Selfish is not a bad word

Self-care is important for our well-being

Taking the time to listen to our needs and do nice things for ourselves is so important. Self-care isn’t a fad and it definitely isn’t selfish, at least not in the typical negative way. Putting ourselves first and indulging in some much-needed self-care, like taking a rain check with friends to have that relaxing evening at home we’ve been craving, is often the best thing we can do for our health and well-being.

Self-care isn’t a fad and it definitely isn’t selfish, at least not in the typical negative way.

Making sure we get enough sleep, prepping meals on Sundays, exercising regularly, relaxing, and pursuing our need for creativity helps us manage our stress and can drastically improve our mood and physical health. At times, we can also practice self-care in unexpected ways, like choosing to leave an unhappy relationship, even though it might hurt or disappoint others, like our partner or our family. Regardless of what form it takes, prioritizing our needs sends a really powerful message to ourselves that we think we’re worth it.

Unsurprisingly, this can really benefit our overall self-esteem and self-worth. 

Being selfish helps us reach our professional goals

It’s easy to feel like we need to put our own needs aside to reach our professional goals. In a roundabout way, taking a step back and prioritizing our personal needs can actually help us be more productive and effective at work. Not only are we better equipped to handle the stress that inevitably comes up, we’re less resentful of all the things we have to do when they don’t interfere with our ability to take care of ourselves. It’s also easier to stay motivated and productive when we feel like we’re choosing to work, instead of feeling like we have to.

While we might worry that acting out of self-interest will negatively affect our reputation and opportunities for growth, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes, the best thing we can do for our careers is to put our needs first, like quitting our job for a better opportunity, even if it’s inconvenient for those around us. People are often far more understanding than we expect them to be and our boss might even respect our desire for professional growth. Plus, if they aren’t supportive, then it probably isn’t the right environment for us to thrive in anyway. If that’s not enough, there’s even some research suggesting that we’re more likely to be seen as a leader when we prioritize our needs at work.

Like anything, it’s about balance. Taking time out of our schedule to help a colleague or agreeing to an extra project can go a long way toward being seen a team player and maybe even securing that promotion we’ve been eyeing. But the reality is, we’re of no use to anyone when we overlook our needs and run ourselves into the ground.

Prioritizing ourselves can actually help our relationships

You’re probably already familiar with the sayings: “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” and “Secure your own oxygen mask before helping someone else.” The truth is, we’re in a much better position to help someone else when we take care of our own needs first. We’re also less likely to take out our stress on the people closest to us when we’ve prioritized our own well-being. In this way, being selfish from time to time can actually help us to be a kinder and more supportive friend or partner. Being selfish also shows others that self-care is important and can help empower our friends, colleagues, or family members who might be struggling to take care of themselves.

We’re in a much better position to help someone else when we take care of our own needs first.

How can we learn to put ourselves first when it counts?

Focus on where the balance is shifted

When things get busy or tough, our physical and psychological health, hobbies or passions, and need for social connection are usually the first to go. If we want to feel more comfortable being selfish, a good place to start is with the things we so easily neglect. Having trouble coming up with ideas? It’s helpful to ask the people we’re closest with. Our friends, partners, and family members often have great insight into the areas where we can be a little more selfish and the things we can do to meet our needs.

Learn to say no (and feel okay about it)

As long we’re not hurting someone else, taking care of ourselves isn’t something we should feel badly about.

Agreeing to do things we don’t always feel like doing, whether it’s attending yet another family get-together or working late, is a big part of adulting. However, there are moments when we could all benefit from putting our own needs first and saying no. While it’s really tempting to apologize when turning someone down, saying we’re sorry communicates that we’ve done something wrong, which often leads to our own guilt (that ultimately takes away from the benefits of being selfish in the first place). As long we’re not hurting someone else, taking care of ourselves isn’t something we should feel badly about. Try sharing your self-care plans with a few people you trust so they can encourage you along the way. Seeing how easily our friends and family let us off the hook can sometimes make it easier for us to do the same thing for ourselves.

Get in touch with your resistance

In what ways do you allow yourself to be selfish? How have you found that being selfish allows you to be the best version of yourself? Let us know in the comments!