Updated 11/7/2022
“What to ask for for Christmas” is a term that gets an average of 18,100 Google hits each month. Maybe it’s just me, but if you have to Google what you want for Christmas, wouldn’t it just be easier to tell someone, thanks, but “no gifts, please?”
Ok, I know it’s not actually always that easy. But if you’re someone who wonders what they should ask for, or gets uncomfortable thinking about all the stuff coming that you know you’re not going to want or use, this post is for you.
This post is also for you if you often wonder if there’s another way to do the whole holiday thing – without gifts.
The good news is I’m here to tell you that yes, there is.
But blurting out at Thanksgiving dinner something along the lines of: “I don’t want to give Christmas gifts anymore” may not be the most productive way of communicating.
Since originally publishing this post in 2019, it has been in the top five most popular posts each month. This means that if you want to do the whole “no gifts, please” thing, you’re NOT alone. By any means.
Want to listen to this content instead (or in addition?) Check out this topic on my podcast, Raising Eco Minimalists.
Before we dive in to ways to graciously tell someone, ‘no gifts, please’, let’s take a quick look at a few reasons why people may be so adamant about gift giving so we can go into this with some understanding, empathy, and compassion.
Their love language might be in gift giving/receiving:
Have you heard of the five love languages? If not, basically, every one of us shows our love in different ways, and the five love languages help us understand how our partner, friend, or family member may show their love. One of the five love languages is gift giving- meaning that some people show their love in the act of giving a gift.
“Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.” (source)
I’m not mentioning this as an excuse for someone ignoring your requests for non-physical gifts or no gifts at all. Nor am I excusing the behavior of unwanted gifts being thrown at you when you’ve had the conversation of ‘no gifts’ in the past. I am just trying to show a perspective that may not be known about why some people are so wrapped around the idea of having to give gifts. Knowing = better community = steps forward.
Gift giving as a form of manipulation and/or control
Of course, on the other side of that, sometimes gift giving can be a form of manipulation or control. There is more to the gift than just the gift. It is important to remember that the gift ends after it has been exchanged. Additionally:
“The gift is not the item they gave you. The gift is their attention to you.” (source)
If gift giving from anyone goes way above and beyond this, there may be major underlying issues which is way beyond the scope of this blog post. Talking with a therapist or other medical professional would be my recommendation.
Having the ‘no gifts, please’ conversation can be really tricky, especially if you’ve tried before. Some people may be hurt by it. Some people may not respect it or understand it. Sometimes it is so part of our traditions that we don’t realize we don’t have to do it. Having some tips in your pocket for bringing the topic up can help create a dialogue towards a resolution for a more in-line-with-your-values type holiday season or birthday.
These tips can be used on their own, or you can combine multiple ones together. One other note: these tips can be used for any gift giving occasion, but the examples given are more heavily focused on the winter holidays and/or birthdays.
Quick note this post contains a ton of information, along with actual examples on how to tell someone “no gifts, please”. If you would find it helpful to download or print this post to give to someone, practice, show someone, etc., you can! I’ve converted this entire post into a PDF, which you can download or print for only $5.
(As much as I’d love to provide the PDF for free, this process as well as creating/managing a blog takes a lot of time and resources. Your purchase helps support the blog, and allows me to continue to provide resources like this for free! Thank you!)
Let’s dive in to the 10 ways to gracious tell someone ‘no gifts, please’ (with actual examples, wording, and alternatives).
Set expectations around gift giving early. In January.
After you’ve rung in the new year and had a chance to decompress from the holiday season, take some time to talk with friends and family about how you’d like to see the next holiday season go re: gift giving/exchanging.
“I really loved the {insert item here} you got us for Christmas. I am so grateful. But you know what I really loved? Spending time telling stories of past celebrations together as a family. What if we focused on that next year and skipped the gift exchange?”
You may have to give a reminder as the holidays start to approach again the following year. But planting that seed early leaves little room for excuses such as:
“Oh, well I shop all year round so already got you something”.
Determine the best way to bring up the ‘no gifts’ news
You know your family and friends. What would be the best way to have the conversation? In person over coffee/tea (hello experiences), or over text where they would have time to reflect on it? Pick the method that you feel most comfortable with and that you think would be the best received. This is especially true if you think they won’t take the news well.
Bring research to the table (research, data – link to toy clutter)
Yep, that’s right. Research. I’m not against bringing some hard core statistics to the conversation if need be. Why? Although people try, it’s hard to argue with science. And when people do, they look silly (looking at you climate change deniers).
Let’s look at an example.
According to an Infant and Behavior Development study, fewer toys creates fewer distractions, which equals better learning. And since we know kids learn through play, this is important information.
Related post: How to declutter toys for good (plus save money and reduce waste)
Here is one way you can weave research into the conversation using the example of excessive gift giving from grandparents:
“I know you love giving gifts to {insert kid(s) names here}, we do too! But we’re trying to teach him not to be so attached to ‘things’. Additionally, we have been doing some research about how it is actually beneficial for kids to have less toys. It helps them focus and creates few distractions which equals better learning. I can show you the study I found if you’re interested in learning more. For his birthday this year, we’re planning a family trip to the zoo and would love to have you join us instead of doing individual birthday gifts.”
You can bring in research on the mental effects of clutter (hint: physical clutter = mental clutter), research on how much packaging ends up in the landfill, etc. whatever fits into the values that mean the most to you.
Related post: What is a fiver party and how to throw one (includes a party invitation wording guide)
Spin the ‘no gifts, please’ narrative so it’s about you, not them (because it is)
If you have someone who you think will object to your ‘no gifts, please’ request, or who you’ve gotten push back from in the past, this tip may be helpful.
“I wanted to talk to you about doing a gift exchange for the upcoming holidays this year. As you possibly have seen from my Facebook profile page, I’ve been hard at work decluttering and selling stuff from my house (Note: this is a comment I get from people all the time because I post items I’m selling on my profile page). So far I’ve decluttered ‘x’ boxes of items! I’m feeling so much more level headed and relaxed at home. I can’t wait to have you over to show you.
You are always so generous in your gift giving and I appreciate all the wonderful gifts you’ve given in the past. That soap set you gave me last year was AMAZING. This year I would like to explore not exchanging gifts, and instead go get bubble tea together. This has nothing to do with me not being grateful for your gifts in the past, it has everything to do with me and my decluttering journey. I really hope you can help me obtain my goal of decluttering ‘x’ boxes of stuff by going this route. What are your thoughts?“
Using ‘I’ statements while pointing out how thankful you are for previous gifts puts the blame on you and makes it less likely they will get defensive. Also, including them in your goal of reducing clutter or waste or whatever will help them feel more part of the team and take the focus off them not being able to give you a gift even less.
Additionally, be clear about how important it is to you that they respect your wishes, and be overly thankful when they do.
Rally other ‘no gifting’ like-minded individuals together
If there are other people in your family or group of friends that you think you can bring on board with your ‘no gifts, please’ request, talk with them ahead of time. This is especially helpful if there is someone who you think won’t take the news well.
Approaching fellow ‘no gifting’ like-minded person:
“Hey! I’m thinking of talking to mom about not doing gifts this year, and instead having a gingerbread house making contest for the family get-together. Would you be interested in talking to her with me about it?”
Redirect and offer alternatives to gifts
I’m not sure if you have noticed, but in all or most of the dialogue examples I’ve given thus far, I’ve given alternatives to doing a gift exchange. There are a couple of reasons for this.
The main reason is that it takes the immediate defensive/reactive response away (or at least can help tone it down), because you’re showing that it’s not that you don’t want to spend time with the person/people, but that you just don’t want to do gifts.
For specific examples, review some of the previous verbiage.
Ask them to think about their favorite holiday or birthday memories. Do they include gifts?
Often, we participate in traditions, like exchanging gifts, simply because ‘that’s always how we’ve done it before’. We’ve never stopped to think we can do something different. If you ask someone what their favorite part about Christmas is, I’m going to guess that it isn’t about getting specific items. Maybe they enjoy the process of getting together to open gifts, but I would be willing to bet it would be just as enjoyable getting together and playing a game or doing a different activity.
When I think back to past holiday seasons, I can only remember maybe a handful of gifts that I’ve received in my entire life. The rest, I don’t even come close to remembering. But I do remember things like getting up in the morning, making a yummy breakfast together, and spending time with each other as a family.
“Auntie, remember when I was younger and we used to make those delicious cinnamon rolls together Christmas morning? That is one of my favorite memories. What is one of yours? {wait for response}. What if we skipped exchanging gifts this year, and instead made those cinnamon rolls together, and then watched the best Christmas movie ever, ‘Muppets Christmas Carol’. While I am so thankful for all the gifts you’ve given me in the past, the best part about the holidays for me is spending time together.
Focus on the true meaning of the holidays
What does the season mean for you? To me, it means focusing and reflecting on all the amazing things I have in my life, and giving back. These are things that I not only value, but that I want to pass along to my son. If you’re in the same boat, you can use this example to showcase why you don’t want to do gifts. This also would work for birthdays.
“Every time the winter holidays (or my birthday) come around, I stop and take a look at all the things I have in my life and how grateful and lucky I am. It makes me want to give back. Instead of gifts, would you like to join me in volunteering at the local soup kitchen this year?”
Example involving kids:
“We feel so fortunate with all that we have been blessed with in our lives, and we want to give back. Additionally, we want to show {insert kid(s) name here} the same, and instill the value of having enough, being grateful, and helping others. Instead of gifts this year, would you like to come shopping with us to buy toys to donate to Toys for Tots? We are letting {insert kids name here} help pick out the toys for the kids.
If you’re looking for other fun activities to do that help reinforce the true meaning of the season, you can check out my post with over 58 advent calendar ideas that focus on traditions, giving back, and activities instead of ‘stuff’ and waste.
Related post: Why you Need More Gratitude in your Life Right. Now.
Lead by example
When all else fails, lead by example. If you ask for no gifts, stay true to that message and don’t give gifts yourself. You never know who you may be influencing for the next year or the year after that. It may not be easy, but if it starts getting tough, remember your ‘why’ (less clutter, less waste, etc).
If someone insists on giving a gift – what are some alternatives?
Remember how we talked about how some people show their love through gifts at the beginning of the post? And remember that we also talked about how to have a conversation to move towards a more in-line-with-your-values type of gift giving scenario? Well, sometimes you may have to compromise. But remember that this goes both ways. If someone insists on a gift, they *should* be OK with the fact that they have no say in what happens to the gift after the fact.
Related: The Ultimate Zero Waste, Eco-Friendly, Minimalist Friendly, and Mindful Gift Guide (with over 100 gift ideas!)
Here are some things you can suggest for insistent gift givers:
The four gift rule
- Something you want
- Something you need
- Something you wear
- Something you read
Or, provide whole family gift ideas
A game, a movie, passes to the local aquarium, something that you can do as a family and that would only result in one ‘item’.
One option is to have a fiver party if we’re looking at birthdays, but the concept could also be used towards a larger gift for the holidays. You can read more about what a fiver party is, how to have one, and an invite wording/verbiage guide here.
Or, ask for experiences instead of toys
Still getting a gift, but not getting stuff!
Or, do a toy swap
Talk with family members about doing a toy swap for Christmas. Basically, each family selects a previously loved toy they are no longer using, wraps it up, and exchanges it. The kids get ‘new’ toys, you’re getting rid of a toy your kid/family no longer uses, and you saved a ton of money and effort in searching for the perfect gift (plus, reduced waste!).
Taking it one step further, host a toy swap with friends! Have everyone bring toys they no longer want, and swap for ‘new’ to them toys that they can give their kids for Christmas or birthdays throughout the year.
Related post: How to host a toy swap or toy exchange (with swap invite wording)
Or, come up with a homemade gift exchange rule
Homemade gifts are the best, aren’t they? If someone is insisting on doing a gift exchange, compromise by making a ‘must-be-homemade’ rule!
Or, suggest no gifts for birthdays or any other holidays, but to exchange gifts for the December holidays
Back to offering alternatives. This is another way you can compromise to minimize the number of times per year you’re getting gifts. Maybe it’s no gifts for Christmas, but a gift for birthdays, or vice versa.
Or, Lead by example
Reiterating what I said earlier, lead by example by not giving a gift, even if you receive a gift from someone (assuming you’ve already tried talking to them). The key piece here is that you then can’t feel guilty about not getting them something, and ultimately end up giving them something. Be grateful for the gift, send a thank you, and leave it at that. Again, the gift is in the giving and that is as far as it needs to go.
In the end, be grateful* for any gifts you receive
Be grateful for any gift you receive, whether you want it or not. Think of all that goes into a gift. The person thinks of you. They think of something you might like. They spend their time shopping and wrapping that gift. They spend their hard earned money on it. A lot goes into a gift.
*This is assuming the gift is NOT given as a method to manipulate or control.
Sample thank you message for gifts received/thank you note for gift:
“Thank you so much for the gift of movie tickets. I am looking forward to using it to seeing Frozen 2 at the end of the month! Frozen was one of my favorite movies, and I’m looking forward to the second one. I really appreciate you thinking of me!
Hope to see you soon.
Love, kind regards, sincerely, from {sign your name here}
What tips do you have for graciously telling someone that you don’t want to exchange gifts? Have you talked to someone about this before? How did it go?
Don’t forget! If you found the information in this post helpful, and you’d like it in PDF form to download or print this post to give to someone, practice, show someone, etc., you can! I’ve converted this entire post into a PDF, which you can download or print for only $5.
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When you have been living together for a really long time and have almost everything you need, it actually makes sense to not want gifts; or if you are getting married for the second time and you feel a little bit weird about receiving more gifts and do not want your guests to give you any gifts, then there are ways to make your intentions known to them subtly. You can always spread the news about you not wanting any gifts through word of mouth. You simply talk to your friends and family and tell them how you do not want any gifts and let them spread the word. But it only works for a small family circle. When you are throwing a wedding party, your guests are bound to bring you some gifts. Now, stating directly on the invitation card, “no gifts please” seems way too direct and ends up putting emphasis on the “gifts”, the very thing you wanted to avoid. So to help you out, here are a few ways through which you can subtly say that you do not want any gifts in your invitation.
We are going to start a new journey together and all we want is the gift of your good wishes to add to this beautiful new start.
It is a joyous celebration of our souls being united and your happy presence is the greatest present we could ask for.
We are here to celebrate our love,
To celebrate the happiness we found in being with each other,
We could ask for nothing more than for you to be happy with us on this day and give us the gift of your beautiful smiles.
We are taking the final step in bonding ourselves to each other forever and at the same time, we are taking the first step in being each other completely. It is happy and scary at the same time, your support and presence are all that we need and we will forever be grateful for it.
In this wedding party,
Give us the gift of your blessings,
Present us with your happy presence,
And above all, share your love with us.
Our lives are about to change forever, change for the better we hope. Join us on this day and make it memorable, this is all we want from you.
We have everything we need,
We will be having all the things we ever wanted,
And yet if you insist on giving us something,
A little contribution to our honeymoon will be more than anything.
We are having our dreams realized,
What more could we ask for than your good wishes,
So that our dreams turn into beautiful shades of reality.
At some point in our lives,
You have been there for us,
Supporting us, loving us, helping us
And we desire nothing more than for you to be there with us on this day.
Having you in our lives is the most amazing gift we ever got,
Having you beside us on this joyous occasion is the best gift we ever hope to get.
Bless us with happiness in the journey that awaits us,
Wish us the best married life,
And gift us with your cheerful company and a healthy appetite for fun and food, of course.
Make this day bright with your smiles,
Lively with your jokes,
And memorable with your love.
We will cherish these gifts the most.
Talking of presents,
All we really want is your presence.
Give us the warm gift of a blanket of love woven with the threads of care to keep us forever enveloped in the embrace of happiness.
We wish to save you the trouble of buying gifts and instead engage you to make some contributions to a charity. That would make us really happy.
We have a home waiting for us,
We have a life to make,
We have “everything” we will ever need,
All we seek is your support as we lay the foundation stones of making a life together.
It is an occasion of joy; all we need is the gift of your presence to turn it into the occasion of enjoyment.
We will be celebrating Love and all we need you to bring for us is a lot of love in your hearts.
Instead of bringing us gifts, we want you to bring us your sense of humour. After all, laughter is the best gift we could ask for.
It will be a party, your wit and charm are all we want you to gift us with.
Recommended posts for you:
Are gifts important in a relationship?
Thank You Messages on a Wedding
How to Say Thanks for Anniversary Wishes and Gifts
These were some ways to state in subtle ways that you do not want your guests to bring you any gifts. Although, there will always be some people who would insist on gifting you something if all ways of persuasion fail then you should accept the gifts politely. Hope these ways help you out of any awkwardness you might feel in telling your guests that you do not really want any gifts.
Because of an overflow of toys and clothing, some parents don’t want their child to receive birthday gifts. Add a line to the invitation stating that gifts are neither desired or required to get your point across without offending. Careful wording and creative alternative options ensure your request is understood and taken to heart, and it also takes the pressure off the guests for finding the perfect gifts.
Say No Gifts on a Kid’s Birthday Invitation
Include a playful pun on your invitations. Write a lighthearted note such as, «Your presence is the only present required!» or «We desire your presence instead of presents.»
Offer those intent on gift giving other options. Request that they offer small donations to a charity of the child’s choosing, or suggest any presents be dropped off at the local children’s charity. Say: «We are blessed to have all we need. In lieu of gifts, please make a small donation of a toy or funds to the Children’s Hospital.»
Allow those who feel uncomfortable appearing without gifts the option to bring a food item. Write a short note in the invitations, stating, «Please bring a potluck item to share instead of gifts.»
Offer a group activity that requires a homemade gift. Put together a child’s memory book or posterboards to hold pictures and cards as guests arrive and present it to the child in the guests’ presence. Ask each guest to bring a piece of wisdom written down for the child and read them aloud. State in the invitations, «Instead of gifts, we request that you bring a memento to share with Susan on her birthday. No further presents are required.»
Word your request for no gifts with a «thank you» instead of a «please» to accentuate gratitude and grace. Write a statement such as, «No gifts, thank you,» instead of «No gifts, please.»
So basically we’re getting married in the country where our families emigrated from. The country is not exactly rich and I know some extended family members from both sides would have difficulties providing a gift (monetary or otherwise — although this is kind of a “destination wedding” for us so physical gifts wouldn’t make sense). I want to include a note in the invites that gifts are not necessary; we really just want our favourite people there celebrating with us! But my FFIL said that would be so offensive. Is there a nice, inoffensive way of adding this to the invites?
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
Need interesting and clever wording ideas to ask for no gifts on birthday invitations? In that case, you’ve come to the right place. We know what you’re probably thinking. You (or your kids) have too much stuff, from clothes to toys. You have so many things around you that there isn’t even enough room for everything. Naturally you’re anxious about getting even more unnecessary things and you want to prevent this from happening.
We hear you and want to help you fight the culture of consumerism in the most polite way possible. We realized that it’s difficult to find proper wording that says “no more gifts”, so we’ve gathered some examples to make things easier for you. After all, you don’t want to offend your guests. You just want to help them not to spend excessive amounts of money on things you and your kids don’t need
Watch the video version of this article:
Before you continue scrolling, we’d like to mention a few things:
- A gift-free party doesn’t mean that you or your kids won’t receive any gift at all. It just means you’re trying not to hoard items and clutter up your living room.
- If you happen to receive some gifts, don’t open them right away to avoid awkward situations. Thank the guest for the present but keep the gifts away from the party area.
- Minimalist lifestyle doesn’t suit everyone but it’s proven that having fewer things makes us appreciate the things we do have.
Why do people choose gift-free parties?
Everyone has personal reasons to step away from the culture of consumerism. People want to teach their kids about different values and life choices. We can say that the most common reasons for throwing gift-free parties are:
Environmental reasons – the most common gifts, especially given to kids, are made of plastic. Kids often like a limited number of toys and play with them all the time. Other toys end up in the trash after some time. Of course, a lot of people donate the clothes, toys, and other things they don’t need. However, all things end up in the trash sooner or later and when those things are made of plastic it has a huge impact on the environment. People who live like minimalists have a smaller environmental footprint.
Emotional reasons – gifts are a part of some people’s love language. However, a lot of people argue that giving gifts has become meaningless. Christmas or birthday shopping turned into last-minute visits to the mall and finding impersonal gifts.
Showing solidarity – a lot of people have financial troubles. More than half of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck and some just can’t afford to get expensive gifts. They also don’t want to stand out with a less valuable gift, so they just decline social occasions that require gifts. This leads to isolation and distance from social circles. To show solidarity with people who are struggling, a lot of people opt for gift-free parties because they care more about sharing a happy experience with friends than receiving expensive (and often not needed) gifts.
Decluttering the home – over the years people received a lot of stuff. Some presents don’t have a particular purpose and they become a part of the home’s décor. Naturally, people end up with too much unnecessary stuff, so it’s understandable they don’t want more.
As you can see, there are many valid reasons why people are throwing gift-free parties. Your motive might be very similar but you still don’t know how to politely decline gifts on an invitation. Let’s go through some of the usual wording for “no gifts”, so you can choose the ones you like the most.
Being polite and direct
Although being direct is difficult, usually it’s more efficient than giving hints. Don’t be afraid to just say that gifts aren’t necessary. You just need to be polite about it, so people don’t get offended. Sometimes just adding “please” is enough but that entirely depends on your social circle.
You can discuss this subject with your friends and family to hear their opinion. Start the general conversation and let it flow naturally. You’ll get valuable insights if you’re not afraid to ask. Your closest friends will understand your reasons while others might be a bit confused. That’s why it’s worth repeating the “No gifts” request on the invitations.
“No more gifts” on invitations
There are a lot of ways to phrase “no gifts” on the birthday invitation. You can also add a bit of humor, but make sure the request is clear. You should use simple and direct but polite language. Here are some of the examples we’ve found in our research:
- Please no gifts, we just want to celebrate with you.
- Please bring only your company and your appetite.
- The only gift we need is your company.
- No gifts please. We just need your loving presence.
- Your presence is present enough. We’ll be so happy to celebrate with you!
- Gift us only with the honor of your presence.
- Give us the only gift we need – your company.
- We hope to celebrate this day with you only, no gifts, please.
- Your presence at the celebration is enough of a present.
- Your presence is our gift.
- Your presence is the best gift we can hope to receive.
- Your good wishes are the only gifts that we wish to receive.
- Your loving presence in our lives is a gift, we request no other.
- Bring your enthusiasm and nothing else, please no gifts.
If you want to add a bit of humor in your no gifts wording for a birthday party, try something like:
- Toys are so passe, hugs are in! No gifts, please.
- Your presence is strictly required for drinking, dancing, and singing. Just no gifts, please.
- We love guests who don’t bring gifts.
- No gifts and we mean it from the bottom of our hearts.
- Gifts are strictly prohibited, this is just a party for fun.
- Make our day special with hugs and kisses, no gifts please.
Source Link: https://whattogetmy.com/clever-wording-for-no-gifts-on-birthday-invitation/
Ask for a non-material gift
Gift-giving is a part of our culture, so some people might feel guilty for not bringing a gift to a party. You could make things a bit easier for your guests if you ask for a non-material gift instead of strictly sticking to “no gifts” policy.
You can, for example, ask for a thoughtful note/card, maybe even a letter or a poem. Anything that’s not a financial burden on the guest can be a nice alternative. You could say that you’re building a time capsule for the birthday boy/girls and that you would be thrilled if the guests could add something (from letter to photographs/drawings).
Charity donations as gifts
It’s becoming very popular to donate to charity in someone’s name as a gift. The act is selfless and generous but you should be careful. With inadequate wording, you could sound self-righteous and not grateful for someone’s gifts.
To avoid this, feel free to explain the reasons why your guest should give charity donations instead of gifts. You could explain how you’ve (or the birthday boy/girl) recently found a cause to support. If you feel the passion to change the world, don’t hesitate to share it and inspire others.
You can put the suggestion of charity donation on invitations next to “no gifts” wording. Add a simple statement that your family recently started volunteering at the local animal shelter (zoo, soup kitchen, etc.) and leave a link to the charity. You don’t even have to ask for monetary contributions. Instead, ask for help with volunteer work as a gift.
Gift cards instead of gifts
Giving gifts cards instead of gifts has become very common. People don’t want to get the “wrong” gift, so they opt for this alternative. It’s also very beneficial with piling up things and decluttering, so you should definitely consider suggesting to your guests to get gift cards instead.
We discussed some of the ways of how you can ask for gift cards on birthday invitations. You’ll find the information you need for polite wording of this simple request. Gift cards have become the new social norm, so you really don’t need to worry about offending anyone. Even more, people are relieved to hear this request because they don’t have to stress about getting the perfect gift.
Monetary presents as an alternative
We’ve also talked about giving money instead of gifts for birthdays. This might not be the most common practice but it’s very convenient to receive monetary presents. Guests also like the idea, although it might seem awkward at first. However, close family members actually like the option to give cash presents because that way, they’ll be sure you’ll get exactly the items you need.
In times of constant financial burden, monetary presents can make your life a bit easier. When people ask questions about your birthday wishes and you say that you need, for example, clothes, you might not get the colors you like or even the right size. With monetary gifts, you can get clothes fit for your taste, right? It’s simple and convenient.
A few tips on throwing gift-free parties
In the end, we’d just like to share a few tips on throwing a gift-free party.
- The ideal scenario is that everyone listens to your suggestion and you actually have a gift-free party. However, the social norm to give gifts is very strong, so some guests might still bring presents. In this case, you should politely thank the guest for the present and put them away in another room or a closet. Get them away from other guests who respected your wishes for no gifts. You don’t want to make an awkward situation of having a pile of gifts in front of everyone when you explicitly said no gifts.
- Don’t make the big deal about the presents. Instead, encourage everyone to enjoy the time spent together and having fun at the party.
- No gifts also means no gift-opening ceremony. Don’t open the presents you received because you’ll just make the guests that didn’t bring a gift feel bad. Stick to your guns and leave the gifts in the other room. Also, kids don’t hide their excitement/disappointment about certain gifts which usually leads to offending the gift-givers. It’s best to let this tradition fade away and leave gift-opening for later.
- Naturally, you shouldn’t give out goodie bags. You wanted to fight receiving too much stuff, right? Then you shouldn’t give excessive stuff either. If you asked your guest to skip giving gifts, you need to follow that rule too. Otherwise, your guests will feel weird to attend a party with no gift, enjoy your food and drinks then leave with a return gift. Party favors would just make everyone feel uncomfortable.
- The sooner you start with “no gifts” policy, the easier it will be for your family and friends to adjust. Your kids will learn about gratitude when they receive 2-3 gifts instead of 20+ gifts they usually get.
- Throw one fun party! Shift the focus from gifts entirely. Fill the time with interesting activities, choose uplifting music, and prepare tasty food. Experiences are remembered for much longer than received presents.
Conclusion
Speaking about experiences, hear this out. Even when you find the perfect wording for no gifts on birthday invitations, you’ll hear a lot of questions from guests about what they can do instead. We already mentioned some alternatives but we have one more. Experiences are very valuable, especially for kids. If close family members ask about a gift, suggest them to give an experience (such as a trip to the zoo, going to the cinema, etc.) instead. Sounds perfect, right?
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Writing ‘No Gifts’ on birthday invites might feel like a good idea, but it can seem weird or tacky to the guests.
Gifts are such a big part of the kid’s birthday party that it feels awkward to ask people not to bring any gifts or toys. But thinking about it practically, a kid’s birthday party can include anywhere from 30-60 guests or even more.
This could easily mean 20 gifts at least. Even if they are well-thought gifts, 20 gifts for a kid is simply too many!
This is reason enough to take the plunge and send a ‘No Gifts’ birthday invite to let all attendees know that your kid does not need any more gifts.
P.S: This post contains affiliate links from Amazon and other retailers. If you make a purchase through these links, I will receive a small commission. Pls check Privacy Policy and T&C for more information.)
11 Creative Ways To Write No Gifts On Birthday Invitations
Since writing a plain ‘No Gifts Please’ on the invitation card is not easy how about some fun creative ways of saying your family will appreciate the guest’s presence and nothing more.
A little humor can help to get the point across without offending anyone.
#1 Our Tests Have Shown Mike Enjoys Company Of Loved Ones More Than Gifts. Your Presence Is Requested, But No Gifts Please!
#2 Issued In The Interest Of Our Humble House- No Space Left Sadly For Any More Gifts. No Gifts Please.
#3 Make Johnny’s Day Special With Hugs & Kisses, No Gifts Please.
#4 Toys Are So Passé, Hugs Are In! No Toys Please.
#5 Your Presence Is Strictly Required For Only Eating, Drinking, Dancing and Singing Birthday Songs For Lil’ Johnny. No Gifts Please!
#6 Add A Picture Of Toy Your Kid Ruined With This Caption- “This Is What Johnny Does To Toys”. Please No Toys, Your Presence Is All That Is Requested.
#7 Ana Loves Guests Who Don’t Bring Gifts. No Gifts Please.
#8 ‘Toys R NOT Us’. No Toys Please.
#9 ‘No Gifts’ Please & We Mean It From The Bottom Of Our Heart.
#10 This Is A Just For Fun Party, Gifts Are Strictly Prohibited.
# 11 People Are The Life Of The Party, Not Gifts. No Gifts Please!
(P.S: You Can Easily Sub No Toys in place of No Gifts If You Specifically Don’t Want Toys)
Okay, now you know how to word no toys for a birthday party invitation. But Wait! This is only half the battle won. Do you have any alternative suggestions if the guests enquire?
Before you bask in the glory of mastering the ‘No Gift’ birthday party invitation for your kid, it is important to consider the below important points as well-
Also, check out, fun birthday party themes for boys and girls even adults will love.
Alternatives To Gifts & Toys For Birthday
People feel guilty for not bringing a gift to a party and especially to a kid’s birthday party. Social norms make people feel obligated to attend a party with a gift, abandoning that social etiquette is going to cause at least some to cross-check the ‘No Gift’ request.
Therefore, it is important to plan other suggestions in advance, when asked. If you can tell them what else they can do instead of buying more toys/ gifts, they would feel better.
It is easy to ask family members for gift cards to ice cream stores, passes to the zoo, etc., but when it comes to other guests asking for gift cards could seem a bit tacky.
Therefore, for non-family members, it is better to suggest an alternative like below-
-
Bring Some Goodies For Donation
Set up an area in the party room for any toys, books, clothes, etc., that you would like to donate to charity. You can suggest guests bring old toys/ new toys, old storybooks, etc., from their own kids for donation to a children’s shelter.
Guests can also make a cash donation or food donation in lieu of gifts for child shelters or charity.
It’s a great way of teaching kids the pleasure of giving to the needy as opposed to just receiving gifts. There are various charities that accept donations for kids.
Look one up in your city and simply ask what can be donated so you can make a suggestion to the guests.
By the way, I recently wrote a post on best gift ideas for an ill child in the hospital, if you know a kid that is currently in hospital (short term or long term) this gift guide will help you find a gift that will bring the child a lot of relief.
-
Suggest An ‘Offer Of Babysitting’
All parents know the value of a babysitter. Maybe you can suggest the friend babysit your kid one evening instead of bringing in a gift.
Chances are the suggestion that will be very well received, and you can have an opportunity to attend to anything that you had been putting off or enjoy a quiet evening with your spouse.
-
Suggest Bringing An Extra Side Dish/ Fruit Tray/ Ice Cream
If the guest insists on bringing something that adds to the birthday party fun, consider suggesting a side dish, appetizer, fruit tray, a tub of your kid’s favorite ice cream flavor, etc. This is a simple, yet effective way to appease the guest.
-
Ask For Help Setting Up The Party
This is the perfect time to ask for help if you think you will be a bit overwhelmed on the day of the birthday party. It could be anything from making sure the fruit punch bowl or the water jar is always full, food trays are not empty to helping decorate the backyard for the party.
Your guest will be more than happy to help in setting up the party.
Include Your Kid In The ‘No Gifts’ Decision
No matter how young or old your kid is, seeing other kids receive gifts on their birthdays can make your kids feel sad. It is important to make sure your kids are okay with your decision about a ‘No Gift’ birthday party.
This might not be applicable to a baby or a toddler but it is definitely applicable to an elementary kid or an older child. After all, it’s their day, and it is important that they feel happy on this day.
No Gifts Birthday Party Etiquette
Hosting a no gifts birthday party for a child also requires you to follow some etiquettes to make the event easier on guests as well. So here’s –How to Host A No Gift Birthday Party.
Avoid Gift Opening Ceremony If Some Attendees Still Bring Gifts
Don’t trust people to truly listen. No matter what you do, there would be some people who would still show up with a gift. It is better to skip the gift opening ceremony in front of everyone to avoid the risk of making other guests feel embarrassed for following the ‘No Gift’ request.
You can’t ask them to take back the gift, all you can do is say ‘you didn’t have to’ but keep the gift away from the party area, away from other guest’s eyes.
You want to ever so gently hint you were serious about the no gift request.
Nobody wants to be the one to walk into a party with an extensive gift opening ceremony without a gift in hand. It is mortifying.
To avoid this from happening, maybe mention in the invitation that guests should only bring a gift for a donation to the local charity.
Avoid Giving A ‘Return Gift’ for the No Gifts Birthday Party
It is a good idea to skip giving a return gift if you ask the guests to not bring a gift in the first place, that’s some show of solidarity.
Even if return birthday gifts or party favors, as they are popularly called, are given to guests as a token of appreciation for making time to attend your kid’s birthday party, they are still a gift.
The guests would probably feel a bit weird to first attend without a gift and then to enjoy your food, drinks and on top of that get a return gift! it can feel a bit uncomfortable.
Don’t Expect Attendees To Respond With A ‘No Gift’ Invite
Even if ‘No Gift’ party invites are becoming popular, don’t expect to receive one every time. Just because you prefer guests to not bring any gifts for your kids, doesn’t mean that other parents will also do the same.
It is a fact that the kid’s birthday party is the time to shower them with gifts.
Some parents enjoy seeing their kids open presents during their birthday, Christmas, etc., and the thought of asking guests to not bring any gifts seems unfair to their kid- robbing them of the fun of opening presents on their birthday.
This should also bring to attention all the money you will spend buying birthday gifts for other’s kids, not getting anything back in return. You can’t avoid that!
Buying gifts for other people’s kids might start to seem unnecessary and burdensome since they are not required to buy a gift for your child.
***
Whatever might be your reason for no gifts, no toys birthday party invitation, it is also for the greater good. Often families can’t afford to send their kids to multiple birthday parties because of the cost of the gift, it really does add up!
Parents also have to spend considerable time searching for the perfect gift, and many a time gift-giving turns into a competition to see who can find the best gift.
Suggested: Genius Ways To Find The Perfect Gift Every Time
In the end, you should also prepare to face the fact that some people will not pay attention to your request and they will continue to shower the kids with toys, etc., like grandparents.
Honestly, there is no one who can stop grandparents from doing that!
Sometimes you can’t deny family and friends the joy of giving gifts to your kids. For them, that’s the best way to show love and affection for your kids.
All that means is you will have to de-clutter your kid’s toy chest more often to donate or give away what’s not being used to the thrift stores.
The «No Gift» birthday party is becoming more and more common, and for good reason. I love these parties. Our kids have ENOUGH toys (seriously, so. many. toys), so we are having all of our birthday parties (for the foreseeable future) be gift-free.
Why? So many reasons.
1. It’s better for the planet. The most commonly given gifts are toys and those toys are most often plastic. That plastic is proving again and again to be terrible for our children’s health, and since it doesn’t decompose, they will have to deal with all that trash many birthdays from now.
2. I want to raise my kids a different way. I actually love gifts- it’s my love language, but I am trying to not let it get out of control, because I don’t want them to solely associate celebrating with receiving. I want them to focus on memories, experiences, and traditions. Gifts are fine, but I want to start them off in life not associating love with stuff, fun with stuff, or holidays with stuff.
3. The Gift-Opening at parties is high pressure and boring. I hate that part of parties. Yes, every so often you get a great reaction, but then there is the rest of the time. I would rather have a party that is actually fun! And as a guest, it is so nice to make a card and just go without the last minute run to Target.
4. Less cleaning for me. Yeah, I said it. I spend everyday cleaning up after two tiny people. More stuff is more to figure out how to store and clean, and they just don’t need it.
5. They don’t care. When we have little kids, it can (sometimes) be hard to differentiate what they want and what we want for them. But a 1 or 2 year old doesn’t really understand the concept of gifts. They don’t miss them and they don’t see anything different going on. In preparation for his brother’s birthday, our son asked what gift we would get him. Gift, singular. He thinks that is normal.
Now, before you clutch your pearls, I can clarify a few things.
Yes, my kids still get some gifts. We get them 1 physical gift and 1 experience gift. Their grandparents still buy them gifts. These are not deprived children, but we don’t associate the party with wider friends and family with presents.
No, I am not sure we can do it forever. My elementary school, it may be a different story, but at least these first 4 years, I know we can pull it off.
But Yes, it can be done and, for us, it has been worth doing. If you are trying to raise your kid to be a minimalist, an environmental steward, or just someone who doesn’t clutter up your living room, a great first step is cutting off the connection between celebrating and getting a bunch of stuff. Have confidence, parental unit! Celebrating and making memories really is enough.
Even if you are psyched about the idea of a party with no gifts, it can be hard to bring the subject up with your guests without sounding ungrateful. In some areas, the «no gift party» isn’t too far out of the ordinary. In others, it will blow people’s minds.
So how do you tell guests not to bring gifts?
First, keep it casual, fun, and non-preachy. You don’t have to give a manifesto. I find people feel most comfortable if I am a little bit silly about it.
Here are a few sweet and easy options:
«Buster has everything he needs. Please no gifts, we just want to celebrate with you!»
«Your presence is present enough. Buster will be so happy to celebrate with you!»
«Buster has more stuff than anyone ever needs. If you would like to give us all a present, please consider taking something out of our house!»
For our son’s first birthday, we tried to put a fun spin on it:
«Buster really only wants to play with the garbage, so bring a box from your recycling for the perfect gift!»
«Please do not come bearing gifts!»
You can also offer another idea (just be careful to make it about your kid):
«Buster is currently obsessed with giraffes and has everything he needs. If you would like to get him a gift, consider donating to the World Wildlife Fund!»
«Instead of a gift, please bring a letter for Buster to open when he turns 16! We will collect them all in a book for him» (I read about this idea here, and it is awesome)
«Please bring a picture (a photograph, a drawing, whatever you would like!) for Buster instead of a gift to add to his special birthday book!»
Or, just come out and say it:
«No gifts, please.»
«No gifts, please please please»
Yay! You did it! First steps completed!
A Few Tips to Make Your Kid’s «No Gift» Party a Success
1. You let go of the idea that this will universally work. You are giving people permission to not bring a gift, but somebody still will.
Maybe because it’s their love language. Maybe because they just can’t get comfortable with the idea. But their relationship with your kid is independent of you, and you honestly only get so much control. Let it go, friend. It’s still a success if you cut down.
2. Don’t make a big deal of the gifts that Buster receives. If it is from someone likely to stick around to the end (like Grandma), open gifts when the party thins out. If not, take a video or picture of your kiddo opening to add to the thank you card or message.
3. Don’t do the goodie bag. Want your guests to buck consumerist norms? Then you have to do it too! I work at a place that hosts birthday parties- I have seen tons of them. Kids do not care about the fiddly junk in goodie bags. If they do care, they will soon forget. If you want to send something home, try making a craft or having an extra treat for that purpose! Fun games or activities make a fun party. Goodie bags? Not so much.
4. If someone asks or presses, push the experience gift. People will ask when they RSVP, you can just keep sweetly saying no. A promise for a trip to the zoo or a membership to the aquarium or piano lessons might be the perfect gift for someone who just can’t miss the opportunity to gift. Plus it may give you a break! If they want your suggestions of what your kiddo needs, the answer can always be «more time with you»- who can fight with that?
5. Start now. If you have a baby or toddler, instituting this tradition is SO EASY. They don’t come into it with expectations, and they are plenty psyched to eat treats and play with friends. Our son straight up rejected all of his second birthday gifts because he was still focused on the one we gave him (yes, we only give one gift- with one party and one big surprise. That’s our winning formula).
Older kids can require more delicate discussions and expectation-shifting, but honestly, with tiny ones this is a no-brainer.
6. Have a fun party! Sometimes the simplest ideas are the best. If you lose the present-opening portion of the party, you can fill that space with more games. Or you can just let them play. It doesn’t have to be complicated, just be ready to have fun yourself. They will remember the fun they had way longer than the gifts they get (how many birthday gifts can you name from when you were little?). Focus on whatever will make the day fun for your little one, and everything else will seem natural.
Want more ideas on how to raise eco-friendly kids while keeping your sanity? Check out this post.
Have you ever thrown a «No Gifts» party? How did you pitch it to your guests in the invitation? Have you been invited to one? Did you bring a gift? Why or why not?
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Requesting no gifts at a birthday party is a popular option if you don’t want more clutter, would like to help the environment, or would rather people spend their money on something else. Ask birthday party guests not to bring gifts clearly in the invitation, but don’t be surprised if a guest does end up bringing one—sometimes people feel uncomfortable showing up to a party empty-handed. There are lots of alternatives to regular birthday gifts that you can suggest for your guests that are cost-efficient and environmentally friendly.
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1
Create an invitation that politely asks guests not to bring gifts. It’s important to make this request using clear, concise language so there’s no confusion. You might write a simple, “No gifts, please!” on the invitation or say, “Your presence is the perfect gift, please no things!”[1]
- Another way to phrase this is by saying, “Please no gifts, your presence is the gift!”
- If you want to give a reason for not wanting gifts, you might say, “Our house is already overflowing with items, so please no gifts!”
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2
Explain any alternatives for gift giving so guests know what to do. If you want guests to donate to an organization or bring something specific with them instead of a regular birthday gift, make this clear on the invitation. Put the link to a donation page on the invitation to make donating easy and be as specific as possible when nicely telling people what is okay to bring.
- For example, you might write, “Instead of birthday gifts this year, please bring a canned food item with you to be donated.”
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3
Say that any gifts will be donated to make it clear that you’re serious. If you’re worried about guests feeling obligated to bring a gift even though you’ve asked that they don’t, make it clear you’d really like them to respect your request. You might create an invitation that says, “No gifts, please!” followed by “Any birthday presents received will be donated to a local charity,” or something similar.[2]
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4
Be grateful if a guest does end up bringing a gift. Even if you ask guests not to bring gifts on your party invitation, a few of them may still bring one anyways. If you or the birthday recipient is given a gift, just say “thank you” and place the gift to the side to be opened later.[3]
- Many people feel awkward showing up to a birthday party without bringing a present, so they may bring a little something no matter what.
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1
Ask for donations to a charity that’s important to the guest of honor. This could be something like a local nonprofit or an animal shelter. Choose a charity that’s important to you or the birthday honoree and ask that guests donate any amount they feel comfortable with to the charity instead of bringing a gift. You can even post a link to a charity on Facebook to make donating super easy.[4]
- Provide guests with the website or direct link to donate to the chosen charity.
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2
Have guests bring a wrapped book to exchange with one another. Ask each guest to wrap up a new or used book and place them in a pile once they arrive at the party. Each person can choose a different book from the one they brought from the pile, letting them bring home a party favor.[5]
- If you’d rather let everyone choose the book they bring home, ask guests not to wrap each book.
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3
Suggest that each person bring an item for a gift exchange. This is a great way to make sure everyone leaves with a party favor while also providing entertainment. Set a limit on how much each person should spend on the gift so that the items are roughly the same value and no one feels pressure to purchase something expensive.[6]
- For example, you might ask each guest to bring a gift that’s $5 or less to participate in a gift exchange.
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4
Encourage guests to pitch in towards one big gift. If there’s a specific thing that you or the guest of honor wants for their birthday, ask guests to donate a small amount to this one specific gift. This might be a new bike, a small vacation, or a concert ticket.[7]
- Have guests pitch in whatever amount of money they’re comfortable with.
- You might collect the money at the party in envelopes or create a page online to collect donations.
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5
Request that guests bring a non-perishable food item to be donated. This is a great way to support a local food bank or similar nonprofit while also helping guests feel like they’re not showing up to the party empty-handed. Ask guests to bring a canned food item or other non-perishables to the party to be donated to a local charity or organization.[8]
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6
Ask guests for a hand-written note that the birthday honoree can keep. This is a great sentimental gift that will mean a lot to the person whose birthday it is. Encourage guests to write a letter sharing things like memories they have with the birthday honoree or advice they might have for the future.[9]
- Gather the notes or letters together at the beginning of the party to put them into one book that could be read by everyone.
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7
Have each guest bring a snack or food to be shared at the party. This is a great way to provide food at the party, similar to a potluck. Ask each guest to bring a small food dish, side item, or even an ingredient that will be used or shared at the party.[10]
- For example, you might have a pizza party where each guest brings a pizza ingredient, or you could plan to make ice cream sundaes at the party and ask each guest to bring their favorite topping.
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October 2013 Birth Club
So I am inviting family and friends to our gender reveal BBQ(more of a bbq with reveal thrown in), but Im not sure how to politely word ‘no gifts.’ I know this might sound silly but I literally put Please No Gifts and people took it rude. Any wording ideas?