Disclaimer: This article contains lots of bad words. If you don’t want to read bad words, don’t click on an article about swearing.
I haven’t included racist or homophobic language. You should swear at someone because they are behaving badly, not because of how they were born.
Note: Don’t use these phrases in your job interviews and Cambridge exams. And be careful when using them on a first date.
So you are learning English. The language of Shakespeare. Of Dickens. Of Wordsworth and James Joyce. You love its beauty and majesty and you never tire of its power and precision. English sparks joy.
But sometimes you just have to scream at someone. Sometimes your computer freezes and you lose 2 hours of work. Sometimes your car won’t start and you’re already late.
That’s when you want to swear.
When I’m teaching my classes I almost never swear. I try to be a ‘good model’ of English so that students can safely mimic me. But when the lesson is over – I start swearing like a sailor.
When to Swear
- When you are frustrated.
- When something unexpected happens.
- When you want to make a sentence funnier.
- When today ends with the letter Y.
The 10 Best English Swear Words
1. Fucking
The cornerstone of all swearing.
Basically you can and should use it liberally before nouns and adjectives.
- He’s so fucking stupid!
- It’s too fucking cold in here!
And before verbs.
- Fucking slow down!
- Can you please fucking shut up?
- Could you fucking pass the fucking salt?
And before other swear words.
- Where the fucking fuck is my fucking phone?
2. Dick
Synonyms: cock, prick, knob, tool (and a million others)
A dick is a penis. Obviously calling someone a penis has a negative meaning.
Why do you like Brian? He’s a total dick.
I mostly use it in the phrase ‘don’t be a dick’. It means ‘please behave with more class and dignity, like Anthony Hopkins in The Remains of the Day’.
The first time I told my girlfriend she was ‘being a dick’ she was NOT happy. But the next day she said, ‘you know what? I was being a dick. I’m truly, truly sorry.’
That’s how I remember it, anyway.
3. Shit
There’s shit in the sense of ‘this movie is shit‘, which means ‘really bad’. And there’s ‘a shit’ which is just like ‘a dick’ in part 2.
Note: If you want to get creative you can often add the suffix head to these curse words. ‘He’s a shithead’. ‘Trump is such a dickhead.’
But my favourite version is ‘little shit’, which is how I show affection to my cat.
My cat has his own schedule, and he doesn’t give a shit what I am doing. He wants to go outside at 3AM and be let back in one microsecond before I fall back asleep. He’s extremely demanding and everything has to be done just how he likes it. Otherwise he wails his fucking head off, scratches at doors – whatever it takes. But you can’t stay mad at him. He’s adorable!
Guess what that little shit did? He waited until I got in the bath to start demanding his dinner! He does it on purpose!
4. Talking Shit
Movies are shit, someone is a shit, and people talk shit. That means saying stupid or impossible things.
- Francis says we swallow 10 spiders in our sleep.
- As always, Francis is talking shit. That’s not true.
My favourite is to look someone in the eye and say ‘don’t talk shit’. The important thing is to put a space/pause between each word. Make it three sentences!
5. Jesus
Most swearing is based on religion. But if God didn’t want us to swear, why did he make it so cool?
You can say ‘Jesus’ almost any time anything happens. Your cat vomits on your new socks? Jesus! Your neighbour has a new haircut that makes him look like a fucking serial killer? Jesus! You drop a knife and it nearly hits your toe? Jesus!
The best thing about the word ‘Jesus’ is that it’s so modular. Modular means you can easily add bits to it. So if you want extra emphasis you go:
Jesus Christ!
That’s literally twice as powerful as just saying ‘Jesus’.
But there’s more. One of the two great American inventions of the 20th century was stuffed crust pizza. The other was adding the letter H to Jesus’s name.
Jesus H. Christ!
Try it! It’s very satisfying.
If you want to get really creative with this one, you can try this:
Christ on a bike!
Yes, it’s real. People say it. Especially me.
6. Jesus Wept
We haven’t totally finished the Jesus theme. That’s because I feel ‘Jesus wept’ deserves its own entry.
‘Jesus wept’ is the shortest sentence in The Bible, and in the 1990s people started using it to express disappointment and/or annoyance. You have to put some negative energy into your voice as you say it.
Imagine your drunk boyfriend is trying to unlock the front door but he can’t get the key in the lock. You’re not angry enough to shout ‘stop dicking around!’ but you do want to say something. That’s where ‘Jesus wept’ comes in.
Or you’re watching your favourite football team and after 10 minutes they are 2-0 down and miss a penalty. You put your head in your hands and go ‘Jesus wept‘.
Because it’s a line from The Bible it’s much safer to use in public than those in section 5. If you say it in school and you get in trouble, you can say that you were just memorising scripture.
7. Holy Fuck
Take your basic ‘farmer English’ and add a hint of religious mysticism and you get ‘Holy Fuck’. It feels so smooth coming out of your mouth. Use it to express surprise and amazement.
- Holy fuck! That bumblebee is the size of a tennis ball!
- Holy fuck! That bitch is wearing a white dress to MY wedding!
- Holy fuck! I just noticed three spelling mistakes in my resume!
- Holy fuck! The guy who wrote Chernobyl also wrote The Hangover 2!
8. God Damn It
This one is pretty mild these days (although technically you’ll go to hell if you use it), but it remains deeply satisfying to say. Use it when you’re frustrated.
- Ah god damn it! This machine is broken again!
- Who’s phoning me during dinner? God damn it!
It’s another one with fun variations.
- Damn it all to hell!
- Fuck this goddamnedcocksucking game. Seriously. Fuck it sideways.
9. Fuckwit
A fuckwit is an idiot. A moron. An imbecile.
But it’s got the word ‘fuck’ in it so it’s much stronger than all of those.
You have to WARM IT UP before you TURN IT ON you absolute FUCKWIT.
10. Sod It
This is a very British way of saying ‘I’ve had enough of this’ or ‘I don’t want to continue’.
It’s too hot to do any work. Sod it, let’s go to the pub.
People often say ‘sod this’ or ‘sod that’.
As you know, ‘this‘ is used for things that are physically or emotionally close to you.
- We’ve nearly finished this IKEA wardrobe but there’s a piece of wood and 14 screws left over. I think we’ve made a big mistake.
- Sod this. Let’s call a pizza and watch TV.
And ‘that‘ is used for things that are physically or emotionally DISTANT.
- My boss wants me to work on Saturday.
- Sod that! Come to the lake with me and we’ll eat corn on the cob smothered in butter.
Let’s Practice Swearing
Who is the most famous writer in English?
1. William Fucking Shakespeare.
2. Charles ‘The Dick’ Dickens.
You, a cat, are having a nice relaxing day. Suddenly, this happens.
1. Haha, what an entertaining prank. You got me.
2. Oh you little shit! Do that again and I will fucking murder you.
Come on, bro! Let your emotions out! Tell us how you really feel!
What did Karl (the guy on the right) say?
1. «The best topping for a pizza is pineapple.»
2. «Empire Strikes Back is the best Star Wars movie.»
3. «The 1980s was the best decade for music.»
The other two sentences are 100% accurate (so if he said them, he wouldn’t have been talking shit).
Pineapple is absolutely fucking disgusting. If I went on a date with Jennifer Lawrence and she ordered a Hawaiian pizza I would walk out.
Why is Eggsy so upset?
1. He’s watching episode 4 of the hit TV show Chernobyl.
2. He’s watching Peppa Pig.
3. He just got his exam results from Cambridge.
Nobody would ever react badly to watching Peppa Pig, and Eggsy’s exam results were great because he prepared by taking online courses here at EFL Academy.
The correct answer is that he’s watching Chernobyl. It’s amazing, but holy fuck, it’s hard to watch.
All 4 questions completed!
Let’s Practice Swearing
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Sweary Abbreviations, Acronyms, and Initialisms
FFS – For fuck’s sake. Great for showing disbelief. Trump said what?! Oh, FFS.
WTF – What the fuck? Multi-purpose. WTF were you doing in a hotel with our marriage counselor?
BS – Bullshit. Used when something is untrue. That’s BS! I never went to The Plaza Inn with Simon last night!
STFU – Shut the fuck up.
GTFO – Get the fuck out.
Fubar – Fucked up beyond all recognition. Used to describe a situation that has gone VERY wrong.
BFD – Big fucking deal. Who cares?
A Partial List of English Swear Words
Quite Mild
Arse – Means ‘bottom’. Arse is British English and ass is American. She has a face like a slapped arse.
Asshat – A moron. An idiot. Jack is, and always will be, a prize asshat. If you marry him I shall never speak to you again.
Bugger – Basically a much milder version of ‘fuck’. You want me to work on Saturday? Bugger that!
Cow – A rude name for a woman. Drive on the left you silly cow!
Damn – Means all kinds of things, from ‘wow!’ to ‘that is bad news’. Here’s a picture of my younger sister. / Damn! She’s hot! / And here’s a picture of her husband. / Damn.
Git – Someone you don’t like. That Boris Johnson is a bit of a git, isn’t he? / Clean your room you lazy git!
A Bit Harsh
Arsehole – A particular part of a bottom. It’s ruder than ‘arse’ because holes are generally rude.
Balls – Testicles. Generally used to mean something bad. We put him in charge of the Lisbon project and he totally ballsed it up. He doesn’t have the balls to make hard decisions.
Bitch – Like cow, but cowier.
Bollocks – A very British way of saying ‘bullshit’.
Bullshit – An American way of saying ‘bollocks’.
Pissed – angry or drunk. I got pissed last night, and when I got home my wife was really pissed.
Son of a bitch – Child of a cow. That son of a bitch has parked in my space again! I’ll rip his head off!
Tits – Boobs. Lol.
Strong
Bastard – A bad dude.
Bellend – Another way to say ‘dick’.
Cocksucker – Someone who gives blowjobs to men. Still considered offensive even though more than half of the population do it. Not a word I ever use, but it has lots of strong harsh syllables in it, so you can really spit it in someone’s face.
Fanny – In the UK, a lady’s special area (rude). In the USA, a bottom (not that rude).
Pussy/Snatch/Twat/Minge/Beaver – Lady’s special area again. “When you’re a star you can just grab ’em by the pussy.” The 45th President of the USA.
Slag/Slut/Whore – A woman who sleeps with lots of men. There’s no equivalent for a man who sleeps with lots of women.
Wanker – A man who pleasures himself sexually. The implication is that he’s a loser who can’t get a girlfriend.
Very Toxic
Cunt – Lady bits. For some reason this version is considered much stronger than the other variants. Calling someone a cunt is a good way to start a fight.
Motherfucker – This one is still considered provocative even though it’s used 400 times in every Hollywood movie.
Oh fuck off.
Swearing is cool and fun and everybody should just fucking get on board with it because it’s the ruddy future.
Last year, Ofcom issued their categorisation of swear words in terms of offensiveness and it was a bit fucking timid to be honest.
So, let’s get down to it. I’ve picked 40 common swears and ranked them in order of delivery satisfaction, from least enjoyable to most satisfying to say.
40. Cow
If someone calls you a cow, regardless of whether they are Kat Slater or not, you cannot truly feel offended. Cows are beautiful and without them we would never have burgers. It’s the same as calling you a cattle, which is how posh people pronounce kettle so simmer down.
39. Damn
This isn’t even a swear word and I’m annoyed that I’ve included it in the list to be honest. It’s the most fire album of 2017 thanks to Kendrick Lamar, and I refuse to regard it as anything else. It’s also something a beaver builds, aside from lasting and meaningful friendships.
38. Crap
Anything that’s an anagram of ‘carp’ simply cannot be seen as threatening and that is firmly but fairly the law in this country. It literally means poop, which is a perfectly normal bodily function. When you’re under the age of 11 it feels like a really cool word to use, but then other 4-letter c-words barge their way into your vernacular.
37. Bloody
Unless you are describing the viscosity of blood, this ‘swear word’ is too tame to be taken seriously. It’s like a garnish for regular words, e.g. Those bloody beetroots are delicious, etc. There are far more adventurous bodily fluids that can be used to insult a person, if you ask me.
36. Sod
‘It was reported that the murderer appeared to fall into a blind violent rage after he was referred to as a sod’, is a sentence you will never hear in a court of law. Calling someone a sod is about as effective as calling them a clumptyduff, which is a word I just made up. You are a sod, Keith, a combination of turf and grass.
35. Bugger
Oh dear, the crumpets are out of date, well bugger our luck, Jeffrey. If you get your swearing tendencies from Downton Abbey, then this one is the curse word for you. I’m almost certain that a bugger is a person that has a large collection of insects and you’ll do well to convince me otherwise.
34. Git
Definitely more of a jokey nickname than a serious swear word, you simply cannot take someone seriously if in the heat of the moment, the best insult they can muster up is git. At best, it’s a typo of GIF. If someone had poisoned you and you were using your last dying breath to tell them what’s what, the last thing you’d call them is a git.
33. Arse
“I can’t believe you’ve burned down my house, you are such an arse”, said no one ever. The whole point of a swear word is to emphasise your emotions. By using another word for ‘bottom’, you’re unlikely to impress anyone by calling them an arse. If anything, you’ll be ridiculed for the rest of your natural life for using such a tame little word.
32. Bint
Watch out, we’ve got a badass over here. Throwing out words like bint is sure to get you locked up for crimes against banter, that’s for certain. It’s mostly used in relation to women, but, go with me on this one, imagine calling a man a bint. Well he’d just be devastated until the end of time to be on the receiving end of such a heated and cutting insult.
31. Munter
This word originated when someone mistyped punter. ‘But ‘m’ and ‘p’ are quite far apart on a keyboard’, I hear you say. Listen, I just make up these facts, not the logic behind them. Good luck ever getting your frustration across with a word like munter in your repertoire, you blatant Enid Blyton character.
30. Minger
TRUTH: I once watched an episode of University Challenge where one of the contestants’ surname was legitimately Minger. So when she buzzed in an answer, the voiceover would announcer her as ‘Queen’s University Minger’ and I’ve never laughed so much in my entire shitty life. I can’t find the footage but please can someone try harder than I have. It was gold.
[Ed: It literally took 5 seconds to find on google]
29. Balls
If you’re a little fraidy cat, maybe this word will offend you and also everyday things such as fresh air, water and flavoured yoghurts. Balls can refer to any number of things. One time, I read an article in a college paper and the writer was so afraid of balls that he/she wrote it as ‘b*lls’. THAT COULD’VE BEEN ANYTHING! That pervert could’ve rested his bills on your face for all we know.
28. Arsehole
Calling someone a literal part of their anatomy is never going to be a satisfying experience. ‘Ugh Ken mate you absolute elbow’. That’s him told. Ken’s never going to steal your wife again. Ken you’re such a pancreas mate. Ken you’re an ingrowing toenail. I am sure you can sense the sincerity of my insults by my spot on anatomical selections.
27. Bullshit
Although an undeniably great word, it’s not particularly effective. A word that we use more or less every day is inevitably going to lose its touch over time. I’ve described the most innocent of experiences as bullshit, such as a stain on my shirt or the threat of nuclear war. I need something more from a swear word. More finesse, less livestock excrement.
26. Pissed
I’d like to make my feelings perfectly clear on this word: Why can’t we give it one meaning. If someone is described as being pissed, it’s hard to determine whether they’re drunk or annoyed, or both. We need to settle on one definition and I’d like it to be in reference to insobriety. Glad I could get that off my chest. Thank you.
25. Shit
Let. Us. Challenge. Ourselves. To. Use. More. Inventive. Swear. Words. Shit just isn’t cutting the mustard for me anymore, we can do better. The world has gone to shit, so let’s not allow our vocabulary to do the same. Better words for shit include: turd, post-food, faeces, love package, and dump.
24. Jesus Christ
It’s just a man’s name FFS. If you were to drop a heavy object on your toe, you’re hardly going to shout ‘GRAHAM SMITH!’ Swear jars deserve better circumstances for being filled. Jesus Christ is not a swear word, nor should it be regarded as such. It gets a 0/10 for effectiveness.
23. Bitch
Schoolyard taunts were always retorted with: ‘A bitch is a female dog, dogs bark, bark comes from trees. and trees are beautiful so thanks for the compliment’. It was extremely extra but it distracted the bullies for long enough so you could Heely away from the situation rapidly. You wouldn’t call someone a pen (female swan) or a tigress (female antelope jk it’s a tiger).
22. Son of a bitch
Technically all male dogs are sons of bitches and I just won’t have a bad word said about a dog. Ever. This is a safe zone for dogs. Dogs are among our most popular readers here at JOE, and we are legally obligated to acknowledge that by making them feel comfortable and catered for. Who’s a good boy? You all are. Even the girl dogs too.
21. Bollocks
*sighs* It’s with a heavy heart I must announce that we’re back to the anatomy swearing again. Bollocks is just a fancier word for balls but we’re still dealing with the same premise. Please see number 29 above for my feelings on the matter.
20. Bellend
Yet more anatomical cursing. In terms of housekeeping, it’s nice that there’s one single word to describe the head of a penis, but I think users of swear words would actually find the term ‘penis head’ a far more satisfactory way to refer to someone that is precisely that. Try it yourself. Call someone a penis head today!
19. Tit
Again, you’re going to find that calling someone a boob is far more satisfactory than this allegedly vulgar term that Drake and Josh’s sister coined during that wonderful television show. Tit is also a type of bird, and probably more satisfying than calling someone a chaffinch.
18. Fanny
One time I met a girl on holidays and her name was legitimately Fanny, so I struggle to take this swear word seriously. Add to that, the fact that Americans use it to refer to an overall butt and we’re in a situation where the word has lost all credibility entirely. Geographically speaking, where even is the fanny?
17. Snatch
Here are my personal understandings of the word ‘snatch’ – it is a movie directed by Guy Ritchie and it is the act of grabbing something aggressively. I refuse to acknowledge it as any other meaning, let alone a swear word. Much like the current price of Freddos, it’s just not good enough.
16. Clunge
This particular swear word sounds like something a plumber would do with some weird looking tool when you’ve overloaded your toilet. ‘Yeah looks like it’s an easy enough job, I’ll just get behind the sink, give it a quick clunge and we’ll be good to go’. Also, calling someone a vagina is 100% more satisfying. That’s tried and tested.
15. Gash
I went to school with a girl whose surname was Gash, so I can’t now and never will take this curse word seriously. It also sounds too violent for the nature it’s intended to relate to. ‘The patient has suffered a serious gash, but is said to be in a stable condition’. Hah he suffered a vagina, what an idiot
14. Prick
A nurse’s warning before an injection is difficult to take seriously when used in a swear word capacity. Yes it’s also a word for penis, but at the same time it’s an effective method of drawing blood. For instance, pinch wouldn’t be a great swear word. ‘Fuck off Jeremy you utter pinch’.
13. Twat
Or as the Americans say, *shudders*, twot. It’s a decent swear word, especially if you really want to undermine someone without going the full monty and calling them the c-word. Twat is a lighter, more family friendly version of many insults that you can get away with if you don’t particularly fancy being murdered.
12. Punani
A fair recipient of the title Funniest Swear Word Ever, this particular curse is very versatile, it sounds like something off an Indian menu and can be shortened to ‘poon’ if you’re feeling adventurous. Unlike many of the above entries, punani is actually far more satisfactory than its true meaning – female genitalia. ‘Derek, you’re such a female genitalia’ doesn’t have as much oomph.
11. Pussy
This special curse word is a lot of fun because people, particularly the elderly, use it frequently without any malice intended. Many of us will have been subjected to our grandparents trying to get the cat indoors by saying ‘Here pussy’ and had to stifle our laughter. If a group of lads go on patrol in Magaluf but not for pussy, did they ever really go on patrol at all?
10. Minge
Definitely a French word for something like grapes, minge is a very decent swear word. It’s exotic, edgy and always a great grounds for outrageous graffiti. I’ve seen ‘Kelly has a smelly minge’ scrawled across more bathroom doors than I’ve seen it scrawled across hot dinners.
9. Cock
Despite one being on the front of a Corn Flakes box, cock is a really solid swear word. You can describe a situation as being cock, a person as being a cock and if you’re feeling particularly spicy, a group of people as a load of cock. Cocks literally make the world go round.
8. Knob
It’s the silent ‘k ‘ that really clinches this one. Any swear word for penis is typically a winner, as this top ten fully reflects. Knob, similar to number 11 in the list, is an everyday word that can often be used innocently which makes its appeal as a swear word even more so. Shoutout to the shop in Dublin that’s legitimately called ‘Knobs and Knockers’.
7. Dickhead
Close your eyes. Picture a person with an actual dick for a head. Open your eyes. Doesn’t the world feel brighter somehow? Like everything hasn’t quite fallen to pieces just yet. Every time you call someone a dickhead, an angel’s dick falls off. If you’re feeling particularly intellectual, you can call someone a Richard Cranium and see how long it takes for them to figure it out.
6. Dick
A shortened version of the aforementioned swear, dick is particularly excellent because it’s also a popular name among elderly men. I used to play tennis in a club where there were two coaches named Dick and Willy. Needless to say, it wasn’t long before I was asked to leave the premises and return when I’d matured. Still haven’t gone back tbh.
5. Bastard
People are called bastard all the time, with little regard to whether their parents were married at the time of their birth. Most of us know a few legitimate bastards, but mostly it’s the inauthentic bastards that get told what’s what. I’ll call anyone a bastard if they wrong me, so watch your back.
4. Fuck
The average adult uses this word upwards of 200 times a day, 400 if they’re working in an office environment, or with children. Everything about the word ‘fuck’ is perfect. Fuck you, fuck me, fuck him, fuck her, fuck you (plural), fuck us, fuck them, fuck everything. Fuck.
3. Motherfucker
In the business of swearing, things are taken to a slightly edgier level when you bring a parent into it. Technically, everyone’s dad is a motherfucker, but in my experience, they don’t enjoy being made aware of this fact. In instances of extreme frustration, motherfucker, at a beefy four syllables long, can offer the desired release.
2. Wanker
Most people are wankers, it’s a perfectly normal thing to do. But for some reason, folks aren’t too keen on being reminded of that, particularly those in a position of power such as parents, teachers and members of the clergy. If you combine the appropriate hand gesture with wanker, you’re onto a winner.
1. Cunt
I felt nervous even typing this word. Cunt is the one of the few swear words that’s just an absolute no go in many situations. In my house, you can get away with a decent selection of bad swears, but if you even so much as try to drop a C-bomb, you’ll be emancipated by sundown.
Cunt is versatile, it’s forceful and the combination of the harsh ‘C’ and ending with a sharp ‘T’ is borderline sexual. It’s the ultimate insult. Ideally, I’d like to live in a world where it’s socially acceptable to use the world wherever and whenever you like. I want to jokingly call my employer a cunt when he says my language is disgraceful – and not get fired this time.
No work all play [2007] (исполнитель: Hilary Duff)
La la la la La la la la La la la la Some people go through life like it's a breeze They float their way through days And never feel the grey And their tears fall But they don't sting Their temporary marks Not always from the heart They live lightly Breathe so easy No digging in To what's within [bad word] No work all play What a mistake Let the clouds roll in and fill the sky Get that melancholy feel inside and Work on yourself [bad word] from the pain you felt You don't have to slide Life's not one big high La la la la La la la la La la la la Sometimes it's hard lookin' at yourself You'd rather place the blame Then point it your own way I still do hide from my feelings myself But I'm trying hard these days Not to procrastinate And face my fate Stay on my case [Repeat [bad word] No one is perfect No one's the same We've all got problems That we haven't faced The challenges well They'll make you strong Don't put them off for too long You gotta know yourself To be yourself You gotta do it all the way You gotta know yourself To be yourself It's a [bad word] everyday You gotta know yourself to be yourself You gotta do it all the way And it's a [bad word] everyday [Repeat [bad word] x2] You gotta know yourself to be yourself You gotta do it all the way You gotta know yourself to be yourself And it's a [bad word] everyday You gotta know yourself to be yourself You gotta do it all the way You gotta know yourself to be yourself And it's a [bad word] everyday You gotta know yourself to be yourself And it's a [bad word] everyday You gotta know yourself to be yourself And it's a [bad word] everyday
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People have been ranking the worst bad words for generations, and nobody has ever quite come to an agreement. I should know. I’ve been around for several generations, and I’ve heard the arguments. Even George Carlin couldn’t settle the argument, partly because he didn’t include enough words and partly because times have changed since then.
When I was a kid, the only objective way to rank the bad words was to match each one with the severity of punishment given for saying it. Some bad words meant getting beaten while others simply got you sent to your room (which for me, wasn’t a punishment). There was no cable or internet back then, so all we had for reference was our parents’ reactions.
Racial/ethnic slurs weren’t argued about because some of us were taught that slurs were worse than profanity, but the punishment for racial slurs was inconsistent in the 1970s. Some parents (like mine) punished all racial slurs worse than they would for profanity. Other parents didn’t punish their kids at all for slurs. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t have the urge to say racial slurs. I did, however, love yelling out profanity if I could get away with it.
Please don’t read any further if you’re offended by profanity. The term “bad words” is used in the title, so that should give you fair warning. I’m not using symbols in place of letters to hide the profanity. Sh*t means shit, and everybody knows it.
I’ve left out some words because I don’t hear them often. The words below are commonly written or said or thought of. At the very least, everybody knows what each word below means:
(Honorable Mention)
Hell- Hell is a four letter word, but it’s a place, not a body part or body function. I have a tough time making a bad place a profane word, so if it’s bad, it’s the mildest of bad words.
Crap- Crap was considered a bad word when I was kid, but I don’t think it should have been, so it’s not on this list.
Ass- Ass can be a jerk or a donkey, and even with context it can be tough to tell, and that’s why it ranks as honorable mention.
10. Bastard- You have to be an elitist jerk to think having unmarried parents is grounds to insult somebody. But there are a lot of jerks out there, and using this word is still frowned upon.
9. Damn- Damn is short for damnation, and damning somebody is pretty bad. It’s so commonly used, though, that it’s lost some of its effect.
8. Dick- Any variation of dick (cock, shlong, prick, etc..) should be ranked about the same as dick. Dick can be a person’s name. Cock can be a male rooster. Shlong is just a shlong, but it’s cool because it has the word long in it.
7. Asshole- Being an asshole is worse than being an ass because you have to dig deeper to get to the asshole. As ass can do stupid stuff unintentionally. An asshole is a jerk on purpose.
6. Shit- Shit is bad because it refers to a gross body function and it’s four-letters. This is the best word to say when you’re in sudden pain because it’s bad but it’s forgivable (if you’re around reasonable people).
5. Pussy- This is the female version of dick, but it’s worse because it refers to a female body part. Pussy is usually used to an insult a guy, implying that he’s a wimp. Most guys would rather be called a dick than a pussy.
4. Bitch- This is the female version of bastard, except being compared to a dog is worse than being told you don’t have a legal father, and insulting a female is worse than insulting a male. Calling somebody a son of a bitch is more acceptable than calling a woman a bitch for the same reason. It’s also worse to call a woman a bitch than it is to call a guy a pussy.
3. Fuck- This is bad because it’s a blunt four-letter word for sexual activity. Saying “motherfucker” or “Fuck you” doesn’t make fuck much worse than when it’s used by itself.
2. Goddamn- Maybe goddamn isn’t a word because it’s a form of damn, but people say this a lot, and god is not usually added to other bad words. Nobody says “Godshit” or “Godfuck.” It’s just Goddamn. Goddamn is worse than fuck because you’re invoking eternal damnation by the ultimate deity, and that’s worse than wishing fornication (even self-fornication or fornication with one’s mother) on somebody else.
1. C***- Whoa! When I was a kid, you’d never say this word in front of adults. In fact, I don’t know anybody who says this word on a regular basis. Plus, it’s the female body part, and nobody with any respect is going to call out the female body part. Plus, it ends with –unt, which is almost as bad as –uck. C*** was worse than pussy because it’s four-letters and is usually directed at a female. I’m not even willing to spell it out because I know if I had said it as a kid, I would have been disfigured by the punishment. As an adult with a blog, I might be brave, but I’m not that brave.
Some might argue c*** shouldn’t be on the list because it’s rarely used. I understand that, but I think it’s rarely said because it’s so bad.
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There it is! The ten (or more) worst words ranked in order. What do you think? What words do you think should be added to the list? Which words do you think are ranked in the wrong order?
Words, Words, WordsFun and very interesting lists about slang, vocabulary, language, spelling, and even punctuation.
Vote on the words that annoy you the most. Whatever you dudes want to add that would be totally rad…yes and some of these may not be in the dictionary but they are still annoying…
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Cray Cray
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Whatevskies
‘Moist,’ ‘Dude’ and ‘Slacks’: The Worst Words Ever?
Is «slacks» the worst word in the English language? The New Yorker thinks so. Hollywood producer Robert Evans might disagree. He poses here with some of his most fashionable slacks in 1957.
Marty Lederhandler/AP
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Marty Lederhandler/AP
Is «slacks» the worst word in the English language? The New Yorker thinks so. Hollywood producer Robert Evans might disagree. He poses here with some of his most fashionable slacks in 1957.
Marty Lederhandler/AP
If you could eliminate a single word from the English language — just zap it, nuke it, prevent it from ever being used again — what would it be?
That’s the question Ben Greenman of The New Yorker put to its readers last week. Greenman tells Melissa Block, host of All Things Considered, that the response was awesome. «Awesome,» by the way, was chosen by many readers for elimination. «People hated it,» Greenman says.
The contest started, he jokes, when the magazine’s staff «counted all the words in the language and we found that there was one too many.»
To collect the worst of the worst, they reached out for nominations via Twitter. Many of the words readers submitted are popular ones, including quite a few mainstays in the teenage vernacular.
«We did detect some reverse-ageism,» he says. «People didn’t like ‘like’ used as a sort of stopgap. People didn’t like ‘dude.’ «
Honorable mentions from The New Yorker‘s list:
- Literally
- Actually
- Awesome
- Epic
- Phlegm
- Fecund
- Bling
- Swap
- Impacted
- Efforting
- Like
- But
- Irregardless
- Inflammable
- Moist
- Comorbid
Other popular submissions were so-called ugly words, such as «phlegm» and «moist.»
«People hate the word ‘moist,’ » he says. «Without the word, it would leave bakers, meteorologists and amateur pornographers lacking for what to do. I think it’s the texture of the word.»
When it came to making the final selection, Greenman says the public was out.
«It wasn’t ever intended to be a popular vote. We were taking nominations after which we would go into the smoky backroom and pick a winner.»
So what does The New Yorker consider to be the worst word in the English language?
«Slacks.»
«The more that word stayed on the table, the more preposterous it seemed because there are lots of other words for it,» he says. «It sort of, in our mind, stuck in time. Maybe ’78, ’79.»
Like «moist,» Greeman says «slacks» has a bad texture.
«People said it felt like rubbing the palm of their hand over polyester, to say that word out loud,» he says.
So what happens now? Nothing, really. Greenman says someone from the magazine’s copy department will write «slacks» down on a piece of paper, crumple it up and throw it away as a «sort of ceremonial sacrifice.»
Next week, he says, they might eliminate a number.