Funny word about money

Last updated: 04/10/15

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When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is. — Oscar Wilde

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Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die. — Max Asnas

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Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort. — Helen Gurley Brown

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Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. — George Burns

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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. — Woody Allen

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Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you’ll be surprised at how little you have. — Ernest Haskins

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Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘gotta have it’ scale. — Zig Ziglar

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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. — Robert Orben

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I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 73 of them. — Unknown

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If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars. — J. Paul Getty

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I’ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working. — Unknown

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Money talks. Mine is always saying ‘Spend me!’ — Tom Wilson

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Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back. — Unknown

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You say love is more important than money. Have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug? — Unknown

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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. — Spike Milligan

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I cannot afford to waste my time making money. — Louis Agassiz

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Nothing saves money like being antisocial! — Unknown

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Money is the best deodorant. — Elizabeth Taylor

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Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks–it says, ‘Goodbye.’ — Frank SInatra

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Dear Millionaires, if you don’t even have a bookshelf that spins into another room, give me your money because you’re spending it wrong. — Unknown

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A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. — Yogi Berra

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The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. — Frank Hubbard

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There are three faithful friends – an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. — Benjamin Franklin

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Anyone who lives within their means suffers from imagination. — Oscar Wilde

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I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life… If I die next Tuesday. — Unknown

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Money doesn’t talk, it swears obscenity. — Bob Dylan

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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. — Jackie Mason

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I am having an out of money experience. — Unknown

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Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. — Bill Vaughan

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I wish my wallet was as fat as I am. — Unknown

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A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. — Bob Hope

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I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. — Jackie Mason

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Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence. — Max Amsterdam

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A full purse is not as good as an empty one is bad. — Yiddish Proverb

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Rule No. 1: Never lose money.
Rule No. 2: Never forget rule No. 1.— Warren Buffet

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Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells. — J. Paul Getty

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Broke people giving financial advice is like a shop teacher with missing fingers. — Dave Ramsey

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When I had money everyone called me brother. — Polish proverb

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Girls just wanna have funds. — Unknown

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Money won is twice as sweet as money earned. — Paul Newman

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The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance. — Oscar Wilde

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Money enhances a man, yes, as beauty enhances a woman. — Leona Helmsley

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I like my money right where I can see it… hanging in my closet. — Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and the City

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Money is just the poor man’s credit card. — Marshall McLuhan

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When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart. — John Wesley

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No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first. — Cesare Pavese

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Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No Pockets. — Jerry Seinfeld

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Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have. — Will Rogers

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If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. — Earl Wilson

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Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it. — William Somerset Maugham

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Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million. — Arnold Schwarzenegger

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I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too. — Steve Martin

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Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? — Jay Leno

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I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention. — Ron Kittle

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Well, there’s one thing to be said for money. It can make you rich. — Tom Robbins

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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you. — George Carlin

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Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it. — Rebecca Johnson

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I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. — Fran Lebowitz

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All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money. — Ru Paul

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Riches are for spending. — Francis Bacon

Funny Money Quotes

After writing about the 68 money quotes that changed my life, I thought it would be fun to write a sequel focusing on funny money quotes.

There’s nothing like an inspirational money quote that makes you laugh!

Here’s a collection of 90 of the funniest money quotes I’ve heard broken down by the following categories:

• Saving Money Funny Quotes
• Making Money Funny Quotes
• Funny Money Quotes from Movies
• Greed Funny Money Quotes
• Love, Marriage and Sex Funny Money Quotes
• Life and Money Funny Quotes
• Happiness and Money Funny Quotes
• Business, Banking and Inflation Funny Money Quotes
• Funny Quotes about Borrowing and Lending Money
• Funny Tax Quotes
• Funny Quotes about Money and Financial Literacy

Jump to the category you’re most interested in or read them all. I’ve also highlighted the ones I am particularly fond of.

90 Funny money quotes

Funny Money Quotes about Saving Money

1. “I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous

2. “Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.” – Anonymous

3. “Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill

4. “Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.” – George Burns

5. “Budget – a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions” – A. A. Lattimer, columnist and poet whose poems have appeared on the editorial page of the Wisconsin State Journal

6. “Rich people have small TVs and big libraries, and poor people have small libraries and big TVs.” Zig Ziglar, Author of Goals: How to Get the Most Out of Your Life

Funny Money Quotes about Making Money

7. “I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” – Shaquille O’Neal

8. “I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.” – Malcolm Forbes

9. “Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street” – Jay Leno

10. “I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.” – Fran Lebowitz

11. “They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” – Joseph Addison

12. “October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” – Mark Twain, legendary writer and humorist

13. “There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain

Funny Money Quotes from Movies

14. “I love money more than the things it can buy… but what I love more than money is other people’s money.” – Other People’s Money

15. “I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet.” – Sex and the City

16. “It’s like we’re stealing the same money over and over. In fact it’s not like stealing money at all, it’s like recycling.” – Mad Money

17. “Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn’t f—ing have any.” – Boiler Room

18. “The problem we’re trying to solve is that there are rich teams, and there are poor teams. Then there’s 50 feet of crap. And then there’s us. It’s an unfair game.” – Moneyball

19. “Number one rule of Wall Street. Nobody… and I don’t care if you’re Warren Buffet or if you’re Jimmy Buffet. Nobody knows if a stock is gonna go up, down, sideways or in fucking circles. Least of all, stockbrokers, right?” – Wolf of Wall Street

20. “I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me.” – Trading Places

21. “Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?

Lawrence: I’ll tell you what I’d do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.

Peter Gibbons: That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time?

Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.

Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.

Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me do.

Peter Gibbons: Good point.

Lawrence: Well what about you now? what would you do?

Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?

Lawrence: Well yeah.

Peter Gibbons: Nothing.

Lawrence: Nothing, huh?

Peter Gibbons: I’d relax, I would sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing.

Lawrence: Well you don’t need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he’s broke, don’t do shit.”

– Office Space

Funny Quotes about Money and Greed

22. “When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.” – P. J. O’Rourke, Author of None of My Business

23. “If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous

24. “The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown

25. “Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner

26. “I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin, Comedian and Author of Born Standing Up: A Comic’s Life

Funny Money Quotes about Love, Marriage and Sex

27. “It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal, Actor in When Harry Met Sally

28. “They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous

29. “This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson

30. “Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West

31. “Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month, others just go over them.” – Sally Poplin

32. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason

33. “A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.” – Anonymous

34. “Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem, Journalist and Writer of My Life on the Road

35. “Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did.” – James Arthur Baldwin

36. “If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.” – Katherine Hepburn

37. “The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.” – Brendan Behan

Funny Quotes about Money and Life

38. “I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard

39. “Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” – Bill Vaughn

40. “Money is the best deodorant.” – Elizabeth Taylor

41. “Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.” – Will Rogers

42. “I believe in the Golden Rule. The Man with the Gold, Rules.” – Mr. T

43. “If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire

44. “Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.” – Groucho Marx

45. “I am having an out of money experience.” – Anonymous

46. “I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.” – Ron Kittle

47. “When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward

48. “Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin

49. “I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.” – George Carlin, Comedian well known for his HBO Special George Carlin: It’s Bad for Ya!

50. “From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker

51. “What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous

52. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” – George Carlin

53. “It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy

54. “Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women … and the other ten percent I wasted.” – Tug McGraw

55. “Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.” – William Somerset Maugham

56. “Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.” – Jerry Seinfeld

57. “Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous

58. “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.” – Will Rogers

59. “When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.” – Nick Arnette

60. “There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.” – Jack Yelton

Funny Quotes about Money and Happiness

61. “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.” – David Lee Roth

62. “People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” – Joan Rivers

63. “Money won’t make you happy… but everybody wants to find out for themselves.” – Zig Ziglar

64. “Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.” – Helen Gurley Brown

Funny Money Quotes about Business, Banking and Inflation

65. “They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.” – Rita Rudner

66. “What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?” – Bertolt Brecht

67. “A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.” – Robert Frost

68. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope

69. “If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.” – George Gobel

70. “Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.” – Sam Ewing

71. “If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith, financier, tycoon and politician

72. “I don’t pay good wages because I have a lot of money; I have a lot of money because I pay good wages.” – Robert Bosch, founder of Bosch

73. “It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” – Anonymous

Funny Quotes about Borrowing and Lending Money

74. “I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.” – Ronald Reagan

75. “Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.” – Ambrose Bierce

76. “People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.” – Doug Larson

77. “You loan your friend money. You see them again, they don’t say nothin’ ’bout the money. ‘Hi, how ya doin’? How’s ya mama doing?’ Man, how’s my money doin’?” – Chris Tucker

78. “If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” – Errol Flynn

79. “Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.” – Josh Billings

80. “Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.” – Herbert Hoover

Funny Tax Quotes

81. “The rich hire lawyers and accountants for a reason – to pass the tax bill on to you.” – George W. Bush

82. “Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?” – Peg Bracken

83. “What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.” – Mark Twain

84. “I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” – Douglas Adams, Author of The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

85. “The Best Way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray

86. “The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor

87. “Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.” – Washington Post Word Contest Entrant

Funny Quotes about Money and Financial Literacy

88. “What’s a soup kitchen?” – Paris Hilton

89. “I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields

90. “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.” -Yogi Berra, Author of the Yogi Book and one of the most quoted Baseball Players of all time

Final Thoughts on Funny Money Quotes

If you’re interested in more personal finance wisdom, here are the

• Best RATED personal finance books on Amazon
• Best SELLING books in the personal finance budgeting and money management topic on Amazon

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Related Articles with Money Quotes:

• Rich Dad, Poor Dad Review
• Your Money or Your Life Review
• The Opposite of Spoiled Review
• Money Quotes that will Inspire You to Take Action
• Money affirmations that will attract abundance into your life
• Self-Care Activities and Ideas that are Cheap, Quick and Easy

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What’s your favorite funny money saying?

Money talk can get intense sometimes. Today, we’re here to lighten things up a little bit with some of our favorite funny money quotes.

But, since this is Clever Girl Finance, we’re all about empowering women by providing accurate financial guidance and helping them to make lots of money. These funny money quotes aren’t just funny – they teach real-life lessons, too!

The best funny money quotes

What are some famous quotes about money? Read on for some of the best funny sayings about money, funny saving money quotes, and more. Plus, learn how they can teach us to be smart about money!

Hilarious thoughts about shopping and spending

These funny finance quotes show us that it’s ok to spend on «frivolous» things if they make you happy. Just make sure to budget for them and not buy them to impress others, which would be the wrong use of money.

1. «I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet.» – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

The Sex and the City character, Carrie Bradshaw, is famous for her enviable designer wardrobe. She’s also somewhat infamous for spending so much on shoes that she occasionally struggled to afford her rent. What can her quote teach us about spending, particularly on luxury goods? Is it just for rich people?

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with spending your money on clothes and accessories. Maybe you want to buy a Chanel handbag or another designer item.

Where you can go wrong, however, is if you don’t save up for your splurges or spend money that you don’t genuinely have. And, remember, there are ways to be fashionable on a budget, so if a designer item isn’t in the cards for you yet, you can still look fabulous.

2. «Too many people spend money to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.» – Will Rogers

This quote from Will Rogers reminds us to be thoughtful about our spending. Before making big purchases, ask yourself why you want that item. Do you truly want it, or are you buying it to impress someone else?

There’s a problem with keeping up with the Joneses. Always buying the latest and greatest things to impress your neighbors is only becoming more widespread, and it takes too much energy. With the influence of social media, the Joneses are no longer limited to our neighbors – it’s the whole world.

Be extra careful to focus on yourself and what you want, not on what others have. Or what you think you should have to impress them.

3. «I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.» — Steve Martin

While hilarious, this is one of the funny money quotes from Steve Martin that also reminds us that while money is helpful for many things, it can also be used to buy silly things that we don’t need and maybe don’t even want. So it pays off to make thoughtful purchases instead of just having great possessions that are pointless.

4. «Rich people have small TVs and big libraries, and poor people have small libraries and big TVs.» — Zig Ziglar

A Zig Ziglar quote that shows how what we choose for entertainment and how much we value knowledge can contribute to our overall wealth. While it may not be accurate in every situation and is humorous, it may indicate the value we place on finances.

5. «Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells.» — JP Getty

Here we have one of the most memorable funny finance quotes from JP Getty. When we spend and save and budget our money, it’s important to be generous when we can and give to other people, too. Otherwise, we risk becoming greedy, which can almost guarantee we’ll end up miserable.

6. «A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.» — Franklin Jones

Although it’s nice to find something for a great price, just because something is on sale doesn’t make it worth buying. It’s a smart practice to ask yourself if you would buy the item if it were full price. If not, it may not be such a great deal after all.

7. «It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.» — Billy Crystal

One of the best funny finance quotes from Billy Crystal about how things can change when you’re sharing a budget with a spouse! Although your expenses and goals are likely to change after marriage, that doesn’t mean you can’t work as a team. Saving and spending well is still possible as long as you communicate about that part of your life.

When it comes to investing…

Investing is an important part of financial health. But these funny sayings about money give a unique perspective on how to ensure you’ll have enough cash.

8. «The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.» – Kin Hubbard

While this frugality quote from Kin Hubbard is undoubtedly funny, it’s definitely not accurate. It turns out one of the safest ways to grow your money is actually through investing, not stashing it away in your back pocket, as this could later lead to empty pockets!

Money makes a terrible master when we’re too afraid of losing it to try to make more of it, so it’s important to have enough forethought to invest, even if it doesn’t seem like the quickest way to wealth.

And you don’t have to nickel and dime everything to become wealthy when you focus on investing. It’s actually one of the best ways to increase your wealth!

Thought of by many as risky or scary, investing is not something to be afraid of. Savings accounts and self-denial can only take you so far.

If you’re new to investing or want to expand your knowledge and earn a great deal of money, check out Clever Girl Finance’s book Learn How Investing Works, Grow Your Money. You’ll learn the very essence of successful investing and growing your wealth.

9. «October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.» -Mark Twain

It might make you laugh, but this quote from Mark Twain speaks to the simple fact that we need to know what we’re doing before we invest. While investing is an intelligent and logical thing to do, we’d be fools to try it out without first gaining some knowledge and understanding of what we’re investing in. Before using up good wages to try and make a profit, read up and learn about your options.

10. «Money is like an arm or a leg. Use it or lose it.» — Henry Ford

This practical quote from Henry Ford speaks to the dangers of letting money sit idle. If you’re one of those folks who want to use every advantage to increase their income, try investing. Investing allows you to make a profit and get ready to buy things in the future.

11. «Avoiding the dumb things is the most important. Learn more, know limitations, avoid the dumb things.» — Warren Buffett

When investing, one of the greatest things you can do is get more knowledge. Just because a stock market investment promises tons of money doesn’t mean that it will deliver.

Take to heart this quote from the famous investor himself, and don’t buy things that don’t make sense. Who knows? It could make you one of the world’s millionaires.

Funny saving money quotes

These funny saving money quotes are very relatable, but you can learn how to save money no matter how tight your budget is! These funny quotes about saving money might give you a new desire to keep as much of your cash as possible.

12. «Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.» – Bill Vaughan

There’s no doubt that having kids is expensive! And sending your child (whether male, female, or non-binary – clearly, this quote about a man sending his son to college needs a modern update) to college can be really costly! This is one of the funny quotes from Bill Vaughan about saving money that shows just how much college can cost.

However, there are ways to plan for your children’s college and formal education without spending your entire salary on it. For example, parents can invest funds for their children’s education by setting up custodial accounts or 529 plans.

13. «I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.» — Ron Kittle

Here is one of those funny saving money quotes from Ron Kittle that can be so spot-on that it hurts. Unfortunately, poverty can happen due to bad financial habits or even something beyond your control.

However, the good news is that you can break the cycle of being poor. You can also learn how to save money even on a low income!

Remember that every dollar counts, and if you find ways to be frugal, you can save money faster than you think!

14. «Many people take no care of their money till they come nearly to the end of it, and others do just the same with their time.» — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Ever wonder where all your time goes? This is one of those very true quotes from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe about saving money and time. It discusses how easy it is to waste our time and our money.

Using time wisely is a formula for wealth. It’s one way to make your finances into an excellent servant that will help you throughout your life.

15. «A rich man is one who isn’t afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.» — Jack Benny

This is one of the funny quotes about saving money that is very true! Jack Benny reminds us that sometimes people think that rich people are the ones who don’t ask about the price at all. However, this isn’t a fact, and if you’re willing to look for the best deal, you could save yourself a lot of cash.

Imagine a couple of car payments that cost twice as much as they needed to, and you’ve got the right idea. When in doubt — just ask about less expensive alternatives.

16. «A simple fact that is hard to learn is that the time to save money is when you have some.» — Joe Moore

Funny quotes about saving money can be true! Everyone knows they should save money, but the tricky part is when you do have some to save, it’s pretty difficult to not spend it, as Joe Moore says!

Funny finance sayings about budgeting

Budgeting may be considered one of the virtues of handling money. It makes a gigantic difference!

These quotes highlight the importance of setting up a budget and reviewing it.

17. «Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month, others just go over them.» –Sally Poplin

Communication in relationships is important no matter the topic, and perhaps even more so when it comes to finances. Which type of couple are you? The one that sticks to a budget and takes care of their money or the one that totally ignores it?

If you and your partner haven’t set up a budget yet, or are struggling to stick to one, it’s time to get on the same page and create one that works for you.

18. «It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are.» — Anonymous

Here’s a quote that shows how nobody will ever run out of things to pay for. And yet, we can plan for our expenses through budgeting effectively.

We can make sure our bills don’t get in the way of saving by starting to invest, not putting all our good eggs in one basket, and being organized with finance.

19. «A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.» — Yogi Berra 

This saying from Yogi Berra speaks to how the price of things just keeps going up no matter what. While this is true, we can prepare for it by budgeting correctly. If we think about our annual income in terms of months and weeks of budgeting, organization is more manageable.

20. «Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.» — Norman Vincent Peale

Regardless of how much money you’re starting with, it’s wise to budget. Even saving just a bit from each paycheck will help you do more with your money, this saying from Norman Vincent Peale reminds us.

Funny finance quotes about debt and borrowing

There’s nothing funny about debt, but these funny money quotes definitely can teach us something.

21. «This would be a much better world if couples were in love as much as they are in debt.» – Earl Wilson

Here’s a quote from Earl Wilson that is darkly humorous because it’s also quite accurate. Currently, about 80% of Americans are in debt. While it’s hard to tell what percentage are in love, the point is that many of us are in debt.

Not only does debt limit opportunities, but it can also bring on a lot of stress, straining relationships along the way. If you prefer to stay in love more than in debt, start by coming up with a debt reduction strategy and get yourself out of debt for good.

22. «A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.» – Bob Hope

If you’ve ever applied for a loan, you know that you must meet specific eligibility requirements to qualify, as Bob Hope says. For some, it’s impossible to meet these requirements. These people fall into the category of «unbanked» or «underbanked.»

These people either have no bank account or have one but must rely on alternative financial services (like payday lenders) to meet their needs. According to the Federal Reserve, 22% of adults in the U.S. are either unbanked or underbanked.

By doing things like setting a budget, creating an emergency fund, and increasing your income, you can work to get yourself out of this category or avoid falling into it.

Funny sayings about money and how it makes you feel

From stress and anxiety to freedom to happiness, money elicits so many different emotions. These funny money quotes show just that.

23. «I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.» – Jules Renard

We’ve all felt it at one time or another – financial stress. Have you ever looked at your dog and wished you could trade places with them so that you could live their simple, easy life, free from financial worries? That’s exactly what this quote from Jules Renard is getting at.

While there are many reasons people feel financial stress, one of the main reasons is low financial literacy. That’s actually a good thing! Because if there’s one thing we know you can do, it’s become educated on your finances.

There’s a reserve of knowledge in big libraries across the country, and your future self will thank you. Start with articles on this website, a book on money education, or one of Clever Girl Finance’s completely free courses. Whatever you do, just start, and you’ll immediately feel much less stressed!

24. «Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.» – Groucho Marx

While Groucho Marx jokes about getting out of obligations because he’s rich, there is some truth to the words of this wise man! Money can buy many things. One of those things is the ability to pay someone else to do what you don’t want to do.

If you have enough disposable income, you free yourself from spending time doing things you don’t like. Money gives you the freedom to choose how to spend your time, which is priceless.

25. «All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.» – Spike Milligan

Here’s a quote from Spike Milligan that talks about being a poor man. Money can buy a lot of things, but can it buy happiness? It’s the age-old question!

There is some consensus that a certain baseline of money does, indeed, make you happy. Like this quote suggests, it’s probably preferable to try to make as much money as you can. Just make sure you don’t sacrifice important things on your way to accumulating more.

26. «Money can’t buy happiness, but it will certainly get you a better class of memories.» — Ronald Reagan

Here’s a quote from President Ronald Reagan that humorously reminds us that while money can’t buy you everything you want, it can definitely give you a lot of options that make life more exciting and fun. Because of this, it may be worth it to become wealthy.

27. «People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.» — Joan Rivers

The mere possession of money on its own really doesn’t do anything for our overall happiness, as Joan Rivers reminds us. But this is one of the funny money quotes that shows us that there are times when money can get us the things we want.

Having specific experiences or items may make us happy short term. Depending on how we use our money, it can bring us some joy as we experience life.

Funny sayings about money when it comes to kids

Humor is one of the best ways to connect with kids. These quotes will remind you to keep money education interesting for your children as they learn how important financial literacy is.

28. «Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.» — Thomas Edison

Sometimes we all wish we could get rich quickly without much effort. It’s important to teach children the skill of hard work and earning money.

There’s a lot of joy of achievement with work, as this Thomas Edison quote makes clear, and we shouldn’t seek to get away from it but instead use it to create more financial stability for ourselves. The sooner kids understand this, the better their lives can be.

29. «Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.» — Herbert Hoover

Here is one of the funny money quotes that reminds us that debt can affect many generations. There is actually a lot to consider from this saying by President Herbert Hoover.

It’s important to think of the ways that we can solve money problems now, so they aren’t passed on to our children and grandchildren. Instead, we should set them up for success as much as possible.

Funny money quotes about getting rich quickly

The easiest way to get rich is probably not what you think it is! The only real security is saving, working hard, and having a mindset that helps you succeed.

Spoiler alert: hard work and years of sound financial planning is the way to have enough money. The thrill of creative effort can also help you develop new ideas for making and keeping your money. If you enjoy learning, you are more likely to succeed.

30. «There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.» – Jack Yelton

We’ve all dreamt about winning the lottery or striking it big in Vegas. But is it really possible to get rich quickly? For some, things like winning the Powerball actually happen.

But it’s not something we can bet on. Like this quote says, the surest way to leave a casino rich is not by winning at the gambling tables but by starting out rich.

Instead of hoping to get lucky and get rich quick, you’re much better off putting your energy toward saving, investing, and paying off your debt.

31. «There is a gigantic difference between earning a great deal of money and being rich.» — Marlene Dietrich

Here’s an ironic quote from Marlene Dietrich that reminds us that just because someone makes a high income doesn’t mean they’re rich. If you get rich quickly but don’t have the discipline to save it and use it wisely, it won’t matter. It will soon be gone.

But if you work hard and save and invest, even if you don’t make a large paycheck, you can still be rich.

There you have it! Some of the funniest quotes about money, each with a life lesson. We’ve included funny quotes about saving money, funny investing quotes, and more.

Hopefully, some of these have inspired you to up your own personal finance game and continue to use self-education on all things money, which will make you a wise person. Knowing more about money can also create a sense of order for your life to help you stay organized. For even more inspiration, here’s our favorite quotes about becoming debt free, and budgeting quotes to help you manage your finances.

8. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope

9. “Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams

10. “Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.” – Donald Trump

11. “The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor

12. “Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.” – Jerry Seinfeld

13. “Money is the best deodorant.” – Elizabeth Taylor

14. “He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous

15. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” – Oscar Wilde

16. “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben

17. “Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

18. “Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail” – Richard Friedman

19. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson

20There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. ~Jack Yelton

21. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due. ~Author Unknown

22. No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

23. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing

24. Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence. ~Max Amsterdam

25. Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back. ~Author Unknown

26. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. ~Author Unknown

27. I don’t like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves. ~Joe Louis

28. “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” – Will Smith

29. Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions. ~A.A. Latimer

30. Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells. ~J. Paul Getty

31. Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind. ~Kay Ingram

32. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer. ~Author Unknown

33. Money often costs too much. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

34. The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste. ~M.W. Harrison

35. I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention. ~Ron Kittle, 1987

36. It frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. ~Groucho Marx

37. We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules. ~Buzzie Bavasi

38. The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters. ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann

39. I am having an out of money experience. ~Author Unknown

40. If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. ~Aristotle Onassis

41. Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale. ~Zig Ziglar

42. People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. ~Doug Larson

43. If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one. ~George Gobel

44. A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain

45. If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion. ~George Bernard Shaw

46. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. ~From a Washington Post word contest

47. “What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street

48. “You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing

49. “The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places

50. “In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface

51. “Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street

52. “The rich. You know why they’re so odd? Because they can afford to be.” –Alexander Knox (Robert Wuhl)Batman

53. “A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street

54. “Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did.”- James Arthur Baldwin

55. “Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers

56. “I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.

57. “The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.

58. “My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.

59. “I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.”Francois Rebelais

60. “I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.

61. “They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.

62. “October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain

63. “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.

64. “You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”Josh Billings

65. “Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.

66. “Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.”Taylor Meade

67. “What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”Henry Youngman

68. “We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.”Keith Davis.

69. “If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” JP Getty.

70“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” Edmund Stockdale

71. “To make a million, start with $900,000.” Morton Shulman.

72. “If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” Errol Flynn

73. “A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”Franklin Jones.

74. “There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes

75. “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason

76. “When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette

77. “Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman

78. “If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.” -Lane Kirkland

79. “Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams

80. “Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet” — Robin Williams

81. “It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal

82. “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran

83. “I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes

84. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit” — George Carlin

85. “I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed” — George Carlin

86. “Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright

87. “I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle

88. “It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle

89. “If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.” — Katherine Hepburn

90. “A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown

91. “What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain

92. “Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn

93. “I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal

94. “It’s easy to meet expenses – everywhere we go, there they are.” — Anonymous

95. “Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige

What’s your favorite quote about money?

Money, that’s what I want! And so does everyone else.

It’s a modern obsession. We like to think that it doesn’t matter but it does of course. In the modern world, we cannot get far without at least some of it.

We all talk about money and we’re constantly chasing value for money. This is natural of course because our lifestyle, such as it is, depends on the money we have and the money we earn.

However, there’s a slightly absurd and amusing side to it all too. So I thought I’d search out some quotes to explore the funny side of money.

Here are 11 funny quotes about money that made me smile and I hope they brighten your day too.

Funny quotes about money:

1. A Nillionaire is someone with no money. ~Author Unknown
2. Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. ~Author Unknown
3. Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale. ~Zig Ziglar
4. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. ~Author Unknown
5. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness doesn’t know where to shop. ~Author Unknown
6. They say money talks and perhaps it does, but mine just says goodbye. ~Author Unknown
7. Where does money go? Hokus, pokus and then I’m brokus. ~Author Unknown
8. Always borrow money from a pessimist because they don’t expect to get it back. ~Oscar Wilde
9. Money may not buy happiness but if you’re going to cry it’s better to do it in a Mercedes or BMW. ~Author Unknown
10. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s in the sale. ~Author Unknown
11. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ~Lana Turner

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Personal finance isn’t the most exciting topic in the world (unless you’re a nerd like me). So for this post I thought I would scour the internet for some of the best money jokes I could find.

I hope you have as much fun reading these financial jokes, quotes, and one-liners as I did in putting them together!

Money Jokes – Quotes, Jokes, and One-Liners on Personal Finance

Money Jokes: On Relationships and Marriage

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage. – James Holt McGavran

1. Wealth – any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband. – H.L. Mencken

2. Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. – Ambrose Bierce

3. There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage. – James Holt McGavran

4. Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. — Mae West

5. It’s money. I remember it from when I was single. — Billy Crystal

Money Jokes: Jokes About Being Broke

6. Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets. – Jerry Seinfeld

7. Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. – Oscar Wilde

8. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. – Earl Wilson

9. The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. – Katharine Whitehorn

10. When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet. – Nick Arnette

Money Jokes: Budgeting Jokes

You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. – Josh Billings

11. I don’t want money. It is only people who pay their bills who want that, and I never pay mine. – Oscar Wilde

12. People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. – Doug Larson

13. You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. – Josh Billings

14. Carpe per diem – seize the check. – Robin Williams

Finance Jokes – Quotes, Jokes, and One-Liners on Business and the Economy

Economics Jokes

 In case you weren’t aware, there is actually an economist who does stand up comedy! Here’s his most famous bit on the ten principles of economics. If you’ve ever taken an economics class in college, prepare to question all of your assumptions…

15. Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college. – Bill Vaughn

16. Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. – Herbert Hoover

17. If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. – George Bernard Shaw

18. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. – Sam Ewing

19. The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters. – Jean-Paul Kauffmann

20. I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself. – Ronald Reagan

21. A Mathematician, an Accountant, and an Economist…

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks “What do two plus two equal?” The mathematician replies “Four.” The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says “Yes, four, exactly.”

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The accountant says “On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average, four.”

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, “What do you want it to equal”?

Income Tax Jokes (for Accountants?)

The Best Way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. – Bill Murray

22. Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. – Herman Wouk

23. It’s tax time. I know this because I’m staring at documents that make no sense to me, no matter how many beers I drink. – Dave Barry

24. The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. – Will Rogers

25. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. – Bill Murray

26. Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases ‘revenue enhancement’. Not so. No one was fooled. – Dan Quayle

27. The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money. – IRS auditor

Jokes About Money and Happiness

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be. – Rita Rudner

28. Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. – Jackie Mason

29. Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be. – Rita Rudner

30. All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. – Spike Milligan

31. Wealth is not without its advantages, and the case to the contrary, although it has often been made, has never proved widely persuasive. – J. K. Galbraith

Business and Finance Jokes

If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem. – JP Getty

32. Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need. – Will Rogers

33. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. – Bob Hope

34. Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears. – Robert W. Sarnoff

35. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. – Robert Orben

36. Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence. – Max Amsterdam

37. If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem. – JP Getty

Stock Market and Investing Jokes

38. There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can. – Mark Twain

39. Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. – Groucho Marx

40. Q: How do you make a million dollars in the stock market?
       A: Start with two!

41. October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February. – Mark Twain

42. I’m actually not sure how much money I have. But I do know how many pounds of money I have. – Ron Swanson

Other Money Jokes

Money Joke One-Liners and Puns

I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

43. We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules. – Buzzie Bavasi

44. I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

45. I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

46. I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spends less than my wife.

47. I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

48. Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back.

49. I saw a bank that said if offered 24 Hour Banking.” But I didn’t go in. I didn’t have that much time.

50. A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

51. Always play with other people’s money!

52. The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they’re smart.

53. If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.

54. The most successful investor was Noah. He floated stock, while everything around him went into liquidation. 

55. The most successful female investor was Pharaoh’s daughter. She went to the Nile bank and floated a prophet.

56. Finance Joke – Big Test

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying “A dollar per point.”

The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.

57. Money Joke – 3 Questions

A man who needs legal help goes to a lawyer’s office. After being escorted inside, he sits across the desk from the lawyer. The man needs legal help, but he wants to make sure he can afford it first. “Can you tell me how much you charge?” he asks.

“Of course,” the lawyer replies, “I charge $800 to answer three questions.”

“Don’t you think that’s an awful lot of money to answer three questions?”

“Yes it is”, answers the lawyer, “What’s your third question?”

Thanks to the following, who were the source of some of these jokes:

• https://www3.nd.edu/~jstiver/jokes
• https://onelinefun.com/money/
• http://www.progress-to-financial-freedom.com/financial-jokes

Как говорится, на зарплату среднестатистического человека можно хорошо жить, трудно только последние 28 дней. А если серьезно, то разговоры о деньгах мы ведем почти каждый день, поэтому стоит научиться делать это и на английском. А начать мы предлагаем с простого и приятного материала — шуток на английском языке о деньгах и экономии.

Наш первый важный совет — не бойтесь экономических прогнозов. Как правило, большинство из них дает лишь весьма туманную формулировку о ближайшем будущем. Кстати, мы даже нашли подходящую шутку на этот счет.

И действительно: экономические прогнозы так редко сбываются, что начинает казаться, будто гадание на кофейной гуще даст более точное предсказание. А ведь всем людям важно знать, как будет развиваться экономика в ближайшее время. И особенно нужно такое знание тем, кто собирается брать кредит, ведь в случае кризиса они рискуют остаться у разбитого корыта. А вот что говорит о кредите английская шутка.

Да уж, кредиты — это не самый экономный способ приобрести вещь. Взяв невыгодный заем один раз, человек всю жизнь боится связываться с кредитами в официальных организациях. Такие люди при необходимости занимают нужную сумму у друзей или родственников. Конечно, кто-то может сказать, что денежные отношения могут испортить дружбу, однако, согласно одной английской шутке, у подобных займов есть свои достоинства.

Что делать, если вы не хотите стать причиной бессонницы близкого человека, но все же нуждаетесь в займе? Все очень просто. В следующей шутке предложен лучший выход из этой неприятной ситуации.

А может быть, не стоит жить взаймы? Подумайте, сейчас столько возможностей сэкономить на покупках: сезонные скидки, распродажи, интернет-магазины и т. д. Мы уверены: если хорошенько поискать, можно найти подходящий по цене и категории товар. Главное — выбрать подходящее время для покупки.

Ну как не улыбнуться этой шутке, когда цены растут как грибы после дождя?! И едва ли не каждый день мы думаем: «Эх, надо было вчера побольше яблок купить, а то сегодня уже подорожали». Однако не забывайте, что экономия — это не только покупки по выгодным ценам, но и сокращение затрат. Как вы знаете, многие компании в кризис стараются минимизировать расходы, чтобы не обанкротиться. А некоторые работодатели устраивают весьма интересные конкурсы.

Впрочем, экономят не только компании, но и обычные люди. Одни начинают ходить пешком на работу, вместо того чтобы ездить на общественном транспорте, другие стараются чаще готовить домашнюю еду, а не питаться в кафе. Мы уже не будем упоминать о людях, которые заваривают чайные пакетики по несколько раз или не идут вовремя к стоматологу, думая, что «само пройдет». А вот некоторые приобретают тарифные планы для телефона в надежде сэкономить на услугах связи. Однако выбор не всегда бывает удачен.

Еще один способ экономии — разумно подходить к расходам на общественные нужды. И тут главное — найти ту самую золотую середину, которая поможет вам удержать баланс между жадностью и расточительностью. Помните: вы всегда можете помочь окружающим без удара по собственному кошельку. Обратите внимание: герой следующей шутки нашел удачный способ сэкономить деньги и в то же время не показаться жадным.

Вот так можно оставаться отзывчивым человеком, не потеряв ни копейки денег. Хотя, может быть, не стоит так зацикливаться на этих бумажках? Разве можно купить за них дружбу, любовь, счастье? Конечно нет! Хотя, судя по следующей шутке, есть люди, которые думают по-другому.

Ну а если говорить серьезно, то деньги — хоть и не самое главное, но без них весьма сложно представить себе нашу жизнь. Поэтому так важно научиться говорить об этом на английском языке, и в этом вам поможет наша статья «10 популярных выражений и 5 идиом о деньгах на английском языке». И все же материал о шутках не должен заканчиваться на серьезной ноте, поэтому напоследок предлагаем улыбнуться следующей шутке.