Fun-Filled Use Words In A Sentence Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, «Can you make a sentence without using ‘E’?»
«I doubt I can. It’s a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It’s as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It’s not worth it.»
A teacher asks her class to use ‘contagious’ in a sentence
A teacher asks her class to use the word ‘contagious’ in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, «Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious.»
«Very good,» says the teacher. «Would anyone else like to try?»
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
«Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.
*Teacher to Student* T: «Use the word ‘centimeter’ in a sentence»
S: «My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter»
T: «No, no, that’s ‘Sent to meet her’. Okay, try another one. Use ‘contagious’ in a sentence please»
S: «I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!»
During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny «have you ever heard of the word contagious before?»
«Of course miss» Johnny replies «my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday».
«Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?»
«Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said ‘it’s going to take the contagious to pick all that up.
A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.
Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.
There’s 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . .
Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.
«The word of the day is ‘contagious'» Said the teacher, «Who can use it in a sentence?»
Little Jenny stood up and said «My dad has a cold and said its contagious»
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said «Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious»
Happy with Billy’s response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.
Little Johnny stood up…
«Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious.»
A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a h**… from across a bar.
She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, » I want a man that»s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. «The black guy goes » I love to eat liver and cheese. «The white guy goes » I like to cook liver and cheese. «The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys » Liver alone, cheese mine!!»
Teacher asks class: «use the word Dandelion in a sentence»
Teacher asks class: «use the word Dandelion in a sentence»
Jamaican student: «the cheetah is faster dandelion»
*Everyone dies*
In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.
— Susan?
— I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!
— Very good. What about you, Johnny?
— Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it’s gonna take the contagious!
Teacher asks their class of children to come up with a sentence beginning with «I»
After a few children come to the front with predictable statements about having a cat or a certain toy, a child steps up and says
«I is-» and is immediately interrupted by the teacher,
«I *am*!»
She side-eyes the teacher, frowns and ignores her teacher, starting again
«I is-» again, the teacher interrupts her, this time a little more snappily
«It’s I *am*! Use the proper word!»
The girl turns to look at her this time, eyelids drooped with exasperation.
«Fine,» she sighs «I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.»
You can explore use words in a sentence adverb reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean use words in a sentence word dad jokes. There are also use words in a sentence puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
«Your next spelling word is: beheaded.»
Can you use it in a sentence please?
«Sure, Kathy Griffin beheaded to the unemployment office.»
My Grandfather’s Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
A teacher asked her students to use the word ‘fascinate’ in a sentence.
Little Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word ‘fascinate’, so
she called on him. Johnny said, «My
Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
b**…, but her b**… are so big she
can only fasten eight.»
A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, Whoever can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can have me for tonight. So the Chinese guy says I love liver and cheese. She says That’s not good enough The Japanese man says I hate liver and cheese She says That’s not creative Finally, the Filipino says Liver alone, cheese mine!
Fascinate
Teacher: Can anyone use the word «fascinate» in a sentence?
Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise.
Teacher: Good, but «fascinated» is past tense. Can anyone else try?
Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow.
Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an «ing» at the end of the word and made it an adjective. I just want to hear the verb «fascinate».
Ernie: Yo mama got a blouse with 12 b**… on it…but she so fat, she can only fascinate!
Harassment.
So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, «Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me»
Teacher: «Billy, can you use the word ‘contagious’ in a sentence?»
Billy: «My dad said it will take that contagious to fix the fence.»
Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging
The word was Dictate.
[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?
[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate
Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?
I wouldn’t recommend it.
Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you’re doing something
different. Your writing won’t flow smoothly. You’ll
use weird words.
It’s not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonyms which
don’t feel right, just to produce weird, stilted
prose.
You’d be better off giving up, to be honest.
A border patrol officer stops a Mexican immigrant…
…on his way in to the U.S.
He says to the Mexican: «If you can make a whole sentence using the words Green, Pink and Yellow, Ill let you in with no delay»
The Mexican pauses to think for a few minutes then replies: «The phone goes Green-Green, I Pink it up and I say Yellow»
A english teacher asked the class…
… Use the word ‘dandelion’ in a sentence.
The Jamaican kid then stood up and proudly exclaimed —
De Cheetah is fastah dandelion’
Second grade teacher asks her class to use the word «definitely» in a sentence
Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher calls on him. He asks «Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?»
The teacher says, «Johnny, that’s not a response to the question I asked.»
Johnny repeats, «Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?»
The teacher gives in and says, «No — farts do not have lumps in them».
Johnny then says, «Then I *definitely* s**… my pants.»
The teacher asks her students to use the word «contagious» in a sentence.
Jenny pipes up instantly; «My mum has the flu, I think it’s contagious!».
«Excellent work!», the teacher responds. «Anyone else have an example? What about you Seamus?»
Seamus McDougall, the new Irish exchange student, thinks for a moment.
«M’ Pa made me lunch t’day, but it took the contagious!».
Mujibar get a job in India
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, ‘Mujibar, you have to show you are proficient in the English language. Please make a sentence using the words: Yellow, Pink, and Green.’
Mujibar responded, ‘The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and say, Yellow! This is Mujibar.’
Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him.
An English test question asked us to use the word «horticulture» in a sentence.
I wrote, «You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.»
A Mexican Joke
A Mexican man finds a much needed job and asks the owner to hire him. The owner says he’ll hire him ONLY if he can come up with a sentence using 3 words of his choice. The words are Green, Pink and Yellow. So the Mexican thinks for a second then replies (read in a Spanish accent) the phone goes Green Green, so I Pink it up and say Yellow?
Jajaja
A group of primary school students were participating in a local spelling bee.
A keen young boy steps before the judges and is told, «Your word is spider.»
Not quite sure as to how to spell it, the boy asks, «Could you please use it in a sentence?»
A judge replies, «A spider has eight eyes.»
The boy then states, «S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R.»
Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to p**….
«Billy, we don’t say p**…. We say urinate. Do you understand?»
«Yes, Miss Drake.»
«Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence.»
«Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any t**… you’d be a ten.»
Filipino, a Chinese, a Japanese and a bar
Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, Whoever can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can have me for tonight. So the Chinese guy says I love liver and cheese. She says That’s not good enough The Japanese man says I hate liver and cheese She says That’s not creative Finally, the Filipino says Liver alone, cheese mine!
My teacher asked me to make a sentence using the words; defence, defeat and detail, i said….
When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first then detail…
warning sign on children’s alphabet blocks
Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.
I used to use the word Alternative in sentences a lot…
But then I learned it meant something different.
The stereotype of Persians used to be that they’re very cheap.
A Persian man’s wife died. After the burial he called the newspaper to write the obituary.
Put ‘Sarah died’ he said
*Sir, you’re not paying us by word, it’s a flat rate… you can write a whole sentence if you like.*
Put ‘Sarah died yesterday’
*Sir, you can add six more words and I’ll charge you for a sentence*
Put ’86 Mazda for sale, low mileage»
I hate people who use the wrong words in a sentence and don’t correct themselves
They sometimes should have the humidity to admit it.
Load More
- Use the word JOKES in a sentences
Sentence Examples
This another one of your oblique jokes?
Listen, I don’t tolarate such jokes!
I’m going ter read yer some funny jokes.
This dollar pamphlet contains one thousand wheezes and jokes, a guaranteed tonic for dull care!
Well, all the jokes can’t be good.
But Reynard’s jokes were sometimes not so harmless.
You ever think the jokes God plays?
No dirty jokes in the presence of a lady.
Is this one of your practical jokes?
In second place, a smart guy don’t play April fools jokes on April 1.
Fear. Where are your jokes now?
This is no time for jokes.
Make jokes about him. They had some excuse for glorifying our old Western bad men.
I like a show with jokes.
Naturally. And don’t tell any of your jokes, Junior.
We’re unreal, the three of us, trying to play jokes on nature.
Listen, this is no time for jokes.
This another one of your jokes?
This is not the time for jokes!
Does he crack jokes like that all the time?
You knew I wouldn’t resist your jokes.
They’re even telling jokes about your Majesty.
Leopold, I forbid you to make bad jokes.
Don’t you understand jokes?
Come off it. Funny jokes at 5 in the morning.
I don’t like practical jokes!
There’s fish there, all right, but they’re making jokes about the bait.
But I’m still sore about all those silly jokes they’re printing about me.
I don’t pare my nails with a knife, but if I were Lucky enough to Live with you, I might make jokes you wouldn’t find at all funny.
You’re full of jokes, aren’t you?
You make jokes even when you’re so worried you can’t touch your cold cuts.
The others here make jokes about my high and pointy back.
This is no place for jokes.
Well, was that phone call another one of your practical jokes?
Only, I know all Gaston’s jokes.
Don’t you know you can’t make jokes about steel with a name like Ball!
This is a nice place to think up jokes in, Warden.
Keep your jokes to yourself.
I suppose you liked me because I knew a couple of jokes and could make you laugh.
We’re right here in New York on a wild goose chase… with a whole company of ballet artists and no show. All because of you and your practical dummy jokes.
This another one of your oblique jokes?
Listen, I don’t tolarate such jokes!
I’m going ter read yer some funny jokes.
This dollar pamphlet contains one thousand wheezes and jokes, a guaranteed tonic for dull care!
Well, all the jokes can’t be good.
But Reynard’s jokes were sometimes not so harmless.
You ever think the jokes God plays?
No dirty jokes in the presence of a lady.
Is this one of your practical jokes?
In second place, a smart guy don’t play April fools jokes on April 1.
Fear. Where are your jokes now?
This is no time for jokes.
Make jokes about him. They had some excuse for glorifying our old Western bad men.
I like a show with jokes.
Naturally. And don’t tell any of your jokes, Junior.
We’re unreal, the three of us, trying to play jokes on nature.
Listen, this is no time for jokes.
This another one of your jokes?
This is not the time for jokes!
Does he crack jokes like that all the time?
You knew I wouldn’t resist your jokes.
They’re even telling jokes about your Majesty.
Leopold, I forbid you to make bad jokes.
Don’t you understand jokes?
Come off it. Funny jokes at 5 in the morning.
I don’t like practical jokes!
There’s fish there, all right, but they’re making jokes about the bait.
But I’m still sore about all those silly jokes they’re printing about me.
I don’t pare my nails with a knife, but if I were Lucky enough to Live with you, I might make jokes you wouldn’t find at all funny.
You’re full of jokes, aren’t you?
You make jokes even when you’re so worried you can’t touch your cold cuts.
The others here make jokes about my high and pointy back.
This is no place for jokes.
Well, was that phone call another one of your practical jokes?
Only, I know all Gaston’s jokes.
Don’t you know you can’t make jokes about steel with a name like Ball!
This is a nice place to think up jokes in, Warden.
Keep your jokes to yourself.
I suppose you liked me because I knew a couple of jokes and could make you laugh.
We’re right here in New York on a wild goose chase… with a whole company of ballet artists and no show. All because of you and your practical dummy jokes.
Examples of how to use the word “joke” in a sentence. How to connect “joke” with other words to make correct English sentences.
joke (n, v): something, such as a funny story or trick, that is said or done in order to make people laugh; to say funny things
Use “joke” in a sentence
| My joke amused everyone. |
| He entertained us for hours with his stories and jokes. |
| Please tell me it’s a joke. |
| Don’t take it seriously. I’m just joking. |
| I didn’t get the joke. |
| I told him a joke, but he didn’t laugh. |
| It’s merely a joke. |
| His joke eased the tension in the room.
Back to “3000 Most Common Words in English” |
Posted by zealard sa Pebrero 4, 2008
USE THE WORD
persuading:
Later this year, John F. Kennedy and his wife will celebrate their
persuading anniversary.
deposit:
When washing my hands, I always turn on deposit.
deficit:
Before going into the pool, I always check how dep-i-cit.
protestant:
I always get my apples and sag-ing at the protestant.
devastation:
I wait for the bus at devastation.
analyze and anatomy:
My analyze over the ocean, so bring back my anatomy.
tenacious:
Before playing tennis I have to put on my tenacious.
deduct, defense, defeat, and detail:
De-duct jumped over de-fense. De-feat first, de-tail last.
associate:
I looked in the toilet and a-sso-ciate.
Uno, dos, tres:
UNO! Dos tres are on fire!
diniguan:
I tried turning on the TV, but no matter how many times I try,
it diniguan.
penis:
Before you go out, penis your homework.
What’s the ugliest cow in the world?
—Ikaw.
Did you know that Filipinos named Staten Island? They were passing
by on a boat and one said, “Is staten island?”
What did one Filipino monument say to the other Filipino monument?
—Is statue?
What’s the deadliest gang in the Philippines?
—the “sini” gang.
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A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all found guilty of treason and sentenced to death by guillotine.
The priest reads them their last rites, then the king orders the executioner to kill the physicist.
The executioner offers the physicist two choices: would he like a hood on or off, and would he like to be executed face up or face down. The physicist replies, «I spent my whole life studying t…
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.»
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fascinating’.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock Cit…
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Little Johnny was sitting in class and the teacher was going over how to use the word beautiful in a sentence.
He asked the class if anybody could use the word beautiful in a sentence. Little Jane put up her hand and said “today is a b-b-b-beautiful day“. Excellent said the teacher.
Little Sally put up her hand and said “my mom says I look beautiful in a summer dress“. Great job said the teacher.
…
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
R Kelly sentenced to another 20 years…
Bet he’s pissed.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Man 1: Tell me the shortest sentence you can think of.
Man 2: Why?
Edit: Fuck
Edit 2: Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A teacher asks if anyone in the class can use the word «contagious» in a sentence.
Jenny puts her hand up and says «My mum says we should stay home when we’re sick incase we’re contagious.»
«That’s right» the teacher says, «Anyone else?»
Susie says «My grandma says a smile can be contagious.»
«Very good» says the teacher, «Anyone else?»
Little Johnny pu…
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with «I».
Student: I is the….
Teacher: Stop! Never put ‘is’ after «I». Always put ‘am’ after «I».
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
A colon can change the meaning of a sentence completely
For example:
Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.
Vs.
Jane ate her friend’s colon.
Chuck Norris has been sentenced to death
The judge’s beheading will take place in 3 days.
During a trial the defendant says «Your Honor, I believe that someone who saw his father die from the hands of a man he trusted most, and then witnessed the same thing happen to his mother, deserves to be granted a more lenient sentence».
The judge replies: «Sir, while I appreciate your concern, I do not think this line of thought applies to murdering your own parents.»
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew are sentenced to death. The warden lets them choose the method.
The Christian says «a firing squad would be painless. I choose that.» In comes a firing squad and *bang* they kill him.
The Muslim says «yes, that does seem to be quick. I also choose the firing squad.» *Bang*. He, too, is killed.
The warden says to the Jew, «and how do you want to…
I need a few brief jokes to tell to a group of elderly people. The punchlines need to be easily understood, and they need to be clean and not making fun of anyone with any kind of disability. Have any brief and fairly original jokes?
This one is good, although I’ll probably have to emphasize the ‘mispronouncing words’ part, and instead of blonde, the dummy will be me:
*A blonde is flying in a Boeing for the first time. She starts jumping on her seat shouting «Boeing Boeing Boeing».
The pilot, clearly annoyed by this, w…
Judge: «Lady, you shoplifted a can of tomatoes, so I sentence you to four weeks in prison, one for each tomato.»
Lady’s husband: «Your honour, don’t forget she also stole a can of peas.»
The shortest sentence in the English language is also the longest
I do
The last sentence spoken before the end of the universe was by a scientist
it was something like: «*let’s try this and see how it goes!*»
Jussie Smollett was released after 6 days into his 150 day sentence
He must be pretty upset that his attacker got out so early.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A man, obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people…
At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and is sentenced to death.
Before he is sentenced, he is offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he is led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and… nothing happen…
What sentence can be heard in an orgy of private detectives?
«It’s all coming together»
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
This is a story about a newlywed couple who had only been married for two weeks.
The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, «Honey, I’ll be right back.»
«Where are you going, coochy cooh?» asked the wife.
«I’m going to the bar, pretty face. I’m going to have a b…
Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don’t notice when a word in a sentence is replaced
by a musical instrument.
In a competition to express luck, peace and quiet in a single sentence, the winning sentence was…
My wife is asleep.
A man was sentenced to 20 years in prison for some crimes that he’d committed.
The 20 years were just about to come to an end when the man falls sick. On his last day he unfortunately ends up in a coma due to the mental distress from living in prison for so long.
As he is being admitted to the hospital, the warden runs towards him and extends his sentence to another 20 …
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.
…after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.
«You see, » Carl says «for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it’s com…
Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail.
Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail.
Charlie: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first and then detail.
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.
After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.
Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.
The warden was thinking of remodeling his …
I heard R Kelly is appealing his 30 year sentence.
Said he is gonna try to swap it for two 15’s
R.Kelly has decided to contest his 30 year prison sentence
He wants it reduced to something below 14 years .
How was Santa’s divorce like a run-on sentence?
It was two independent Clauses with nothing between them.
The best method of passive aggressiveness is simply to include the person’s name at the end of your sentence,
Kathy.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The teacher of little Johnny’s class asks the pupils if they can use the word ‘beautiful’ in a sentence…
A little boy sticks his hand up.
«Yes, Daniel»
«I saw a butterfly on my way to school this morning, and it was beautiful», says Daniel.
«Very good, Daniel», smiles the teacher, «Anybody else?».
Veronica’s hand goes up. «I told my mummy last night that she looked beautiful in her new dr…
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Second grade teacher asks her class to use the word «definitely» in a sentence
Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher calls on him. He asks «Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?»
The teacher says, «Johnny, that’s not a response to the question I asked.»
Johnny repeats, «Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?»
The teacher gives in and says, «No — fart…
What would a run on sentence ending in chameleon look like if you took away all the preceding words?
Comma comma comma comma comma chameleon.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely.” To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.
The first student raises his
hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”
The teacher says, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s
gray and cloudy.”
Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.”
The teacher again replies, “If grass doesn’t get enough wate…
Where do rainbows go when they’ve been bad?
Prism.
It’s a light sentence.
*Teacher to Student* T: «Use the word ‘centimeter’ in a sentence»
S: ‟My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter”
T: ‟No, no, that‘s ‘Sent to meet her‘. Okay, try another one. Use ‘contagious‘ in a sentence please”
S: ‟I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!”
Did you hear about the cat found guilty of murder?
He got nine life sentences
A man sentenced to death is asked
— What is your last wish?
— To watch the «Young and the Restless» series complete with commercials.
A man in Russia was arrested for saying that Putin is an idiot and given a peculiar sentence to one year and fourteen days precisely in prison.
That’s fourteen days for criticising the government, and one year for revealing a state secret.
The teacher wants her students to express their love to their mothers, so she asks them to create a sentence with the phrase «There is only one mom»
Some innocent joke my father told me when I was a child. Not sure if this will make sense in english.
The teacher wants her students to express their love to their mother, so she asks them to create a sentence with the phrase «There is only one mom».
It’s the first student’s time, and …
Back in the day, excessive use of commas was considered a very serious crime.
It usually resulted in a long sentence.
My friend said that, apparently, you cant make a sentence without the letter ‘a’…
I don’t know if they’re right. Do you guys know if its true? I’m honestly kind of lost on this one…
Long ago in ancient Rome, the most heinous criminals were brought before Caesar to be sentenced.
One criminal was accused of murdering his mother-in-law. What made his crime especially depraved was that, after he strangled her, he allegedly cannibalized her body. Caesar said to the man, «What do you have to say for yourself?»
«By golly I did it! I did it all, and if I could do it again, …
A man drives a train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder
So, he’s on death row and the executioner approaches him.
“What would you like for your last meal?”
“I would like a banana please.”
The executioner thinks it’s weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits a while, and gets strapped into the electric c…
Judge: For your crimes against our citizenry, I hearby sentence you to a decade in prison.
Man: That’s a long sentence. Can you reduce it?
Judge: Ok. You go to jail 10 years.
How can you tell that an email comes from a menopausal woman?
The message is one long sentence without periods.
True love is finishing each other’s sentences
Ghislaine Maxwell must’ve really loved Jeffrey Epstein
Did you hear about the guy sentenced to death by wood chipper?
He shall be mist.
The bad news is, one of the earliest signs of cognitive impairment is the inability to finish sentences.
The good news Is
A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference
For example:
Johnny ate his own lunch after school.
Johnny ate his own colon after school.
A thief was sentenced today for stealing a calendar
They got 12 months
A man is in court today charged with tippexing all the fullstops in books at his local library
He’s expecting a long sentence.
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an «i» in it.
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an ‘i’ in it.
Johnny: I is…
Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say ‘i’, it should be followed by ‘am’
Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet
Did you hear about the judge who gave a jaywalker a very long sentence?
«Jaywalking laws require that pedestrians obey traffic control signals unless otherwise instructed by law enforcement which, in addition to traffic signals, jaywalking laws dictate how pedestrians may legally cross the street when no signals are present and though many states require that pedestrian…
A comma can totally change the meaning of a sentence.
Example:
I hit my FIL and he’s now in the house
Vs
I hit my FIL and he’s now in a coma.
A teacher asked…
A teacher asked a student to use the words yellow, pink, and green in a sentence. The kid says
The phone goes «green green.»
I pink it up
And I say yellow.
There was this man in Russia who drove trains for a living.
He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but one person died. He went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, …
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Little Igor was struggling with his home assignment
Little Igor was struggling with his home assignment so he went to his dad Mr. Igor for help.
Dad: what is this assignment about?
Little Igor: teacher asks us to write a sentence with the words country, party, people and citizen. And I don’t know what these words mean.
Dad: you s…
The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.
Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
becomes
Jimmy went to school and ate his colon.
My cousin who stutters was sentenced to 6 months in prison
That was two years ago, but he still hasn’t finished his sentence
70th birthday.
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for a consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.
The husband went to the reservation and saw the medi…
Make a sentence with Defence, Defeat and Detail…
Little Johnny was back from his summer break where he’d toured the Italian countryside.
The language teacher wanting to spur grey matter in the classroom asked the children to make a sentence with defence, defeat and detail.
After a few minutes of silence Little Johnny raised his hand…
They say a missing period in a sentence makes a huge difference
But I say time served is time served.
There are two types of people in this world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
And those with an uncontrollable urge to finish the sentence even at the expense of the joke.
A priest, an alcoholic, and an engineer are sentenced to death.
They are to be killed by the guillotine.
First is the priest. The executioner says «You can go on the guillotine either face up or face down». The priest says «I want to die face up, looking up to the heavens». So the priest lies face up. The executioner releases the blade; the blade falls ra…
What kind of laughter gets you a prison sentence?
Manslaughter.
At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…
Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”
“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Sa…
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Three new cellmates are contemplating their life sentences in prison.
The first guy pulls out a deck of playing cards and says, «Don’t worry, guys. I brought these cards with me so that we can play poker to pass the time.»
The second guy pulls out a harmonica and says, «I brought this harmonica so that I can play some music to cheer us up when we’re feeling dow…
A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.
He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.
When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren’t supposed to end a sentence with a coma.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are arrested and sentenced to death by firing squad, one by one.
While they wait to be executed they come up with a plan. Right before they are to be shot, each one will yell that some natural disaster or emergency is happening to distract the soldiers and they would be able to escape.
The brunette is first. As she hears the captain counting down to 0 she…
A man murdered his wife and was sentenced to death.
There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, “Do you have any last words?”
The murderer said, “Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.
“So, I hadn’t showered for a week by the day I killed my wif…
How are you doing? the doctor asked, as his pregnant patient gasped, sweated, and panted in pain…
She could not even get a sentence out, so great was her discomfort:
«I don’t!….. [gasp]… can’t!……[grunt] … don’t!….. [cry]…»
«Hmmmm. Sounds like your contractions are a few seconds apart.»
Old Arabs used primitive stenography in war correspondence by sending meaningless sentences, with the initial letters of words as the real deal.
Thus was: We Hate Early Retreat Ending after returning eager to have eggs after rear right of wet sea.
And we used to send a reply as this one:
Upon Pondering Your Order Utmost rates are still solid
A king’s chef was sentenced to death, after serving terrible food one too many times…
On the day the sentence was to be carried out, the chef brought one of his cakes and presented it to the headsman, in the hopes it would encourage him to make the death quick and painless.
When the headsman returned home, his wife asked how the proceedings had…
I’ll never forget my son’s 89th sentence
Dad, you remember weird stuff
Court decision: «I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair……
….what happens next will shock you.»
During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny «have you ever heard of the word contagious before?»
«Of course miss» Johnny replies «my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday».
«Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?»
«Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over …
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A teacher asks her students to use the word fascinate in a sentence.
First she calls on Sussy. «My dad and I went to the movies and we were fascinated!» Sussy says.
«Well that’s pretty good, but I wanted you to use fascinate not fascinated.»
So she calls on Mary next. «My family went to the zoo, and it was fascinating!» Mary says.
«That’s not bad either,…
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A Russian communist is lying on his deathbed
His friends are gathered around him all somber. The old man turns to one of them and says,
«Dimitri, remember in 1921 you were almost executed? Well, you should know that I ratted you out to the Cheka. I hope you forgive me.»
«Oh, no worries buddy,» says Dimitri.
The Commu…
When do women in prison get their period?
At the end of their sentence.
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, «Can you make a sentence without using ‘E’?»
«I doubt I can. It’s a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It’s as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would …
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The week in jail
A member of a biker gang has been convicted for armed robbery and murder, and is spending the first minutes of his lifetime sentence in his jail cell. Even though he is an extremely tough guy, not afraid of anything or anyone, he is having quite some difficulty controlling his tears when all of a su…
Correct this sentence: A man runs by a campsite
It’s “A man *ran* by a campsite” because it’s past tents
My mother woke me up with the sentence „Hey, we‘re getting new phones!“
I was happy, but not sure why I woke up in a bathtub full of ice cubes.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
There was a guy whose sexual fetish was being harshly sentenced in court, so he committed a crime and was arrested and went to court.
The Judge let him go with no charges, said he’s not getting off that easy.
An irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman are all sentenced to jail for 25 years
They are each allowed to bring one thing into prison with them. The irishman takes 25 years worth of cigarettes, the Scotsman takes 25 years worth of whiskey and the englishman takes 25 years worth of chocolate. So the 25 years pass and they are all let out of jail. The englishman comes out really f…
Are vegetables required in every sentence?
Not nececelery
A journalist is sentenced to die at the gallows, but they run out of rope
He says: «I guess no noose is good news»
«The word of the day is ‘contagious'» Said the teacher, «Who can use it in a sentence?»
Little Jenny stood up and said «My dad has a cold and said its contagious»
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said «Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious»
Happy with Billy’s response, the teacher asked for on…
A priest, a lawyer, and an engineer, were each sentenced to death by guillotine.
The priest went first, and he says «Please. Allow me to lie facing up, so that I might face towards God as I am about to join him.»
The guards allow it, and place his head through the slot.
The guard pulls the lever and the blade comes down but stops just inches short of the priest’s h…
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Synonym: banter, jest, quip, tease. Similar words: poke, stroke, broker, invoke, provoke, bespoke, spokesman. Meaning: [dʒəʊk] 
n. 1. a humorous anecdote or remark intended to provoke laughter 2. activity characterized by good humor 3. a ludicrous or grotesque act done for fun and amusement 4. a triviality not to be taken seriously. v. 1. tell a joke; speak humorously 2. act in a funny or teasing way.
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1. A rich man’s joke is always funny. 
2. A joke never gains an enemy but often loses a friend.
3. I didn’t get the joke .
4. Her precision became a standing joke with colleagues.
5. The last joke got the biggest laugh.
6. His attempt at a joke misfired.
7. I only did it as a joke .
8. Our teacher told us a joke today.
9. We all laughed loudly when she made a joke.
10. This joke has gone a little too far.
11. when he heard that joke!
12. His attempts at cooking are a complete joke.
13. The girls giggled at the joke.
14. His cheerful joke made us forget our weariness.
15. It’s a standing joke .
16. She saw the whole affair as a great joke.
17. She tried to dissemble her disappointment with a joke.
18. He attempted a joke[sentencedict.com], but no one laughed.
19. That’s an old joke?I’ve heard it lots of times.
20. She savoured the joke with relish.
21. We all laughed at his joke.
21. Sentencedict.com is a online sentence dictionary, on which you can find excellent sentences for a large number of words.
22. Please don’t joke about such a delicate subject.
23. He tried to solemnize himself to tell the joke.
24. His colleagues regard him as a joke.
25. He livened up the party by telling a joke.
26. It’s no joke when your brakes fail on the motorway.
27. You can’t tell that joke to her she’s much too prim and proper.
28. He grinned at me, as if sharing a secret joke.
29. I love it when someone’s laugh is funnier than the joke.
30. He winked at me to show that he was playing a joke on the others.