Humorous One Word Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
Man, on a first date: How do you feel about s**…? Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Is b**… one word…
or should I spread them apart?
Prison may be just one word
But to others, it’s a whole sentence
What word starts with «E» and ends in «E» but only has one letter in it?
Envelope.
Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she’s reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
Two priests are out driving one day..
when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
«Sorry to pull you over father, but we’re looking for a couple of child molesters»
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
«Alright officer, we’ll do it»
Old German joke
An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold.»
His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken before?»
The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory.»
Edgar Allen Poe is about to walk into a tree and you only have enough time to say one word before he hits it. What should you say to him?
Poetry!
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker’s coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn’t say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, «He ain’t much of a man, is he?»
«He’s not much of a driver, either,» the waitress replied. «He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles.»
*Teacher to Student* T: «Use the word ‘centimeter’ in a sentence»
S: «My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter»
T: «No, no, that’s ‘Sent to meet her’. Okay, try another one. Use ‘contagious’ in a sentence please»
S: «I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!»
You can explore one word words reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean one word adjective dad jokes. There are also one word puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.
Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German — ‘The toast is burnt’…to which the family were amazed at. ‘You can speak, that’s amazing, why have you never spoken until now?’
He replied: ‘There was nothing wrong until now’
A desert island with six women
A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man’s first words were, «Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?»
‘Oh f*c**…,’ thinks the man, ‘there goes Mondays.’
In honour of my first cake day, here’s a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.
Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?
A: A hole
Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?
A: Post office
Q: The maker doesn’t want it, the buyer doesn’t use it and the user doesn’t see it. What is it?
A: A coffin
Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?
A: A stamp
Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn’t move?
A: A fence
Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope
I’ve often heard that icy is one of the easiest words to spell.
Looking back at it now, I see why.
A jew in his deathbed…
A jew in his deathbed is surrounded by his family. He asks if the wife is there; she was. He asks if his son was there; he was. He asked if his daughter was there, and she was.
As he finds out everyone’s there, he has a heart attack. His final words were:
-Why… is no one… in the shop…
A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.
Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.
While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: «Yes.»
Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, «Yes, what?» Instantly the machine
replied, «Yes, sir!»
A German baby’s parents are concerned that he never speaks…
It has gotten to the point where he is five years old and has said not a word, so his parents take him to the doctor. Everything’s fine, he’s healthy, not messed in the head. So then one day the German baby is having some apfelstrudel when he says «mother, zis strudel is quite tepid.» The parents are amazed! «Wolfgang, you’ve finally spoken after all these years! What’s happened?»
«Up until now, everyzing has been satisfactory.»
My ex-girlfriend’s father, a 6’4″ retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.
I opened it and he said, «My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!»
«Sir?» I asked.
«When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical…»
«Yes, sir»
«But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you would take care of her!»
«Yes, sir»
«And you promised me that if she moved in with you and took care of the house she could quit her job and you would cover her weekly income!»
«Yes sir, but I believe this is simple misunderstanding. When I said that, it was two words, not one.»
«The word of the day is ‘contagious'» Said the teacher, «Who can use it in a sentence?»
Little Jenny stood up and said «My dad has a cold and said its contagious»
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said «Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious»
Happy with Billy’s response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.
Little Johnny stood up…
«Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious.»
A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a h**… from across a bar.
She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, » I want a man that»s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. «The black guy goes » I love to eat liver and cheese. «The white guy goes » I like to cook liver and cheese. «The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys » Liver alone, cheese mine!!»
One day, a lawyer finds a genie’s lamp.
The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.
«You have three wishes,» the genie says. «The only rule is that you can’t wish for more wishes.»
After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, «I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks.»
The genie sighs and says, «This is why nobody likes lawyers.»
What one word really makes a woman open up and want to talk about everything on their mind?
«Goodnight.»
Why is Communism one of the most ironic words?
It’s Capitalized
My friend and I started replacing the word ‘in’ with ‘inside’.
For example, if we wanted to say, «it’s in the fridge», we’d instead say «it’s inside the fridge».
One day, my parents caught onto this. They asked me why I was saying «inside» instead of «in».
I responded,
«it’s an inside joke».
Word joke
A man had 4 sons, and named them Bronson, Kenneth, Conrad and Dominic.
One day, they decided to ask their father if his choice of names meant anything.
He replied, «Only the first three letters of each.»
My daughter screeched, «Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?»
What a strange way to start a conversation with me…
He asked: how do you feel about s**…?
She replied: Well i like it infrequently.
He said: is that one word or two?
A boy and his dad.
A boy and his dad are walking through the streets
boy: «What does the word drunk mean?»
dad: «Well, for example, do you see those two policemen over there? if you were drunk you would think there are four policemen over there.»
boy: «But dad there is only one policeman over there!»
A World War 2 joke
Stalin and h**… died and were recieved in h**… by Satan.
Satan asked them to wait in the guest cabin, because he had to search for the worst place in h**… for both of them (it had been a long time since some one so evil had come to his abode) .
While waiting, h**… got bored and asked Stalin to tell him a joke.
Stalin said one word, «Moscow.»
h**…, after a long and hard thought, replied, «I don’t get it.»
Stalin laughs merrily and says, «Exactly.»
A guy is approached by a h**… in a bar. She says, «This
A guy is approached by a h**… in a bar. She says, «This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.» The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: «Paint…my…house.»
11 Blondes and a brunette
There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don’t, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, «I’ll get off.» The blondes, all moved by the brunette’s speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
Adam spoke to God in the Garden of Eden
«I am lonely» said Adam. «I need someone around for company.»
«Very well,» said God. «I will create a companion for you. One who will obey your every word, do all your chores along with cooking and cleaning for you.»
«Wonderful!» said Adam. «What will it take?»
«For you, it will cost an arm and a leg» said God.
«That seems pretty steep» said Adam. «What could I get for just a rib?»
An older couple is getting married…
An older couple is getting married. The husband-to-be looks at his bride and asks, «What’s your opinion on s**…?»
The bride says, «I prefer it infrequently.»
The man replies, «Is infrequently one word or two?»
Load More
While a lucky few are born with the natural talent of being funny, some of us have to work a bit harder to get people smiling. That’s probably why you’re here in the first place. Now this doesn’t mean you aren’t funny, it just means you need some sort of stencil or guide to point you in the right direction. Below, you will find short funny jokes that are easy to memorize.
This may put you at a disadvantage because whenever you remember one, i hope for your sake you aren’t drinking water. If you think your device can survive, try holding a mouth full of water and it’s going to come splashing out very soon. Yes, that’s how funny it gets.
With that in mind, here are some short funny jokes you could play with.
Laugh more: Funny Jokes for Kids that will bring so much laughter.
Short Jokes you can easily memorise
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
What do you call a pony with a cough?
A little horse!
What is Forrest Gump’s password?
1Forrest1.
Why did the M&M go to school?
He wanted to be a Smartie.
What did one traffic light say to the other?
Stop looking at me, I’m changing!
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What’s a foot long and slippery?
A slipper!
Why do French people eat snails?
They don’t like fast food!
What’s red and moves up and down?
A tomato in an elevator!
I invented a new word today: Plagiarism.
What is sticky and brown?
A stick!
How does a rabbi make coffee?
Hebrews it!
Rest in peace boiling water.
You will be mist!
How do you throw a space party?
You planet!
Laugh more: Funny Planet Jokes
Want to hear a construction joke?
Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
I hate Russian dolls…
they’re so full of themselves!
Talk is cheap?
Have you ever talked to a lawyer?
Why did the gym close down?
It just didn’t work out!
Laugh more here: Funny Gym Jokes
Two artists had an art contest.
It ended in a draw!
A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
I have a fear of speed bumps.
But I am slowly getting over it.
You can only get spoiled milk from a pampered cow.
Laugh more here: Funniest Milk Jokes
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick!
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
Simple jokes you could write down and reuse
What are a shark’s two most favorite words?
Man overboard!
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
Have you ever tried eating a clock?
It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
Why are ghosts such bad liars?
Because they are easy to see through.
It’s cleaning day so naturally, I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.
Laugh more with our Hilarious Cleaning Jokes
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison!
Laugh more here: Humorous College Jokes and Puns
Here, I bought you a calendar.
Your days are numbered now.
Where do fish sleep?
In the riverbed.
What did one plate say to his friend?
Tonight, dinner’s on me!
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory.
I tried to sure the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost my case.
Why doesn’t the sun go to college?
Because it has a million degrees!
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
I have many jokes about rich kids—sadly none of them work.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell!
Laugh more: SEO puns and jokes
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
How do trees get online?
They just log on!
Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s the whole sentence.
My girlfriend treats me like a god.
She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
Funny Short Jokes you can share with children
Laugh more: FUNNY Jokes for Kids About Summer
I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah.
I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.
Why did the orange stop?
It ran out of juice!
I never make mistakes…
I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it!
What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt!
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
Where does the sheep get his hair cut?
The baa baa shop!
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper.
He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.
This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’
I said: ‘Is that a fret?
Laugh more here: Funny Guitar Jokes
I have kleptomania.
But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note, it said ‘Parking Fine.
I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because…
I like that one-to-one time.
My New Year’s resolution is to get in shape.
I choose round.
My wife – it’s difficult to say what she does.
She sells seashells on the seashore.
I told the Inland Revenue I don’t owe them a penny.
I live by the seaside.
Toughest job I ever had?
Selling doors, door-to-door.
I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
Looking at my face is like reading in the car.
It’s all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’.
So we stopped playing chess.
Laugh more here: Funny Chess Jokes
Crime in multi-storey car parks.
That is wrong on so many different levels.
Recently I went on a ballooning holiday – I put on four stone!
Laugh more with our FUNNY Holiday Jokes for a jolly mood
Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge?
Summary of Best SHORT Jokes of all Time
A joke does not have to be long, to be funny. I also collected the absolute best funny jokes of all time.
Besides this, I highly recommend to check out my 30 favorite dad jokes.
We collected as well:
- Funny quotes
- Jokes for Teens (that are funny!)
- Funny Questions (and answers)
- Funny Teenage Jokes One-Liners.
- Funny Questions
- Travel Questions
- Funny and Dirty Jokes
- Best Funny Quotes by Famous People
- Hilarious Funny Quotes
- Dog Jokes
- Marriage Jokes
- Pirate Jokes
Want to have more fun? 🤣
These funny one liners are as pithy as they are funny.
Just some very funny summations from some very funny people, all told in one line. Many of these funny one liners are from legendary comedians. Others are from random or unknown people. Enjoy laughing out loud to all these hilarious one liners.
Epic, Funny One Liner Jokes
Laughter is the best medicine, so don’t deprive yourself of it! Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh:
1. “Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.” – Demetri Martin
2. “What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles” – Unknown
3. “I’ve moved past threesomes. I’m now into foursomes. If someone backs out, then you’ve still got a threesome. If two people back out, you’re still having sex.” – Gregory House
4. “When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed and wondered where my brother was.” – Mitch Hedberg
5. “It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.” – Jack Handey
6. “I don’t have a girlfriend, but I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.” – Unknown
7. “My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.” – Unknown
8. “I have 3 kids and no money, why I can’t I have no kids and 3 money.” -Homer Simpson
9. “It became so cold in New York last night that it forced the flashers to describe themselves to people.” – Unknown
10. “I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” – Steven Wright
11. “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.” – Stewart Francis
12. “The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin
13. “I have the world’s largest collection of seashells, you may have seen it, I keep it scattered on beaches all over.” – Unknown
14. “I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” – Unknown
15. “When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.” – Unknown
Fun, Funny One Liners And Puns
Show everyone you have a great sense of humor. Make them smile with your witty jokes and puns! Here are some of the best one liner jokes that are guaranteed to make your friends laugh every time:
16. “The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. The problem is no one runs in your family.” – Unknown
17. “When you look like I do, it’s hard to get a table for one at chuckee cheese.” – Zach Galifianakis
18. “I don’t want to be part of a club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx
19. “My ex girlfriend had this really weird fetish. She used to like to dress up like herself, and act like a fucking bitch all the time.” – Bo Burnham
20. “Last night, I played poker with Tarot cards … got a full house and 4 people died.” – Steven Wright
21. “I tried to change my password to penis but they said it was too short.’ – Unknown
22. “My girlfriend used to smoke after sex, so we started using lube.” – Jimmy Carr
23. “Circumcision is popular because Jewish girls won’t touch anything that’s not at least 15% off.” – Unknown
24. “The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.” – Unknown
25. “Sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up.” – Unknown
26. “It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.” – Unknown
27. “Consider the daffodil…and while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, going through your stuff.” – Jack Handy
28. “I told him to be himself, that was pretty mean I guess.” – Roger Sterling
29. “I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.” – Ben Bailey
30. “My father is schizophrenia, but he’s good people.”- Stewart Francis
Best One Liner Jokes
Make sure you laugh a little every single day. Here are some more funny one liners that will get the job done:
.jpg?w=600&q=70)
31. “I was going to tell you a joke about my vagina, but you will never get it.” – Unknown
32. “Does my wife think I’m a control freak? I haven’t decided yet.” – Stewart Francis
33. “You know what this shirts made out of? Boyfriend material.” – Unknown
34. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
35. “They lie about marijuana: ‘Marijuana makes you unmotivated.’ Lie. When you’re high, you can do anything you normally do just as well. You just realize it’s not worth the fucking effort. There’s a difference.” – Bill Hicks
36. “Who has connections to Connecticut? That’s where rich people go to live the rest of their life in the woods.” – Patrice O’Neal
37. “Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.” – Mitch Hedberg
38. “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield
39. “I am originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana — mafia.” – Jim Gaffigan
40. “I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said ‘It’s nice to see so many bums on seats.’” – Jimmy Carr
Awesome, Funny One Liners
Here are some of the funniest one liner jokes on the internet. Make sure to share them with all your family and friends:
41. “There’s a reason it’s called ‘girls gone wild’ and not ‘women gone wild’. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.” – Louis CK
42.“I taught Sunday School for two years. And I got fired. I abused my authority. I used to teach class like this, OK, if one more person talks, everybody is going to Hell. – Maragaret Cho
43. “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
44. “Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Two: exercise more. Three: what was I talking about again? I’m so hungry.” – Maria Bamford
45. “I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper
46. In Seattle, they have a saying: ‘If you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.’” – Doug Benson
47. “There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.” – Doug Stanhope
48. “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” – Sam Kinison
49. “I had to stop drinking, cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.” – Richard Pryor
50. “The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.” – Lenny Bruce
Clever, Funny One Liners
Making other people laugh is the best way to brighten your own day! Here are some funny one liners to help you out:
51. “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin
52. “Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’” – Conan O’Brien
53. “The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.” – Jay Leno
54. “I can’t wait till Sunday, I’m gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece…” – Sarah Silverman
55. “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” – Jerry Seinfeld
56. “The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven’t seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse.” – Joan Rivers
57. “I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.” – Larry David
Press J to jump to the feed. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts
Log In
Found the internet!
Feeds
HomePopular
Topics
ValheimGenshin ImpactMinecraftPokimaneHalo InfiniteCall of Duty: WarzonePath of ExileHollow Knight: SilksongEscape from TarkovWatch Dogs: Legion
NFLNBAMegan AndersonAtlanta HawksLos Angeles LakersBoston CelticsArsenal F.C.Philadelphia 76ersPremier LeagueUFC
GameStopModernaPfizerJohnson & JohnsonAstraZenecaWalgreensBest BuyNovavaxSpaceXTesla
CardanoDogecoinAlgorandBitcoinLitecoinBasic Attention TokenBitcoin Cash
The Real Housewives of AtlantaThe BachelorSister Wives90 Day FianceWife SwapThe Amazing Race AustraliaMarried at First SightThe Real Housewives of DallasMy 600-lb LifeLast Week Tonight with John Oliver
Kim KardashianDoja CatIggy AzaleaAnya Taylor-JoyJamie Lee CurtisNatalie PortmanHenry CavillMillie Bobby BrownTom HiddlestonKeanu Reeves
Animals and PetsAnimeArtCars and Motor VehiclesCrafts and DIYCulture, Race, and EthnicityEthics and PhilosophyFashionFood and DrinkHistoryHobbiesLawLearning and EducationMilitaryMoviesMusicPlacePodcasts and StreamersPoliticsProgrammingReading, Writing, and LiteratureReligion and SpiritualityScienceTabletop GamesTechnologyTravel
Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations.
One Word Jokes
HotNewTopRising
HotNewTop
Rising
20
pinned by moderators
Posted by
Duck mod
8 years ago
/r/OneWordJokes has new comment features
20
13 comments
2
Posted by1 year ago
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
2
1 comment
0
Posted byu/[deleted]2 years ago
Bruh
0
0 comments
0
Posted by2 years ago
COVID-20
hahahahahahahahhaha… oh no
0
0 comments
1
Posted by2 years ago
Phrog 🐸
1
0 comments
3
Posted by2 years ago
Bukets
3
3 comments
0
Posted by3 years ago
Covid
0
3 comments
About Community
Telling jokes one word at a time.
Created May 22, 2015
1.2k
Members
1
Online
Moderators
Moderator list hidden.
Learn More
We love clever jokes here at LaffGaff and they don’t come any more ingenious than these clever wordplay jokes. We’re sure you’ll enjoy them too; after all, a good sense of humor is a sign you’re in good shape psychologically!
30 Best Play On Word Jokes
Here is a great collection of really clever wordplay jokes. Enjoy!
Armageddon
I was helping my son with his homework and he asked me what Armageddon was. He got upset when I told him I didn’t know.
I thought to myself, “Come on, it’s not the end of the world, is it?”
Norwegian Navy
The Norwegian navy has started putting barcodes on their ships.
So they can scan da navy in.
Big Red Mark
My son asked me to take him to the hospital because he had a big red mark on his face.
I said, “Let’s not make any rash decisions.”
Brake Fluid
I’ve got a friend who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid.
He says he can stop any time.
English Language
The English language is pretty strange and confusing.
It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.
Cheap Skate
This guy offered me a go on his ice rink for $1.
I thought “What a cheap skate.”
Lost Luggage
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
Money In The Bank
I’m addicted to having money in the bank.
I really do suffer from withdrawals.
Restaurant Manager
I got sacked from my job as restaurant manager today after one of my staff lost three fingers in an electric food mixer.
Apparently I failed to do a proper whisk assessment.
Assistant Manager
I’ve just landed a job as an assistant typist, helping with the capital letters.
It’s shift work.
Chest Hair
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.
Alphabet Soup
You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for…
Times new ramen!
Something Cuban
I asked my grandmother for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.
Clothes, but no cigar.
Blank Screen
My sister turned off the TV on me whilst I was watching it today.
After a few moments of staring at the blank screen, I thought to myself, “That’s not on.”
6 Cans Of Sprite
I went to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite.
I ended up picking 7 Up.
Angry Girlfriend
My girlfriend always gets mad when I mess with her red wine.
So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she’s sangria then ever.
Solar Eclipse
I tried using a colander to view the solar eclipse yesterday.
I think I’ve strained my eyes.
Full Dictaphone
I have a nagging, paranoid feeling that my dictaphone is close to full capacity.
Maybe I’m just reading too much into it.
Learning Braille
I asked my Dad what it was like learning Braille, but he didn’t want to tell me.
I didn’t realize it was such a touchy subject.
History Of Palindromes
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
Now we call him Dr Awkward.
Tree Planting
Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes’ diverse set of skills as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting.
To which Sherlock replied, “Why, that’s a lemon tree, my dear Watson.”
Hypnotist
Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.
I’m easily lead.
Time Machine
I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday.
They don’t make them like they’re going to anymore.
At The Bus Stop
A guy is walking down the street one day when he spots a man with no arms or legs waiting at a bus stop.
He shouts out to him, “Hey buddy, how are you getting on?”
Crashing App
WhatsApp keeps crashing on my phone and won’t run properly so I’ve downloaded something called “The Bugs Bunny” to fix it.
It’s a WhatsApp Doc.
David Hasselhoff
David Hasselhoff calls his agent and demands, “I want everyone to call me Hoff from now on.”
The agent replies, “Sure, no hassle.”
4D Printer
How do you turn a 3D printer into a 4D printer?
Just give it time.
Star Wars Sweets
I’m really disappointed with the new Haribo Star Wars sweets collection.
They’re all chewy.
Half Indian
I’ve got a friend who’s half Indian.
Ian.
Store Robbery
I was at the Apple store today when it got robbed.
I guess that makes me an iWitness.
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed this collection of clever wordplay jokes, be sure to check out the rest of the LaffGaff website for lots more funny jokes, including these: