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History of the World: Part I

An uproarious version of history which establishes nothing is more sacred — not the Spanish Inquisition, the French Revolution and the Roman Empire.

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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

History of the World, Part I
History of the World poster.jpg

Theatrical release poster

Directed by Mel Brooks
Written by Mel Brooks
Produced by Mel Brooks
Starring
  • Mel Brooks
  • Dom DeLuise
  • Madeline Kahn
  • Harvey Korman
  • Cloris Leachman
  • Ron Carey
  • Gregory Hines
  • Pamela Stephenson
  • Shecky Greene
  • Sid Caesar
  • Mary-Margaret Humes
Narrated by Orson Welles
Cinematography Woody Omens
Edited by John C. Howard
Music by John Morris

Production
company

Brooksfilms

Distributed by 20th Century Fox

Release date

  • June 12, 1981

Running time

92 minutes[1]
Country United States
Language English
Budget $10 million[2]
Box office $31.7 million[3]

History of the World, Part I is a 1981 American comedy film written, produced, and directed by Mel Brooks. Brooks also stars in the film, playing five roles: Moses, Comicus the stand-up philosopher, Tomás de Torquemada, King Louis XVI, and Jacques, le garçon de pisse. The large ensemble cast also features Sid Caesar, Shecky Greene, Gregory Hines (in his film debut), Charlie Callas; and Brooks regulars Ron Carey, Dom DeLuise, Madeline Kahn, Harvey Korman, Cloris Leachman, Andreas Voutsinas, and Spike Milligan.

The film also has cameo appearances by Royce D. Applegate, Bea Arthur, Nigel Hawthorne, Hugh Hefner, John Hurt, Phil Leeds, Barry Levinson, Jackie Mason, Paul Mazursky, Andrew Sachs and Henny Youngman, among others. Orson Welles narrates each story.

Despite carrying the numeration Part I, there were originally no plans for a sequel.[4] The title is a play on The History of the World by Sir Walter Raleigh, which was intended to be published in several volumes but only the first was completed.[5][6] However, four decades later, Hulu announced the limited series History of the World, Part II, which premiered on March 6, 2023.

Plot[edit]

The film is a parody of the epic film genre, including the sword and sandal epic and the period costume drama subgenres. The four main segments consist of stories set during the Stone Age, the Roman Empire, the Spanish Inquisition, and the French Revolution. Other intermediate skits include reenactments of the giving of the Ten Commandments and the Last Supper.

The Stone Age[edit]

Cavemen (including Sid Caesar) depict the invention of fire, the first artist (which in turn gives rise to the first critic), the first marriages (heterosexual and then homosexual), primitive weapons (particularly spears), and the first funerals. Also depicted are early attempts at comedy and music, by smashing each other’s feet with rocks and thus creating an orchestra of howls.

The Old Testament[edit]

Moses (Mel Brooks) comes down from Mount Sinai carrying three stone tablets, having received the Law from God (the voice of an uncredited Carl Reiner). As Moses announces the giving of the Law to the people, he drops one of the tablets, which shatters, and he «corrects» his proclamation from 15 Commandments to 10.

The Roman Empire[edit]

Comicus (Brooks) is a «stand-up philosopher», dispensing wisdom in the style of a stand-up comedian. He is notified by his agent Swiftus (Ron Carey) that he has landed a gig at Caesar’s palace. En route, he meets and falls in love with a Vestal Virgin named Miriam (Mary-Margaret Humes) and befriends an Ethiopian slave named Josephus (Gregory Hines).

Josephus is conscripted into the service of the Empress Nympho (Madeline Kahn). Comicus performs for Emperor Nero (Dom DeLuise), unwisely joking about the emperor’s weight and corruption. Josephus absentmindedly pours a jug of wine into Nero’s lap, and they are ordered to perform a gladiatorial fight to the death. They instead fight their way out of the palace, assisted by Miriam and Empress Nympho.

Comicus, Josephus, and Swiftus briefly take refuge in Nympho’s palace, posing as eunuch guards. When Josephus’ visible arousal exposes them as imposters, they are chased by soldiers led by Marcus Vindictus (Shecky Greene). They escape in a cart pulled by a horse named Miracle, lighting a huge marijuana joint to put the pursuing soldiers into a stupor.

They sail to Judea, where Comicus takes a job waiting tables, and blunders into a private room where Jesus is having the Last Supper with his disciples. Comicus interrupts Jesus (John Hurt) repeatedly (using his name in the modern sense, as an interjection). Leonardo da Vinci (Art Metrano) arrives to paint the group’s portrait, directing them to all sit on the same side of the table, with Comicus behind Jesus, where his raised platter looks like a halo.[7]

The Spanish Inquisition[edit]

The Spanish Inquisition segment parodies a grandiose Busby Berkeley-style production, consisting of an extended song-and-dance number featuring Brooks as the infamous Torquemada. The sequence opens with a herald introducing Torquemada and making a play on his name; despite pleas for mercy from the condemned, «you can’t Torquemada anything» (talk him outta anything). Instances of comical torture include auto-da-fé, a spinning iron maiden, and «water torture» re-imagined with nuns performing an Esther Williams-style aquatic ballet. Jackie Mason and Ronny Graham supply cameos as Jewish torture victims.

The French Revolution[edit]

In her Paris tavern, Madame Defarge (Cloris Leachman) incites a mob to plot the French Revolution. Meanwhile, King Louis of France (Brooks) is warned by his advisors, Count de Monet (Harvey Korman) and Béarnaise (Andreas Voutsinas), that the peasants do not think he likes them — a suspicion reinforced by the king’s use of peasants as targets in a game of skeet. A beautiful woman, Mademoiselle Rimbaud (Pamela Stephenson), asks King Louis to free her father, who has been imprisoned in the Bastille for 10 years, which he agrees to only if she will have sex with him that night.

De Monet persuades King Louis to go into hiding, and look-alike Jacques (also Brooks) – whose job is to hold buckets for the aristocrats to urinate into – is chosen to impersonate the king as a decoy. That night, Rimbaud visits Jacques – believing him to be Louis – to consummate the deal to free her father, but he pardons him without requiring sexual favors. After Rimbaud and her senile father (Spike Milligan) return from the prison, peasants burst into the room and take «King» Jacques to the guillotine. When Rimbaud exclaims that «only a miracle can save him», Josephus inexplicably arrives in the cart pulled by Miracle, and they escape, riding off toward a mountain carved with the words THE END.

Previews of coming attractions[edit]

The end of the film presents a mock teaser trailer for History of the World, Part II, «coming soon». The trailer is narrated by Brooks, and shows clips of segments «Hitler on Ice», «A Viking Funeral», and «Jews in Space» (a parody of Star Wars).

Cast[edit]

  • Mel Brooks – Moses, Comicus, Torquemada, Jacques and King Louis XVI
  • Dom DeLuise – Emperor Nero
  • Madeline Kahn – Empress Nympho
  • Harvey Korman – Count de Monet
  • Cloris Leachman – Madame Defarge
  • Ron Carey – Swiftus
  • Gregory Hines – Josephus
  • Pamela Stephenson – Mademoiselle Rimbaud
  • Shecky Greene – Marcus Vindictus
  • Sid Caesar – Chief Caveman
  • Sammy Shore – Prehistoric Man
  • Mary-Margaret Humes – Miriam
  • Orson Welles – Narrator
  • Carl Reiner – God (uncredited)

Ancient Rome cameos[edit]

  • Howard Morris – Court Spokesman
  • Charlie Callas – Soothsayer
  • Paul Mazursky – Roman officer
  • Henny Youngman – Chemist
  • Hugh Hefner – Entrepreneur
  • Barry Levinson – Column Salesman
  • John Myhers – Leader of Senate
  • Dena Dietrich – Competence
  • Fritz Feld — Maitre d’
  • John Hurt – Jesus
  • Art Metrano – Leonardo da Vinci
  • Bea Arthur – «Vnemployment Insvrance» Clerk (uncredited)
  • Ronny Graham – Oedipus
  • Pat McCormick – Plumbing Salesman

Spanish Inquisition cameos[edit]

  • Ronny Graham – Jewish torture victim #1
  • Jackie Mason – Jewish torture victim #2

French Revolution cameos[edit]

  • Andreas Voutsinas – Béarnaise
  • Spike Milligan – Monsieur Rimbaud
  • Sydney Lassick – Applecore Vendor
  • Jack Carter – Rat Vendor
  • Jan Murray – Nothing Vendor
  • John Hillerman – Rich Man
  • Andrew Sachs – Gerard
  • Fiona Richmond – Queen
  • Nigel Hawthorne – Citizen Official
  • Bella Emberg – Baguette

Production[edit]

Brooks recalled that the inspiration for the film came about from an incident in 1979:

«I was walking across the parking lot at 20th-Century Fox on my way to my office when one of the grips who had worked on High Anxiety shouted to me from the back of a moving truck. ‘Hey Mel, what’s next? Planning a big one?’

From out of the blue the biggest title I could think of popped into my mind: ‘Yes, the biggest movie ever made. It’s called ‘History of the World.’
Someone else on the truck yelled: ‘How can you cover the whole world in one movie?’

‘You’re right,’ I shouted. ‘Maybe I’ll call it ‘History of the World — Part I.«[8]

Richard Pryor was to play the role of Josephus, but two days before he was to shoot his part he was hospitalized with serious burns in a much-publicized incident.[8][9] Brooks was about to write the part out when Madeline Kahn suggested Gregory Hines.[8]
John Cleese was originally scheduled to play «Count de Monet» but due to scheduling conflicts Harvey Korman was instead cast.

Comicus’ arrival at Caesar’s palace was filmed at the Caesars Palace hotel in Las Vegas.

One scene was removed from the final cut of the film that referred to the Three Mile Island accident. «I had a father and a mother,» Brooks said, «made up to look like half a dog and half a cat as a result of a nuclear meltdown. But the audience was seriously chilled and didn’t laugh, so I left it out.»[10]

Release[edit]

Critical reception[edit]

The film holds an approval rating of 61% on Rotten Tomatoes, based on 33 reviews. The site’s consensus reads: «History of the World Part 1 may not have enough comedic inspiration to merit a Part 2, but the sporadic cleverness of these anachronistic skits are still a testament to Mel Brooks’ gift of farce».[11] It was nominated for Worst Picture at the 1981 Stinkers Bad Movie Awards but lost to Tarzan, the Ape Man. The revised ballot, released in 2007, removed its Worst Picture nomination and instead nominated it for Most Painfully Unfunny Comedy (which it won). It also garnered a Worst Song nomination at the same ceremony for «The Inquisition» (lost to «Baby Talk» from Paternity).

Roger Ebert gave the film two stars out of four and described it as «a rambling, undisciplined, sometimes embarrassing failure from one of the most gifted comic filmmakers around. What went wrong? Brooks never seems to have a clear idea of the rationale of his movie, so there’s no confident narrative impetus to carry it along.»[12] Gene Siskel, however, gave it three stars out of four and said that even though the film «borrows heavily from [Brooks’] previous work,» it «contains a bunch of solid laughs.»[13] Janet Maslin of The New York Times wrote, «There are loads of familiarly funny gags in the film … But the movie is so sour that its humor is often undermined, because so many of the jokes are either mean-spirited or scatological, or both.»[14] Pauline Kael of The New Yorker was positive and wrote, «It’s an all-out assault on taste and taboo, and it made me laugh a lot.»[15] Variety called it «a disappointingly uneven farce which serves up a fair share of hearty laughs during its first half, but sputters out long before the close.»[16] Sheila Benson of the Los Angeles Times wrote, «Presumably everyone was so busy doing shtick and reacting off each other that there was no one left to mind the story and to say, ‘Not funny.’ Not only not funny, but a big, overblown, crashing bore, fellas.»[17] Gary Arnold of The Washington Post called it «an entertaining mishmash of skits which finds Mel Brooks back in lively form, for better and for worse … To a considerable extent the funny stuff works in a laughing-in-spite-of-yourself way.»[18] Leonard Maltin’s film guide gave the movie one-and-a-half out of a possible four stars and stated that the gags «range from hilarious to hideous. After a while there’s no more momentum, and it all just lies there, despite the efforts of a large comic cast.»[19]

Jonathan Rosenbaum has always championed the film as a guilty pleasure, writing that «the wonderful stuff is so funny that it makes most of the awful stuff tolerable … Keep in mind that Brooks is more verbal than visual in orientation and you’ll be amply rewarded.»[20]

Box office[edit]

The film opened in 484 theatres the same weekend as Raiders of the Lost Ark and Clash of the Titans and finished fourth for the weekend with a gross of $4.8 million,[3] behind Raiders, Clash and Cheech and Chong’s Nice Dreams.[21] With a per-screen average of $10,000, it was Brooks’ highest opening on a per-screen basis.[21] Despite the strong start, poor word of mouth impacted its box office. Although it grossed $31.7 million, it was considered a commercial disappointment because the film had been «tracking» well and Brooks’ previous films had been so successful.[22]

Home media[edit]

History of the World, Part I was released on DVD. According to the MPAA, it was rated «R» for «crude sexual humor, language, comic violence, sex and nudity, and drug use». In May 2010, it was released on Blu-ray.

Sequel series[edit]

On October 18, 2021, Hulu and Searchlight Television (the TV division of 20th Century’s sister studio, Searchlight Pictures) announced that a sequel variety series, called History of the World, Part II was in the works, with production beginning in spring 2022. Mel Brooks is producing and writing the series along with Wanda Sykes, Ike Barinholtz, and Nick Kroll, who also star.[23] It premiered on March 6, 2023.[24][25]

References[edit]

  1. ^ «History of the World Part 1 (AA)». British Board of Film Classification. July 22, 1981. Retrieved September 18, 2016.
  2. ^ Solomon, Aubrey (1989). Twentieth Century Fox: A Corporate and Financial History. Scarecrow Press. p. 259. ISBN 9780810842441.
  3. ^ a b «History of the World, Part 1». Box Office Mojo. Retrieved September 2, 2016.
  4. ^ Berkowitz, Joe (January 3, 2013). «How I Got My EGOT: 12 Lessons Mel Brooks Learned Making TV, Albums, Movies, and Theater». Fast Company. Retrieved March 2, 2023.
  5. ^ Motamayor, Rafael (January 18, 2023). «One Of History Of The World, Part I’s Most Memorable Jokes Was A Last-Minute Addition From Mel Brooks». /Film. Retrieved March 2, 2023.
  6. ^ «The History of the World by Sir Walter Raleigh». University of Washington.
  7. ^ Carlson, Alex (June 1, 2008). «Top 8 Mel Brooks Movies of All-Time». FilmMisery.com. Retrieved December 27, 2012.
  8. ^ a b c Brooks, Mel (June 7, 1981). «The World According to Mel Brooks». The New York Times. pp. D1, D15.
  9. ^ Evans, Bradford (September 1, 2011). «The Lost Roles of Richard Pryor». Splitsider. Archived from the original on June 29, 2015. Retrieved December 11, 2018.
  10. ^ Gene, Siskel (June 7, 1981). «Mel Brooks plays ‘History’ for new laughs». Section 6. Chicago Tribune. pp. 5, 6.
  11. ^ History of the World, Part I at Rotten Tomatoes
  12. ^ Ebert, Roger (January 1, 1981). «History of the World Part 1». RogerEbert.com. Retrieved February 17, 2023.
  13. ^ Siskel, Gene (June 12, 1981). «Brooks’ ‘History’: Funny, uneven blast from the past». Section 3. Chicago Tribune. p. 3.
  14. ^ Maslin, Janet (June 12, 1981). «Film: Brooks’s ‘History of the World’«. The New York Times. p. C14.
  15. ^ Kael, Pauline (June 29, 1981). «The Current Cinema». The New Yorker. p. 93.
  16. ^ «History of the World—Part I». Variety. December 31, 1980. p. 18. Retrieved February 17, 2023.
  17. ^ Benson, Sheila (June 11, 1981). «Brooks’ ‘History’: The Formula Turns Sour». Los Angeles Times. p. Part VI, p. 1.
  18. ^ Arnold, Gary (June 12, 1981). «Whirl of ‘History’«. The Washington Post. p. E1.
  19. ^ Maltin, Leonard, ed. (1995). Leonard Maltin’s 1996 Movie & Video Guide. Signet. p. 582. ISBN 0-451-18505-6.
  20. ^ Rosenbaum, Jonathan (October 26, 1985). «History of the World—Part I». Chicago Reader. Retrieved December 6, 2018.
  21. ^ a b «Weekend Biz Breaks B.O. Logjam; ‘Raiders,’ ‘Titans’ and ‘History’ Score». Variety. June 17, 1981. p. 3.
  22. ^ Harmetz, Aljean (September 9, 1981). «HOLLYWOOD IS JOYOUS OVER ITS RECORD GROSSING SUMMER». The New York Times. Retrieved October 10, 2017.
  23. ^ Otterson, Joe (October 18, 2021). «‘History of the World Part II’ Variety Series Ordered at Hulu, Mel Brooks to Write and Executive Produce (EXCLUSIVE)». Variety. Archived from the original on October 18, 2021. Retrieved October 20, 2021.
  24. ^ Huff, Lauren (January 4, 2023). «See first look at Nick Kroll, Wanda Sykes, and Ike Barinholtz in ‘History of the World Part II’«. Entertainment Weekly. Retrieved January 4, 2023.
  25. ^ Porter, Rick (January 13, 2023). «Mel Brooks’ ‘History of the World, Part II’ Unveils Trailer, Star-Studded Guest Cast». The Hollywood Reporter. Retrieved February 17, 2023.

External links[edit]

  • History of the World, Part I at IMDb
  • History of the World, Part I at AllMovie
  • History of the World, Part I at Box Office Mojo
  • History of the World, Part I at Rotten Tomatoes
  • Cast & crew
  • User reviews
  • Trivia
  • 1981
  • R
  • 1h 32m

History of the World: Part I (1981)

Theatrical Trailer from 20th Century Fox

Mel Brooks brings his one-of-a-kind comic touch to the history of mankind covering events from the Old Testament to the French Revolution in a series of episodic comedy vignettes.Mel Brooks brings his one-of-a-kind comic touch to the history of mankind covering events from the Old Testament to the French Revolution in a series of episodic comedy vignettes.Mel Brooks brings his one-of-a-kind comic touch to the history of mankind covering events from the Old Testament to the French Revolution in a series of episodic comedy vignettes.

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    History of the World, Part I

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    Review

    It’s Good to Be a King

    Divided in six segments («The Stone Age»; «The Old Testament»; «The Roman Empire»; «The Spanish Inquisition»; «The French Revolution»; and «Previews of Coming Attractions»), «History of the World: Part I» is an uneven parody of historical moments, but still worthwhile watching. This film is written, directed and produced by Mel Brooks, who is also the lead actor performing five roles. It is also the debut of Gregory Hines, who died so young. Narrated by Orson Welles, the film has a great cast and cameo appearance of many famous people.

    Last but not the least, there is no sequel and Part I is another Mel Brook’s joke, since Sir Walter Raleigh wrote The History of the World Volume 1 but was beheaded before writing the Volume 2. My vote is seven.

    Title (Brazil): «A História do Mundo: Parte I» («The History of the World: Part I»)

    • claudio_carvalho
    • Apr 10, 2015

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    History of the World: Part I may not have enough comedic inspiration to merit a Part II, but the sporadic cleverness of these anachronistic skits are still a testament to Mel Brooks’ gift for farce.
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    Movie Info

    Human history is traced through a series of vignettes, beginning with cavemen awestruck by their own magnificence. Then Moses (Mel Brooks) receives the tablets containing the «15» commandments, and Emperor Nero (Dom DeLuise) presides over a madcap Rome with his wife, Nympho (Madeline Kahn). Jumping ahead, the Spanish Inquisition softens repression with song and dance, and a few centuries later Madame Defarge (Cloris Leachman) is fomenting revolution in France.

    • Rating:
      R

    • Genre:

      Comedy

    • Original Language:
      English

    • Director:

      Mel Brooks

    • Producer:

      Mel Brooks

    • Writer:

      Mel Brooks

    • Release Date (Theaters):

      Jun 12, 1981
       limited

    • Release Date (Streaming):

      Sep 5, 2006

    • Runtime:

      1h 33m

    • Sound Mix:

      Stereo

    • Aspect Ratio:

      Digital 2.39:1

    Cast & Crew

    Critic Reviews for History of the World: Part I

    Audience Reviews for History of the World: Part I

    • Jan 31, 2014

      The Mel Brooks comedy History of the World: Part I delivers plenty of laughs, but it’s a little rough in some spots. The film consists of several sketches about varies historical periods, including the Stone Age, the Roman Empire, the Spanish Inquisition, and the French Revolution. And while each is funny in its own way, the tone is inconsistent and there are problems with the pacing. History of the World: Part I is entertaining and fun, but it doesn’t quite work as a whole.

      Super Reviewer

    • May 23, 2013

      A truly funny, episodic comedy. Kahn is great and the musical numbers are memorable.

      Super Reviewer

    • May 15, 2012

      An underrated Mel Brooks gem, The History of the World-Part 1 is a hilarious film. Mel Brooks delivers yet another great film. The History of the World-Part 1 is a crude, offensive comedy, but it works. The film has all the ingredients that make up a great Mel Brooks comedy. This film is fairly underrated, and is viewed as less superior as Brooks’ works. The cast here are a wonderful bunch of actors that deliver something memorable to the screen. If you enjoy a good Mel Brooks film, then give this film a view, this film is definitely worth it, and is lots of fun from start to finish. The comedic delivery is low brow, and it works. With every film that Mel Brooks has done, he’s done something hilarious, something that would push the boundaries of the comedy genre, much like Monty Python; His films are classics of the genre. If you’re a fan of Mel Brooks, give this one a shot. The jokes are in poor taste at times, but they’re meant to be taken with a grain of salt. The History of the World-Part 1 is a near flawless comedy, and is among Mel Brooks’ best works. Funny from start to finish, History of the World-Part 1 is supported by a great cast of talented funny actors who really make this film stand out. If you want a great slapstick offensive comedy, then this is the perfect flick to watch. This really an underrated film in my opinion and it doesn’t deserve the flack it has received. If you enjoy Mel Brooks, you’ll enjoy this film. I was surprised at how much I loved it, a true comedy classic.

      Super Reviewer

    • Apr 11, 2011

      I’m still flabbergasted that my dad bought me this movie in my childhood. I think this was the sixth time I watched it, and the First time that I got all the dirty jokes. The film covers Dawn of man (parody of 2001: A Space Odyssey), stone age, roman empire, Spanish Inquisition,French revolution, and some biblical references. It’s a laugh riot, and the genius Mel Brooks put in plenty of things to catch. I’m not sure if it’s still my favorite Brooks film, but it’s still a damn good one.

      Super Reviewer

    The first words I committed to paper are long since lost, but I imagine it was my name. I do remember writing my name a lot. I loved the “G,” and how large and curvy it was compared to the rest of the letters. I also had a soft spot for the “E,” and I’d often put in a couple extra horizontal lines (because I guess three wasn’t enough). E was awesome because there were two in my first name and two in my last name and I didn’t have any other double letters. I don’t think I really knew I had a middle name for a long time.*

    My parents might tell you differently, but I don’t think I developed particularly quickly, at least in terms of reading or writing or speaking. I think my baby book reads a pretty average story. I remember my youngest sister seemed to take f-o-r-e-v-e-r to start talking. Or maybe it was grow hair? Possibly both; I was a pretty self-absorbed oldest sister. My sisters really only entered my orbit when they took and/or broke my shit. I like to think I’m a better person now. Regardless, my development psychology classes assured me that we were all pretty normal. I don’t remember reading anything by myself until first grade.**

    Ms. Foushee (there’s no way that can be the correct spelling of her name), was a tiny, perfect human being, and I’m sure I would dwarf her now. Her first name was spelled Aimee and I was convinced she had been shipped over directly from Paris (this was not the case – I am pretty sure she had a normal Kentucky accent). Ms. Foushee split us into reading groups and we all took turns reading some book about dolphins. Or maybe porpoises, I get them easily confused. I suppose I didn’t suck at reading, so at one point this incredibly lovely and helpful teacher,*** took me aside and pointed out the shelf of donated tattered chapter books. I picked one at random, probably because it had a bright orange cover, and started reading. I wish I could remember what it was about – maybe ghosts? Whatever it was, I kept reading it – I read it on the bus ride home, I read it while eating cookies in the kitchen, and then I finally finished it in bed. This became a pattern – get a new book every day and read all about the crazy and awesome things other people were doing that could maybe happen to me at some point. A love affair had started that couldn’t be stopped.

    At this point, I read almost everything I could get my hands on. Soon, the small classroom shelf ran out of new options, so I tentatively went to the school library and the public library. This was a big step for me – usually new adults scared the crap out of me, especially ones that talked to me. So of course, I was terrified by helpful librarians. The lure of all those new pages was too hard to resist, though. I wish I could say that I was reading to better myself, but I was reading just because it was fun to imagine all this crazy stuff for a few hours every day. Maybe I wouldn’t have read so much if we’d had cable or gone to more movies (my parents had not yet discovered the joy of .99 movies at Kroger). But maybe not.

    Later, writing became escapism, too. My writing was always closely modeled on whatever current genre I was obsessed with. I’ve barely discussed writing at all here, but that’s because it all started with reading. I never would have wanted to write if I hadn’t been reading. This also makes me wonder if I should even bother writing. If I’m not independently motivated to do it, is it worth it? How am I going to have anything worthwhile to say? Vonnegut or someone like him said that good writing was just copying, but that seems wrong.

    Part Two will be meditations on my first long-form writing, a short story about a sad, misfit pegasus. Don’t worry, it’s not as epic, nor as pathetic, as it sounds.

    *Fun fact: one day, as we were driving through the golf course (there was a road you heathens, my dad didn’t just take me to preschool on a four-wheeler), my father pulled over to the side of the road and said he wasn’t taking me any further until I could spell my first and last names. I was terrified, because a) I didn’t know how to do that (especially my crazy German last name) and b) being late/getting in trouble is something that has always caused me a lot of anxiety. I probably started to cry, which marked most interactions with my father. He made me repeat the spelling of both names and I suppose eventually he was satisfied that I could do it alone. In reality, this probably took five minutes, but I remember us being there for hours, me repeating all of those Gs and Is and Ns and Es in a panic.

    **Let the record show, though, that my parents read to me A LOT. Like, every night, and most of the time multiple times every night. There were always books around and my parents were both excellent sports about rereading my favorites over and over again.

    ***Who, now that I think about it, was probably 24ish, like I am now, and was probably out getting drunk every weekend and maybe some weeknights, like I am now, and wondering if her life meant anything, just like I am now.

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