The word love in relationships

Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure.^[1][2] An example of this range of meanings is that the love of a mother differs from the love of a spouse, which differs from the love for food. Most commonly, love refers to a feeling of a strong attraction and emotional attachment.^[3][4][5]

Love is considered to be both positive and negative, with its virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection, as «the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another» and its vice representing human moral flaw, akin to vanity, selfishness, amour-propre, and egotism, as potentially leading people into a type of mania, obsessiveness or codependency.^[6][7] It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one’s self, or animals.^[8] In its various forms, love acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.^[9] Love has been postulated to be a function that keeps human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species.^[10]

Ancient Greek philosophers identified six forms of love: essentially, familial love (in Greek, Storge), friendly love or platonic love (Philia), romantic love (Eros), self-love (Philautia), guest love (Xenia), and divine or unconditional love (Agape). Modern authors have distinguished further varieties of love: unrequited love, empty love, companionate love, consummate love, infatuated love, self-love, and courtly love. Numerous cultures have also distinguished Ren, Yuanfen, Mamihlapinatapai, Cafuné, Kama, Bhakti, Mettā, Ishq, Chesed, Amore, Charity, Saudade (and other variants or symbioses of these states), as culturally unique words, definitions, or expressions of love in regards to a specified «moments» currently lacking in the English language.^[11][12][13]

Scientific research on emotion has increased significantly over the past two decades. The color wheel theory of love defines three primary, three secondary and nine tertiary love styles, describing them in terms of the traditional color wheel. The triangular theory of love suggests «intimacy, passion and commitment» are core components of love. Love has additional religious or spiritual meaning. This diversity of uses and meanings combined with the complexity of the feelings involved makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.

Definitions

The word «love» can have a variety of related but distinct meanings in different contexts. Many other languages use multiple words to express some of the different concepts that in English are denoted as «love»; one example is the plurality of Greek concepts for «love» (agape, eros, philia, storge) .^[14] Cultural differences in conceptualizing love thus doubly impede the establishment of a universal definition.^[15]

Although the nature or essence of love is a subject of frequent debate, different aspects of the word can be clarified by determining what isn’t love (antonyms of «love»). Love as a general expression of positive sentiment (a stronger form of like) is commonly contrasted with hate (or neutral apathy). As a less-sexual and more-emotionally intimate form of romantic attachment, love is commonly contrasted with lust. As an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is sometimes contrasted with friendship, although the word love is often applied to close friendships or platonic love. (Further possible ambiguities come with usages «girlfriend», «boyfriend», «just good friends»).

Abstractly discussed, love usually refers to an experience one person feels for another. Love often involves caring for, or identifying with, a person or thing (cf. vulnerability and care theory of love), including oneself (cf. narcissism). In addition to cross-cultural differences in understanding love, ideas about love have also changed greatly over time. Some historians date modern conceptions of romantic love to courtly Europe during or after the Middle Ages, although the prior existence of romantic attachments is attested by ancient love poetry.^[16]

The complex and abstract nature of love often reduces discourse of love to a thought-terminating cliché. Several common proverbs regard love, from Virgil’s «Love conquers all» to The Beatles’ «All You Need Is Love». St. Thomas Aquinas, following Aristotle, defines love as «to will the good of another.»^[17] Bertrand Russell describes love as a condition of «absolute value,» as opposed to relative value.^{[citation needed]} Philosopher Gottfried Leibniz said that love is «to be delighted by the happiness of another.»^[18] Meher Baba stated that in love there is a «feeling of unity» and an «active appreciation of the intrinsic worth of the object of love.»^[19] Biologist Jeremy Griffith defines love as «unconditional selflessness».^[20]

Impersonal

People can be said to love an object, principle, or goal to which they are deeply committed and greatly value. For example, compassionate outreach and volunteer workers’ «love» of their cause may sometimes be born not of interpersonal love but impersonal love, altruism, and strong spiritual or political convictions.^[21] People can also «love» material objects, animals, or activities if they invest themselves in bonding or otherwise identifying with those things. If sexual passion is also involved, then this feeling is called paraphilia.^[22]

Interpersonal

Interpersonal love refers to love between human beings. It is a much more potent sentiment than a simple liking for a person. Unrequited love refers to those feelings of love that are not reciprocated. Interpersonal love is most closely associated with Interpersonal relationships.^[21] Such love might exist between family members, friends, and couples. There are also a number of psychological disorders related to love, such as erotomania.
Throughout history, philosophy and religion have done the most speculation on the phenomenon of love. In the 20th century, the science of psychology has written a great deal on the subject. In recent years, the sciences of psychology, anthropology, neuroscience, and biology have added to the understanding of the concept of love.

Biological basis

Biological models of sex tend to view love as a mammalian drive, much like hunger or thirst.^[23] Helen Fisher, an anthropologist and human behavior researcher, divides the experience of love into three partly overlapping stages: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust is the feeling of sexual desire; romantic attraction determines what partners mates find attractive and pursue, conserving time and energy by choosing; and attachment involves sharing a home, parental duties, mutual defense, and in humans involves feelings of safety and security.^[24] Three distinct neural circuitries, including neurotransmitters, and three behavioral patterns, are associated with these three romantic styles.^[24]

Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months. Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including the neurotransmitter hormones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, the same compounds released by amphetamine, stimulating the brain’s pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.^[25]

Since the lust and attraction stages are both considered temporary, a third stage is needed to account for long-term relationships. Attachment is the bonding that promotes relationships lasting for many years and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin to a greater degree than short-term relationships have.^[25] Enzo Emanuele and coworkers reported the protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these return to previous levels after one year.^[26]

Psychological basis

Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of love and argued that love has three different components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Intimacy is a form in which two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives, and is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs. Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the relationship is permanent. The last form of love is sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed as varying combinations of these three components. Non-love does not include any of these components. Liking only includes intimacy. Infatuated love only includes passion. Empty love only includes commitment. Romantic love includes both intimacy and passion. Companionate love includes intimacy and commitment. Fatuous love includes passion and commitment. Lastly, consummate love includes all three components.^[27] American psychologist Zick Rubin sought to define love by psychometrics in the 1970s. His work states that three factors constitute love: attachment, caring, and intimacy.^[28][29]

Following developments in electrical theories such as Coulomb’s law, which showed that positive and negative charges attract, analogs in human life were developed, such as «opposites attract». Over the last century, research on the nature of human mating has generally found this not to be true when it comes to character and personality—people tend to like people similar to themselves. However, in a few unusual and specific domains, such as immune systems, it seems that humans prefer others who are unlike themselves (e.g., with an orthogonal immune system), since this will lead to a baby that has the best of both worlds.^[30] In recent years, various human bonding theories have been developed, described in terms of attachments, ties, bonds, and affinities.
Some Western authorities disaggregate into two main components, the altruistic and the narcissistic. This view is represented in the works of Scott Peck, whose work in the field of applied psychology explored the definitions of love and evil. Peck maintains that love is a combination of the «concern for the spiritual growth of another,» and simple narcissism.^[31] In combination, love is an activity, not simply a feeling.

Psychologist Erich Fromm maintained in his book The Art of Loving that love is not merely a feeling but is also actions, and that in fact, the «feeling» of love is superficial in comparison to one’s commitment to love via a series of loving actions over time.^[21] In this sense, Fromm held that love is ultimately not a feeling at all, but rather is a commitment to, and adherence to, loving actions towards another, oneself, or many others, over a sustained duration.^[21] Fromm also described love as a conscious choice that in its early stages might originate as an involuntary feeling, but which then later no longer depends on those feelings, but rather depends only on conscious commitment.^[21]

Evolutionary basis

Evolutionary psychology has attempted to provide various reasons for love as a survival tool. Humans are dependent on parental help for a large portion of their lifespans compared to other mammals. Love has therefore been seen as a mechanism to promote parental support of children for this extended time period. Furthermore, researchers as early as Charles Darwin himself identified unique features of human love compared to other mammals and credit love as a major factor for creating social support systems that enabled the development and expansion of the human species.^{[citation needed]} Another factor may be that sexually transmitted diseases can cause, among other effects, permanently reduced fertility, injury to the fetus, and increase complications during childbirth. This would favor monogamous relationships over polygamy.^[32]

Adaptive benefit

Interpersonal love between a male and a female is considered to provide an evolutionary adaptive benefit since it facilitates mating and sexual reproduction.^[33] However, some organisms can reproduce asexually without mating. Thus understanding the adaptive benefit of interpersonal love depends on understanding the adaptive benefit of sexual reproduction as opposed to asexual reproduction. Michod^[33] has reviewed evidence that love, and consequently sexual reproduction, provides two major adaptive advantages. First, love leading to sexual reproduction facilitates repair of damages in the DNA that is passed from parent to progeny (during meiosis, a key stage of the sexual process). Second, a gene in either parent may contain a harmful mutation, but in the progeny produced by sex reproduction, expression of a harmful mutation introduced by one parent is likely to be masked by expression of the unaffected homologous gene from the other parent.^[33]

Comparison of scientific models

Biological models of love tend to see it as a mammalian drive, similar to hunger or thirst.^[23] Psychology sees love as more of a social and cultural phenomenon. Certainly, love is influenced by hormones (such as oxytocin), neurotrophins (such as NGF), and pheromones, and how people think and behave in love is influenced by their conceptions of love. The conventional view in biology is that there are two major drives in love: sexual attraction and attachment. Attachment between adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead an infant to become attached to its mother. The traditional psychological view sees love as being a combination of companionate love and passionate love. Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by physiological arousal (shortness of breath, rapid heart rate); companionate love is affection and a feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal.

Cultural views

Ancient Greek

Greek distinguishes several different senses in which the word «love» is used. Ancient Greeks identified four forms of love: kinship or familiarity (in Greek, storge), friendship and/or platonic desire (philia), sexual and/or romantic desire (eros), and self-emptying or divine love (agape).^[34][35] Modern authors have distinguished further varieties of romantic love.^[36] However, with Greek (as with many other languages), it has been historically difficult to separate the meanings of these words totally. At the same time, the Ancient Greek text of the Bible has examples of the verb agapo having the same meaning as phileo.

Agape (ἀγάπη agápē) means love in modern-day Greek. The term s’agapo means I love you in Greek. The word agapo is the verb I love. It generally refers to a «pure,» ideal type of love, rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros. However, there are some examples of agape used to mean the same as eros. It has also been translated as «love of the soul.»^[37]

Eros (ἔρως érōs) (from the Greek deity Eros) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Greek word erota means in love. Plato refined his own definition. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros. Some translations list it as «love of the body».^[37]

Philia (φιλία philía), a dispassionate virtuous love, was a concept addressed and developed by Aristotle in his Nicomachean Ethics Book VIII.^[38] It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity. Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the parties benefit from the relationship. It can also mean «love of the mind.»

Storge (στοργή storgē) is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.

Xenia (ξενία xenía), hospitality, was an extremely important practice in ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and his guest, who could previously have been strangers. The host fed and provided quarters for the guest, who was expected to repay only with gratitude. The importance of this can be seen throughout Greek mythology—in particular, Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey.

Ancient Roman (Latin)

The Latin language has several different verbs corresponding to the English word «love.» amō is the basic verb meaning I love, with the infinitive amare («to love») as it still is in Italian today. The Romans used it both in an affectionate sense as well as in a romantic or sexual sense. From this verb come amans—a lover, amator, «professional lover,» often with the accessory notion of lechery—and amica, «girlfriend» in the English sense, often being applied euphemistically to a prostitute. The corresponding noun is amor (the significance of this term for the Romans is well illustrated in the fact, that the name of the city, Rome—in Latin: Roma—can be viewed as an anagram for amor, which was used as the secret name of the City in wide circles in ancient times),^[39] which is also used in the plural form to indicate love affairs or sexual adventures. This same root also produces amicus—»friend»—and amicitia, «friendship» (often based to mutual advantage, and corresponding sometimes more closely to «indebtedness» or «influence»). Cicero wrote a treatise called On Friendship (de Amicitia), which discusses the notion at some length. Ovid wrote a guide to dating called Ars Amatoria (The Art of Love), which addresses, in depth, everything from extramarital affairs to overprotective parents.

Latin sometimes uses amāre where English would simply say to like. This notion, however, is much more generally expressed in Latin by the terms placere or delectāre, which are used more colloquially, the latter used frequently in the love poetry of Catullus. Diligere often has the notion «to be affectionate for,» «to esteem,» and rarely if ever is used for romantic love. This word would be appropriate to describe the friendship of two men. The corresponding noun diligentia, however, has the meaning of «diligence» or «carefulness,» and has little semantic overlap with the verb. Observare is a synonym for diligere; despite the cognate with English, this verb and its corresponding noun, observantia, often denote «esteem» or «affection.» Caritas is used in Latin translations of the Christian Bible to mean «charitable love»; this meaning, however, is not found in Classical pagan Roman literature. As it arises from a conflation with a Greek word, there is no corresponding verb.

Chinese and other Sinic

Two philosophical underpinnings of love exist in the Chinese tradition, one from Confucianism which emphasized actions and duty while the other came from Mohism which championed a universal love. A core concept to Confucianism is 仁 (Ren, «benevolent love»), which focuses on duty, action, and attitude in a relationship rather than love itself. In Confucianism, one displays benevolent love by performing actions such as filial piety from children, kindness from parents, loyalty to the king and so forth.

The concept of 愛 (Mandarin: ài) was developed by the Chinese philosopher Mozi in the 4th century BC in reaction to Confucianism’s benevolent love. Mozi tried to replace what he considered to be the long-entrenched Chinese over-attachment to family and clan structures with the concept of «universal love» (兼愛, jiān’ài). In this, he argued directly against Confucians who believed that it was natural and correct for people to care about different people in different degrees. Mozi, by contrast, believed people in principle should care for all people equally. Mohism stressed that rather than adopting different attitudes towards different people, love should be unconditional and offered to everyone without regard to reciprocation; not just to friends, family and other Confucian relations. Later in Chinese Buddhism, the term Ai (愛) was adopted to refer to a passionate, caring love and was considered a fundamental desire. In Buddhism, Ai was seen as capable of being either selfish or selfless, the latter being a key element towards enlightenment.

In Mandarin Chinese, 愛 (ài) is often used as the equivalent of the Western concept of love. 愛 (ài) is used as both a verb (e.g. 我愛你, Wǒ ài nǐ, or «I love you») and a noun (such as 愛情 àiqíng, or «romantic love»). However, due to the influence of Confucian 仁 (rén), the phrase 我愛你 (Wǒ ài nǐ, I love you) carries with it a very specific sense of responsibility, commitment and loyalty. Instead of frequently saying «I love you» as in some Western societies, the Chinese are more likely to express feelings of affection in a more casual way. Consequently, «I like you» (我喜欢你, Wǒ xǐhuan nǐ) is a more common way of expressing affection in Mandarin; it is more playful and less serious.^[40] This is also true in Japanese (suki da, 好きだ).

Japanese

The Japanese language uses three words to convey the English equivalent of «love». Because «love» covers a wide range of emotions and behavioral phenomena, there are nuances distinguishing the three terms.^[41][42] The term ai (愛), which is often associated with maternal love^[41] or selfless love,^[42] originally referred to beauty and was often used in a religious context. Following the Meiji Restoration 1868, the term became associated with «love» in order to translate Western literature. Prior to Western influence, the term koi (恋 or 孤悲) generally represented romantic love, and was often the subject of the popular Man’yōshū Japanese poetry collection.^[41] Koi describes a longing for a member of the opposite sex and is typically interpreted as selfish and wanting.^[42] The term’s origins come from the concept of lonely solitude as a result of separation from a loved one. Though modern usage of koi focuses on sexual love and infatuation, the Manyō used the term to cover a wider range of situations, including tenderness, benevolence, and material desire.^[41] The third term, ren’ai (恋愛), is a more modern construction that combines the kanji characters for both ai and koi, though its usage more closely resembles that of koi in the form of romantic love.^[41][42] Amae (甘え), referring to the desire to be loved and cared for by an authority figure, is another important aspect of Japan’s cultural perspective on love, and has been analysed in detail in Takeo Doi’s The Anatomy of Dependence^[43]

Indian

In contemporary literature, the Sanskrit words for love is «sneha». Other terms such as Priya refers to innocent love, Prema refers to spiritual love, and Kama refers usually to sexual desire.^[44][45] However, the term also refers to any sensory enjoyment, emotional attraction and aesthetic pleasure such as from arts, dance, music, painting, sculpture and nature.^[46][47]

The concept of kama is found in some of the earliest known verses in Vedas. For example, Book 10 of Rig Veda describes the creation of the universe from nothing by the great heat. There in hymn 129, it states:

कामस्तदग्रे समवर्तताधि मनसो रेतः परथमं यदासीत |
सतो बन्धुमसति निरविन्दन हर्दि परतीष्याकवयो मनीषा ||^[48]

Thereafter rose Desire in the beginning, Desire the primal seed and germ of Spirit,
Sages who searched with their heart’s thought discovered the existent’s kinship in the non-existent.

Persian

Rumi, Hafiz, and Sa’di are icons of the passion and love that the Persian culture and language present.^{[citation needed]} The Persian word for love is Ishq, which is derived from Arabic language; however, it is considered by most to be too stalwart a term for interpersonal love and is more commonly substituted for «doost dashtan» («liking»).^{[citation needed]} In the Persian culture, everything is encompassed by love and all is for love, starting from loving friends and family, husbands and wives, and eventually reaching the divine love that is the ultimate goal in life.^{[citation needed]}

Religious views

Abrahamic

Judaism

In Hebrew, אהבה (ahava) is the most commonly used term for both interpersonal love and love between God and God’s creations. Chesed, often translated as loving-kindness, is used to describe many forms of love between human beings.

The commandment to love other people is given in the Torah, which states, «Love your neighbor like yourself» (Leviticus 19:18). The Torah’s commandment to love God «with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might» (Deuteronomy 6:5) is taken by the Mishnah (a central text of the Jewish oral law) to refer to good deeds, willingness to sacrifice one’s life rather than commit certain serious transgressions, willingness to sacrifice all of one’s possessions, and being grateful to the Lord despite adversity (tractate Berachoth 9:5). Rabbinic literature differs as to how this love can be developed, e.g., by contemplating divine deeds or witnessing the marvels of nature.

As for love between marital partners, this is deemed an essential ingredient to life: «See life with the wife you love» (Ecclesiastes 9:9). Rabbi David Wolpe writes that «…love is not only about the feelings of the lover…It is when one person believes in another person and shows it.» He further states that «…love…is a feeling that expresses itself in action. What we really feel is reflected in what we do.»^[50] The biblical book Song of Solomon is considered a romantically phrased metaphor of love between God and his people, but in its plain reading, reads like a love song. The 20th-century rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler is frequently quoted as defining love from the Jewish point of view as «giving without expecting to take» (from his Michtav me-Eliyahu, Vol. 1).

Christianity

The Christian understanding is that love comes from God, who is himself love (1 John 4:8). The love of man and woman—eros in Greek—and the unselfish love of others (agape), are often contrasted as «descending» and «ascending» love, respectively, but are ultimately the same thing.^[51]

There are several Greek words for «love» that are regularly referred to in Christian circles.

• Agape: In the New Testament, agapē is charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional. It is parental love, seen as creating goodness in the world; it is the way God is seen to love humanity, and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for one another.^[37]
• Phileo: Also used in the New Testament, phileo is a human response to something that is found to be delightful. Also known as «brotherly love.»
• Two other words for love in the Greek language, eros (sexual love) and storge (child-to-parent love), were never used in the New Testament.^[37]

Christians believe that to Love God with all your heart, mind, and strength and Love your neighbor as yourself are the two most important things in life (the greatest commandment of the Jewish Torah, according to Jesus; cf. Gospel of Mark chapter 12, verses 28–34). Saint Augustine summarized this when he wrote «Love God, and do as thou wilt.»

The Apostle Paul glorified love as the most important virtue of all. Describing love in the famous poetic interpretation in 1 Corinthians, he wrote, «Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.»^[52]

The Apostle John wrote, «For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.» (John 3:16–17, NIV) John also wrote, «Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.»^[53]

Saint Augustine wrote that one must be able to decipher the difference between love and lust. Lust, according to Saint Augustine, is an overindulgence, but to love and be loved is what he has sought for his entire life. He even says, «I was in love with love.» Finally, he does fall in love and is loved back, by God. Saint Augustine says the only one who can love you truly and fully is God, because love with a human only allows for flaws such as «jealousy, suspicion, fear, anger, and contention.» According to Saint Augustine, to love God is «to attain the peace which is yours.» (Saint Augustine’s Confessions)

Augustine regards the duplex commandment of love in Matthew 22 as the heart of Christian faith and the interpretation of the Bible. After the review of Christian doctrine, Augustine treats the problem of love in terms of use and enjoyment until the end of Book I of De Doctrina Christiana (1.22.21–1.40.44;).^[54]

Christian theologians see God as the source of love, which is mirrored in humans and their own loving relationships. Influential Christian theologian C. S. Lewis wrote a book called The Four Loves. Benedict XVI named his first encyclical God is love. He said that a human being, created in the image of God, who is love, is able to practice love; to give himself to God and others (agape) and by receiving and experiencing God’s love in contemplation (eros). This life of love, according to him, is the life of the saints such as Teresa of Calcutta and Mary, the mother of Jesus and is the direction Christians take when they believe that God loves them.^[51]

Pope Francis taught that «True love is both loving and letting oneself be loved…what is important in love is not our loving, but allowing ourselves to be loved by God.»^[55] And so, in the analysis of a Catholic theologian, for Pope Francis, «the key to love…is not our activity. It is the activity of the greatest, and the source, of all the powers in the universe: God’s.»^[56]

In Christianity the practical definition of love is summarised by Thomas Aquinas, who defined love as «to will the good of another,» or to desire for another to succeed.^[17] This is an explanation of the Christian need to love others, including their enemies. As Thomas Aquinas explains, Christian love is motivated by the need to see others succeed in life, to be good people.

Regarding love for enemies, Jesus is quoted in the Gospel of Matthew:

«You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.»^[57]

Do not forget to love with forgiveness, Christ saved an adulterous woman from those who would stone her. A world of wronged hypocrites needs forgiving love. Mosaic Law would hold Deuteronomy 22:22-24 «If a man is found lying with a woman married to a husband, then both of them shall die—the man that lay with the woman, and the woman; so you shall put away the evil from Israel. If a young woman who is a virgin is betrothed to a husband, and a man finds her in the city and lies with her, then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones, the young woman because she did not cry out in the city, and the man because he humbled his neighbor’s wife; so you shall put away the evil from among you.»

Tertullian wrote regarding love for enemies: «Our individual, extraordinary, and perfect goodness consists in loving our enemies. To love one’s friends is common practice, to love one’s enemies only among Christians.»^[58]

Islam

Love encompasses the Islamic view of life as universal brotherhood that applies to all who hold faith. Amongst the 99 names of God (Allah), there is the name Al-Wadud, or «the Loving One,» which is found in Surah ^{[ 11:90]} as well as Surah ^{[ 85:14]}. God is also referenced at the beginning of every chapter in the Qur’an as Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim, or the «Most Compassionate» and the «Most Merciful», indicating that nobody is more loving, compassionate and benevolent than God. The Qur’an refers to God as being «full of loving kindness.»

The Qur’an exhorts Muslim believers to treat all people, those who have not persecuted them, with birr or «deep kindness» as stated in Surah ^{[ 6:8-9]}. Birr is also used by the Qur’an in describing the love and kindness that children must show to their parents.

Ishq, or divine love, is the emphasis of Sufism in the Islamic tradition. Practitioners of Sufism believe that love is a projection of the essence of God to the universe. God desires to recognize beauty, and as if one looks at a mirror to see oneself, God «looks» at himself within the dynamics of nature. Since everything is a reflection of God, the school of Sufism practices seeing the beauty inside the apparently ugly. Sufism is often referred to as the religion of love.^[59] God in Sufism is referred to in three main terms, which are the Lover, Loved, and Beloved, with the last of these terms being often seen in Sufi poetry. A common viewpoint of Sufism is that through love, humankind can get back to its inherent purity and grace. The saints of Sufism are infamous for being «drunk» due to their love of God; hence, the constant reference to wine in Sufi poetry and music.

Bahá’í Faith

In his Paris Talks, `Abdu’l-Bahá described four types of love: the love that flows from God to human beings; the love that flows from human beings to God; the love of God towards the Self or Identity of God; and the love of human beings for human beings.^[60]

Dharmic

Buddhism

In Buddhism, Kāma is sensuous, sexual love. It is an obstacle on the path to enlightenment, since it is selfish. Karuṇā is compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others. It is complementary to wisdom and is necessary for enlightenment. Adveṣa and mettā are benevolent love. This love is unconditional and requires considerable self-acceptance. This is quite different from ordinary love, which is usually about attachment and sex and which rarely occurs without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to detachment and unselfish interest in others’ welfare.

The Bodhisattva ideal in Mahayana Buddhism involves the complete renunciation of oneself in order to take on the burden of a suffering world.

Hinduism

In Hinduism, kāma is pleasurable, sexual love, personified by the god Kamadeva. For many Hindu schools, it is the third end (Kama) in life. Kamadeva is often pictured holding a bow of sugar cane and an arrow of flowers; he may ride upon a great parrot. He is usually accompanied by his consort Rati and his companion Vasanta, lord of the spring season. Stone images of Kamadeva and Rati can be seen on the door of the Chennakeshava temple at Belur, in Karnataka, India. Maara is another name for kāma.

In contrast to kāma, prema – or prem – refers to elevated love. Karuna is compassion and mercy, which impels one to help reduce the suffering of others. Bhakti is a Sanskrit term, meaning «loving devotion to the supreme God.» A person who practices bhakti is called a bhakta. Hindu writers, theologians, and philosophers have distinguished nine forms of bhakti, which can be found in the Bhagavata Purana and works by Tulsidas. The philosophical work Narada Bhakti Sutras, written by an unknown author (presumed to be Narada), distinguishes eleven forms of love.

In certain Vaishnava sects within Hinduism, attaining unadulterated, unconditional and incessant love for Godhead is considered the foremost goal of life. Gaudiya Vaishnavas who worship Krishna as the Supreme Personality of Godhead and the cause of all causes consider Love for Godhead (Prema) to act in two ways: sambhoga and vipralambha (union and separation)—two opposites.^[61]

In the condition of separation, there is an acute yearning for being with the beloved and in the condition of union, there is supreme happiness and nectarean. Gaudiya Vaishnavas consider that Krishna-prema (Love for Godhead) is not fire but that it still burns away one’s material desires. They consider that Kṛṣṇa-prema is not a weapon, but it still pierces the heart. It is not water, but it washes away everything—one’s pride, religious rules, and one’s shyness. Krishna-prema is considered to make one drown in the ocean of transcendental ecstasy and pleasure. The love of Radha, a cowherd girl, for Krishna is often cited as the supreme example of love for Godhead by Gaudiya Vaishnavas. Radha is considered to be the internal potency of Krishna, and is the supreme lover of Godhead. Her example of love is considered to be beyond the understanding of material realm as it surpasses any form of selfish love or lust that is visible in the material world. The reciprocal love between Radha (the supreme lover) and Krishna (God as the Supremely Loved) is the subject of many poetic compositions in India such as the Gita Govinda and Hari Bhakti Shuddhodhaya.

In the Bhakti tradition within Hinduism, it is believed that execution of devotional service to God leads to the development of Love for God (taiche bhakti-phale krsne prema upajaya), and as love for God increases in the heart, the more one becomes free from material contamination (krishna-prema asvada haile, bhava nasa paya). Being perfectly in love with God or Krishna makes one perfectly free from material contamination. and this is the ultimate way of salvation or liberation. In this tradition, salvation or liberation is considered inferior to love, and just an incidental by-product. Being absorbed in Love for God is considered to be the perfection of life.^[62]

Political views

Free love

The term «free love» has been used^[63] to describe a social movement that rejects marriage, which is seen as a form of social bondage. The free love movement’s initial goal was to separate the state from sexual matters such as marriage, birth control, and adultery. It claimed that such issues were the concern of the people involved, and no one else.^[64]

Many people in the early 19th century believed that marriage was an important aspect of life to «fulfill earthly human happiness.» Middle-class Americans wanted the home to be a place of stability in an uncertain world. This mentality created a vision of strongly defined gender roles, which provoked the advancement of the free love movement as a contrast.^[65]

Advocates of free love had two strong beliefs: opposition to the idea of forceful sexual activity in a relationship and advocacy for a woman to use her body in any way that she pleases.^[66] These are also beliefs of feminism.^[67]

Philosophical views

The philosophy of love is a field of social philosophy and ethics that attempts to explain the nature of love.^[68] The philosophical investigation of love includes the tasks of distinguishing between the various kinds of personal love, asking if and how love is or can be justified, asking what the value of love is, and what impact love has on the autonomy of both the lover and the beloved.^[67]

See also

• Color wheel theory of love
• Human bonding
• Love at first sight
• Love-in
• Pair bond
• Polyamory
• Relationship science
• Romance (love)
• Self-love
• Social connection
• Traditional forms, Agape, Philia, Philautia, Storge, Eros: Greek terms for love

References

Sources

Further reading

• Bayer, A, ed. (2008). Art and love in Renaissance Italy. New York: The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

External links

• History of Love, Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy
• Friendship at Curlie
• Philanthropy at Curlie
• Romance at Curlie

Content Warning: The following article contains information about abuse, neglect, family struggles, and other potentially triggering topics. Please read with discretion. 

Research shows that social connection is essential to overall well-being and physical health. Some individuals may be more outgoing than others. However, humans require love and affection from others, whether in close relationships or with a larger group of people. Some people may wish to be surrounded by numerous friends and constantly communicate with others because they love people. Others may feel content with their family or a few close friends.

The importance of love and affection can vary depending on an individual’s lifestyle, experiences, and preferences. However, going without love, affection, and connection can have physical, mental, and emotional consequences.

Love And Affection In Childhood 

How we understand love and affection may be influenced by infancy and childhood. During this period, the most emotional, physical, and psychological growth occurs. Who we are as adults can partially depend on what we experience as a child. 

From the moment they are born, children learn about the world around them. Being incapable of verbal conversation, babies often relate to the world instinctually. They understand if their love and belonging needs are being met and may form an attachment with their caregiver based on how their needs are met. These needs can include eating, sleeping, drinking, and shelter. However, needs also include love, attention, physical touch, and care from a primary caregiver. Babies and children may pick up on vocal tones, volume, and facial expressions before they speak. 

The Impact Of Love And Affection In Childhood 

A child with unresponsive caretakers may be left alone often, unfed, or disregarded. They might cry for someone to help them. When no one arrives, the baby might learn to cope by developing an insecure attachment style. They may respond by crying more often and acting «fussy.» In other cases, babies respond by becoming silent or detached. They may feel isolated, lonely, and afraid. These feelings can severely impact their brain growth and development for years to come.

Infants and children who grow up without love and affection might have an insecure attachment style as adults. They may not understand what a healthy relationship looks like. Children with positive experiences may grow up with an optimistic worldview and form healthy relationships as they grow older, make friends, and potentially date.

Socialization 

Those who have gone without healthy social relationships often have difficulties. They might exhibit anti-social or unkind behaviors as children, teens, and adults. They may face challenges in language development, intelligence, and other social and cognitive skills. With support and treatment, many can overcome the negative beliefs and responses stemming from their infant years. 

Love And Affection For Older Adults 

Age does not always limit when a lack of positive social interaction can be damaging. Loneliness and social isolation in adults have been shown to coincide with chronic health conditions. Older individuals with less social interaction were shown to have a higher probability of being hospitalized, longer stays in hospitals, higher blood pressure, and a higher rate of morbidity and mortality. 

The potential damage to older adults without healthy relationships and a support system was compared to the risks of smoking. The risks of depression were significantly higher, as well as the risks of developing conditions such as dementia or Alzheimer’s. Older adults in nursing homes may feel isolated from their friends and family or struggle with grief.

Having people around to lend support, positivity, and friendship can make each day feel easier to cope with. If they do not have family or friends, cheerful and professionally affectionate support staff in a nursing home may make a difference. 

What Does Love Look Like?

Human beings can thrive off of social interaction, whether with friends, relatives, or pets. People may experience an inherent need for strong bonds. The type of love an individual craves can determine the course of their entire life.

Those who desire families may experience the joys of parenthood and marriage. Individuals who enjoy meeting others might pursue a lifestyle that allows them to make many friends from different cultures. They might have various relationships and experiences expanding their understanding of humanity. Those who aim to find romance might satisfy their physical needs through sexual connection or enjoy passion and intimacy with another individual. People who love animals may reap the benefits of an unconditional bond. Pets have been proven to lower stress, improve blood pressure, increase overall happiness, and boost emotional and social development in children. 

What Does Affection Look Like?

Affection may be defined as any action intended to arouse feelings of love in the giver and recipient. Affectionate behavior could be anything from kissing your significant other to holding hands. Hugging, holding a puppy or a baby, or stroking someone’s arm or back could qualify as physical affection. These are often done to express love for another person or animal.

How someone expresses affection can differ from another person. There are more ways to express it than physical touch. Not everyone is comfortable with giving or receiving touch, which is a boundary. Examples of non-physical affection can include listening to someone, cooking, offering advice, buying gifts, being open and honest, doing a favor, or spending time with them. Knowing someone’s love language may help you decide how to express affection to them. Making feelings of affection last by learning your partner’s love language is among the smartest approaches to strengthening your relationship.

Why Humans Crave Affection 

To love and to feel loved can feel as significant as other needs, such as food and drink. Gestures of affection may allow individuals to feel loved, meaningful, and not alone. Physical touch love language is often a necessity for meaningful relationships. Physical touch (including our own) reduces pain, which is why we might hold onto a part of our body if it is injured. 

In a romantic relationship, a lack of affection or intimacy can cause doubts, lead to conflicts, and point to possible issues in the relationship. It can be normal to tell your partner, «I need love and affection in this relationship.» Love and affection are often expected when dating or in long-term partnerships. Family or friends can also have close bonds when they’re comfortable with showing love.

Counseling Options 

Suppose you grew up in a family or experienced a relationship in your life where love and affection were not offered. In that case, you might experience mental health consequences, stress, or feelings of loneliness. You may struggle with adult relationships or not know how to express love and affection to others. These can be normal experiences, and support is available. 

Many individuals dealing with attachment and early-life experiences find support through therapy. You can find a therapist in person in your area or an online counselor who can offer support to you from any safe environment with an internet connection. Additionally, online therapy has been proven effective in treating loneliness, isolation, and depressive symptoms in many individuals. It can be more effective than traditional in-person counseling. 

When you meet with a licensed professional on a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples, you can choose whether to have phone, video, or live chat sessions with your therapist. You can also be matched with a therapist within 48 hours. Consider reaching out to get started. 

If you’re interested in learning more about how a counselor may support you or how to increase your connection with the people in your life, consider reaching out to an online or in-person therapist for further compassionate guidance.  

Counselor Reviews

“Charlie is the greatest therapist I’ve ever had. He is unbelievably knowledgeable, incredibly hands-on, and fantastically caring. He has changed my life in every way imaginable. From my business (150+ employees in 15+ countries) to my love life, he has made every aspect better. Charlie will be a part of my weekly agenda every day until he retires.” 

“I started with Amy back in June.I was a little nervous about starting to see a therapist because I had never done that before. Amy immediately put me at ease. I was having a lot of issues in my personal life and issues with my family, and Amy has helped me tremendously. I could not be happier with Amy. She is very kind, understanding, and every single session we have had, I have taken something very helpful away with me. Our sessions have been more helpful to me than I could possibly explain here. Anyone lucky enough to get paired with Amy will not be disappointed.” 

Coming up with a cohesive definition of love is a task that people have labored over for centuries. Because the love we feel for various people in our lives depends on context—how long we’ve known them, our specific relationship with them, etc.—it can be hard to conceptualize what love is exactly. Love can involve a mix of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs; and it is often associated with strong feelings of affection and respect. Some say that love is something that you only fully understand when you experience it yourself. While it is a hard concept to define, many have come up with different descriptions that help us better understand its different expressions. Below, we’re going to outline several different definitions of love and how they may apply to the relationships in your life. 

Love According To The Dictionary

The difficulty in creating an all-encompassing characterization of love is illustrated by the several different definitions that you come across in a dictionary. For example, the  of love according to Merriam-Webster range from “a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties” to “an assurance of affection”. 

The dictionary definitions will also change depending on the specific source you’re referencing. The Cambridge Dictionary, for instance, includes a definition that is romantic, platonic, and familial : “to like another adult very much and be romantically and sexually attracted to them, or to have strong feelings of liking a friend or person in your family”.

Love According To The Triangular Theory

Robert Sternberg’s  is a simple way of conceptualizing romantic love. According to this theory, true love is a combination of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. 

Intimacy

Intimacy can be described as the comforting connection you feel with someone. Intimacy often exists when we bond with someone on a deep level. It can happen when you and your partner spend meaningful time together, empathize with one another, and share your lives.  

Passion

Passion is characterized by a sexual attraction to someone. Passion may fluctuate over time, but it can still be an important aspect of a relationship. You may feel passion when you and your partner become physical, kiss, or even just look at each other. 

Commitment

Commitment indicates that one’s feelings have advanced to the point that they can see a future with their romantic interest. This aspect of love may develop when, for example, you ask your partner to move in with you. 

The three components of the triangular theory of love are interrelated; so, strengthening one area can help improve another. For example, you might notice how closely connected intimacy and commitment are when spending time alone with your partner makes you want to move in with them. 

Within this theory, there are eight different relationship types that may develop, based on which components exist in a partnership. For instance, you may experience romantic love—a love in which passion and intimacy are present, but commitment is not. Or you and your partner could feel companionate love—a love in which commitment and intimacy are present, but passion is not.

If a relationship covers all three points of the triangle, according to Sternberg’s theory, true love is present. Often, to develop these three components of love, you need to work past old habits, be vulnerable, and let someone see all of the different aspects of your personality and life. 

Love According To The Ancient Greeks

In ancient Greece, philosophers and other thinkers developed several different words for love, covering a range of relationships and situations. These forms of love help us understand how we express love for the people in our lives differently.  

Eros

Eros is a physical, sexual form of love. In Greece, Eros was the god of sexual desire. The Greeks believed this love could be dangerous, as it could cause people to behave in risky ways. Eros often happens during the beginning of a relationship, before deeper feelings take over. Eros doesn’t always indicate the presence of a partnership, though, and it doesn’t always lead to a more serious kind of love.

Philia

Philia is a platonic love—a love that you often see between friends. Philia was cherished in the world of ancient Greece as it was considered a pure form of love. Philia allows you to form a strong bond with friends, in which mutual affection and support are present. 

Ludus

Ludus is a light and flirtatious expression of love. It often happens early in a relationship, but it does not necessarily have to occur between partners. Often characteristic of the feelings between young people, ludus is often referred to as playful love.

Pragma

Pragma is a committed love that typically develops over a long period of time. Couples who experience pragma, which means practical, have formed a mutually beneficial relationship. This love embodies commitment, structure, and a common vision for the future. 

Agape

Agape love is characterized by selflessness and giving. It is often referred to as unconditional love, where you give without expecting to receive. It is also frequently attributed to people who are religious—the Greeks considered this type of love to be the love of the gods. 

Philautia

This is the love of yourself. However, there are two kinds of love that philautia can indicate. First, there’s a narcissistic form of self-love. Then, there’s the type of self-love marked by confidence, self-acceptance, and knowledge of your worth. With the latter type of love, you make efforts to practice self-compassion and care for yourself. Self-love can be an important part of being in a romantic relationship.

Storge

This is familial love. Storge can describe the love between a parent and child, siblings, or other family members. 

Storge can also apply to a close friend, particularly if they’re someone who you’ve grown up with.

How Do I Know If It’s Love?

When it comes to romantic relationships specifically, falling in love is an experience many people seek out. With all of the different definitions of love, though, it can be hard to know whether you indeed love someone. Although the presence of love in your life will depend on your exact situation and feelings, there are several signs that indicate you’re in love. 

One common indicator of love is empathy. When your partner feels discomfort, anger, or sadness, do you feel those emotions, too? Being able to understand and even experience your partner’s emotions is a sign that you have a loving relationship. 

You can also ask yourself whether you feel safe with your partner. While this can refer to physical safety, it may also describe a comfort and lack of distress when you’re around them. In some relationships, one partner feels as though they’re not able to say or do certain things, which can make it hard for a healthy partnership to form. 

If your partner prioritizes you in their life, commits to you, and works with you, that can signal the existence of love. This type of love is indicated in Sternberg’s triangular theory and the ancient Greeks’ pragma. Does your partner frequently talk about the future or want to share their life with you? This is a strong sign of love. 

In many cases, though, you’ll simply know that you’re in love. You may have an intuitive feeling that you’re with the right person or experience strong but ineffable emotions around them. In fact, the love you feel for your partner may be so unique that it doesn’t fit within someone else’s definition. 

If you’d like help parsing your feelings for your partner, talking to a therapist can help. A therapist can help you learn more about how you each prefer to express love while also giving you the tools to develop a strong, healthy relationship. 

Fostering Love With Online Therapy

Research shows that online therapy can help couples develop and nurture a loving relationship. In a study titled “More Than One Way to Say ‘I Love You’”, researchers found that online therapy improved participants’ ability to better understand one another and adopt more flexible points of view. Participants in the study reported experiencing enhanced relationship satisfaction and individual psychological improvement at a one-month follow-up. 

Online therapy can give you and your partner the tools and support to foster love in your relationship, regardless of how you define it. Utilizing an online therapy platform like ReGain, you and your partner can meet with a therapist remotely—through video call, voice call, or in-app messaging—which can be helpful if you’re not comfortable discussing topics like love in person. Your therapist can also connect you with useful resources, such as at-home exercises that can help you continue to develop a loving bond on your own time. Online therapy can help you and your partner address challenges in your relationship and develop a strong foundation of love. Continue reading for reviews of ReGain therapists from those who have sought help in the past. 

Therapist Reviews

“Sarah has been comforting to me through a very difficult transition. She has helped me to regain confidence and listen to my intuition. She is a great listener and has encouraged me to rediscover and use my voice.”

“With Cassandra’s help, we’ve been able to bring our relationship to a new, healthier, and much happier level, working through painful situations, growing as individuals and as a couple, and with tools to stay on this path. She’s very responsive, and it has been great to have her facilitate our messaging through the app all week. I highly recommend Cassandra. She’s skilled, supportive, and down-to-earth. We feel totally comfortable with her.”

Takeaway

Love can come in many forms and mean different things to different people. In relationships, love can be a binding phenomenon, helping partners deepen their connection and grow together. If you’d like help fostering love in your relationship, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist online. You and your partner deserve the strong bond that can come from a loving relationship.  

Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust. Love can vary in intensity and can change over time. It is associated with a range of positive emotions, including happiness, excitement, life satisfaction, and euphoria, but it can also result in negative emotions such as jealousy and stress.

When it comes to love, some people would say it is one of the most important human emotions. Yet despite being one of the most studied behaviors, it is still the least understood. For example, researchers debate whether love is a biological or cultural phenomenon.

Love is most likely influenced by both biology and culture. Although hormones and biology are important, the way we express and experience love is also influenced by our personal conceptions of love.

How Do You Know?

What are some of the signs of love? Researchers have made distinctions between feelings of liking and loving another person.

Zick Rubin’s Scales of Liking and Loving

According to psychologist Zick Rubin, romantic love is made up of three elements:

• Attachment: Needing to be with another person and desiring physical contact and approval
• Caring: Valuing the other person’s happiness and needs as much as your own
• Intimacy: Sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires with the other person

Based on this view of romantic love, Rubin developed two questionnaires to measure these variables, known as Rubin’s Scales of Liking and Loving. Whereas people tend to view people they like as pleasant, love is marked by being devoted, possessive, and confiding in one another. 

Types of Love

Not all forms of love are the same, and psychologists have identified a number of different types of love that people may experience. These types of love include:

• Friendship: This type of love involves liking someone and sharing a certain degree of intimacy.
• Infatuation: This is a form of love that often involves intense feelings of attraction without a sense of commitment; it often takes place early in a relationship and may deepen into a more lasting love.
• Passionate love: This type of love is marked by intense feelings of longing and attraction; it often involves an idealization of the other person and a need to maintain constant physical closeness.
• Compassionate/companionate love: This form of love is marked by trust, affection, intimacy, and commitment.
• Unrequited love: This form of love happens when one person loves another who does not return those feelings.

Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Specifically, psychologist Robert Sternberg developed his well-regarded triangular theory of love in the early 1980s. Much research has built upon his work and demonstrated its universality across cultures.

Sternberg broke love into three components—intimacy, passion, and commitment—that interact to produce seven types of love.

Is Love Biological or Cultural?

Some researchers suggest that love is a basic human emotion just like happiness or anger, while others believe that it is a cultural phenomenon that arises partly due to social pressures and expectations. 

Research has found that romantic love exists in all cultures, which suggests that love has a strong biological component. It is a part of human nature to seek out and find love. However, culture can significantly affect how individuals think about, experience, and display romantic love.

How to Practice Love

There is no single way to practice love. Every relationship is unique, and each person brings their own history and needs. Some things that you can do to show love to the people you care about include:

• Be willing to be vulnerable.
• Be willing to forgive.
• Do your best, and be willing to apologize when you make mistakes.
• Let them know that you care.
• Listen to what they have to say.
• Prioritize spending time with the other person.
• Reciprocate loving gestures and acts of kindness.
• Recognize and acknowledge their good qualities.
• Share things about yourself.
• Show affection.
• Make it unconditional.

Impact of Love

Love, attachment, and affection have an important impact on well-being and quality of life. Loving relationships have been linked to:

• Lower risk of heart disease
• Decreased risk of dying after a heart attack
• Better health habits
• Increased longevity
• Lower stress levels
• Less depression
• Lower risk of diabetes

Tips for Cultivating Love

Lasting relationships are marked by deep levels of trust, commitment, and intimacy. Some things that you can do to help cultivate loving relationships include:

• Try loving-kindness meditation. Loving-kindness meditation (LKM) is a technique often used to promote self-acceptance and reduce stress, but it has also been shown to promote a variety of positive emotions and improve interpersonal relationships. LKM involves meditating while thinking about a person you love or care about, concentrating on warm feelings and your desire for their well-being and happiness.
• Communicate. Everyone’s needs are different. The best way to ensure that your needs and your loved one’s needs are met is to talk about them. Helping another person feel loved involves communicating that love to them through words and deeds. Some ways to do this include showing that you care, making them feel special, telling them they are loved, and doing things for them.
• Tackle conflict in a healthy way. Never arguing is not necessarily a sign of a healthy relationship—more often than not, it means that people are avoiding an issue rather than discussing it. Rather than avoid conflict, focus on hashing out issues in ways that are healthy in order to move a relationship forward in a positive way. 

Potential Pitfalls

As Shakespeare said, the course of love never did run smooth. No relationship is perfect, so there will always be problems, conflicts, misunderstandings, and disappointments that can lead to distress or heartbreak.

So while love is associated with a host of positive emotions, it can also be accompanied by a number of negative feelings as well. Some of the potential pitfalls of experiencing love include:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Increased stress
• Jealousy
• Obsessiveness
• Possessiveness
• Sadness

While people are bound to experience some negative emotions associated with love, it can become problematic if those negative feelings outweigh the positive or if they start to interfere with either person’s ability to function normally. Relationship counseling can be helpful in situations where couples need help coping with miscommunication, stress, or emotional issues.

History of Love

Only fairly recently has love become the subject of science. In the past, the study of love was left to «the creative writer to depict for us the necessary conditions for loving,» according to Sigmund Freud. «In consequence, it becomes inevitable that science should concern herself with the same materials whose treatment by artists has given enjoyment to mankind for thousands of years,» he added.

Research on love has grown tremendously since Freud’s remarks. But early explorations into the nature and reasons for love drew considerable criticism. During the 1970s, U.S. Senator William Proxmire railed against researchers who were studying love and derided the work as a waste of taxpayer dollars.

Despite early resistance, research has revealed the importance of love in both child development and adult health.