You only have enough time to say one word to Edgar Allan Poe who is about to walk into a tree. What do you say?
Poetry
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Is buttcheeks one word?
Or should I spread them apart?
As 2022 is coming to a close, let me sum it up for you all in one word.
Six.
My interviewer asked me to describe myself in one word.
I replied “vague”
He asked, “can you elaborate?”
I said, “yes.”
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
Best jokes with one word punchlines!
Preferably short jokes. e.g. Two fish are swimming in a lake and one runs into a concrete wall. It turns to the other and says, «Dam.»
I’m not saying one word without my Lawyer present.
Judge: B-but sir, you are the lawyer?
Lawyer: Exactly, I demand my present!
Prison might just be one word to you…
But to some people, it’s a long sentence.
My daughter screeched, «Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?»
What a strange way to start a conversation with me…
If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would it be?
Bad at following directions.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Is «buttcheeks» one word or two?
I want to get this cover letter just right.
Prison may be just one word
But to others, it’s a whole sentence
A guy walks up to the widow at her husband’s funeral and says » May I just say one word?»
«Sure,» she replies.
«Discount.»
The widow says, «Thank you. That means a great deal.»
What one word really makes a woman open up and want to talk about everything on their mind?
«Goodnight.»
If I could describe all the horrible things that a lifetime of inhaling paint has done to me in one word, …
… that word would be brain damage.
World hunger? Overpopulation? One word:
Cannibalism.
I saw this months ago so if you made it or know who did comment and I’ll make a edit
Only one word in the English Language starts with D and ends in Y
If you don’t believe my check the dictionary
I can only think of one word with three U’s in it. That’s unusual.
Really.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
My Mother said there is one word you should never call a lady.
The silly cunt never said what it was though.
Rearrange the letters: NOR DO WE to make one word.
Rearrange the letters: NOR DO WE to make one word.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Autocorrect: *Gets one word wrong*
**Me:** gadammit fuck you autocorrect!!
**Also Me:** Rhrng ldjdnxh pvmfjs jshabdbc
**Autocorrect:** Did you mean “free wifi near me”?
**Me:** You’re goddamn right I did
Did you know that outperform is one word?
Who ever did that is an idiot.
Tell a horror story with just one word and one number
Trump 2024
Young women is standing downstairs. How do explain it in one word?
Misunderstanding.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
On being asked to describe Bill’s penis, Melinda Gates could only think of one word…
Microsoft
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.
One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years. At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four …
Each comment thread is a joke, but each user may only post one word.
You may only comment one word, or reply with one word to another comment. Good luck!
There’s only one word you need to respond to a raging boomer.
And that’s ok.
Just one word
With the new school year, teachers hand out those «we’d like to know more about you» forms for the students to fill out. One of the questions was «Use one word to describe yourself». My son’s answer:
«Can’t follow directions»
How do you synthesize/summarise Dragon Ball into one word?
The answer is: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Create a Story Using One Word!
Anyone can participate and IT HAS TO MAKE SENSE! Good luck! 
What’s a Redditor’s favorite kind of vehicle, favorite kind of food, and favorite kind of teacher all in one word?
A sub
One word difference
One word can change your day, your feelings, and life.
Example:
«This is your captain speaking»
«This isn’t your captain speaking»
If I described myself in one word, I’d say, «Potential»
I was too lazy to add the «Wasted».
What one word can you yell out loud that will make a room full of little old ladies swear?
Bingo!
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
How do you piss off an entire community with one word?
[Deleted]
Mike and his wife Sara went to the state fair every year, and every year Mike would say, «Sara, I’d like to ride in that airplane.»….
Sara always replied, «I know, Mike, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.»
One year Mike and Sara went to the fair, and Mike said, «Sara, I’m eighty-five years old. If I don’t ride that airplane, I might never get another chance.»
S…
Two sisters inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 available.
The older sister says, «I’m going t…
Me and my GF had a fight about the dictionary
And you know one word led to another
Timbuktu (NSFW)
Two best friends, Dave and Tim, died in a car accident and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the gate and said «sorry, there’s only room for one of you.» The two friends were unsure on how to proceed, so St. Peter made them an offer.
«I will give you both one word and who ever makes up the bes…
A man is preparing to board a train…..
when he hears that the Pope is also going to be using that mode of transportation because he apparently wanted to try something different.
«This is exciting,» the man thinks. «I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.»
Imagine his surprise when …
Nine Words
Once upon a time, long before any type of writing or sign language there lived an attractive young prince.
This prince, through no fault of his own, was cursed by a witch such that he was only allowed to say one word per year.
Fortunately, however, he WAS allowed to save up his words.<…
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The man’s curse
A man was cursed by a wicked witch. He could speak only one word per year, so if he said a word, he had to wait for another year to say another one.
One day, he saw a woman. Beautiful, splendid, sexy, breathtaking!! So he then decided to take the chance of marrying her, so he had to plan what…
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
At the end of our first date, I sheepishly asked, «So, how do you feel about sex?» Giggling and blushing, she whispered, «I like it infrequently.» Puzzled, I asked…
«Is that one word or two?»
Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain’s office…
Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain’s office, where he is read the riot act. The captain says, «You’re a good cop, but these reports just aren’t going to cut it anymore, Joe! They’re practically illegible! The next report, if there’s even one word misspelled on it, you are going on sus…
Two drunk guys walk into a hotel
snippering one word after another they finally manage to make themselves understood by the girl at the reception.
«So you want the cheapest double room we have, right? The only free one is on the 100th floor but the elevator is broken». The two guys, in order not to spend the night sleeping o…
A pastor walked by a ranch when he noticed a sign, «Christian Horse for Sale»
Being that the Pastor owned a large ranch, he was immediately interested, and went into the shop.
The owner took the Pastor out to the back, where he saw a beautiful Arabian stallion.
He agreed to allow the Pastor to take a «test run.»
The Pastor grabbed the reins. «giddyap.» Th…
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Two 80 year old singles were talking about sex.
She asked him how often he had sex. He told her it was infrequently. She asked him, “Is that one word or two?”
A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
After several weeks of fuming at his chickens for making scratches and small dents in the hood of his car he decided to find a solution.
Coincidentally a salesperson came by his house and offered a s…
A brunette and her blonde sister live in the rural Southwest US, having inherited their family ranch.
The Great Depression hit them hard, and they only have $600 left.
Fearing that their ranch would be repossessed, the brunette goes to buy a bull so they can breed their own stock. She tells her sister «I’ll come and contact you when I make the purchase», and promptly departs.
<…
Widowed couple
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discus…
A few minutes before the services started, satan appeared at the front of the church
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat
calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that
God’s ultima…
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A World War 2 joke
Stalin and Hitler died and were recieved in Hell by Satan.
Satan asked them to wait in the guest cabin, because he had to search for the worst place in Hell for both of them (it had been a long time since some one so evil had come to his abode) .
While waiting, Hitler got bored and as…
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Humorous One Word Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
Man, on a first date: How do you feel about s**…? Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Is b**… one word…
or should I spread them apart?
Prison may be just one word
But to others, it’s a whole sentence
What word starts with «E» and ends in «E» but only has one letter in it?
Envelope.
Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she’s reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
Two priests are out driving one day..
when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
«Sorry to pull you over father, but we’re looking for a couple of child molesters»
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
«Alright officer, we’ll do it»
Old German joke
An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold.»
His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken before?»
The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory.»
Edgar Allen Poe is about to walk into a tree and you only have enough time to say one word before he hits it. What should you say to him?
Poetry!
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker’s coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn’t say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, «He ain’t much of a man, is he?»
«He’s not much of a driver, either,» the waitress replied. «He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles.»
*Teacher to Student* T: «Use the word ‘centimeter’ in a sentence»
S: «My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter»
T: «No, no, that’s ‘Sent to meet her’. Okay, try another one. Use ‘contagious’ in a sentence please»
S: «I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!»
You can explore one word words reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean one word adjective dad jokes. There are also one word puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.
Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German — ‘The toast is burnt’…to which the family were amazed at. ‘You can speak, that’s amazing, why have you never spoken until now?’
He replied: ‘There was nothing wrong until now’
A desert island with six women
A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man’s first words were, «Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?»
‘Oh f*c**…,’ thinks the man, ‘there goes Mondays.’
In honour of my first cake day, here’s a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.
Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?
A: A hole
Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?
A: Post office
Q: The maker doesn’t want it, the buyer doesn’t use it and the user doesn’t see it. What is it?
A: A coffin
Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?
A: A stamp
Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn’t move?
A: A fence
Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope
I’ve often heard that icy is one of the easiest words to spell.
Looking back at it now, I see why.
A jew in his deathbed…
A jew in his deathbed is surrounded by his family. He asks if the wife is there; she was. He asks if his son was there; he was. He asked if his daughter was there, and she was.
As he finds out everyone’s there, he has a heart attack. His final words were:
-Why… is no one… in the shop…
A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.
Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.
While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: «Yes.»
Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, «Yes, what?» Instantly the machine
replied, «Yes, sir!»
A German baby’s parents are concerned that he never speaks…
It has gotten to the point where he is five years old and has said not a word, so his parents take him to the doctor. Everything’s fine, he’s healthy, not messed in the head. So then one day the German baby is having some apfelstrudel when he says «mother, zis strudel is quite tepid.» The parents are amazed! «Wolfgang, you’ve finally spoken after all these years! What’s happened?»
«Up until now, everyzing has been satisfactory.»
My ex-girlfriend’s father, a 6’4″ retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.
I opened it and he said, «My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!»
«Sir?» I asked.
«When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical…»
«Yes, sir»
«But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you would take care of her!»
«Yes, sir»
«And you promised me that if she moved in with you and took care of the house she could quit her job and you would cover her weekly income!»
«Yes sir, but I believe this is simple misunderstanding. When I said that, it was two words, not one.»
«The word of the day is ‘contagious'» Said the teacher, «Who can use it in a sentence?»
Little Jenny stood up and said «My dad has a cold and said its contagious»
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said «Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious»
Happy with Billy’s response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.
Little Johnny stood up…
«Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious.»
A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a h**… from across a bar.
She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, » I want a man that»s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. «The black guy goes » I love to eat liver and cheese. «The white guy goes » I like to cook liver and cheese. «The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys » Liver alone, cheese mine!!»
One day, a lawyer finds a genie’s lamp.
The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.
«You have three wishes,» the genie says. «The only rule is that you can’t wish for more wishes.»
After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, «I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks.»
The genie sighs and says, «This is why nobody likes lawyers.»
What one word really makes a woman open up and want to talk about everything on their mind?
«Goodnight.»
Why is Communism one of the most ironic words?
It’s Capitalized
My friend and I started replacing the word ‘in’ with ‘inside’.
For example, if we wanted to say, «it’s in the fridge», we’d instead say «it’s inside the fridge».
One day, my parents caught onto this. They asked me why I was saying «inside» instead of «in».
I responded,
«it’s an inside joke».
Word joke
A man had 4 sons, and named them Bronson, Kenneth, Conrad and Dominic.
One day, they decided to ask their father if his choice of names meant anything.
He replied, «Only the first three letters of each.»
My daughter screeched, «Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?»
What a strange way to start a conversation with me…
He asked: how do you feel about s**…?
She replied: Well i like it infrequently.
He said: is that one word or two?
A boy and his dad.
A boy and his dad are walking through the streets
boy: «What does the word drunk mean?»
dad: «Well, for example, do you see those two policemen over there? if you were drunk you would think there are four policemen over there.»
boy: «But dad there is only one policeman over there!»
A World War 2 joke
Stalin and h**… died and were recieved in h**… by Satan.
Satan asked them to wait in the guest cabin, because he had to search for the worst place in h**… for both of them (it had been a long time since some one so evil had come to his abode) .
While waiting, h**… got bored and asked Stalin to tell him a joke.
Stalin said one word, «Moscow.»
h**…, after a long and hard thought, replied, «I don’t get it.»
Stalin laughs merrily and says, «Exactly.»
A guy is approached by a h**… in a bar. She says, «This
A guy is approached by a h**… in a bar. She says, «This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.» The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: «Paint…my…house.»
11 Blondes and a brunette
There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don’t, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, «I’ll get off.» The blondes, all moved by the brunette’s speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
Adam spoke to God in the Garden of Eden
«I am lonely» said Adam. «I need someone around for company.»
«Very well,» said God. «I will create a companion for you. One who will obey your every word, do all your chores along with cooking and cleaning for you.»
«Wonderful!» said Adam. «What will it take?»
«For you, it will cost an arm and a leg» said God.
«That seems pretty steep» said Adam. «What could I get for just a rib?»
An older couple is getting married…
An older couple is getting married. The husband-to-be looks at his bride and asks, «What’s your opinion on s**…?»
The bride says, «I prefer it infrequently.»
The man replies, «Is infrequently one word or two?»
Load More
We love clever jokes here at LaffGaff and they don’t come any more ingenious than these clever wordplay jokes. We’re sure you’ll enjoy them too; after all, a good sense of humor is a sign you’re in good shape psychologically!
30 Best Play On Word Jokes
Here is a great collection of really clever wordplay jokes. Enjoy!
Armageddon
I was helping my son with his homework and he asked me what Armageddon was. He got upset when I told him I didn’t know.
I thought to myself, “Come on, it’s not the end of the world, is it?”
Norwegian Navy
The Norwegian navy has started putting barcodes on their ships.
So they can scan da navy in.
Big Red Mark
My son asked me to take him to the hospital because he had a big red mark on his face.
I said, “Let’s not make any rash decisions.”
Brake Fluid
I’ve got a friend who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid.
He says he can stop any time.
English Language
The English language is pretty strange and confusing.
It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.
Cheap Skate
This guy offered me a go on his ice rink for $1.
I thought “What a cheap skate.”
Lost Luggage
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
Money In The Bank
I’m addicted to having money in the bank.
I really do suffer from withdrawals.
Restaurant Manager
I got sacked from my job as restaurant manager today after one of my staff lost three fingers in an electric food mixer.
Apparently I failed to do a proper whisk assessment.
Assistant Manager
I’ve just landed a job as an assistant typist, helping with the capital letters.
It’s shift work.
Chest Hair
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.
Alphabet Soup
You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for…
Times new ramen!
Something Cuban
I asked my grandmother for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.
Clothes, but no cigar.
Blank Screen
My sister turned off the TV on me whilst I was watching it today.
After a few moments of staring at the blank screen, I thought to myself, “That’s not on.”
6 Cans Of Sprite
I went to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite.
I ended up picking 7 Up.
Angry Girlfriend
My girlfriend always gets mad when I mess with her red wine.
So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she’s sangria then ever.
Solar Eclipse
I tried using a colander to view the solar eclipse yesterday.
I think I’ve strained my eyes.
Full Dictaphone
I have a nagging, paranoid feeling that my dictaphone is close to full capacity.
Maybe I’m just reading too much into it.
Learning Braille
I asked my Dad what it was like learning Braille, but he didn’t want to tell me.
I didn’t realize it was such a touchy subject.
History Of Palindromes
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
Now we call him Dr Awkward.
Tree Planting
Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes’ diverse set of skills as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting.
To which Sherlock replied, “Why, that’s a lemon tree, my dear Watson.”
Hypnotist
Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.
I’m easily lead.
Time Machine
I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday.
They don’t make them like they’re going to anymore.
At The Bus Stop
A guy is walking down the street one day when he spots a man with no arms or legs waiting at a bus stop.
He shouts out to him, “Hey buddy, how are you getting on?”
Crashing App
WhatsApp keeps crashing on my phone and won’t run properly so I’ve downloaded something called “The Bugs Bunny” to fix it.
It’s a WhatsApp Doc.
David Hasselhoff
David Hasselhoff calls his agent and demands, “I want everyone to call me Hoff from now on.”
The agent replies, “Sure, no hassle.”
4D Printer
How do you turn a 3D printer into a 4D printer?
Just give it time.
Star Wars Sweets
I’m really disappointed with the new Haribo Star Wars sweets collection.
They’re all chewy.
Half Indian
I’ve got a friend who’s half Indian.
Ian.
Store Robbery
I was at the Apple store today when it got robbed.
I guess that makes me an iWitness.
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed this collection of clever wordplay jokes, be sure to check out the rest of the LaffGaff website for lots more funny jokes, including these:
- Words: Short, But So Succinct
- Shop Signs — Play on Words
- Tales from the Front Line
- Keep on Singing?
1)
Words: Short, But So Succinct
Pythagoras: 24 words
The Lord’s
Prayer: 66 words
Archimedes’
Principle: 67 words
The Ten Commandments: 179 words
Lincoln’s
Gettysburg Address: 286 words
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300
words
The U.S. government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words
2) Shop Signs — Play on Words
Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong: LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.
Tailor shop, Rhodes: ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.
Airline ticket office,
Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE
REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Where’s
the English Channel? I don’t
know
— our television doesn’t
pick it up.
3) Tales from the
Front Line — More Word Jokes
‘No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.’
— Joe Gay
‘Tracers work both ways.’
— U.S. Army Ordnance
‘Five second fuses only last three seconds.’
— Infantry Journal
‘Don’t
draw fire; it irritates the people around you.’
— Your
Buddies
‘If your attack is going too well, you’re walking into an ambush.’
— Infantry Journal
‘Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than
submarines in the sky.’
— From an old carrier sailor
4) Keep on Singing?
George, Jack and Simon were at a conference together in Chicago and they were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper. After a long day of meetings they were upset to hear that the lifts
in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
George said to Jack and Simon, let’s break the boredom of this horrendous climb by concentrating on something
more interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jack can sing songs for 25 flights, and Simon can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor George stopped telling jokes and Jack began to
sing. At the 51st floor Jack stopped singing and Simon began to tell sad stories.
‘I will tell my saddest story first,’ he muttered gloomily, ‘I left our room key in the car.’
Phyllis Diller Humour
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has
just been robbed.
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the
next day.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin
in the steam iron.
Footnote:
Please send us your word jokes
See more funny English words and phrases
•
Oxymoron examples •
Funny Words •
Cool foreign words •
Illogical English •
English jokes
•
Funny children’s names •
Examples of collective nouns •
Animal collective nouns •
Neologism
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A funny word •
Grammar mistakes •
Word jokes •
Paraprosdokian •
Funny English words
What does killing a black person and saying the n-word have in common?
Black people do it all the time, but get mad when a white person does it.
My friend told me the word «gullible» is not in any dictionaries
I went to check and it was. I don’t know why he said that.
As a married man, I always get the last word in a conversation or argument with my wife.
Those words are usually, «Yes dear.»
I regret naming my daughter Alexa because of the popularity of the Amazon Echo. So we decided to change her name to something that will never be a popular word.
We’re trying to pick between Cortana and Bixby
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will hunt you and I will find you
You have my word.
This happened at a meeting with my boss:
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it!
Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?
Me: Word.
I’m still using Office 2010 …
For lack of a better Word …
Want to hear a word I just made?
Plagiarism
I’ve spent the day in a German police station.
Word to the wise… Don’t go hailing a taxi in Germany like you do in other countries.
Remember, marriage isn’t simply a word:
It’s a sentence.
What’s the most searched word on Bing?
Google
Punny
If the word ‘tomb’ is pronounced ‘toom’, and ‘womb’ is pronounced ‘woom’, shouldn’t ‘bomb’ be pronounced ‘boom’
The magic word
Daughter: Dad, do I get a new Iphone?
Dad: What’s the magic word?
Daughter: Larissa!
Dad: Larissa??
Daughter: yes, your affair!
Dad: Do you want a cover with your Iphone too?
«Indecisive» is my favourite word.
Actually, no it isn’t.
If I had to use one word to describe myself, it would be
Bad at following instructions.
A Scrabble game got dumped all over the interstate highway.
That’s the word on the street at least.
At the spelling bee
Judge: Your word is «there.»
Me: In a sentence please.
Judge: They’re parking their car over there.
What is a word that starts with W.
Correct.
To the man who stole my Microsoft Office, I’m going to find you…..
….you have my WORD.
Can’t get pregnant
Stacy: I have to be very careful, i just can’t get pregnant now.
Tiffany: Didn’t your husband get a vasectomy?
Stacy: Exactly!
Edit: a word
Microsoft
Boss : How good are you at making spreadsheet?
Me : I excel at it
Boss : Was that a Microsoft office pun?
Me : word
Thanks for explaining the word «abundant» to me.
It means a lot.
Sure white people can’t say the n-word.
But at least we can say things like «Hey, Dad» or «Thanks for the warning, Officer.»
To the software thieves who robbed me last night.
Don’t think you can get away with taking Microsoft Office away from me. I will find you. You have my Word.
Just want to thank you for explaining the word ‘many’ to me.
It means a lot.
Face is a four letter word…
But preface is a foreword letter…
Hey guys I made up a new word!
Plagiarism
«Your next spelling word is: beheaded.»
Can you use it in a sentence please?
«Sure, Kathy Griffin beheaded to the unemployment office.»
What’s the only word in the English language that is both a word and a sentence?
Marriage.
I used to use the word Alternative in sentences a lot…
But then I learned it meant something different.
I made up a new word today.
Plagiarism.
I was asked to submit a 1,000 word essay..
So I just submitted a picture instead.
A comedian was getting attacked for his routine being too sexist
So, he replaced the word «women» with «white, rich, republican women». The audience stopped complaining.
«Dad, how did you come up with my brother’s name, ‘Legab’?»
«Is it a variation of ‘Gabriel’ or something?»
«Ah… no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word».
«Oh… ok. Thanks, Dad!»
«You’re welcome, Lana».
Teacher: «Use the word dandelion in a sentence»
Student: «De cheetah is faster dandelion»
What’s an asymmetrical word, which means the same when spelt backwards?
— Nothing
The word queue does’t have 4 silent letters…
They are just waiting their turn.
EDIT
oh haha didN’t realise this got so many upvotes thanks guys 
is there a way to edit the title for the spelling error?
Being white, I can’t say the N-word.
But I can say things like, «Thanks for the warning, Officer» and «Hi, Dad.»
These new editions of dictionaries are frustrating
Picked up a new copy and flipped through it to find a word I knew disappeared.
The next thing I found was disappointing
I used to own a Raven in Boston
It could speak English, but the only word it knew was «Car»
Boss: How good are you with spreadsheets?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun?
Me: Word
I really love the word «earth»
It means the world to me.
What’s the Russian word for no Wi-Fi?
Interniet
I always say good night to my microwave every morning
I’m in a very different timezone that those agents in Washington DC.
EDIT:wrong word
I greeted the mailman at the door naked
He freaked out. Not so much because of my appearance, more because I knew where he lived.
Edit: a word
The problem with Bill Clinton
Is that he never learned harass was one word.
A English teacher says to a African student..
«okay you’re doing really good with your English, I would like you to use the word dandelion in a sentence» the student replies «ohh that is easy, The giraffe, is bigger, dan de lion»
To whomever stole my copy of Microsoft Word…
I will find you. You have my Word.
Sugar is the only word in English language in which «Su» is pronounced as «Shu».
I am pretty sure about it.
Whats a word that white people can call white people but black people cannot call black people?
Dad.
I may not be able to use by the «N» word…
But at least I can say things like «Hey Dad», and «Thanks for the warning Officer!».
The comedian made an entire audience laugh without speaking a single word
No joke
I haven’t said a word to my wife in years.
She hates to be interrupted…
I’ve finally understood the meaning of «politics»
It’s derived from «poly», the Greek word for «many», and «tics», a blood sucking parasite.
How do you get a little old lady to say the f* word?
Get another old lady to say «BINGO!»
Romeo & Juliet.doc…
…is a play on Word.
Did you hear that Microsoft is giving away Office to parents?
Word to your mother.
How do you get a little old lady to say the «F» word?
Yell bingo.
I don’t think we should be to worried if Trump gets elected
Politicians never keep their word
What’s a word that starts with «N» that you don’t want to call a black person?
Neighbor
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One Word Jokes
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About Community
Telling jokes one word at a time.
Created May 22, 2015
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Wordplay jokes are often derided as «lowest form of wit.» But they’re also the favorite form of humor for luminaries like Dorothy Parker, Mark Twain, Benjamin Franklin, Oscar Wilde, and even Shakespeare. How can an «art» form so groan-worthy be beloved by some many great brains? According to a 2016 study by University of Windsor psychologists, understanding and appreciating a punny wordplay joke requires both hemispheres of your brain, the left and right sides, to work together to decipher a joke’s meaning. Reading a wordplay joke — even a really, really dumb one — is like exercise for your brain.
Here are 40 of our favorite wordplay jokes that are maybe a little silly and stupid, but it’ll take your entire brain to make sense of them, so maybe show these jokes a little respect. For more bad jokes (that are actually really great), check out these 40 Corny Jokes You Can’t Help But Laugh At.
He’d herd it through the grapevine!
For more kid-approved jokes, check out these 50 Jokes From Children That Are Crazy Funny.
I got 48,500 matches!
For more on matches (of the internet variety, that is), check out these 15 Things You Don’t Know about Google.
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause!
And to find out if you’re feline fine or not, This is Why You’re a Dog or Cat Person.
Because he was outstanding in his field!
And for more sidesplitting humor, read up the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40.
Everything’s fine. He woke up. But, according to your kid, they pay attention in school!
And for more child-borne hooey, 40 Lies Kids Say That Parents Always Fall For.
Buy a deck of cards!
And for more laughs, check out The 50 Most Amazing Jokes From Comedy Legends.
But my plans were foiled!
And for more groaners, check out the 30 Funniest Jokes in Popular Songs.
They’re just not working!
A waist of time!
For wrist wear that isn’t a waste, though, peek these 7 Must-Have New Vintage-Inspired Watches.
So I can tell people, «I visit the Jim several times a day!»
One says, «Spit out your gum,» and the other says, «Choo choo choo!»
And for more hilarity, don’t miss the 50 Amazing Jokes You Can Text to Friends.
So why does every bank have so many branches?
But her aim is steadily improving!
For more matrimonial humor, check out The 30 Funniest Things Celebrities Have Said About Marriage.
But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer!
Nothing. It just lets out a little wine!
For more reasons to love wine, check out these 80 Amazing Health Benefits of Wine.
The poem may not be beautiful, but it’s certainly very deep!
The bartender says, «Why the long face?»
You’ll see a butterfly!
Microchips!
And for actually helpful computer advice, check out The Best Computer Desktop Backgrounds for Maximizing Your Productivity.
I couldn’t be more delighted!
He’s all right now!
It came out of the green!
Because everyone thought he was a boar!
Next, check out The 50 Puns So Bad They’re Actually Funny.
They all said, ouch!
Now I sleep like a log!
To sleep like a log in real life, check out these 70 Tips For Your Best Sleep Ever.
You’re under a vest!
But then I lost interest!
And for more laughs, read The Funniest Joke About Every U.S. State.
He’s keeping his eye on it, but says there’s no change yet!
And for some seriously silly pet pampering advice, Here’s Why You Should Talk to Your Dog Like It’s a Baby.
So I’m now selling it on, as a clawed Monet!
I think that’s a big missed steak!
Because they’re always stuffed!
«You can stay. Just don’t try to start anything!»
It would totally make my day!
Ruff!
They will be sentenced next Friday!
But when I got home, all the signs were there!
And for more silly signs, read the 30 Funniest Jokes On Road Warning Signs.
An envelope!
The student answered, «Who, me?»
Just to shoot the Bries!
It was Abridged Too Far!
Want more painfully corny jokes? Check out these 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up.
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