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Home The body says what words cannot

    Jul 30, 2014

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      Martha Graham, shown here with Bertram Ross

      Martha Graham (May 11, 1894 – April 1, 1991) was an American dancer and choreographer regarded as one of the foremost pioneers of modern dance, and is widely considered one of the greatest artists of the 20th century.

      Quotes[edit]

      Art is eternal, for it reveals the inner landscape, which is the soul of man.
      • We look at the dance to impart the sensation of living in an affirmation of life, to energize the spectator into keener awareness of the vigor, the mystery, the humor, the variety, and the wonder of life. This is the function of the American dance.
        • «The American Dance», in Modern Dance, ed. Virginia Stewart (1945).
      • There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. … No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.
        • As quoted in The Life and Work of Martha Graham (1991) by Agnes de Mille, p. 264, ISBN 0-394-55643-7.
      • Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.
        • As quoted in The Runner’s Book of Daily Inspiration : A Year of Motivation, Revelation, and Instruction (1999) by Kevin Nelson, p. 11.
      • I have spent all my life with dance and being a dancer. It’s permitting life to use you in a very intense way. Sometimes it is not pleasant. Sometimes it is fearful. But nevertheless it is inevitable.
        • As quoted in «About Martha Graham» at the Martha Graham Center of Contemporary Dance.

      I Am A Dancer (1952)[edit]

      I think the reason dance has held such an ageless magic for the world is that it has been the symbol of the performance of living.
      I feel that the essence of dance is the expression of mankind — the landscape of the human soul.
      Written for the radio program This I Believe, published in This I Believe, Vol. 2 (1952); also in The Routledge Dance Studies Reader (1998) by Alexandra Carter and Janet O’Shea, p. 96
      • I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. in each it is the performance of a dedicated set of acts, physical or intellectual, from which comes the shape of achievement, a sense of one’s being, a satisfaction of spirit. One becomes in some areas an athlete of God.
      • To practice means to perform, in the face of all obstacles some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.
      • I think the reason dance has held such an ageless magic for the world is that it has been the symbol of the performance of living.
      • The most brilliant scientific discoveries will in time change and perhaps grow obsolete as new scientific manifestations emerge. But art is eternal, for it reveals the inner landscape, which is the soul of man.
      • Many times I hear the phrase «the dance of life». It is an expression that touches me deeply, for the instrument through which the dance speaks is also the instrument through which life is lived — the human body.
      • Dancing appears glamorous, easy, delightful. But the path to paradise of the achievement is not easier than any other. There is fatigue so great that the body cries, even in its sleep. There are times of complete frustration, there are daily small deaths. Then I need all the comfort that practice has stored in my memory, a tenacity of faith.
      • The body is shaped, disciplined, honoured, and in time, trusted. The movement becomes clean, precise, eloquent, truthful. Movement never lies. It is a barometer telling the state of the soul’s weather to all who can read it. This might be called the law of the dancer’s life — the law which governs the outer aspects.
      • The main thing, of course, always, is the fact that there is only one of you in the world, just one, and if that is not fulfilled then something has been lost. Ambition is not enough; necessity is everything.
      • People have asked me why I chose to be a dancer. I did not choose: I was chosen to be a dancer, and, with that, you live all your life.
      • The next time you look into the mirror, just look at the way the ears rest next to the head; look at the way the hairline grows; think of all the little bones in your wrist. It is a miracle. And the dance is a celebration of that miracle.
        • Variant: Think of the magic of that foot, comparatively small, upon which your whole weight rests. It’s a miracle, and the dance is a celebration of that miracle.
      • I feel that the essence of dance is the expression of mankind — the landscape of the human soul. I hope that every dance I do reveals something of myself or some wonderful thing a human being can be.
      • The body is a sacred garment: it is what you enter life in and what you depart life with, and it should be treated with honour, and with joy and with fear as well. But always, though, with blessing.
      • I am absorbed in the magic of movement and light. Movement never lies. It is the magic of what I call the outer space of the imagination.

      New York Times interview (1985)[edit]

      To me, the body says what words cannot.
      Dance is the hidden language of the soul, of the body.
      «Martha Graham Reflects on Her Art and a Life in Dance» (31 March 1985); republished in The New York Times Guide to the Arts of the 20th Century (2002), p. 2734.
      • When you start with an idea, or something hits you, then you have to follow that through to the end, and it’s the following through to the end that makes the pattern. That, for me, is choreography.
      • Dancing is just discovery, discovery, discovery — what it all means… 
      • I love words very much. I’ve always loved to talk, and I’ve always love words — the words that rest in your mouth, what words mean and how you taste them and so on. And for me the spoken word can be used almost as a gesture.
      • The erotic element is life, but doesn’t have to absorb you, it doesn’t have to be a naughty word. It’s the love of life in many ways.
      • I’ve always regarded eroticism as a beautiful word. I’m not ashamed to be linked to it. I would be ashamed to be linked to flamboyant sexuality; that’s a part of life, but it isn’t all of it.
      • To me, the only sin is mediocrity.
      • I don’t try to tell the dancers exactly what a dance means before they do it. I can correct it and tell them what they have done after they have done it, and what it means to me. But I don’t say, «Be fearful here,» «Be angry here,» because I think that is intrusion.
      • I think comedy is the most difficult thing in the world, I really do. One can always lament, you know — but to laugh in the face of life, that’s very hard. And for me the great tragedian should also be a great comedian.
      • Dancing is very like poetry. It’s like poetic lyricism, sometimes, it’s like the rawness of dramatic poetry, it’s like the terror — or it can be like a terrible revelation of meaning. Because when you light on a word it strikes you to your heart.
      • To me, the body says what words cannot. I believe that dance was the first art. A philosopher has said that dance and architecture were the first arts. I believe that dance was first because it’s gesture, it’s communication. That doesn’t mean it’s telling a story, but it means it’s communicating a feeling, a sensation to people.
        Dance is the hidden language of the soul, of the body. And it’s partly the language that we don’t want to show.
      • I use the words gods and goddesses principally, I think, to mean beautiful bodies — bodies that are absolute instruments. And I believe in discipline, I believe in a very definite technique. You have no right to go before a public without an adequate technique, just because you feel. Anything feels — a leaf feels, a storm feels — what right have you to do that? You have to have speech, and it’s a cultivated speech.

      Misattributed[edit]

      • Movement never lies.
        • A phrase she often used, which she credited to her father.
      • Some of you are doomed to be artists.
        • Though often used by Graham, she credited this to Robert Edmond Jones. Agnes de Mille states in «The Life and Work of Martha Graham» (2010), p. 215: It was Jones who used to say to his classes, «Some of you are doomed to be artists.» Martha picked up this phrase and used it many times thereafter.

      External links[edit]

      Wikipedia
      Wikipedia
      Commons
      Commons
      • MarthaGraham.org — Martha Graham Center of Contemporary Dance
      • NY Times obituary by Anna Kisselgoff (2 April 1991)
      • An Athlete of God: The Personal Essay of Martha Graham
      • PBS:American Masters biography
      • Kennedy Center biography
      • Martha Graham on IMDb
      • University of Pittsburgh online text
      • MySpace.com/marthagrahamdancecompany
      • BlackHistoryDaily.com — Martha Graham
      • Review of Episodes in The New York Times (7 June 1959) by John Martin
      • The Clytemnestra Project Site
      • Batsheva Dance Company: From Graham to Gaga
      • Martha Graham at Find a Grave

      Dance is the hidden language of the soul

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      Перевод задания
      А. Скажите, какие это части тела.
      1) Мы можем брать вещи, работать или писать, потому что у нас есть они.
      2) Мы можем обнимать людей, которых любим, потому что у нас есть они.
      3) Мы можем поворачивать головы влево и вправо, потому что у нас есть это.
      4) Мы можем слышать вещи, потому что они у нас есть.
      5) Мы можем есть и пить, потому что у нас это есть.
      6) Мы умеем целоваться, потому что они у нас есть.
      7) Мы можем жевать, потому что они у нас есть.
      8) Мы можем видеть вещи, потому что они у нас есть.
      9) Мы можем ходить, бегать и танцевать, потому что они у нас есть.
      10) Мы можем носить кольца, потому что они у нас есть.
      B. Вспомни как можно больше слов, чтобы сказать, что мы носим
      1) Мы носим … … … на наших головах.
      2) Мы носим … … … на наших шеях.
      3) Мы носим … … … на наших руках.
      4) Мы носим … … … на наших ступнях.
      5) Мы носим … … … на наших ногах.
      6) Мы носим … … … на наших телах.

       
      ОТВЕТ
      A.
      1. These are hands.
      2. These are arms.
      3. This is a neck.
      4. These are ears.
      5. This is a mouth.
      6. These are lips.
      7. These are teeth.
      8. These are eyes.
      9. These are legs.
      10. These are fingers.
      B.
      1) We wear hats, caps, fur hats on our heads.
      2) We wear scarves, ties on our necks.
      3) We wear gloves, mittens on our hands.
      4) We wear socks, sandals, shoes, boots, trainers on our feet.
      5) We wear leggings, jeans, trousers, shorts on our legs.
      6) We wear dresses, sweaters, coats, blouses, suits, t−shirts, shirts, fur coats on our bodies.
      Перевод ответа
      A.
      1. Это руки (кисти).
      2. Это руки.
      3. Это шея.
      4. Это уши.
      5. Это рот.
      6. Это губы.
      7. Это зубы.
      8. Это глаза.
      9. Это ноги.
      10. Это пальцы (рук).
      B.
      1) Мы носим шапки, кепки, меховые шапки на наших головах.
      2) Мы носим шарфы, галстуки на шеях.
      3) Мы носим перчатки, варежки на руках.
      4) Мы носим носки, сандалии, туфли, ботинки, кроссовки на ногах.
      5) Мы носим леггинсы, джинсы, брюки, шорты на наших ногах.
      6) Мы носим платья, свитера, пальто, блузки, костюмы, футболки, рубашки, шубы на наших телах.

      Did you know that we can only spot lies with 54% accuracy?

      Did you know there are over 20 muscles in the face that make up over 10,000 facial expressions?

      Learning to decode body language is powerful and one of the most important nonverbal communication skills.

      This guide is your key to reading people AND having confident body language.

      In this article, we’re going to cover the essential must-knows to mastering your body language skills:

      • What is body language?
      • How to make yourself look approachable and relaxed during conversations.
      • 10 negative cues to avoid (that you might be using regularly!).
      • The 11 types of body language you’ll encounter.

      Before we dive in, be sure to take our body language quiz here to find out how good you are at reading body language!

      What is Body Language?

      Body Language Definition

      Body language is the science of nonverbal signals such as gestures, facial expressions, and eye gaze that communicate a person’s emotions and intentions. In total, there are 11 types of body language that we use to communicate. Unlike words, body language is often done subconsciously and constitutes a large part of our communication.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Why is Body Language So Important?

      What if I told you there’s a way to get almost anything you want? Things like…

      • secretly knowing what someone’s thinking
      • getting a raise without working any harder
      • having your date never forget you and wanting more

      People who are good at reading body language typically excel in their careers, have great relationships, and get “freebies” in life.

      But if you’re not good at body language, don’t fret!

      Body language is a skill ANYONE can learn.

      If you want to learn more about the importance of body language, I recommend checking out my article here:

      5 Powerful Reasons Why Body Language is Important

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      What Are Some Body Language Examples?

      Body language can be broken down into 2 major categories—positive or open body language, and negative or closed body language.

      Open vs. closed body language

      And just like how they sound, these 2 broad categories of cues signal just how open (or closed) someone is from their external environment. Whether at a networking event talking to a random stranger you’ve just met, giving a presentation or speech, or on a first date, knowing how to read these cues is key to knowing how receptive others are to you or the situation.

      Reading body language is as close to mind reading as we can get.

      Open Body Language Examples

      The Eyebrow Flash Open Body Language Cue

      THE EYEBROW FLASH

      Description: When someone does an eyebrow flash, you’ll typically see their eyebrows raise slightly for less than ⅕ of a second.

      What it Means: The eyebrow raise is a great sign of interest. People tend to use the eyebrow flash in 3 main ways:

      • The eyebrow flash can show intersest professionally, as when giving approval, agreeing to something, thanking someone, or seeking confirmation. It’s used as a nonverbal “yes” during conversation.
      • The eyebrow flash can also show interest romantically.
      • Or the eyebrow flash can show interest socially, as when 2 people recognize each other. It signals to the other person that you are happy to see them.

      Whenever we use the eyebrow flash, we call attention to our face. Teachers and speakers often use it as a way to say, “Listen to this!” Or “Look at me!”

      Interestingly, some cultures like the Japanese find this cue indecent and avoid it3.

      The Science: According to researchers at the University of Pittsburgh, the eyebrow flash is a universally recognized form of greeting and can be found all over the world, suggesting that this gesture is common among all cultures.

      Yes, this gesture is even used by monkeys and apes1 .

      Eyebrow flash 6C0 1

      Mmm, tasty!

      How to Use it: There are so many ways to use the eyebrow flash. Here are a few:

      • To Show Liking: When you see someone you like or who you want to like you, give them a quick eyebrow flash followed by a warm smile.
      • To Increase Engagement: If you want someone to listen to something you are about to say, raise your eyebrows right before you deliver.
      • To Show Interest: Are you curious? Your eyebrows are the best way to show it!
      The Equal Handshake Open Body Language Cue

      THE EQUAL HANDSHAKE

      Have you ever had a cold, clammy handshake?

      Or an overly dominant handshake?

      Or even… a really awkward one?

      Yuck! These handshakes are NOT great for building mutual rapport. Enter: the equal handshake.

      Description: An equal handshake has these 7 elements:

      1. good eye contact
      2. a warm, genuine smile
      3. an extended arm with a slight bend at the elbow
      4. fingers pointing downward while approaching the other person’s hand
      5. this one’s the big one—EQUAL pressure during the hand clasp
      6. slight forward lean toward the other person
      7. a slow release after 1–2 seconds

      What it Means: This handshake is a breath of fresh air and signals mutual respect for both parties.

      An equal handshake signals confidence, openness, and power during an interaction and leaves both interactants feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

      How to Use it: Before shaking hands, consider the context. Salespeople learned early on that an uninvited or surprise handshake from nowhere was damaging to their sales—the buyer obviously didn’t welcome them, and they felt forced to shake hands.

      Handshakes also aren’t universal—some cultures, like Japan, commonly bow as a greeting, and other cultures, like Italy or Spain, give a kiss on the cheek.

      A good rule of thumb is to only shake hands when you know the other person will warmly reciprocate it. Otherwise, a head nod is a good option—or wait for the other person to initiate first.

      On another important note, older people require less pressure, so avoid crushing their hand with your firm grip. When shaking hands with a higher-status individual, allow them to set the length and pressure of the handshake first, and follow up with an equal exchange for maximum bonding.

      Authentic Mirroring Open Body Language Cue

      AUTHENTIC MIRRORING

      Description: Displaying similar body language to other interactants during a social situation.

      What it Means: Mirroring is a highly rapport-building cue that signals a desire to connect with someone else. People tend to mirror only those they like, and seeing someone else mirror our own body language creates a feeling of similarity and likeness.

      The Science: Mirroring is powerful. Studies have shown that mirroring leads to:

      • Greater compliance from requests. So mirror if you want to persuade someone.
      • Higher sales numbers. So be sure to mirror if you are in sales.
      • Positive evaluations. So mirror your manager to build rapport.
      • Even larger tips from customers!

      Mirroring others is literally hardwired into our brains. Professor Joseph Heinrich from the University of Michigan explains that mirroring others helps us cooperate—which leads to more food, better health, and economic growth for communities.

      How to Use it: Make sure to mirror subtly. If someone nods their head vigorously in agreement, and you do the same, you may come off as too obvious—this can even lead to suspicion or decreased rapport.

      Best friends often mirror without even realizing it!

      You can also avoid mirroring someone entirely if you’re disinterested in them or want to create boundaries.

      If the other person is displaying negative body language cues, try displaying open positive language cues yourself to get them to open up, instead of copying their closed gestures.

      Mutual Eye Gaze Open Body Language Cue

      MUTUAL GAZING

      Type: Interest

      Description: Eye contact that is mutual—neither lacking eye contact or being a little… err, too interested.

      What it Means: Longer eye contact, especially from people who are high-status, makes us feel favored. This is especially true when receiving eye contact from celebrities or movie stars2.

      Increased eye contact also indicates the other person may be curious, as when people are more attentive to their surroundings, their blink rate will generally decrease3.

      Warning:

      Do not make 100% eye contact! That is actually a territorial signal and shows aggression. People often do it before a fight:

      You want to do mutual gazing. Eye contact when you agree, when you are listening, when you are exchanging ideas, or when staring at your amazing self in the mirror:

      The Science: Making eye contact just 30% of the time has been shown to significantly increase what people remember you say.

      You can also give a boost to your perceived persuasiveness, truthfulness, sincerity, and credibility just by mutual eye gazing3.

      Interestingly, certain personality traits were found to relate to more mutual gazing—namely, extroversion, agreeableness, and openness3.

      How to Use it: Increase your eye gaze to bond. However, make sure to glance away occasionally, since too much eye contact can be seen as threatening and make people feel uncomfortable.

      Pop Quiz: Real vs. Fake

      Take a look at the photo below. Can you tell if this is a real or fake smile?

      Body language ilustration of a fake smiling girl

      Click to Reveal Answer

      This is a fake smile. This smile lacks the characteristic “crow’s feet” wrinkles around the corners of the eyes.

      Duchenne Smile Open Body Language Cue

      DUCHENNE SMILE

      Description: The Duchenne smile is a smile characterized by the “crow’s feet” wrinkles around the corners of the eyes along with upturned corners of the mouth. This is a real smile.

      What it Means: When you see a Duchenne smile, this likely indicates genuine happiness.

      It is difficult, but not impossible, to fake a real smile. In most cases, we smile dozens of times in normal conversation, but many of these smiles are given out of politeness or formality.

      The Science: Research shows that babies several weeks old will already use the Duchenne smile for their mothers only, while using a more polite, social smile for others2.

      People also tend to smile more with others than when alone—in fact, when we see a smiling face, endorphins are released into our system1.

      Studies show that athletes will smile noticeably differently, whether they finish in first, second, or third place. This distinction was the same even in congenitally blind athletes who never even saw a smile before1.

      How to Use it: When smiling, remember to “smile with your eyes,” instead of just your mouth. It also helps to smile widely enough to bring the cheeks up, helping activate the muscles around your eyes. Remember to maintain the smile even after an encounter—in fake happiness encounters, you may often see an “on-off” smile that flashes and then vanishes quickly after 2 people go their separate ways4.

      Example: In this example, George W. Bush flashes a childish Duchenne smile (“Oops, I got caught!”) when he tries to open a door, but fails:

      George W. Bush Can't Open the Door

      Head Tilt Open Body Language Cue

      THE HEAD TILT

      Description: The head tilts to one side, exposing the neck.

      What it Means: A head tilt is a sign of openness. Your neck is one of your most vulnerable areas. Neck skin is much thinner and requires protection. And exposing your neck and throat opens you up.

      When someone tilts their head, they are showing that they’re comfortable enough to let their neck be exposed. You can often see the head tilt (especially from women) when others are attracted to someone, although this can also be used to indicate platonic interest.

      It can also show that someone is curious about what you’re saying, especially if you get the head tilt and head nod cluster:

      The Science: Studies of paintings from the last 2,000 years show that women are depicted 3 times as often as men using the head tilt1. Today, you can also see women tilting their heads 3 times more than men in modern advertising:

      Body language of a women tilting her head on a magazine cover

      How to Use it: Since this is a very powerful disarming behavior, you can tilt the head to the side, along with other open body language cues, to ease a tense situation or get someone to open up.

      The head tilt is a very warm cue—it softens you. You want to be careful not to use it too much during sales pitches or meetings.

      Example: In The Bachelor, you can often see the head tilt during romantic encounters. Watch this scene as Cassie tilts her head during their first date before she sleeps with Colton (timestamp 2:46):

      Cassie Gets In Bed With Colton On First Date | The Bachelor US

      Shared Laughter Open Body Language Cue

      SHARED LAUGHTER

      Description: Simultaneous laughter shared between individuals in response to a joke or funny observation.

      What it Means: When you crack a joke and the other person shares a laugh with you, this is a good sign that they are open to connecting with you. Laughter is meant to establish potential relationships or maintain existing ones, especially if the joke wasn’t particularly funny.

      Laughter is also an indication that someone is relaxed, since stiff and nervous people usually do not laugh genuinely, or instead give a tense laugh if they are in a nervous situation.

      The Science: Neurologist Henri Rubenstein found that just one minute of laughter provides up to 45 minutes of subsequent relaxation1! The relaxation boost you get certainly justifies watching your favorite comedians on TV. And you know who’s great at laughing? Will Smith. In this funny “insult” episode of Will Smith vs. Margot Robbie, Will’s laughter is so contagious that his laughter even makes others laugh!

      Will Smith & Margot Robbie Insult Each Other | CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE!

      As we age, we usually laugh less. Adults laugh an average of only 15 times per day, while preschoolers laugh 400 times daily1.

      A great way to boost your laughter is to get more social! Robert Provine found that laughter is more than 30x more likely to occur in social situations rather than when alone. In his study, participants were videotaped watching a funny video clip in 3 different situations:

      • alone,
      • with a same-sex stranger, and
      • with a same-sex friend.

      Those who watched alone had significantly less laughter than when watching with a stranger or friend.

      How to Use it: Try incorporating humor into your conversations, such as giving the opposite answer to a yes/no question.

      Example: If people are expecting you to say yes, say no; if people are expecting you to say no, say yes instead. It’s simple but effective.

      This is Jennifer Lawrence’s go-to strategy.

      Jennifer Lawrence @ The Ellen DeGeneres Show | Full interview [HD]

      The World’s Funniest Joke

      In 2001, Richard Wiseman set out to find the world’s funniest joke. In his experiment, Wiseman set up a website named LaughLab, in which users could input their favorite joke, and participants could rate them.

      By the end of the project, which garnered 40,000 jokes and had over 350,000 participants from 70 countries, one joke was found to stand out above the rest:

      Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

      Open Palms Open Body Language Cue

      OPEN PALMS

      Type: Gesture

      Description: When using hand gestures, make sure you display your palms and don’t hide them from others. Pockets, hands behind back, and closed fists can all act as barriers against open palms.

      What it Means: People who display open palms are seen as honest and sincere:

      And have you ever been in a situation where you met someone, and they seem nice, but something inside you felt a bit… off? It might have been that their palms weren’t showing.

      Evolutionarily, when we see closed palms, our brains receive signals that we might be in danger—after all, they could be brandishing a weapon or hiding something even more dangerous…

      How to Use it: When gesturing with your hands, make sure your hands are open most of the time and people can see your open palms. It is also a good idea to keep the palms facing upward most of the time, rather than downward.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Closed Body Language Examples

      Crossed Ankles Closed Body Language Cue

      CROSSED ANKLES

      Description: The feet are crossed, and one ankle lies on top of the other. This can be done whether sitting or standing—or even with the feet on the table.

      What it Means: A person crossing their ankles might feel uncomfortable and closed-off, although there is an exception (I’ll talk about that below). The tighter their ankles are locked, the more anxiety or stress the person may be experiencing.

      Women often sit with their ankles locked2, especially if they are wearing a skirt. However, it is unnatural to sit like this for a prolonged period of time and should be considered strange, especially if done by males.

      When taken a step further, people may lock their feet around the legs of a chair under high-stress situations. I call this the “ejection seat” position, because it’s something many people would do if they were about to be launched out of their seat:

      The big exception to this rule is if you see the ankles crossed while legs are outstretched on the floor. This can be a relaxed posture with the legs taking up space:

      The Science: In a study of 319 dental patients by the Peases1, ankle locking was a common body language cue done by most patients: 68% of patients getting a checkup locked their ankles, 89% of patients locked their ankles as soon as they sat in their chair to get some dental work done, and a whopping 98% of them ankle-locked when they received an injection.

      It’s safe to say that these patients felt de-feeted during this situation!

      Hand Clasping Closed Body Language Cue

      HAND CLASPING

      Description: You know that affectionate, tender feeling of holding hands with a significant other?

      Well, sometimes we don’t have that option (there’s no shame in that!). In these cases, we might choose to hold our own hand. Sometimes we interlace our fingers, and other times we hug one hand on top of the other.

      Here’s an interesting fact: every time we interlock our fingers, one thumb is on top, and this is our dominant thumb4. For most people, it feels super weird if we switch thumbs and put our dominant one underneath!

      What it Means: Interlaced fingers are a form of “self-hug.” Essentially, people who perform this gesture are comforting themselves with their hands, and it acts as a nostalgic reminder of the security we felt when holding hands with our parents as kids.

      As adults, we do this when we’re insecure—you’ll find this during overly formal events or when meeting a nervous client at work.

      How to Use it: Use this gesture if you want to conclude a meeting or end an interaction with someone. If you want to appear confident, you can even use this cue but with your thumbs stuck out—this signals confidence instead of stress.

      If you see someone with interlaced fingers and want to open them up, try humor. Once they start laughing, you’ll see their body language start opening up!

      Description: Have you ever seen a fencing bout before? These guys are on their feet, constantly moving back and forth in a game of who-can-stab-the-other-guy-first. It’s basically chess but with swords.

      But the way that fencers use their stance is exactly what people do when closing off. When blading, the torso is turned away, maximizing reach in case violence occurs, while minimizing damage to the oh-so-vulnerable frontal parts.

      Since up to 90% of people are right-handed, when you see blading, the left foot (which is also non-dominant in most cases) is usually the one that steps forward, or the right foot may step backward.

      What it Means: Blading can commonly be seen right before a fight begins. You can see it before a bar fight breaks loose, during a boxing match, or if you made a statement your conversation partner disagrees with.

      If you’re talking to a buddy in a front-to-front situation, and you see him blade all of a sudden, he might be feeling a bit defensive or threatened.

      An exception to blading is when both people are observing an event and square up shoulder-to-shoulder, such as sitting on the couch and watching TV together.

      Thumbs Hidden Closed Body Language Cue

      THUMBS HIDDEN

      Description: The thumbs are hidden away from view, such as inside pockets or even wrapped around the other fingers.

      What it Means: Usually a display of lower self-confidence, hiding thumbs usually signals concern, insecurity, or feelings of threat. High-status people have been observed to do this sometimes when relaxing2 but never when they’re “on.”

      Dogs also perform a similar cue by hiding their ears during times of stress. They do this in order to streamline themselves in case they need to make a mad dash… like if they manage to bite a hole through your $50 doggy bed while you were out dining with your partner (oddly specific?).

      How to Use it: Around close friends and trusted others, it’s totally fine to relax your hands in your pockets once in a while. But if you want to make the other person feel a bit insecure for whatever reason, sticking your hands deep in your pockets is a surefire way to do it! 

      Pop Quiz: Thumbs Out

      In the picture below, the person has their hands in their pockets, but their thumbs are sticking out. What does this likely indicate?

      Body Language image of a man with his thumbs out of pockets

      1. confidence
      2. nervousness or anxiety
      3. anticipation
      4. fear

      Click to Reveal Answer

      a) confidence. Even though the hands are inside the pockets, the big difference here is that the thumbs are sticking out. Thumbs are also the most powerful digits of your hand. When they are displayed confidently, this can often indicate confidence or power in a given situation.

      Neck Rubbing Closed Body Language Cue

      NECK RUBBING

      Description: When people rub their necks, they’ll usually do it on the side or back of the neck. In more extreme cases, you’ll see the suprasternal notch, or the part where your neck meets your clavicle, being touched (usually more in women).

      What it Means: People usually rub their neck when feeling insecure or stressed. For some people, this is their go-to method to relieve stress.

      Those who habitually rub the neck also have a tendency to be more negative or critical1 than others.

      The Science: When the nerve on the side of the neck called the vagus nerve is massaged, acetylcholine, a neurotransmitter that sends signals to the heart, causes the heart rate to go down.

      A Deadly Example:

      Warning:

      This example contains graphic content.

      In the formal interview of a Canadian-born Chinese-Vietnamese woman named Jennifer Pan, she told detectives that her parents were murdered in her house by 3 unknown thugs.

      However, the interview officially turned into an interrogation when the detectives became suspicious. They noticed her story didn’t line up, and the nonverbal cues she displayed weren’t quite normal for her situation. It turns out that she actually staged the murder herself, and she was faking her story the entire time!

      One nonverbal cue she consistently displayed that signaled high stress was touching her suprasternal notch:

      Jennifer's Solution

      Crossed Arms Closed Body Language Cue

      CROSSED ARMS

      Description: Chances are, you know this one. Practically everyone has crossed their arms at some point or another.

      What it Means: Most people who do this are projecting anger, anxiety, or stress—it’s also known as the “self-hug”2.

      That’s why people will usually cross their arms only in public and not when alone. You’ll see it often in public, such as in line at the DMV, in doctors’ and dentists’ waiting rooms, or with first-time air travelers1.

      People who are feeling angry, hostile, or defensive may clench their fists and even combine this gesture with a tight-lipped smile or clenched teeth1.

      The Science: Research on over 1,500 volunteers was conducted by the Peases1 to find out exactly how the crossed-arms gesture made people feel. The volunteers, asked to attend a series of lectures, were divided into 2 groups:

      • One group was asked to keep their legs uncrossed, arms unfolded, and take a relaxed sitting position.
      • The second group did the same, except they were asked to cross their arms throughout the lectures.

      The result? The second group learned and retained 38% less information than the group with unfolded arms. They also gave more critical opinions of the lecturers and the lecturer.

      How to Disarm it: If you see someone with this gesture, you can break their barrier by giving them something to hold onto1—a pen, book, coffee, or brochure will work just fine. You can also ask them to lean forward to look at something to open their arms up.

      Example: Right before a tug-of-war competition, most of the men on a tug-of-war team face off against 4 big Strongman competitors. Their crossed arms are a dead giveaway that they’re feeling tension from the upcoming struggle:

      STRONGMEN VS. SCOTSMEN IN EPIC TUG-OF-WAR | The Strongest Man in History (Season 1) | History

      How Do You Cross

      Here’s a simple self-test you can do right now: cross your arms. Now let me take a guess… Did you cross your left arm over your right one?

      Research has found that 7 out of 10 people cross their left arm over their right arm1. This implies that this gesture might be genetic, with the less dominant left arm protecting the more useful right one. If you try crossing your arms the other way, you might be surprised that it feels completely wrong!

      And we all cross differently. Take a look at the chart below and see a handful of the quirky ways we tend to cross our arms!

      The body language of arms crossed in different ways

      Hunched Shoulders Closed Body Language Cue

      HUNCHED SHOULDERS

      Description: How many times have you heard “shoulders back, head straight!”

      Believe it or not, hunched shoulders are becoming even more common nowadays, as you’ll see people slumped over, looking at their cellphones. Over time, this might even become the norm, as people develop chronically-hunched shoulders from staring at smartphones and hunched over laptops all day.

      We may all literally end up like the Hunchback of Notre Dame:

      All kidding aside, people who are super submissive in social situations, like those with clinical depression or self-proclaimed “social failures,” may also walk with a permanent stoop, with shoulders rounded and their neck hunched forward.

      Meaning: This is a naturally defensive posture. Forward shoulders may indicate that someone is trying to hide something or feeling vulnerable, since you are closing off your vulnerable neck and chest areas.

      You’ll also rarely see this in fashion shows and magazines, as it instantly drops your attraction value. This cue literally reminds me of a turtle withdrawing into its shell:

      Perhaps a better name for this cue would be “turtling!”

      Rubbing Eyes Closed Body Language Cue

      RUBBING EYES

      Type: Pacifying

      Description: People who rub their eyes usually use their index finger, middle, or thumb to get in on that eyelid action. It can range either from a gentle, split-second touch, to more obvious rubbing, to a very obvious, angry, it’s-raw type of face/eye rubbing:

      What it Means: Rubbing the eyelids really helps people calm down, as it acts like a “visual reset.” Essentially, what you’re saying when you rub your eyes is: “Look, please go away. I wish everything in front of me just “vanished.” You’ll typically see this gesture with high-stakes poker players as soon as they lose a hand, or during an argument between an angry and frustrated couple.

      Of course, people naturally do this to get those nasty eye boogies out, too, so always take into account how tired someone is, before placing a negative label on them.

      The Science: Rubbing the eyelids stimulates a special nerve in the eyelids called the vagus nerve, which helps slow down heart and breathing rates when it’s massaged.

      You can also see people do this during conversations and interrogations when they are asked a difficult or stress-inducing question, and if they want to cut off eye contact to reduce their own stress or anxiety.

      You may often see this gesture more in men than women, as women might be conditioned to avoid rubbing their eyes, especially if they wear eye makeup.

      How to Use It: Having a hard day at work? Try closing your eyes in a safe space and gently rubbing your eyelids while taking a breath. I’ve found just 30 seconds of this helps immensely and gives a sense of calm during a stressful day.

      Fidgeting With Objects Closed Body Language Cue

      FIDGETING WITH OBJECTS

      Description: Fidgeting involves playing with nearby objects, such as keys, coins, a pen, a ring, or a necklace.

      What it Means: Fidgeting typically signals boredom. Bored of talking, bored of sitting down, and yes—even bored of you (ouch!).

      People who fidget may be subconsciously desiring sensory reassurance, similar to how babies hold onto their favorite toy. Other times, it may mean that people are anxious or short on time—and in some cases, even disappointed (Robert Herzegovina definitely knows about that):

      Yes, people even fidget with their fingers!

      The Science: Observations at railway stations and airports revealed that there are 10x as many displacement activities in flying situations. In other words, people fidget a lot when they’re about to fly. These behaviors include:

      • checking tickets
      • taking out passports and putting them away
      • rearranging hand baggage
      • making sure their wallet is in place
      • dropping things and picking them up

      In contrast, only 8% of people boarding a train showed signs of fidgeting, compared to 80% of people at a check-in desk of a jumbo-jet flight across the Atlantic4.

      How to Use it: If you want an easy out to a conversation, just start jangling your keys or coins in your pocket or hands. It might be a bit rude, but if you’ve really gotta go, this is a great way to end a conversation.

      Historic Example: In 1969, when Elvis Presley made his first public stage appearance in 9 years, he displayed signs of fidgeting. What do you think he was feeling, judging by this picture?

      Touching Ears Closed Body Language Cue

      TOUCHING EARS

      Description: The ear is rubbed, pulled, scratched, touched, picked at… or rubbed vigorously.

      What it Means: OK, you might have noticed a trend by now—touching yourself basically means anxiety. Not in all cases, but unless you’ve just got an itch that won’t go away, repetitive self-touch in all forms is a way to ease tension throughout your body.

      People generally scratch behind their ears, says Dutch biologist Nikolaas Tinbergen, as a way to ease tension during stressful situations. Such as when you’ve made a public speaking blunder in front of thousands of people.

      Effectively, people who do this may be trying to “block” information that they’ve just heard—whether it’s a prodding question, or even if they’ve been accused.

      Example: You may be familiar with the American actress Carol Burnett, who was famous for tugging on her left ear. She did this at the end of each show to let her grandmother know she was doing well and loved her. After her grandmother’s passing, she continued tugging her ear as a tradition and in memory of her.

      See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil

      Have you heard of the old Japanese maxim of the Three Wise Monkeys? You know, the picture of the three monkeys covering their eyes, ears, and mouth?

      Monkey showing body language by covering her mouth, eyes and years

      It turns out this picture is a GREAT example for explaining many blocking behaviors. Generally, touching the eyes, ears, or mouth are unconscious ways that people try to block out information… or prevent it from escaping—which is why you’ll often see these cues during intense interrogation sessions!

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      What Are the 11 Types of Body Language?

      Besides open and closed, body language can be further broken down into 11 different channels, including facial expressions, body proxemics, and ornaments.

      11 Types of Body Language board with different signs

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Facial Expressions

      Researcher Dr. Paul Ekman discovered 7 universal microexpressions—or short facial gestures every human makes when they feel an intense emotion. We are very drawn to looking at and observing the face to understand someone’s hidden emotions.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Body Proxemics

      Proxemics is a term for how our body moves in space. We are constantly looking at how someone is moving—are they gesturing? Leaning? Moving toward or away from us? Body movements tell us a lot about preferences and nervousness.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Gestures

      The most common gestures are hand gestures. We often use our hands to express our emotions, tell a story, or comfort ourselves. My team even did an experiment on TED talks and found the most popular speakers also used the most hand gestures.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Ornaments

      Clothes, jewelry, sunglasses, and hairstyles are all extensions of our body language. Not only do certain colors and styles send signals to others, how we interact with our ornaments is also telling. Is someone a fidgeter with their watch or ring?

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Interest

      Interest cues can be signs of attraction or general interest that usually don’t involve touch. From obvious cues like winking and smiling, to more subtle ones like a flick of the hair or displaying the wrist, knowing which cues to give and recognizing them is key to building rapport.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Eye Gaze

      Eye movements and changes tell us a lot about others’ intentions. During an interaction, we can often see changes such as longer eye gaze, sideways glances, and blocked eyes. These cues can indicate emotions like attraction, skepticism, or stress.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Pacifying

      Pacifying behaviors consist of a wide range of self-soothing behaviors that serve to calm us down after experiencing something unpleasant. This can be seen with fidgeting, bouncing feet, and arm rubbing. As a general rule of thumb, any repetitive behavior is likely pacifying.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Haptics

      Haptics refers to body language cues that involve touch. These include handshakes, touching another’s arm, hugs, a pat on the shoulder, and kissing. Since we interact with the world through touch, we can observe how others touch us to get an insight on their preferences.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Blocking

      Blocking cues are performed to magically “vanish” the cause of people’s stress or anxiety. Like the three wise monkeys—“see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil”—these cues consist of barriers like touching the mouth or crossing the arms to block out the environment.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Paralanguage

      Paralanguage is the nonverbal communications of your voice, such as pitch, tone, and cadence. Often, we can hear how confident or anxious one feels by simply listening to their voice. By learning paralanguage, we can even master our own voices and give power to our words.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Emblems

      Emblems, or symbolic cues, represent messages that are consciously understood by others, and are often used in place of words. There are over 800 emblems, from your “OK” sign and “thumbs up,” and they are heavily dependent on a person’s culture and geographic location.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Understanding & Interpreting body language

      Body language isn’t just about seeing a body language cue. It’s also about interpretation and knowing what to look for. If you really want to take a deep dive into body language, check out the most advanced book on cues:

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Unlock the Secrets of Charisma

      Control and leverage the tiny signals you’re sending—from your stance and facial expressions to your word choice and vocal tone—to improve your personal and professional relationships.

      In the world of body language, there are 2 camps:

      Absolutists believe that whenever a body language cue appears, it 100% has the interpreted meaning. For example, if a person crosses their arms, it means they are feeling blocked off in all cases.

      Contextualists believe that body language depends on the situation. If a person crosses their arms, it could mean that they’re cold, or it’s simply more comfortable for them.

      The key to understanding body language is to be a contextualist, not an absolutist. Learning about body language cues without knowing how to apply them may skew your opinions about others for the worse, rather than improving them for the better.

      ↑ Table of Contents ↑

      Body Language Mini FAQ

      Here are some other questions I’ve been asked about body language, which I’ve compiled into a mini FAQ: 

      Is body language a science?

      Yes! Body language cues and their consistency have been scientifically proven time and time again by researchers such as Paul Ekman, Joe Navarro, Barbara and Allan Pease, Desmond Morris, and Carol Kinsey Goman. However, it’s important to note that everyone has their individual quirks that may be different from the norm.

      Is body language universal?

      No. While many cues are universal, such as the eyebrow flash and 7 facial microexpressions, many body language cues are specific to a culture or geographic location. For example, many Western cultures prefer a handshake as a greeting; however, some Spanish or Latin cultures may kiss, Thai culture often employs the “wai” greeting, and the Japanese may prefer to bow.

      What is a nonverbal cue?

      A nonverbal cue is anything that is done nonverbally during an interaction, such as a hand gesture or bodily movement. Many body language cues can be interpreted to reveal a person’s intentions or feelings during a situation.

      What do you do when a person’s body language and words don’t match?

      When there is a mismatch between a person’s words and body language, it is generally preferred to rely on their body language for an accurate interpretation of their true feelings. Most people make a conscious effort to choose their words carefully; however, body language is much harder to consciously control and therefore more reliable in most cases.

      What is the difference between body language and nonverbal communication?

      Nonverbal communication is the broad term used to describe all types of communication without using words. Body language is a category of nonverbal communication that focuses on all parts of the body, such as facial expressions and gestures.

      Can body language be misread?

      Absolutely! Many people, especially those who are new to reading body language, will make the mistake of attempting to read body language but get it wrong. They may read a certain body language cue and forget to take into consideration the context or environment. They may also read a cue but miss out on other, more important cues that signal the opposite of their interpretation.

      What body language indicates lying?

      Common body language cues that indicate lying are touching the nose, increased eye contact, licking the lips, uncertain vocal tonality, and a frozen posture. There are many lying cues that may indicate deception. However, there is no single cue that definitively means a person is lying.

      How long does it take to become good at reading body language?

      It depends. Some people are naturally gifted at reading body language and can pick up on it readily. For others, it may take months in order to get a basic grasp of body language. The amount of time spent observing cues, a person’s perceptiveness, and the amount of training and research one does all affect a person’s body-language-reading abilities.

      I hope this article has been useful to you! To continue the guide, please click on the next article link below.

      To your success,

      Vanessa

      5 Essential Body Language Examples and Their Meanings


      A facial expressions chart detailing the 7 universal expressions

      Crack The Code on Facial Expressions

      The human face is constantly sending signals, and we use it to understand the person’s intentions when we speak to them. 

      In Decode, we dive deep into these microexpressions to teach you how to instantly pick up on them and understand the meaning behind what is said to you. 

      Don’t spend another day living in the dark.

      Sources:

      1 Pease, A. (2017). The definitive book of body language: How to read others’ attitudes by their gestures. London: Orion.

      2 Navarro, J., & Karlins, M. (2015). What every BODY is saying: An ex-FBI agent’s guide to speed-reading people. New York, NY: Harper Collins.

      3 Knapp, M. L., & Hall, J. A. (2014). Nonverbal communication in human interaction. Boston: Wadsworth Cengage Learning.

      4 Morris, D. (2012). Peoplewatching: The Desmond Morris Guide to Body Language. London: Vintage Digital.

      Side Note: As much as possible we tried to use academic research or expert opinion for this master body language guide. Occasionally, when we could not find research we include anecdotes that are helpful. As more research comes out on nonverbal behavior we will be sure to add it!

      This article is part of our body language guide. Click here for more.


      What is body language?

      While the key to success in both personal and professional relationships lies in your ability to communicate well, it’s not the words that you use but your nonverbal cues or “body language” that speak the loudest. Body language is the use of physical behavior, expressions, and mannerisms to communicate nonverbally, often done instinctively rather than consciously.

      Whether you’re aware of it or not, when you interact with others, you’re continuously giving and receiving wordless signals. All of your nonverbal behaviors—the gestures you make, your posture, your tone of voice, how much eye contact you make—send strong messages. They can put people at ease, build trust, and draw others towards you, or they can offend, confuse, and undermine what you’re trying to convey. These messages don’t stop when you stop speaking either. Even when you’re silent, you’re still communicating nonverbally.

      In some instances, what comes out of your mouth and what you communicate through your body language may be two totally different things. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel that you’re being dishonest. If you say “yes” while shaking your head no, for example. When faced with such mixed signals, the listener has to choose whether to believe your verbal or nonverbal message. Since body language is a natural, unconscious language that broadcasts your true feelings and intentions, they’ll likely choose the nonverbal message.

      [Read: Effective Communication]

      However, by improving how you understand and use nonverbal communication, you can express what you really mean, connect better with others, and build stronger, more rewarding relationships.

      The importance of nonverbal communication

      Your nonverbal communication cues—the way you listen, look, move, and react—tell the person you’re communicating with whether or not you care, if you’re being truthful, and how well you’re listening. When your nonverbal signals match up with the words you’re saying, they increase trust, clarity, and rapport. When they don’t, they can generate tension, mistrust, and confusion.

      If you want to become a better communicator, it’s important to become more sensitive not only to the body language and nonverbal cues of others, but also to your own.

      Nonverbal communication can play five roles:

      • Repetition: It repeats and often strengthens the message you’re making verbally.
      • Contradiction: It can contradict the message you’re trying to convey, thus indicating to your listener that you may not be telling the truth.
      • Substitution: It can substitute for a verbal message. For example, your facial expression often conveys a far more vivid message than words ever can.
      • Complementing: It may add to or complement your verbal message. As a boss, if you pat an employee on the back in addition to giving praise, it can increase the impact of your message.
      • Accenting: It may accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for example, can underline the importance of your message.

      Source: The Importance of Effective Communication, Edward G. Wertheim, Ph.D.

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      Types of nonverbal communication

      The many different types of nonverbal communication or body language include:

      Facial expressions. The human face is extremely expressive, able to convey countless emotions without saying a word. And unlike some forms of nonverbal communication, facial expressions are universal. The facial expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust are the same across cultures.

      Body movement and posture. Consider how your perceptions of people are affected by the way they sit, walk, stand, or hold their head. The way you move and carry yourself communicates a wealth of information to the world. This type of nonverbal communication includes your posture, bearing, stance, and the subtle movements you make.

      Gestures. Gestures are woven into the fabric of our daily lives. You may wave, point, beckon, or use your hands when arguing or speaking animatedly, often expressing yourself with gestures without thinking. However, the meaning of some gestures can be very different across cultures. While the “OK” sign made with the hand, for example, usually conveys a positive message in English-speaking countries, it’s considered offensive in countries such as Germany, Russia, and Brazil. So, it’s important to be careful of how you use gestures to avoid misinterpretation.

      Eye contact. Since the visual sense is dominant for most people, eye contact is an especially important type of nonverbal communication. The way you look at someone can communicate many things, including interest, affection, hostility, or attraction. Eye contact is also important in maintaining the flow of conversation and for gauging the other person’s interest and response.

      Touch. We communicate a great deal through touch. Think about the very different messages given by a weak handshake, a warm bear hug, a patronizing pat on the head, or a controlling grip on the arm, for example.

      Space. Have you ever felt uncomfortable during a conversation because the other person was standing too close and invading your space? We all have a need for physical space, although that need differs depending on the culture, the situation, and the closeness of the relationship. You can use physical space to communicate many different nonverbal messages, including signals of intimacy and affection, aggression or dominance.

      Voice. It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it. When you speak, other people “read” your voice in addition to listening to your words. Things they pay attention to include your timing and pace, how loud you speak, your tone and inflection, and sounds that convey understanding, such as “ahh” and “uh-huh.” Think about how your tone of voice can indicate sarcasm, anger, affection, or confidence.

      Can nonverbal communication be faked?

      There are many books and websites that offer advice on how to use body language to your advantage. For example, they may instruct you on how to sit a certain way, steeple your fingers, or shake hands in order to appear confident or assert dominance. But the truth is that such tricks aren’t likely to work (unless you truly feel confident and in charge). That’s because you can’t control all of the signals you’re constantly sending about what you’re really thinking and feeling. And the harder you try, the more unnatural your signals are likely to come across.

      However, that doesn’t mean that you have no control over your nonverbal cues. For example, if you disagree with or dislike what someone’s saying, you may use negative body language to rebuff the person’s message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don’t have to agree, or even like what’s being said, but to communicate effectively and not put the other person on the defensive, you can make a conscious effort to avoid sending negative signals—by maintaining an open stance and truly attempting to understand what they’re saying, and why.

      How nonverbal communication can go wrong

      What you communicate through your body language and nonverbal signals affects how others see you, how well they like and respect you, and whether or not they trust you. Unfortunately, many people send confusing or negative nonverbal signals without even knowing it. When this happens, both connection and trust in relationships are damaged, as the following examples highlight:

      • Jack believes he gets along great with his colleagues at work, but if you were to ask any of them, they would say that Jack is “intimidating” and “very intense.” Rather than just look at you, he seems to devour you with his eyes. And if he takes your hand, he lunges to get it and then squeezes so hard it hurts. Jack is a caring guy who secretly wishes he had more friends, but his nonverbal awkwardness keeps people at a distance and limits his ability to advance at work.
      • Arlene is attractive and has no problem meeting eligible men, but she has a difficult time maintaining a relationship for longer than a few months. Arlene is funny and interesting, but even though she constantly laughs and smiles, she radiates tension. Her shoulders and eyebrows are noticeably raised, her voice is shrill, and her body is stiff. Being around Arlene makes many people feel anxious and uncomfortable. Arlene has a lot going for her that is undercut by the discomfort she evokes in others.
      • Ted thought he had found the perfect match when he met Sharon, but Sharon wasn’t so sure. Ted is good looking, hardworking, and a smooth talker, but seemed to care more about his thoughts than Sharon’s. When Sharon had something to say, Ted was always ready with wild eyes and a rebuttal before she could finish her thought. This made Sharon feel ignored, and soon she started dating other men. Ted loses out at work for the same reason. His inability to listen to others makes him unpopular with many of the people he most admires.

      These smart, well-intentioned people struggle in their attempt to connect with others. The sad thing is that they are unaware of the nonverbal messages they communicate.

      [Read: Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship]

      If you want to communicate effectively, avoid misunderstandings, and enjoy solid, trusting relationships both socially and professionally, it’s important to understand how to use and interpret body language and improve your nonverbal communication skills.

      How to improve nonverbal communication

      Nonverbal communication is a rapidly flowing back-and-forth process that requires your full focus on the moment-to-moment experience. If you’re planning what you’re going to say next, checking your phone, or thinking about something else, you’re almost certain to miss nonverbal cues and not fully understand the subtleties of what’s being communicated. As well as being fully present, you can improve how you communicate nonverbally by learning to manage stress and developing your emotional awareness.

      Learn to manage stress in the moment

      Stress compromises your ability to communicate. When you’re stressed out, you’re more likely to misread other people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior. And remember: emotions are contagious. If you are upset, it is very likely to make others upset, thus making a bad situation worse.

      If you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress, take a time out. Take a moment to calm down before you jump back into the conversation. Once you’ve regained your emotional equilibrium, you’ll feel better equipped to deal with the situation in a positive way.

      The fastest and surest way to calm yourself and manage stress in the moment is to employ your senses—what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch—or through a soothing movement. By viewing a photo of your child or pet, smelling a favorite scent, listening to a certain piece of music, or squeezing a stress ball, for example, you can quickly relax and refocus. Since everyone responds differently, you may need to experiment to find the sensory experience that works best for you.

      Develop your emotional awareness

      In order to send accurate nonverbal cues, you need to be aware of your emotions and how they influence you. You also need to be able to recognize the emotions of others and the true feelings behind the cues they are sending. This is where emotional awareness comes in.

      [Read: Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ)]

      Being emotionally aware enables you to:

      • Accurately read other people, including the emotions they’re feeling and the unspoken messages they’re sending.
      • Create trust in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match up with your words.
      • Respond in ways that show others that you understand and care.

      Many of us are disconnected from our emotions—especially strong emotions such as anger, sadness, fear—because we’ve been taught to try to shut off our feelings. But while you can deny or numb your feelings, you can’t eliminate them. They’re still there and they’re still affecting your behavior. By developing your emotional awareness and connecting with even the unpleasant emotions, though, you’ll gain greater control over how you think and act. To start developing your emotional awareness, practice the mindfulness meditation in HelpGuide’s free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit.

      How to read body language

      Once you’ve developed your abilities to manage stress and recognize emotions, you’ll start to become better at reading the nonverbal signals sent by others. It’s also important to:

      Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said. Is the person saying one thing, but their body language conveying something else? For example, are they telling you “yes” while shaking their head no?

      Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you are receiving, from eye contact to tone of voice and body language. Taken together, are their nonverbal cues consistent—or inconsistent—with what their words are saying?

      Trust your instincts. Don’t dismiss your gut feelings. If you get the sense that someone isn’t being honest or that something isn’t adding up, you may be picking up on a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues.

      Evaluating nonverbal signals

      Eye contact – Is the person making eye contact? If so, is it overly intense or just right?

      Facial expression – What is their face showing? Is it masklike and unexpressive, or emotionally present and filled with interest?

      Tone of voice – Does the person’s voice project warmth, confidence, and interest, or is it strained and blocked?

      Posture and gesture – Is their body relaxed or stiff and immobile? Are their shoulders tense and raised, or relaxed?

      Touch – Is there any physical contact? Is it appropriate to the situation? Does it make you feel uncomfortable?

      Intensity – Does the person seem flat, cool, and disinterested, or over-the-top and melodramatic?

      Timing and place – Is there an easy flow of information back and forth? Do nonverbal responses come too quickly or too slowly?

      Sounds – Do you hear sounds that indicate interest, caring or concern from the person?

      Last updated or reviewed on March 1, 2023

      ENGLISH VOCABULARY IN USE PRE INTERMEDIATE

      UNIT 9 THE BODY AND MOVEMENT

      A

      Parts of the body

      The outer part of the body is covered in skin. Too much sun is
      bad for your skin.


      B

      Movements
      with your mouth, face and head

      People breathe through their nose or
      mouth. You breathe in and out about 12–15 times a minute.

      People smile when they’re happy, and
      sometimes smile at people to be
      polite.

      People laugh at things which are funny.

      People
      sometimes cry if they’re very
      unhappy, or receive bad news.

      People in
      some countries nod their head
      [move it up and down] to mean ‘yes’, and shake their head [move it from side to side] for ‘no’.

      People often yawn when they’re tired, and
      sometimes when they’re bored.

      C

      Common expressions


      EXERCISES

      9.1

      Find ten more words for parts of the body, either across or down.


      9.2

      Match the
      words on the left with the words on the right.

      1

      shake  e

      a

      your hair

      2

      wave

      b

      your nose

      3

      comb

      c

      to somebody

      4

      fold

      d

      your head

      5

      blow

      e

      hands

      6

      nod

      f

      your arms

      9.3

      Label the picture.


      9.4

      What do these
      actions often mean? (There may be several possible answers.)

      1 People often smile ________
      when they’re happy.__________________-

      2 They often breathe quickly
      after _________________________________.

      3 They laugh _________________________________.

      4 They may wave to somebody _________________________________.

      5 They blow their nose _________________________________.

      6 They shake their head _________________________________.

      7 And nod their head _________________________________.

      8 They cry _________________________________.

      9 They yawn _________________________________.

      ANSWER KEY

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