History of the word i love you

But what if they’re expressed in two words (“te amo”) or just one (“ahibbik”)? It isn’t just a question of language, of course. Dating culture differs by geography and affects the meaning of those words. I asked literary translators and dating experts what “I love you” means all over the world. Their answers show that although love is a universal value, the words we use to express it carry vastly different meanings.

Japan

Japanese does not have a direct analogue to “I love you.” The words that get defined as “love” in dictionaries and taught that way in language courses are closer to “like” (suki) and “affection” (ai). The phrase “ai shiteiru” means something close to “I love you,” but it doesn’t function as a relationship milestone in Japanese. Most people probably hear it more often in movies than in real life. Consider “I adore you” in English — a gorgeous sentiment, but who says that? Instead of saying “I love you,” a Japanese person would be more inclined to use any number of context-driven expressions of devotion and support, like “Work sounds tough” or “I can tell how hard you’re trying” or “I support you.”

— Sam Bett, literary translator

France

There’s definitely less pressure around saying “I love you” in France than there is in the United States, and it usually happens much earlier. Every person and every relationship is different, but I would say that most people in France say it after about two months. Dating in France is very different from the United States. We don’t have this casual dating period when it’s okay to date several people at the same time and keep your options open. Things end up going faster because we’re all in; it’s pretty common to go on three or four dates per week with someone you just met. In France, meeting friends usually happens after a few dates and meeting the parents usually happens within one to three months.

— Adeline Bréon, dating coach

Iraq

“Like” and “love” are translated into the same word in Arabic. It’s not unusual, say, for a man to court a woman with “ahibbik” during a first encounter. Here in the United States, relationships evolve from liking to loving (culminating, potentially, in commitment), but in Iraq, the progress from courtship to commitment is marked with a family visit. The man’s family meets the woman’s family to ask for her hand in marriage. The visit is a declaration of commitment by the family and the suitor. In this sense, it might be equivalent to the commitment signaled by “I love you” in America. That said, there are other ways to express deep and sincere feelings — a’shaqich (“I’m deeply in love with you”), amoot alaych (“I’m dead in love with you”). There are exceptions, of course. Since 2003, Iraqi society has been going through an identity crisis, and almost all traditional social norms are being challenged, including courtship and marriage.

— Qussay Al-Attabi, scholar of Arabic literature

Argentina

As with most anything in Argentina, opinions are split as to whether “te quiero” (“I want you” or “I desire you”) or “te amo” (”I love you”) reflect a stronger commitment. “Querer” packs a punch, in tangos and in the work of Jorge Luis Borges and other poets. Both phrases could lead to wedding bells or moving in together. Getting there, however, may take as long as explaining what Peronism is, or come as quickly as a flash flood. Along the way lovers might express their emotions by saying: “Me re copás,” which loosely translates to “you absolutely fill me / take me over”; “Me va [or] me re cabe tu forma de ser,” meaning: “the way you are is my way.” More action-oriented phrases include: “Me movió la estantería” (“s/he shook my rack/bookshelf”); “Me flechó” (“her/his arrow hit the mark”); “Cada vez que la/o veo me mata” (“every time I see her/him s/he kills me”). For a soft landing, try “Me encantás” (“you enchant / charm me”). Though boring, “Estamos en sintonía” («we are in sync”), may still work. A word of caution: If you get to “Alta onda pegamos,” meaning “we’ve hit a high vibe or wave,” chocolate and flowers may be in order.

— Saúl Sosnowski, professor of Latin American literature at the University of Maryland at College Park

Iran

In 20th-century Iran, men were generally the first to say “I love you,” and this almost always had to be followed by a promise of marriage and a formal visit to the woman’s parents to ask for her hand. In 1979, the Islamic revolution set back the clock for women. Morality police roamed the streets, punishing any public mingling of men and women who weren’t related to one another. Unless they were married or close relatives, men and women could not even stroll together. By 2009, 60 percent of Iran’s population was younger than 30, and the expression and execution of love transformed. Virginity was mocked, and “I love you” lost its holy luster. Now, saying “I love you” can also mean “I am ready to move to the next step of our relationship and sleep with you.” Among educated city dwellers, it is as commonly expressed by women as by men.

— Sholeh Wolpé, Iranian-American writer and literary translator

China

When dating, “wo ai ni” is the man’s signal: He wants an exclusive relationship. Before that, a woman might hold hands with him, kiss, go to the movies, go hiking, but she will generally wait for this important phrase before having sex or appearing in public as boyfriend and girlfriend. After this first “wo ai ni,” both members of a couple will probably say it to each other every day. It’s just the first time the man says it that is also his way of saying he wants to be exclusive. This relates to young people only, ages 20 to 35. Older people don’t say “wo ai ni” much at all.

South Korea

There’s a lot of variation, and South Korea is in a constant and rapid state of social change. But typically people don’t say “I love you” so much among husband and wife, or between parents and kids. My partner is Korean, and I rarely hear her say that to her mom or vice versa. The understanding is that the love is there; it just doesn’t need to be declared verbally the way Americans might. However over the past few decades, film and media portraying Western conventions of saying “I love you” have played a role in influencing young people’s relationships. Couples have become a lot more demonstrative about their affection. You wouldn’t have seen much hand-holding until the 1980s or 1990s, but now it’s a lot more common. It’s still relatively rare for couples of over 40 to say “I love you,” to each other, but it becomes more common below that age.

— Stephen Epstein, professor of Asian languages at Victoria University of Wellington

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The Russian language is rich for words to express any feelings, especially romantic ones. Here is your Valentine Day’s list of the best phrases you can tell your significant other!

1. Я люблю тебя

Not everyone likes extra wording and too ornate, complicated speeches. So the easier is often the better. The win-win option to confess your love to someone is a simple “I love you”, or Ya lyublyu tebya, as it is pronounced in Russian. 

An old way to refer to a beloved person with respect would be: Ya lyublyu vas — this is how Russian noblemen would talk about love. And as foreigners often joke, this sounds like “Yellow blue bus” in English! Just remember this weird phrase — and you’ll be the most romantic person ever!

2. Я влюблен(а)

Russians have several different “grades” of love. If you say “I love you/Я люблю тебя” too early, you’ll just be perceived as a not serious person, or the receiver of your feeling might think you’re joking or pranking them.

Ya vlyublen [v tebya] (for a male speaker) and Ya vlyublena [v tebya] (female form) is literally translated as: “I am in love [with you]”. But, this confession is not as strong as LOVE; it’s rather just an enamored person, infatuated by someone. 

3. Я тебя обожаю

This is a big and comprehensive expression of love, which means an absolute admiration by someone. “I adore you” or Ya tebya obozhayu is a very strong declaration of love, but it is more appropriate to use if you already said “I love you” before and when you are already in a relationship. 

At the same time, Ya tebya obozhayu can easily be said to a friend when they’ve cracked a good joke and made you laugh. And Ya obozhayu can be used for anything that you LOVE, from your new phone to your dog, or even just a coffee.

4. Я схожу по тебе с ума 

“I’m crazy about you”, or Ya skhozhu po tebe s uma. This phrase is probably the most difficult to pronounce, but a very nice and strong sentiment. Usually, those who aren’t ready to say “I love you” can use this phrase, because it’s without any real commitment. As we say in Russia: “To promise marrying doesn’t equal marrying” (and this is also what the title of the movie He’s Just Not That Into You is known as in Russia).

On the other side, this phrase is very appropriate and suitable for passion and sex. And yes, a person can also be crazy about jazz music or a new coat, not only a woman/man.

5. Ты мой/моя единственный/ая

You’re my only! Who doesn’t dream of hearing it? And this is translated in Russian with the phrase: Ty moy edinstvenny (to a man) and Ty moya edinstvennaya (to a woman). 

No word or phrase can express the level of love, loyalty and dedication better than this. Everything fades into the background and all the thoughts of a speaker are devoted to a single person. Can anything be a more sincere confession of love? Hardly!

6. Я готов/а на все ради тебя

“And you? What are you gonna do for love?” asks actress Natalie Portman in a Dior perfume advert. In Russia, we also consider that love is not about words, but primarily about actions. 

So saying Ya gotov na vse radi tebya (or Ya gotova na vse radi tebya if a woman says it) means you are ready to do anything for your beloved one. Another option is even stronger: Ya svernu gory radi tebya — which means I will move mountains for you. A romantic phrase, isn’t it? 

7. Я тебя никому не отдам

Besides that you’re the only one, Russians would rather promise not to let anyone else “have” you. Ya tebya nikomu ne otdam literally translates as: “I won’t give you out to anyone” and actually means that “I won’t let you go” and “I will fight for your love in the event someone else is vying for it”.

While old-fashioned ladies or gentlemen would rather appreciate this phrase, the young and free people could possibly perceive it as a kind of threat and a toxic relationship. In any case, be careful with the way you express your feelings in any country!

P.S. And don’t forget: If you give flowers to a Russian girl, there should be an odd number!!! (An even number of flowers is only acceptable at funerals in Russia…) 

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