I could barely get a word

i could barely — перевод на русский

Показать ещё примеры для «я едва мог»…

Показать ещё примеры для «я с трудом»…

Показать ещё примеры для «я еле»…

Показать ещё примеры для «я едва смог»…

Показать ещё примеры для «я с трудом мог»…

Показать ещё примеры для «я почти ничего не»…

Показать ещё примеры для «я еле мог»…

Показать еще

Anonymous:

Isfp. I used to be bullied. I was around twelve when I changed schools and these bullies “took” the few friends I had away from me. Although, I was lucky enough to keep 1-2 friends even if one was outside of school. These bullies never physically hurt me, but were really mean, wrote things to me such as that I deserved to die, that I was a whore, that I was disgusting, ugly, worthless, etc (I had never interacted with them previously, these things came unprovoked). Then one bully would write to

[con’t: me and apologise, I would accept, and then she said something meaner the next day. It would keep on like that. Eventually, it got too much for me and I snapped, and I wrote a response to something the bully had said, on a public page where people could see and simply told her to f*ck off. I then got to pay the price 110% because she confronted me a few days after (irl) with my friends behind her, literally, and asked me why I had told her that, in an aggressive/threatening manner.

She had an aggressive “aura” and was kind of dominant. I wish I could have stood up for myself in that situation, but I got extremely nervous and felt very intimidated. I could barely get a word out without my voice shaking. I think it was because I felt more vulnerable with my “friends” clearly having chosen the other side.

After that, I never really got back in touch with my friends again, because they ignored me. I continued those 3,5 years in that school always avoiding these people and generally felt quite tense. Although, I kind of ignored those feelings, focused on other things because things go on. However, I don’t think I have properly confronted my feelings about this. I can see a pattern in my life after these events, where I tend to get close with people who are dominant in some respect, and they often have very mean tendencies toward me and I get the similar type of feeling, i.e. that I can’t stand up for myself. 

This leads me to two questions 1) How to stand up for yourself as an Fi-dom? I find it hard to defend myself. Partially because I’m slow at noticing when people are being mean to me and partially because if I do I quickly disregard confrontation as “unnecessary”, i.e. I think I excuse it because the consequences of me standing up for myself have always resulted in a worse outcome for myself. But I’ve been accumulating feelings of frustration/anger by letting people be mean, and I should dare to let people know more to relieve it.

2) I get an urge inside me, if  I get an urge inside me, if I ever was to meet these bullies or people who have been mean in general, to call her out and sort of confront them. I get a need to “prove” myself which I usually don’t otherwise. I don’t want these to influence my decisions in life. I think this is a result of not being able to show my anger in a given moment. How to channel anger toward the “right” things? I’m trying to connect the dots and change this, but need some guidance. Hope you can offer some insight. Thank you.]

Those people sound horrible. Bullies are going to be bullies; there isn’t very much you can do to change their dog-eat-dog mindset. Had you retaliated more, they might’ve stopped bullying you (or maybe not, if they enjoyed the drama), but they’d probably just move on and find a meeker person to bully. In other words, though it’s hard to believe, the bullying isn’t about you; it’s about the bully’s twisted perspective on how to survive and get ahead in the world. You are but the unfortunate collateral damage. If you take bullying personally, the bully has won, because they have successfully gotten under your skin. They are now a part of you, controlling how you think, controlling how you feel about yourself. It seems that you are now realizing the extent to which your bullies continue to influence you. 

You’re not wrong in saying that standing up for yourself doesn’t always lead to good immediate results. However, never standing up for yourself doesn’t lead to good results, either, does it? It just leaves you feeling disrespected, sad, afraid, or angry, does it not? Do you really want negative emotions of the past running the relationships of today? I think you’ve failed to take into account the accumulative psychological effects of constantly swallowing mistreatment.

Nothing of consequence is accomplished by regretting how you responded to your past bullies, other than reliving your wounded pride, because no matter how you responded, it wasn’t likely to stop or change them. And is this, at its heart, an issue of wounded pride? Is pridefulness not where anger bubbles up from?

A healthy sense of pride encourages you to live your life with integrity and dignity, which means that you know your value and wouldn’t allow people to mistreat you. But an unhealthy sense of pride enables victim mentality, always suspicious and mistrustful, always on the lookout for “slights” or “attacks” so that you can label someone a “bully” and then transfer all of your old anger onto them.

By continuing to associate with “dominant” people, are you not always replaying your past, always trapped in the role of the victim and reinforcing old beliefs about people? Perhaps you need to choose your relationships more consciously. Some psychoanalysts might argue that you unconsciously keep inviting dominant people into your life because you want to redress your old wounds by learning how to handle bullies to your satisfaction. Developmentally speaking, the positive side of replaying a dysfunctional relationship dynamic over and over is that you have opportunity after opportunity to learn how to handle the situation correctly, or at least better than you did before. 

There are times when standing up for yourself is the right thing to do. There are times when walking away is a better option. There are times when you should stand up for yourself despite the negative consequences. For example, sometimes the person mistreating you is someone you love or someone who claims to love you. You’d probably want to give them a chance to make up for hurting you, wouldn’t you? But how would you do that if you never speak up and let them know that you feel hurt? Sometimes, the person mistreating you is a stranger in passing, in which case, is it really worth it to confront them? You don’t know how they will respond and the molehill might quickly become a mountain. Sometimes, the mistreatment is utterly unjust/unfair, and do you want to let the person get away with it and keep inflicting that pain on everyone they come into contact with? Sometimes, the person mistreating you is someone you can’t get away from at work/school, in which case, you have to think of clever ways to neutralize them (rather than just exploding at them randomly). 

The point is that there is no universal rule of thumb for how to handle these sorts of situations correctly. Every relationship is unique, so you need good critical thinking skills to evaluate each particular situation and arrive at the most appropriate response. But you can’t do that if your automatic reflex is to swallow it every time and you never stop to consider alternatives. There are healthy methods to deescalate tense situations and resolve relationship conflicts, so I suggest that you read some books about difficult communication and/or conflict resolution so that you are able to respond more consciously (see the resources list). These methods aren’t guaranteed to work in every situation, because it depends on who the other person is, the quality of your relationship with them, and whether they are amenable to resolving the issue. When they are, do it skillfully. When they aren’t, then perhaps it is better to walk away and seek out a better relationship.

If you’re looking for ways to get over your anger, getting some counseling might be a good idea. ISFPs also tend to use creative expression or community service. They share their experience and perhaps, in the process, even help others who’ve been through the same suffering.