Funny word with picture

Top 35 Funniest Quotes and Funny Photos: When we laugh, we understand that we’re all going through the same things in this chaotic world, whether it’s because of a clever play on words, a humorous remark about daily life, or an old witty saying.

These amusing statements on work, love, friendship, and family will have you exclaiming, “So true!” because, well, they are accurate and accurate. Others will have you recalling funny, meme-worthy scenes from movies and television shows.

We’ve gathered all of the best captions for your Instagram photos in one place. Isn’t that all there is to it? Identify a subject and a favourite quotation – then copy and paste them into your Instagram picture update. Here are some amusing Instagram captions for your enjoyment.

Trying to come up with amusing Instagram captions for that ideal picture moment with your significant other? When you spend time with your significant other, it’s usually a good time, but there are moments when it’s just hilarious, as shown by the pictures below. Upload it to your social networking accounts and tell your friends about your partner’s hilarious moment. There’s nothing wrong with having a good chuckle!

Do you have any ideas on what might look nice on you? It’s just me.
You marry so that you may get to know one another better, and the process lasts for an indefinite amount of time.
With a wonderful partner come wonderful costs.
Dear MATH, please refrain from requesting the return of your X; she will not return.
Make love, not war, as the saying goes. Do both, if you must. Obtain a marriage licence.
My wife dresses in a manner befitting a murderer. She prepares her meals in the same manner.
Newton’s law of love states that love cannot be both produced and destroyed at the same time. Only it has the ability to be transferred from one lover to another with a little financial loss.
I don’t want to be in a relationship, and I’d rather be driving a Range Rover than anything else.
One should be in love at all times. That is one of the reasons why one should never get married.
The foundation of every successful relationship is honesty. If you can pull it off, you’ll be in.
Knowing that my ideal partner exists somewhere in the Universe… yet finding her is a lot more difficult than just sitting at home and ordering another pizza.
I work as a mathematics instructor. Me and you are equivalent to one plus two.
Every successful guy has a strong female support system. It is common for another woman to be the driving force behind a successful man’s downfall.

“I miss you in the same way that an imbecile misses the point.”
If you don’t know what to call me, simply say “chocolate.” I’m going to turn around.
Where is the point of falling in love when you can fall asleep?
A friend in need is a friend who should be avoided at all costs.
The human brain is a fantastic instrument. I wish everyone had one of these.
I received a new phone today since my previous phone failed the swimming test.
Is it possible for Bob the Builder to change my negative attitude?
Is it okay if I snap your picture? Natural catastrophe photographs are something I like collecting.
Cousins are developed so that our parents may compare their children’s performance.
I despise arithmetic, but I like the act of counting money.
Dear Lord, please help me. Please be patient with me right now, right now, right now.
Dear MATH, please refrain from requesting the return of your X; she will not return.
Dear Sleep: Thank you for your efforts, but you will not be able to compete with internet browsing.
Do I go for a run? Yes, due to a lack of time, patients, and financial resources.
Do you have any ideas on what might look nice on you? Me.

Take a much-needed break from your day to read these 101 hilarious quotations from stand-up comedy, novels, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and television programmes, all of which are sure to make you laugh.

Hey everyone! Long time, no blog entry. Sorry for that! I had a lot to do, especially last week. I had to proofread the translation (English -> German) for an entire user’s manual. It was quite interesting, especially writing comments and see what the translator says about them was a good experience. You always learn something new.

So, what do I have for you today? As the title says, I’m going to post some kind of “blog series” about idioms. Proverbs and idiomatic expressions never get boring. Let’s start!

1. A bitter pill.

A situation that is unpleasant, but must be accepted.

Example: “Losing the championship to a younger player was a bitter pill to swallow.”

2. Flash as a rat with a gold tooth. Australian expression.

Ostentatious. A man who tries hard to impress people by his appearance/behavior. In spite of a superficial smartness, he is not to be trusted. In spite of the gold tooth, he is still a rat.

Example: “You’re looking as flash as a rat with a gold tooth!”

3. To make a good fist of… British & Australian. Old-fashioned.

To do something well; it’s generally used when the results are perhaps disappointing, but not because of the person’s efforts.

Example: “He made a good fist of explaining why we need to improve our public transport system.”/“He did those tasks for the first time, and although the results aren’t perfect, he made a good fist of it.“

4. A hard/tough nut to crack.

Someone who is difficult to deal with because they are unpleasant or very determined to get what they want./A difficult problem to solve.

Example: “It won’t be easy getting her approval; she’s a tough nut to crack.”

5. On tap.

available, ready, to be expected, on the schedule

Example: “What’s on tap for today?”

6. To raise hell.

to complain in a loud and angry way/American: to behave in a noisy or wild way, upsetting other people

Example: “She raised hell when she realized her office had no windows.”/”Some kids were raising hell in the street.”

7. To grin like a Cheshire cat.

to grin/smile broadly, showing one’s teeth

Example: “When she walked in grinning like a Cheshire cat, I knew that she got the job.”

8. The worm has turned.

Someone who was always weak and did what he was told has now become strong and confident.

Example: “Yesterday, she just came in and told him to stop bossing her around. The worm has turned!“

9. To pick someone’s brains.

to ask for information or advice from someone who knows more about a subject than you do.

Example: “The new employee was working for our main competitor before coming here, so the boss has been picking his brains to find out what they’re doing over there.”

10. To blow one’s own horn/trumpet.

American & Australian: to blow one’s own horn. British & Australian: to blow one’s own trumpet.

to tell other people how good and successful you are

Example: “She’s one of the best journalists we’ve got, although she’d never blow her own horn/trumpet.”

Last but not least ~

11. To pay through the nose.

to pay too much for something

Example: “If you want a decent wine in a restaurant, you have to pay through the nose for it.”

There are dozens of idioms, I just picked some of them. I hope you liked this blog entry! More languages to follow ~

Funny Words starting with A:

1. Abibliophobia: The fear of running out of reading materials to read.

Sentence: I have so many reading materials in my house, anyone would think that I have Abibliophobia or something!

1. Abozzo: A rough sketch of a drawing or a draft poem.

Sentence: I’m almost finished with my abozzo of the Eiffel tower.

1. Ama: Japanese diver who dives for pearls or food.
2.  

Sentence: Amas have been diving for pearls in the Japan region for many years. 

1. Araba: A carriage or coach used in Turkey.

Sentence: I’m taking the araba through the city today.

1. Argle-bargle:  A lot of commotion or a row happening.

Sentence: What’s all this argie-bargie about?

1. Aye-aye: A type of lemur which can be found in Madagascar. 

Sentence: The aye-ayes are such cute little creatures.

Starting with B:

1. Bamboozled: To trick or confuse someone. 

Sentence: I have been bamboozled again by you. 

1. Blubber: This word has two meanings: It can mean to cry very loudly or could refer to excess body fat.

Blubber Sentence: Please, stop your blubbering.

1. Brouhaha: An event which involves great excitement or loud confusion.

Brouhaha in a sentence: Last night’s event was such a brouhaha and nothing was achieved.

1. Bumbershoot: A Bumbershoot is an old-fashioned word for an umbrella.

Bumbershoot in a sentence: Don’t forget your Bumbershoot, dear.

1. Bumfuzzle: This refers to being confused.

Bumfuzzle in a Sentence: I’m completely bumfuzzled!

Starting with C:

1. Cantankerous: Someone who is very grumpy.

Sentence: Our neighbour is such a Cantankerous.

1. Catawampus: Something positioned diagonally. 

Sentence: To get to the school, you need to walk catawampus across that park over there.

1. Collywobbles (kol-ee-wob-uh lz): This is the feeling when you have a stomach ache or when you feel really nervous or scared.

Collywobbles in a sentence: This place gives me the collywobbles, let’s go!

Hilarious Words Starting with D:

1. Dingy: Something that is dark and dull.

Sentence: This house looks a little dingy to me. 

1. Donnybrook: This refers to a fight, riot or a big brawl.

Donnybrook in a sentence: A Donnybrook broke out last night when the police when to arrest the leader of the operation.

1. Doozy: Something that is really great.

Sentence: I’m having a doozy of a time at this party.

1. Dweeb: This is not a nice word to call someone. It means that you think the person is boring and uninteresting.

Sentence: No-one wants to be a dweeb. 

Funny Words That Start With E: 

1. Egad: Used as an expression of shock or amazement.

Sentence: Egad! I never thought of that! 

1. Eep: Another expression of surprise or fear.

Sentence: Eep! That was scary!

1. Epos: Could refer to an epic poem or something that is epic.  

Sentence: That poem was just epos!

Starting with F:

1. Filibuster: Somone who refusing to give up the floor in a debate to prevent a vote.

Sentence: Someone get that silly filibuster out of here now!

1. Flibbertigibbet (flib·ber·ti·gib·bet): Is a word used to describe someone who talks a lot or is very gossipy.

Flibbertigibbet in a sentence: Imagine sitting on a 12-hour flight with a flibbertigibbet next to you.

1. Flabbergasted: To be surprised or shocked by something.

Sentence: I’m just flabbergasted to hear that.

1. Formication: The feeling that ants are crawling on your skin.

Sentence: Her constant shivering could be described as a formication.

1. Fuddy-duddy: Someone who is a mild-mannered person.

Sentence: He can be such a fuddy-duddy sometimes.

Starting with G:

1. Gaberlunzie: A beggar that walks around town to town.

Sentence: He didn’t really have a profession, some may even call him a gaberlunzie.

1. Gardyloo (gahr-dee-loo): This is a disgusting one. It refers to the cry people use to shout when they would throw their slops or droppings out of the window.

Gardyloo in a Sentence: Watch out, Gardyloo coming!

1. Gazump: This word really has a specific meaning. It means to refuse to sell your house to someone who you previously agreed to sell your house to.

Sentence: I’m so happy my offer to buy the house next door was accepted, but what if I get gazumped?

1. Gobbledygook: Speaking Nonsense.

Sentence: Why do you always have to speak such Gobbledygook?

1. Goombah: An older friend who protects you.

Sentence: Jamie didn’t have many friends, but was glad that his grandpa could be his protector – His Goombah.

1. Gubbins: These are objects of very little value like rubbish or litter.

Gubbins in a sentence: No one’s going to buy your gubbins.

Starting with H:

1. Hairball: A ball of hair that a cat normally chokes out.

Sentence: Cats are cute, but I hate it when they throw-up hairballs everywhere.

1. Hocus-pocus: A trick or magical spell.

Sentence: What’s all this hocus-pocus about?

1. Hokey: Something is is silly or old-fashioned.

Sentence: Now that was hokey old movie to watch!

1. Hootenanny: A country music party or get-together.

Sentence: I’m going to an old-fashioned Hootenanny on Saturday, would you like to come?

1. Heckler: Someone who interrupts a public performance with offensive comments.

Sentence: Those footballers are always having to deal with hecklers at their matches. 

Starting with I:

1. Itty-Bitty: Something that is really small or tiny.

Sentence: That ladybird is so itty-bitty.

1.  Ickle: Something that is small and normally cute

Sentence: Look at that ickle baby dolphin!

1. izzat:  This relates to your personal respect and dignity.

Sentence: I’m afraid of saying that in public, as it’ll be against my izzat. 

Starting with J:

1. Jabberwock: Something that is complete nonsense or gibberish

Sentence: Everything he just said was complete Jabberwock.

1. Jazzetry: The reading of poetry which is accompanied by jazz. 

Sentence: I love reading poems, but I’ve never tried jazzetry.

1. Jink: The sudden change in direction.

Sentence: He jinked out of the way, as the ball came towards him.

Fun Words Starting with K:

1. Kagu: An blueish-greyish type of bird which is now an endangered species. 

Sentence: The rare Kagu can be found in the Pacific island of New Caledonia.

1. Kaka: A breed of parrot that can be found in New-Zealand.

Sentence: The kaka parrots are so cool!

1. Kebbie: A Scottish term relating to a walking stick with a hooked end.

Sentence: Pass the old man his keebie.

1. Kibble: Ground meal or gains used as animal feed. 

Sentence: The chickens love this new brand of kibble.

1. Kraken: A mythical sea creature.

Sentence: Just like the loch ness monster, the Kraken is a myth. 

Starting with L:

1. La-di-da: If you described someone as “La-di-da”, you are suggesting that they are upper-class or behaving unnaturally only to impress other people.

La-di-da in a sentence: She thinks she is all La-di-da, but I know what she’s really like.

1. Lol: Short for laughing out loud. Mosting used on social media and in text messages. 

Sentence: Lol – That’s so funny!

1. Lollygagger: Someone who walks around with no aim or goal.

Sentence: They spent their summer lying about, eating and general lollygagging.

1. Lickety-split: When something moves really fast.

Sentence: He was out of the door lickety-split.

Starting with M:

1. Malarkey: An informal word for talking about meaningless things or nonsense.

Malarkey in a sentence: This is all malarkey, I tell ya!

1. Moist: Something that is slightly wet.

Sentence: This blanket seems a little moist to sit on. 

1. Mollycoddle: To be extra nice to someone or to overprotect them.

Sentence: Sometimes what a child needs is some tough love and not mollycoddling all the time.

Starting with N:

1. Nacket: A light lunch or snack.

Sentence: I’m going to have a quick nacket before dinner. 

1. Namby-pamby: Someone who is weak, with no backbone.

Sentence: I don’t want to be some namby-pamby little girl!

1. Napoo: The end of something. A term mostly used by soldiers.

Sentence: Napooh! That’s the end of that story.

1. Niff: Something that smells bad.

Sentence: It’s got that horrible fishy niff. 

1. Nincompoop: This refers to someone who is not intelligent or a fool.

Nincompoop sentence: You act like such a nincompoop sometimes.

Starting with O:

1. Obi: A sash worn around the waist of a kimono.

Sentence: That pink obi would look nice with this kimono. 

1. Oozy: Something that is slimy and wet

Sentence: That table is dripping in ooze. 

1. Oompah: The sound of deep brass instruments in a band.

Sentence: The oompah music in the background really set the tone.

Starting with P:

1. Panjandrum: Someone who thinks that they are superior to others.

Sentence: She’s no queen, but she saw acts like a panjandrum.

1. Patroon: The captain of a ship

Sentence: Look sharp, the patroon will be here soon.

1. Pettifogger: A pettifogger is someone who deals with small or petty businesses. It can also be to argue over small, unimportant matters.

Pettifogger in a sentence: Why do you look up to such a pettifogger?

Starting with Q:

1. Quab: Something that is incomplete or immature

Sentence: That baby bird is still just a quab.

1. Quark: Scientific term used to describe atoms which are made up of smaller particles. 

Sentence: Understanding quarks of fundamental to the world of physics.

1. Quoz: Something that is strange.

Sentence: That’s so quoz! No-one wants to eat cheese and ice-cream together!

Silly Words Starting with R:

1. Ratoon: This refers to the small root that sprouts from a plant, especially during the springtime.

Sentence: I heard somewhere that ratooned plants grow taller and healthier.

1. Rugrat: Refers to a young child or toddler

Sentences: Those rugrats don’t know what’s coming to them!

1. Ruddy: The term sometimes can be used to suggest good health in a person.

Sentence: That ruddy-faced girl was someone I never seen before. 

Starting with S:

1. Sialoquent: Somone who splits while talking.

Sentence: My old science teacher was Sialoquent. I was always scared to go near him!

1. Skedaddle: To ask some to leave or run away very quickly

Skedaddle in a sentence: This is no place to play your silly games, now skedaddle before I get you!

1. Skullduggery Refers to dodgy dealings and some no good business.

Sentence: We need to put a stop to all this skullduggery around this town.

1. Shenanigan: This is when someone is causing a lot of mischiefs or playing tricks.

Shenanigans in a sentence: What’re all the shenanigans about?

1. Snollygoster (snol·ly·gos·ter): This refers to an unethical politician who is guided by personal advantage.

Snollygoster in a sentence: I don’t want any help from a snollygoster.

1. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: Something that is really good. And the longest word in the English dictionary.

Sentence: Your cake is simply supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Starting with T:

1. Tatterdemalion:  A poor child wearing rags.

Sentence: I grew up like a tatterdemalion on the streets and now I’m a billionaire!

1. Taradiddle (tar-uh-did-l): this is a small lie or when someone is speaking nonsense.

Taradiddle in a sentence: That’s such taradiddle –  I don’t trust you at all!

1. Thingamajig. A thing for which you have forgotten the name of. 

Sentence: Can you pass that thingamajig over?

1. Troglodyte: Someone that lives in a cave.

Sentence: All my life I’ve been living like Troglodyte cooped up in this house!

Starting with U:

1. Uber: Something that is really great.

Sentence: That’s a really uber-looking coat you got there!

1. Ube: Type of yam which is coloured purple

Sentence: You can make really nice curry using ube.  

1. Upsy-daisy: Lifting up a small child. 

Sentence: Upsy daisy! It’s time for your nap. 

1. Urubu: A blank vulture found in South American.

Sentence: The Urubu is a rare species of bird found in America.

Starting with V:

1. Vamp: To make something brand-new.

Sentence:  Let’s vamp-up your car. 

1. Vexed: Something that is really annoying or frustrating. 

Sentence: This puzzle has really got me vexed. 

1. veepstakes: A competition to find a party-s vice president. 

Sentence: Have you prepared for the upcoming veepstakes?

Starting with W: 

1. Wabbit: A Scottish word referring to feeling exhausted or a little unwell.

Sentence: I’m feeling wabbit today.

1. Widdershins (with -er-shinz): This refers to going in the opposite direction or going down the wrong path.

Widdershins in a sentence: Only widdershins going down that road.

Starting with X:

All words beginning with X are funny ones!

1. Xanthoderm: A person with yellowish skin. 

Sentence:  This make-up makes my skin look a little Xanthoderm. 

1. Xebec: A small sailing-ship with square sails.

Sentence: Let’s take a ride on my new Xebec. 

Starting with Y:

1. Yabby: Refers to any Australian crayfishes used for food. 

Sentence: These yabbies are going to taste delicious. 

1. Yachty: Relates to yachts.

Sentence: I have a yachty-looking T-shirt. 

1. Yaff: A type of bark.

Sentence: The dog yaffed at the mailman.

1. Yawny: When you yawn or when something is boring

Sentence: That movie was a little yawny. 

1. Yahoo:  A rube, a country bumpkin.

Sentence: What’s that yahoo doing here!

1. Yerk: Pull or push something with a sudden movement.

Sentence; She yerked at the rope, as they tried to pull the bucket up from the well.

1. yips: When a golfer misses an easy putt due to nervousness. 

Sentence: Looks like he has the yips today. 

Funniest Words starting with Z:

1. Zaftig: Having a full-rounded figure.

Sentence:  Her zaftig figure was admired by all. 

1. Zappy: Something that is lively and energetic.

Sentence: She looks very zappy today. 

1. Zazzy:  Something that is shiny and flashy

Sentence: Jenny brought herself a new zazzy handbag to match her shoes.

1. Zeze: A string instrument from South Africa. 

Sentence: The sound of the zeze is unique in South Africa.

1. Zizz: To take a short nap or sleep.

Sentence: James likes to take a 2-hour zizz every afternoon at 2 pm.

1. Zoanthropy (zoh-an-thruh-pee): This is when someone believes that they are an animal.

Zoanthropy in a sentence:  I think she suffers from a mild case of Zoanthropy.

When you find it write found please dont write the words. Funny poems bring out your sense of humor.

Inherently Funny Words Tv Tropes

funny picture with words is a free HD wallpaper sourced from all website in the world. Download this image for free in HD resolution the choice «download button» below. If you do not find the exact resolution you are looking for, then go for a native or higher resolution.

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Funny picture with words. Let these funny work quotes add a smile to your day. Create smiles with popular humor poetry and other funny poems that will keep you reading laughing all year round. Httpswwwuscedu comedic actor and usc alu.

Sometimes at work we need a bit of humor or a smile to relieve the stress and demands of the workplace. We managed to release an app that hopefully puts a smile on your face every single day. A funny animal is an anthropomorphic animal character who lives like a human.

I am an american and typically when i ponder british english i think of charming accents some slight differences in spelling and words that sound well more formal. If you happen to stumble across this post describing funny medical mispronunciations and misspelled words make sure to search the alphabetical list below describing both the correct bold words and the incorrect references to common medical terms. They are typically bipedal wear clothes live in houses drive and ride vehicles and have jobs or may even be recognized citizens of countries which distinguish them from other animal characters who may nonetheless display anthropomorphic characteristics such as.

We sometimes use the british spelling for special occasions. There are 6 words hidden in this picture. Free i think i spider mobile app for iphone and android.

Give others a chance to find too. Poems suitable for reading by 7 8 year olds. Our trash and garbage sound sort of low class compared to rubbish.

Enter your email address to receive funny poems in your inbox each week. Whether its easter 4th of july christmas halloween or just another family gathering playing pictionary words game is one way to have an amazing and inclusive time with your friends and family.

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Wonderful Funny Quotes. Our collection of witty funny pictures of funny saying which are short words, easy to remember but still hilarious phrases. Need a good laugh? Check out these 75 funny quotes and sayings about life to smile on your face. Repeat or copy these quotes out to your friends to make them laugh!

You can find laughter, pics of funny, humor, and wisdom in these. You may discover fascinating of them to inspirational words of encouragement to lift you up. “Seek the counsel of him who makes you weep; and not of him who makes you laugh.” looking for funny lines and jokes to share your best friends and which one to be good and laugh without to aggravate them to say like short funny quotes and humorous lines. You can take your “I’m okay” hat off now. It’s just me. Fall apart. I’m not going anywhere.

Funny quotes of the day Herpes, we cut the burrito in half That way I could have my piece and she could have herpes. My friend Hector just told me jokes and I laughed so hard I almost cheat my pants.

Funny Quotes and Sayings

1. “I have to keep reminding myself that I’m an adult and will be charged as one.”

2. “Just before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernnels. My cremation is going to be epic!”

3. “I’d walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room…but not too humid because, you know.. my hair.”

4. “You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now im scared!”

5. Next time a stranger talks to me when I’m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly “You can see me?”

6. “The strongest people make time to help others, even if they are struggling with their own problems.”

7. “One minute you’re really young and cool… and the next, you’re getting all excited about a new vacuum.”

8. “If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I would fart…”

9. “Friends buy you a lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.”

10. “That moment when you realize it wasn’t a fart”

11. “I am tremendously not sorry that my sense of humor has offended your utter lack of it.”

12. “A person that truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is.” – Funny Quotes and Sayings

13. “Netflix and tuck myself in by 9”

14. “I have an angel on one shoulder, and a devil on the other. I’m also deaf in one ear.”

15. “The only advantage you have over me is you can kiss my ass and I can’t”

16. “Je kunt better een nacht je slapen over wat je wilt doen, dan wakker liggen over wat je gedaan hebt ( I’m getting better at the end of the day, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. )”

17. “I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say “your password is incorrect.”

18. “The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.””

19. “Camping: Where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.”

20. “Don’t judge me cause I’m quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.”

21. “I’ve found puddles deeper than you.”

22. “My scars tell a story… They are reminders of when life tried to break me, but failed.”

23. “I wanted to go jogging but proverbs 28:1 says “The wicked run when no one is chasing them” so there’s that.”

24. “If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say ‘Now you’re super mad!’ if they laugh marry them.”

Short Funny Quotes About Life

Share the best funny quotes collection by famous authors and comedians. Join the fun with our Funny Quote of the Day on the web, Facebook and blogs. Easy to read the list of the most hilarious phrases ever spoken. Perfect for sharing your best friends and family. Our collection of short funny quotes which are short, straight to your head and mind-blowing. 

25. “My dream job would be the karma delivery service.”

26. “Real girls are never perfect and perfect girls are never real.”

27. “If it requires fake smiling I probably won’t come”

28. “Trust me, you can dance.”

29. “I was startled by a loud fart. I was fartled.”

30. “Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind but I just smiled and said I used to.” – Funny Quotes and Sayings

31. “You call them swear words. I call them sentence enhancers.”

32. “When you’re so sarcastic people aren’t sure whether you’re joking or whether you’re just crazy.”

33. “No, I checked my receipt. I didn’t buy any of your bullsh*t.”

34. “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”

35. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you… blocked & deleted. You may now… … Kiss my ass”

36. “Keep talking… I’m diagnosing you”

37. “The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.”

38. “Some people are like clouds when they disappear its a brighter day.”

39. “I’m having people over to stare at their phones later if you want to come by…”

40. “You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.”

41. “The rock looking more like the pebble…”

42. “I just stepped on a cornflakes. Now, I am officially a cereal killer.”

43. “I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.”

44. “He said, there was no spark between us anymore. So I tasered him!!! (I’ll ask him again, when he wakes up)”

45. “I have mixed drinks about feelings”

46. “’Dammit I’m mad’ is ‘Dammit I’m mad’ spelled backwards.”

47. “A negative person sees the glass of water half empty. A positive person sees it half full. A realistic person adds two shots of whiskey and says cheers.”

48. “Saying “Oh yeah, I remember” when you really don’t.”

49. “Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.”

50. “Other people: Gosh darn it Me: God fucking fuck ass shit damn cockwaffles”

51. “Wrestling: a sport where people without pants fight for a belt.”

52. “Please forgive me if I don’t talk much at times. It’s loud enough in my head.”

53. “I hate when a couple argues in public and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.”

54. “Going back to your ex is like reheating your McDonald’s fries…”

55. “Revenge is not in my plans… you’ll fuck yourself on your own.”

56. “Some people are just like trees… They take forever to grow up!”

57. “During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles. Who the fuck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?”

58. “That awkward moment when you take a shower in the middle of the day and you’re not sure if you should put on normal clothes or pyjamas.”

59. “The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.””

60. “Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.”

61. “An apple a day will keep anyone away, if thrown hard enough”

62. “Pin this potato in every board for no reason”

63. “H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K. Half of my energy wasted on random knowledge!!!”

64. “I don’t like to brag but today I washed and dried a load of clothes on the same day without forgetting I had stuff in the washer… It’s like I’m some kind of domestic ninja…”

65. “School is just an endless cycle of “I just need to make it through this week” every week”

66. “I shook my family tree and a bunch of nuts fell out!”

67. “It’s better to look back on life and say: “I can’t believe I did that.” Than to look back and say: “I wish I did that.””

68. “Once you become fearless, life becomes limitless.”

69. “Sometimes you might feel like no one’s there for you, but you know who’s always there for you? Laundry. Laundry will always be there for you.”

70. “I don’t care how old I am I’m going on the bouncy castle”

71. “I may look like I’m doing nothing… But in my head I’m quite busy.”

72. “I don’t mean to interrupt people I just randomly remember things & get really excited”

73. “I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief”

74. “Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.”

75. “My diet plan: Make all of my best friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look!”

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