abstractly discussed, love usually refers to an experience one person feels for another. Love often involves caring for, or identifying with, a person or thing (cf. vulnerability and care theory of love), including oneself (cf. narcissism). In addition to cross-cultural differences in understanding love, ideas about love have also changed greatly over time. Some historians date modern conceptions of romantic love to courtly Europe during or after the Middle Ages, although the prior existence of romantic attachments is attested by ancient love poetry.^[16]

The complex and abstract nature of love often reduces discourse of love to a thought-terminating cliché. Several common proverbs regard love, from Virgil’s «Love conquers all» to The Beatles’ «All You Need Is Love». St. Thomas Aquinas, following Aristotle, defines love as «to will the good of another.»^[17] Bertrand Russell describes love as a condition of «absolute value,» as opposed to relative value.^{[citation needed]} Philosopher Gottfried Leibniz said that love is «to be delighted by the happiness of another.»^[18] Meher Baba stated that in love there is a «feeling of unity» and an «active appreciation of the intrinsic worth of the object of love.»^[19] Biologist Jeremy Griffith defines love as «unconditional selflessness».^[20]

Impersonal

People can be said to love an object, principle, or goal to which they are deeply committed and greatly value. For example, compassionate outreach and volunteer workers’ «love» of their cause may sometimes be born not of interpersonal love but impersonal love, altruism, and strong spiritual or political convictions.^[21] People can also «love» material objects, animals, or activities if they invest themselves in bonding or otherwise identifying with those things. If sexual passion is also involved, then this feeling is called paraphilia.^[22]

Interpersonal

Interpersonal love refers to love between human beings. It is a much more potent sentiment than a simple liking for a person. Unrequited love refers to those feelings of love that are not reciprocated. Interpersonal love is most closely associated with Interpersonal relationships.^[21] Such love might exist between family members, friends, and couples. There are also a number of psychological disorders related to love, such as erotomania.
Throughout history, philosophy and religion have done the most speculation on the phenomenon of love. In the 20th century, the science of psychology has written a great deal on the subject. In recent years, the sciences of psychology, anthropology, neuroscience, and biology have added to the understanding of the concept of love.

Biological basis

Biological models of sex tend to view love as a mammalian drive, much like hunger or thirst.^[23] Helen Fisher, an anthropologist and human behavior researcher, divides the experience of love into three partly overlapping stages: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust is the feeling of sexual desire; romantic attraction determines what partners mates find attractive and pursue, conserving time and energy by choosing; and attachment involves sharing a home, parental duties, mutual defense, and in humans involves feelings of safety and security.^[24] Three distinct neural circuitries, including neurotransmitters, and three behavioral patterns, are associated with these three romantic styles.^[24]

Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months. Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including the neurotransmitter hormones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, the same compounds released by amphetamine, stimulating the brain’s pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.^[25]

Since the lust and attraction stages are both considered temporary, a third stage is needed to account for long-term relationships. Attachment is the bonding that promotes relationships lasting for many years and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin to a greater degree than short-term relationships have.^[25] Enzo Emanuele and coworkers reported the protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these return to previous levels after one year.^[26]

Psychological basis

Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of love and argued that love has three different components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Intimacy is a form in which two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives, and is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs. Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the relationship is permanent. The last form of love is sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed as varying combinations of these three components. Non-love does not include any of these components. Liking only includes intimacy. Infatuated love only includes passion. Empty love only includes commitment. Romantic love includes both intimacy and passion. Companionate love includes intimacy and commitment. Fatuous love includes passion and commitment. Lastly, consummate love includes all three components.^[27] American psychologist Zick Rubin sought to define love by psychometrics in the 1970s. His work states that three factors constitute love: attachment, caring, and intimacy.^[28][29]

Following developments in electrical theories such as Coulomb’s law, which showed that positive and negative charges attract, analogs in human life were developed, such as «opposites attract». Over the last century, research on the nature of human mating has generally found this not to be true when it comes to character and personality—people tend to like people similar to themselves. However, in a few unusual and specific domains, such as immune systems, it seems that humans prefer others who are unlike themselves (e.g., with an orthogonal immune system), since this will lead to a baby that has the best of both worlds.^[30] In recent years, various human bonding theories have been developed, described in terms of attachments, ties, bonds, and affinities.
Some Western authorities disaggregate into two main components, the altruistic and the narcissistic. This view is represented in the works of Scott Peck, whose work in the field of applied psychology explored the definitions of love and evil. Peck maintains that love is a combination of the «concern for the spiritual growth of another,» and simple narcissism.^[31] In combination, love is an activity, not simply a feeling.

Psychologist Erich Fromm maintained in his book The Art of Loving that love is not merely a feeling but is also actions, and that in fact, the «feeling» of love is superficial in comparison to one’s commitment to love via a series of loving actions over time.^[21] In this sense, Fromm held that love is ultimately not a feeling at all, but rather is a commitment to, and adherence to, loving actions towards another, oneself, or many others, over a sustained duration.^[21] Fromm also described love as a conscious choice that in its early stages might originate as an involuntary feeling, but which then later no longer depends on those feelings, but rather depends only on conscious commitment.^[21]

Evolutionary basis

Evolutionary psychology has attempted to provide various reasons for love as a survival tool. Humans are dependent on parental help for a large portion of their lifespans compared to other mammals. Love has therefore been seen as a mechanism to promote parental support of children for this extended time period. Furthermore, researchers as early as Charles Darwin himself identified unique features of human love compared to other mammals and credit love as a major factor for creating social support systems that enabled the development and expansion of the human species.^{[citation needed]} Another factor may be that sexually transmitted diseases can cause, among other effects, permanently reduced fertility, injury to the fetus, and increase complications during childbirth. This would favor monogamous relationships over polygamy.^[32]

Adaptive benefit

Interpersonal love between a male and a female is considered to provide an evolutionary adaptive benefit since it facilitates mating and sexual reproduction.^[33] However, some organisms can reproduce asexually without mating. Thus understanding the adaptive benefit of interpersonal love depends on understanding the adaptive benefit of sexual reproduction as opposed to asexual reproduction. Michod^[33] has reviewed evidence that love, and consequently sexual reproduction, provides two major adaptive advantages. First, love leading to sexual reproduction facilitates repair of damages in the DNA that is passed from parent to progeny (during meiosis, a key stage of the sexual process). Second, a gene in either parent may contain a harmful mutation, but in the progeny produced by sex reproduction, expression of a harmful mutation introduced by one parent is likely to be masked by expression of the unaffected homologous gene from the other parent.^[33]

Comparison of scientific models

Biological models of love tend to see it as a mammalian drive, similar to hunger or thirst.^[23] Psychology sees love as more of a social and cultural phenomenon. Certainly, love is influenced by hormones (such as oxytocin), neurotrophins (such as NGF), and pheromones, and how people think and behave in love is influenced by their conceptions of love. The conventional view in biology is that there are two major drives in love: sexual attraction and attachment. Attachment between adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead an infant to become attached to its mother. The traditional psychological view sees love as being a combination of companionate love and passionate love. Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by physiological arousal (shortness of breath, rapid heart rate); companionate love is affection and a feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal.

Cultural views

Ancient Greek

Greek distinguishes several different senses in which the word «love» is used. Ancient Greeks identified four forms of love: kinship or familiarity (in Greek, storge), friendship and/or platonic desire (philia), sexual and/or romantic desire (eros), and self-emptying or divine love (agape).^[34][35] Modern authors have distinguished further varieties of romantic love.^[36] However, with Greek (as with many other languages), it has been historically difficult to separate the meanings of these words totally. At the same time, the Ancient Greek text of the Bible has examples of the verb agapo having the same meaning as phileo.

Agape (ἀγάπη agápē) means love in modern-day Greek. The term s’agapo means I love you in Greek. The word agapo is the verb I love. It generally refers to a «pure,» ideal type of love, rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros. However, there are some examples of agape used to mean the same as eros. It has also been translated as «love of the soul.»^[37]

Eros (ἔρως érōs) (from the Greek deity Eros) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Greek word erota means in love. Plato refined his own definition. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros. Some translations list it as «love of the body».^[37]

Philia (φιλία philía), a dispassionate virtuous love, was a concept addressed and developed by Aristotle in his Nicomachean Ethics Book VIII.^[38] It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity. Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the parties benefit from the relationship. It can also mean «love of the mind.»

Storge (στοργή storgē) is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.

Xenia (ξενία xenía), hospitality, was an extremely important practice in ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and his guest, who could previously have been strangers. The host fed and provided quarters for the guest, who was expected to repay only with gratitude. The importance of this can be seen throughout Greek mythology—in particular, Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey.

Ancient Roman (Latin)

The Latin language has several different verbs corresponding to the English word «love.» amō is the basic verb meaning I love, with the infinitive amare («to love») as it still is in Italian today. The Romans used it both in an affectionate sense as well as in a romantic or sexual sense. From this verb come amans—a lover, amator, «professional lover,» often with the accessory notion of lechery—and amica, «girlfriend» in the English sense, often being applied euphemistically to a prostitute. The corresponding noun is amor (the significance of this term for the Romans is well illustrated in the fact, that the name of the city, Rome—in Latin: Roma—can be viewed as an anagram for amor, which was used as the secret name of the City in wide circles in ancient times),^[39] which is also used in the plural form to indicate love affairs or sexual adventures. This same root also produces amicus—»friend»—and amicitia, «friendship» (often based to mutual advantage, and corresponding sometimes more closely to «indebtedness» or «influence»). Cicero wrote a treatise called On Friendship (de Amicitia), which discusses the notion at some length. Ovid wrote a guide to dating called Ars Amatoria (The Art of Love), which addresses, in depth, everything from extramarital affairs to overprotective parents.

Latin sometimes uses amāre where English would simply say to like. This notion, however, is much more generally expressed in Latin by the terms placere or delectāre, which are used more colloquially, the latter used frequently in the love poetry of Catullus. Diligere often has the notion «to be affectionate for,» «to esteem,» and rarely if ever is used for romantic love. This word would be appropriate to describe the friendship of two men. The corresponding noun diligentia, however, has the meaning of «diligence» or «carefulness,» and has little semantic overlap with the verb. Observare is a synonym for diligere; despite the cognate with English, this verb and its corresponding noun, observantia, often denote «esteem» or «affection.» Caritas is used in Latin translations of the Christian Bible to mean «charitable love»; this meaning, however, is not found in Classical pagan Roman literature. As it arises from a conflation with a Greek word, there is no corresponding verb.

Chinese and other Sinic

Two philosophical underpinnings of love exist in the Chinese tradition, one from Confucianism which emphasized actions and duty while the other came from Mohism which championed a universal love. A core concept to Confucianism is 仁 (Ren, «benevolent love»), which focuses on duty, action, and attitude in a relationship rather than love itself. In Confucianism, one displays benevolent love by performing actions such as filial piety from children, kindness from parents, loyalty to the king and so forth.

The concept of 愛 (Mandarin: ài) was developed by the Chinese philosopher Mozi in the 4th century BC in reaction to Confucianism’s benevolent love. Mozi tried to replace what he considered to be the long-entrenched Chinese over-attachment to family and clan structures with the concept of «universal love» (兼愛, jiān’ài). In this, he argued directly against Confucians who believed that it was natural and correct for people to care about different people in different degrees. Mozi, by contrast, believed people in principle should care for all people equally. Mohism stressed that rather than adopting different attitudes towards different people, love should be unconditional and offered to everyone without regard to reciprocation; not just to friends, family and other Confucian relations. Later in Chinese Buddhism, the term Ai (愛) was adopted to refer to a passionate, caring love and was considered a fundamental desire. In Buddhism, Ai was seen as capable of being either selfish or selfless, the latter being a key element towards enlightenment.

In Mandarin Chinese, 愛 (ài) is often used as the equivalent of the Western concept of love. 愛 (ài) is used as both a verb (e.g. 我愛你, Wǒ ài nǐ, or «I love you») and a noun (such as 愛情 àiqíng, or «romantic love»). However, due to the influence of Confucian 仁 (rén), the phrase 我愛你 (Wǒ ài nǐ, I love you) carries with it a very specific sense of responsibility, commitment and loyalty. Instead of frequently saying «I love you» as in some Western societies, the Chinese are more likely to express feelings of affection in a more casual way. Consequently, «I like you» (我喜欢你, Wǒ xǐhuan nǐ) is a more common way of expressing affection in Mandarin; it is more playful and less serious.^[40] This is also true in Japanese (suki da, 好きだ).

Japanese

The Japanese language uses three words to convey the English equivalent of «love». Because «love» covers a wide range of emotions and behavioral phenomena, there are nuances distinguishing the three terms.^[41][42] The term ai (愛), which is often associated with maternal love^[41] or selfless love,^[42] originally referred to beauty and was often used in a religious context. Following the Meiji Restoration 1868, the term became associated with «love» in order to translate Western literature. Prior to Western influence, the term koi (恋 or 孤悲) generally represented romantic love, and was often the subject of the popular Man’yōshū Japanese poetry collection.^[41] Koi describes a longing for a member of the opposite sex and is typically interpreted as selfish and wanting.^[42] The term’s origins come from the concept of lonely solitude as a result of separation from a loved one. Though modern usage of koi focuses on sexual love and infatuation, the Manyō used the term to cover a wider range of situations, including tenderness, benevolence, and material desire.^[41] The third term, ren’ai (恋愛), is a more modern construction that combines the kanji characters for both ai and koi, though its usage more closely resembles that of koi in the form of romantic love.^[41][42] Amae (甘え), referring to the desire to be loved and cared for by an authority figure, is another important aspect of Japan’s cultural perspective on love, and has been analysed in detail in Takeo Doi’s The Anatomy of Dependence^[43]

Indian

In contemporary literature, the Sanskrit words for love is «sneha». Other terms such as Priya refers to innocent love, Prema refers to spiritual love, and Kama refers usually to sexual desire.^[44][45] However, the term also refers to any sensory enjoyment, emotional attraction and aesthetic pleasure such as from arts, dance, music, painting, sculpture and nature.^[46][47]

The concept of kama is found in some of the earliest known verses in Vedas. For example, Book 10 of Rig Veda describes the creation of the universe from nothing by the great heat. There in hymn 129, it states:

कामस्तदग्रे समवर्तताधि मनसो रेतः परथमं यदासीत |
सतो बन्धुमसति निरविन्दन हर्दि परतीष्याकवयो मनीषा ||^[48]

Thereafter rose Desire in the beginning, Desire the primal seed and germ of Spirit,
Sages who searched with their heart’s thought discovered the existent’s kinship in the non-existent.

Persian

Rumi, Hafiz, and Sa’di are icons of the passion and love that the Persian culture and language present.^{[citation needed]} The Persian word for love is Ishq, which is derived from Arabic language; however, it is considered by most to be too stalwart a term for interpersonal love and is more commonly substituted for «doost dashtan» («liking»).^{[citation needed]} In the Persian culture, everything is encompassed by love and all is for love, starting from loving friends and family, husbands and wives, and eventually reaching the divine love that is the ultimate goal in life.^{[citation needed]}

Religious views

Abrahamic

Judaism

In Hebrew, אהבה (ahava) is the most commonly used term for both interpersonal love and love between God and God’s creations. Chesed, often translated as loving-kindness, is used to describe many forms of love between human beings.

The commandment to love other people is given in the Torah, which states, «Love your neighbor like yourself» (Leviticus 19:18). The Torah’s commandment to love God «with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might» (Deuteronomy 6:5) is taken by the Mishnah (a central text of the Jewish oral law) to refer to good deeds, willingness to sacrifice one’s life rather than commit certain serious transgressions, willingness to sacrifice all of one’s possessions, and being grateful to the Lord despite adversity (tractate Berachoth 9:5). Rabbinic literature differs as to how this love can be developed, e.g., by contemplating divine deeds or witnessing the marvels of nature.

As for love between marital partners, this is deemed an essential ingredient to life: «See life with the wife you love» (Ecclesiastes 9:9). Rabbi David Wolpe writes that «…love is not only about the feelings of the lover…It is when one person believes in another person and shows it.» He further states that «…love…is a feeling that expresses itself in action. What we really feel is reflected in what we do.»^[50] The biblical book Song of Solomon is considered a romantically phrased metaphor of love between God and his people, but in its plain reading, reads like a love song. The 20th-century rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler is frequently quoted as defining love from the Jewish point of view as «giving without expecting to take» (from his Michtav me-Eliyahu, Vol. 1).

Christianity

The Christian understanding is that love comes from God, who is himself love (1 John 4:8). The love of man and woman—eros in Greek—and the unselfish love of others (agape), are often contrasted as «descending» and «ascending» love, respectively, but are ultimately the same thing.^[51]

There are several Greek words for «love» that are regularly referred to in Christian circles.

• Agape: In the New Testament, agapē is charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional. It is parental love, seen as creating goodness in the world; it is the way God is seen to love humanity, and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for one another.^[37]
• Phileo: Also used in the New Testament, phileo is a human response to something that is found to be delightful. Also known as «brotherly love.»
• Two other words for love in the Greek language, eros (sexual love) and storge (child-to-parent love), were never used in the New Testament.^[37]

Christians believe that to Love God with all your heart, mind, and strength and Love your neighbor as yourself are the two most important things in life (the greatest commandment of the Jewish Torah, according to Jesus; cf. Gospel of Mark chapter 12, verses 28–34). Saint Augustine summarized this when he wrote «Love God, and do as thou wilt.»

The Apostle Paul glorified love as the most important virtue of all. Describing love in the famous poetic interpretation in 1 Corinthians, he wrote, «Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.»^[52]

The Apostle John wrote, «For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.» (John 3:16–17, NIV) John also wrote, «Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.»^[53]

Saint Augustine wrote that one must be able to decipher the difference between love and lust. Lust, according to Saint Augustine, is an overindulgence, but to love and be loved is what he has sought for his entire life. He even says, «I was in love with love.» Finally, he does fall in love and is loved back, by God. Saint Augustine says the only one who can love you truly and fully is God, because love with a human only allows for flaws such as «jealousy, suspicion, fear, anger, and contention.» According to Saint Augustine, to love God is «to attain the peace which is yours.» (Saint Augustine’s Confessions)

Augustine regards the duplex commandment of love in Matthew 22 as the heart of Christian faith and the interpretation of the Bible. After the review of Christian doctrine, Augustine treats the problem of love in terms of use and enjoyment until the end of Book I of De Doctrina Christiana (1.22.21–1.40.44;).^[54]

Christian theologians see God as the source of love, which is mirrored in humans and their own loving relationships. Influential Christian theologian C. S. Lewis wrote a book called The Four Loves. Benedict XVI named his first encyclical God is love. He said that a human being, created in the image of God, who is love, is able to practice love; to give himself to God and others (agape) and by receiving and experiencing God’s love in contemplation (eros). This life of love, according to him, is the life of the saints such as Teresa of Calcutta and Mary, the mother of Jesus and is the direction Christians take when they believe that God loves them.^[51]

Pope Francis taught that «True love is both loving and letting oneself be loved…what is important in love is not our loving, but allowing ourselves to be loved by God.»^[55] And so, in the analysis of a Catholic theologian, for Pope Francis, «the key to love…is not our activity. It is the activity of the greatest, and the source, of all the powers in the universe: God’s.»^[56]

In Christianity the practical definition of love is summarised by Thomas Aquinas, who defined love as «to will the good of another,» or to desire for another to succeed.^[17] This is an explanation of the Christian need to love others, including their enemies. As Thomas Aquinas explains, Christian love is motivated by the need to see others succeed in life, to be good people.

Regarding love for enemies, Jesus is quoted in the Gospel of Matthew:

«You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.»^[57]

Do not forget to love with forgiveness, Christ saved an adulterous woman from those who would stone her. A world of wronged hypocrites needs forgiving love. Mosaic Law would hold Deuteronomy 22:22-24 «If a man is found lying with a woman married to a husband, then both of them shall die—the man that lay with the woman, and the woman; so you shall put away the evil from Israel. If a young woman who is a virgin is betrothed to a husband, and a man finds her in the city and lies with her, then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones, the young woman because she did not cry out in the city, and the man because he humbled his neighbor’s wife; so you shall put away the evil from among you.»

Tertullian wrote regarding love for enemies: «Our individual, extraordinary, and perfect goodness consists in loving our enemies. To love one’s friends is common practice, to love one’s enemies only among Christians.»^[58]

Islam

Love encompasses the Islamic view of life as universal brotherhood that applies to all who hold faith. Amongst the 99 names of God (Allah), there is the name Al-Wadud, or «the Loving One,» which is found in Surah ^{[ 11:90]} as well as Surah ^{[ 85:14]}. God is also referenced at the beginning of every chapter in the Qur’an as Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim, or the «Most Compassionate» and the «Most Merciful», indicating that nobody is more loving, compassionate and benevolent than God. The Qur’an refers to God as being «full of loving kindness.»

The Qur’an exhorts Muslim believers to treat all people, those who have not persecuted them, with birr or «deep kindness» as stated in Surah ^{[ 6:8-9]}. Birr is also used by the Qur’an in describing the love and kindness that children must show to their parents.

Ishq, or divine love, is the emphasis of Sufism in the Islamic tradition. Practitioners of Sufism believe that love is a projection of the essence of God to the universe. God desires to recognize beauty, and as if one looks at a mirror to see oneself, God «looks» at himself within the dynamics of nature. Since everything is a reflection of God, the school of Sufism practices seeing the beauty inside the apparently ugly. Sufism is often referred to as the religion of love.^[59] God in Sufism is referred to in three main terms, which are the Lover, Loved, and Beloved, with the last of these terms being often seen in Sufi poetry. A common viewpoint of Sufism is that through love, humankind can get back to its inherent purity and grace. The saints of Sufism are infamous for being «drunk» due to their love of God; hence, the constant reference to wine in Sufi poetry and music.

Bahá’í Faith

In his Paris Talks, `Abdu’l-Bahá described four types of love: the love that flows from God to human beings; the love that flows from human beings to God; the love of God towards the Self or Identity of God; and the love of human beings for human beings.^[60]

Dharmic

Buddhism

In Buddhism, Kāma is sensuous, sexual love. It is an obstacle on the path to enlightenment, since it is selfish. Karuṇā is compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others. It is complementary to wisdom and is necessary for enlightenment. Adveṣa and mettā are benevolent love. This love is unconditional and requires considerable self-acceptance. This is quite different from ordinary love, which is usually about attachment and sex and which rarely occurs without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to detachment and unselfish interest in others’ welfare.

The Bodhisattva ideal in Mahayana Buddhism involves the complete renunciation of oneself in order to take on the burden of a suffering world.

Hinduism

In Hinduism, kāma is pleasurable, sexual love, personified by the god Kamadeva. For many Hindu schools, it is the third end (Kama) in life. Kamadeva is often pictured holding a bow of sugar cane and an arrow of flowers; he may ride upon a great parrot. He is usually accompanied by his consort Rati and his companion Vasanta, lord of the spring season. Stone images of Kamadeva and Rati can be seen on the door of the Chennakeshava temple at Belur, in Karnataka, India. Maara is another name for kāma.

In contrast to kāma, prema – or prem – refers to elevated love. Karuna is compassion and mercy, which impels one to help reduce the suffering of others. Bhakti is a Sanskrit term, meaning «loving devotion to the supreme God.» A person who practices bhakti is called a bhakta. Hindu writers, theologians, and philosophers have distinguished nine forms of bhakti, which can be found in the Bhagavata Purana and works by Tulsidas. The philosophical work Narada Bhakti Sutras, written by an unknown author (presumed to be Narada), distinguishes eleven forms of love.

In certain Vaishnava sects within Hinduism, attaining unadulterated, unconditional and incessant love for Godhead is considered the foremost goal of life. Gaudiya Vaishnavas who worship Krishna as the Supreme Personality of Godhead and the cause of all causes consider Love for Godhead (Prema) to act in two ways: sambhoga and vipralambha (union and separation)—two opposites.^[61]

In the condition of separation, there is an acute yearning for being with the beloved and in the condition of union, there is supreme happiness and nectarean. Gaudiya Vaishnavas consider that Krishna-prema (Love for Godhead) is not fire but that it still burns away one’s material desires. They consider that Kṛṣṇa-prema is not a weapon, but it still pierces the heart. It is not water, but it washes away everything—one’s pride, religious rules, and one’s shyness. Krishna-prema is considered to make one drown in the ocean of transcendental ecstasy and pleasure. The love of Radha, a cowherd girl, for Krishna is often cited as the supreme example of love for Godhead by Gaudiya Vaishnavas. Radha is considered to be the internal potency of Krishna, and is the supreme lover of Godhead. Her example of love is considered to be beyond the understanding of material realm as it surpasses any form of selfish love or lust that is visible in the material world. The reciprocal love between Radha (the supreme lover) and Krishna (God as the Supremely Loved) is the subject of many poetic compositions in India such as the Gita Govinda and Hari Bhakti Shuddhodhaya.

In the Bhakti tradition within Hinduism, it is believed that execution of devotional service to God leads to the development of Love for God (taiche bhakti-phale krsne prema upajaya), and as love for God increases in the heart, the more one becomes free from material contamination (krishna-prema asvada haile, bhava nasa paya). Being perfectly in love with God or Krishna makes one perfectly free from material contamination. and this is the ultimate way of salvation or liberation. In this tradition, salvation or liberation is considered inferior to love, and just an incidental by-product. Being absorbed in Love for God is considered to be the perfection of life.^[62]

Political views

Free love

The term «free love» has been used^[63] to describe a social movement that rejects marriage, which is seen as a form of social bondage. The free love movement’s initial goal was to separate the state from sexual matters such as marriage, birth control, and adultery. It claimed that such issues were the concern of the people involved, and no one else.^[64]

Many people in the early 19th century believed that marriage was an important aspect of life to «fulfill earthly human happiness.» Middle-class Americans wanted the home to be a place of stability in an uncertain world. This mentality created a vision of strongly defined gender roles, which provoked the advancement of the free love movement as a contrast.^[65]

Advocates of free love had two strong beliefs: opposition to the idea of forceful sexual activity in a relationship and advocacy for a woman to use her body in any way that she pleases.^[66] These are also beliefs of feminism.^[67]

Philosophical views

The philosophy of love is a field of social philosophy and ethics that attempts to explain the nature of love.^[68] The philosophical investigation of love includes the tasks of distinguishing between the various kinds of personal love, asking if and how love is or can be justified, asking what the value of love is, and what impact love has on the autonomy of both the lover and the beloved.^[67]

See also

• Color wheel theory of love
• Human bonding
• Love at first sight
• Love-in
• Pair bond
• Polyamory
• Relationship science
• Romance (love)
• Self-love
• Social connection
• Traditional forms, Agape, Philia, Philautia, Storge, Eros: Greek terms for love

References

Sources

Further reading

• Bayer, A, ed. (2008). Art and love in Renaissance Italy. New York: The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

External links

• History of Love, Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy
• Friendship at Curlie
• Philanthropy at Curlie
• Romance at Curlie

A relationship comprises friendship, sexual attraction, intellectual compatibility, and, of course, love. Love is the glue that keeps a relationship strong. It is deeply biological. But what is love, and how do you know if you are truly in love? 

It isn’t easy to define love because everyone’s perception of real love can be dramatically different. People often get confused between lust, attraction, and companionship. Hence, there is no one best definition of love.     

However, love can be summarized as an intense feeling of euphoria and deep affection for someone or something. This love definition or love meaning might only encompass some of the emotions that comprise how you feel when you are in love.      

Is love an emotion? Yes. 

Can abstract emotions such as love be defined in specific terms? Maybe not. 

However, there are certain words and actions that fall in the realm of love, while others do not. 

Some gestures can be termed love. On the other hand, some other emotions and feelings can be confused for love, but people soon realize that they are not true love. Here is to understanding more about love and the feeling.

What is the real meaning of love?

If you want to define love in one sentence, love is one of the most profound emotions humans experience. It is a combination of attraction and closeness. The person we feel attracted to or close to is the person we are usually in love with.            

Such a person can be a friend, parent, sibling, or even our pet. Such love is based on a feeling of attraction or affection.

The full meaning of love can be seen in different ways because there are different types of love. The answer to the question, “What is love for you?” can differ for everyone, depending on the relationship in context. 

As per the Cambridge dictionary, love is defined as liking another adult very much and being romantically and sexually attracted to them or having strong feelings of liking a friend or person in your family.

While this is a more literal definition, love can be defined in many other ways.

How to describe the romantic meaning of love? 

Feelings of love can be defined as an amalgamation of various other emotions. Love is caring, compassion, patience, not being jealous, not having expectations, giving yourself and other people a chance, and not rushing. 

What does love mean, then? You ask. Love has often been used as a noun, but love is a verb in practice. It is about what we do for others and how we make others feel loved and cared for.

The history of love                         

Like most things around the world, love has also transformed over the years and centuries. Love was not always the way we know it now. 

Research shows that back in the day, love was secondary or not even considered when it came to a union between two people. Marriages, which in some cultures and parts of the world are known as the ultimate goal of a romantic relationship, were mostly transactional. 

People marry based on whether or not the marriage would bring them any benefits in terms of wealth and power.

However, if we look at art forms such as poetry, love is an old emotion – something people have been experiencing for a long time. 

What does real love feel like?

Love is a holistic feeling. It involves many elements, words, and actions which define love. What love means to you depends on how it makes you feel and the experiences it brings into your life.  

Many people may wonder what is the meaning of love in a relationship. The answer lies in the elements of love.

1. Care

Care is one of the primary elements of love. 

If we love someone, we care about them, their feelings, and their well-being. We may go out of our way to ensure they are okay and even compromise and sacrifice our needs and wants to give them what they need.

Related Reading: Simple Steps to Take Care of Your Relationships

2. Admiration

Admiration is very crucial in love and relationships. 

Admiration can be for their physicality or even for their mind and personality. Liking someone for their external and internal self and respecting their thoughts is an essential element of love.

3. Desire

Desire is both sexual and physical and mental. 

Just wanting to spend more time with someone, being around them, and wanting them – are all parts of the desire you feel when you are in love with someone. 

12 telltale signs of love

Love is an emotion, but people do show signs of being in love. You can tell if someone is in love with you by the things they do for you, their words, and how they behave with you.

Here are some signs that can explain “What is love” in an informed manner:

1. Love is generous

In a truly loving relationship, we give to the other without an expectation of return. We need to keep an account of who did what for the other. Giving pleasure to our partner gives us pleasure, too.

2. We feel what our partner feels

The true meaning of love is to feel a sense of joy when we see our partner happy. When we see that they are sad or depressed, we feel their blue mood, too. With love comes empathy for the other person’s emotional state.

          

3. Love means compromise

The real meaning of love in a relationship is to willfully compromise your needs to accommodate your partner’s needs or desires.

But we don’t sacrifice ourselves in doing this, nor should the other person require us to sacrifice ourselves for their gain. That’s not what love is all about in a relationship; that’s control and abuse.

4. Respect and kindness

What is true love?

When we love, we act respectfully and kindly toward each other.

We do not intentionally hurt or denigrate our partners. When we talk about them in their absence, it is with such warmth that the listeners can hear the love in our words. We do not criticize our partners behind their backs.

Related Reading: Niceness Vs Kindness in Relationships-what Matters the Most?

5. We act with ethics and morals

Our love for the other person enables us to act morally and ethically with them and in our community. Their presence in our life makes us want to be better people so that they will continue to admire us.

6. We guard each other’s solitude

With love, we never feel lonely, even when alone. The very thought of the other person makes us feel as if we have a guardian angel with us at all times.

7. Their success is yours as well

What is true love in a relationship?

When our partner succeeds at something after a long effort, we beam with joy as if we were the winner, too. There is no feeling of jealousy or competition, just pure pleasure at seeing our beloved’s success.

8. They are always on our mind

Even when separated for work, travel, or other commitments, our thoughts drift towards them and what they might be doing “right now.”

9. Sexual intimacy deepens

With love, sex becomes sacred. Unlike the early days, our lovemaking is now deep and holy, a true joining of bodies and minds.

10. We feel safe

The presence of love in the relationship allows us to feel protected and safe, as if the other person is a safe harbor for us to come home to. With them, we feel a sense of security and stability.

Watch this video to learn more about creating a safe relationship:

11. We feel seen and heard

Our partner sees us for who we are and still loves us. We can show all our positive and negative sides and receive their love unconditionally.

They know who we are at our core. Love allows us to bare our souls and feel grace in return.

12. Love helps fight without fear

What is love all about? It is a sense of security.

If we are secure in our love relationship, we know we can argue and that it will not break us apart. We agree to disagree and don’t hold grudges for too long because we don’t like to hold bad feelings toward our partner.

8 different types of love 

There are eight different types of love, according to Greek mythology. These include –

1. Family love or Storgy

This refers to the type of love we share with our family – parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, and others.

2. Marital love or Eros

This is the type of romantic love  we feel with a partner who we wish to marry or have already married. 

3. Love by the principle – Agape

This love is not based on emotions but on principles. It is referred to as the love for people we do not like, the love for the unlovable.

4. Brotherly love – Phileo/Philia

As the name suggests, brotherly love is love for our close ones, who we hold as dear as family. These people, however, are not our family by blood.

5. Obsessive Love – Mania

Obsessive love, also known as Mania, is an obsession with one person or a certain way of loving them. Such love hinders your growth and can interfere with your personal and professional life.

6. Enduring love – Pragma

Enduring love is the kind of deep, true love that people in long, meaningful relationships experience.

7. Playful love – Ludus

Playful love, also called young love, is what you feel when you think the whole world has conspired for the two of you to be together. This love, however, comes with an expiry date and might die down with time.

8. Self love – Philautia

This type of love has been talked about quite a bit, especially recently. It talks about appreciation and care for yourself before you set out to give it to someone else.

Related Reading: 30 Ways to Practice Self-Love and Be Good to Yourself

Impact of being in love

Love is a very powerful emotion. Therefore, it can have both positive and negative impacts on us. These effects of love can range from physical, emotional, and even psychological. True feelings of love can change us.

• The positive impact of love

Love is known to have a very positive impact on our well-being, body, and mind. 

The feelings of unconditional love, non-judgment, independence, and security that come with a healthy relationship can boost self-esteem and confidence. It also reduces stress, which is a common denominator for various mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression. 

Couple therapy shows that some of the positive impacts of love include the following –

• • Reduced risk of heart diseases
  • Less fatality risk due to heart attacks
  • Healthy habits
  • Increased chances of a long and healthy life
  • Lower stress levels
  • Reduced risk of mental health issues like depression.

• The negative impact of love

Unhealthy, unrequited love and bad relationships can negatively impact your body, mind, and well-being. 

Bad relationships that are toxic from the beginning or turn toxic with time can lead to insecurities that develop deeper than just the relationship and affect a person’s mental health and future relationships. 

The feelings of not being good enough, not doing things right, and being unable to meet expectations can make one feel less of themselves. People leaving without explanations, cheating, and lying can lead to abandonment issues that last longer than the relationship.

The negative impacts of love can be as follows.

• Increased risk of heart diseases
• Spiked risk of heart attacks
• High levels of stress
• Slower disease recovery
• Poor mental health

How to practice love

As mentioned above, love is an amalgamation of various factors and feelings. To practice love healthily and make the people in our lives feel loved, we have to be open to love. 

There is no sure-shot step-by-step guide on how to practice love, but these points may help.

• Be more compassionate, take care of the people you love
• Be vulnerable, let your guard down and open up to your partner/parent/sibling
• Be willing to accept your flaws
• Accept your mistakes and realize how they affect the other person
• Apologize
• Forgive the people you love when you can tell they are genuinely sorry
• Listen to your loved ones
• Prioritize your time with them
• Make sure you are there for the big days
• Reciprocate their words, gestures, and feelings
• Show affection
• Appreciate them

Some commonly asked questions

Love is an emotion based on which many poems, movies and songs are made. However, there are still many questions that it raises.

• What is the deepest form of love?

The deepest form of love is the one that encompasses within it feelings of empathy and respect. It is not just focused on selfish pursuits but changes the focus to look out for the well-being of the person you love. 

The deep meaning of love encompasses other emotions that show how much you value and care for the one you love. 

• Can you love two people at the same time?

Yes, it is possible for people to love multiple people at the same time. However, the elements of love for each person might be different. 

Studies have shown that people can love two people at the same time. One in six people interviewed in the study admitted to feeling attracted to and attached to more than one person simultaneously. 

The bottom line

If you have often asked yourself, “What is love in a relationship?” this article may have given you some insights. 

The bottom line is that certain feelings such as care, patience, respect, and others are what is love all about in a relationship. 

Factors such as wanting and needing love, how we love, and the importance of love are essential to understand when answering the question, “What is love?”

Love is a complex emotion and can differ from person to person. Even if you feel you need clarification about what is love and what it’s like to be in love, you will most likely figure it out with time. 

 Written by Writer’s Corps member Aditi Nair

For some people, love can be used to describe almost anything. OMG, I love this iced latte! This sweater is amazing, I love it. But, what about romantic relationships? For couples in long-term relationships, love means loyalty and commitment but for college students in the center of their first real relationship, love may feel messy and complicated.

It doesn’t matter where you fall on the spectrum, whether your love life is blissful or nonexistent, it’s clear that everyone has an opinion on love and what it means in a healthy relationship.

In the hopes of coming to a more collective understanding of love, we asked 10 people in different stages of their relationship to explain what love means to them. Here’s what they had to say (their answers may surprise you).

For People That Are Not in a Relationship, Love is: 

Love is Security

“For me, love is the most secure feeling. Love is having a companion, best friend, lover, partner, sounding board, cheerleader, advisor, and cuddle buddy through every avenue in the journey of life.”

– Ash D. 

Love is Indescribable

“Love is a sentiment not able to be characterized by words.”

– Kurt S. 

Love is About Give-and-Take

“Completely opening up and sharing your feelings and life with them daily, that’s what constitutes a healthy relationship. But, it must be mutual. If a particular area is lacking on either side of the relationship, it makes it unideal and unhealthy.”

– Dylan P.

Love is Respect

“To me, a healthy relationship is built on respect for one another. Each person understands the commitment they are making to the other person.”

– Skylar M.

Love is Being In-Sync

“A healthy relationship could describe a plethora of different types of relationships, but the most important aspect of being in a relationship is being in-sync. Whether you both talk through every hour of your waking day, or whether you agree that you’re both busy and you’ll just talk on the phone at the end of every day, as long as you both are in agreement, that is what’s important.”

– Zane P.

Love is Commitment

“The key to success in a healthy relationship with someone is actually the terrifying but necessary effort of commitment. Being there for someone is what a real relationship needs. When we neglect to put in the effort is when things don’t work out with someone that could have been perfect for us. If you put in that extra effort for someone that can reciprocate it, love can be the greatest feeling one can ever feel.”

– Adam B.

For Couples That Have Been Together For One Year or More, Love is:

Love is Vulnerability

“Because love is scary, it’s basically giving someone a map of all your flaws and imperfections and putting faith in them to not abuse that power. And that can be so beautiful; it makes you do the hardest thing a human could ever do, be vulnerable.”

– Alex G.

Love is “Growing Together”

“Things won’t always be great. Your partner may do things that will make you angry, but if you are willing to not look at it as obstacles, but rather as opportunities for growth, then you are truly in love.”

– Jared B.

Love is Knowing Your S.O.’s Love Language

“Loving better comes from knowing what makes the other person happy. For him its back scratches and hugs. For me, it’s a verbal “I appreciate you” or “You look pretty.” No matter what it is, we’ve learned to love each other better because we know what makes each other happy, and we make the effort to find new ways to make each other happy.”

– Vanessa S.

Love is Healthy Communication

“When I say communicate, I don’t mean text. I mean calling and Facetiming. From experience, text creates so many opportunities for misunderstanding, and ultimately, unnecessary conflicts and trust issues. So, if I have anything to say about healthy relationships, it is to trust and communicate.”

– Vanessa S.

Love is Equality

“A healthy relationship, in my eyes, is when two people are equal in a relationship. We equally love, we equally respect, and we equally care.”

– Amber H.

For Couples in Long-Term Relationships, Love is:

Love is Accepting their Flaws

We’re human beings, we’re never going to be the same, but being patient and accepting each other’s flaws is something that never stops us from growing with one another.”

– Sasha M.

Love is Patience

We aren’t always going to agree. Testing each other’s patience and still coming home to love, kindness, and respect is a feeling I never want to disappear.”

– Preston N.

Check out more tips and advice about healthy relationships.

(1) I love french fries.  (2) I love the way I feel when I’m on vacation in Mexico.  (3) I love my children. (4) I love my profession.

All four of these statements are true but the word “love” in each one describes a very different experience.  In the first, it means I enjoy having french fries inside my mouth, the way they taste and then swallowing them down.  Sentence number two describes a subjective experience of pleasure aroused by my environment.  The third sentence concerns emotions I have about other people, while the fourth applies to a value or ideal that I hold.

At first blush, it would seem these experiences or feeling states are so diverse that to use the word “love” for all of them is absurd.  Does it make any sense to use the same verb to describe how you feel towards your children as well as your favorite food?  In most cases, those experiences are entirely different; but in truth, there are varieties of love where the feeling someone has for another person isn’t so different from “loving” french fries.  If individuals who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder fall in love, it usually means they “love” how the other person makes them feel about themselves.

When some men and women fall in love, they want to devour the object of their love.  I’m sure you’ve known people like that. You might describe them as “obsessed” or “overly possessive.”  These individuals usually have problems with separation and merger; for them, to be in love means to take possession of somebody else and swallow them whole.  It’s a very primitive type of love, its earliest form in fact, and one I think we all understand on some level.  Ever heard a grownup say about a baby, “Ooh, you are so cute I could eat you all up!”  Nursing infants “love” their mothers in this way, as an object to be eaten.  They don’t see their mothers as separate beings with feelings and desires of their own, at least not at first.

Growing up means coming to recognize separateness; it involves caring about what goes on inside the other person and not simply “loving” him because of the way he makes you feel.  When you’re separate and you love, it means that sometimes, you will care more about her feelings than your own.

Not everyone is capable of this kind of love.

Finding Your Own Way:

Who are the people you love and how do you love them?

Let’s start with your parents (assuming you do love them).  Are you still longing for something they never gave you?  If you came from a very toxic or chaotic family, that longing would be understandable; maybe you really don’t love them in any meaningful way.  But if you do, are you able to see them as completely separate — not Dad who didn’t spend enough time with you, but John who never got to live out that dream of his; not Mom who is always criticizing you, but Mary who regrets never going to college.  Without discounting yourself and how you feel, can you see and care about their pain and disappointments in ways that have nothing to do with your own?

What about your romantic partners?  If you have a number of exes who you once loved and now hate with a passion, maybe your relationships were a type of narcissistic behavior, more like going to Mexico:  you “loved” them for the way they made you feel.

Your children?  How able are you to tolerate their separation from you?  Parents who need to control the life choices of their kids want to feel a certain way about themselves as the parent of those children.  “I want you to become a doctor so that I can feel like a successful parent.”

How different is that really from “loving” french fries?