Are you a man or woman of your word

I’d like you to really consider if, in fact, you are a person of your word. I say this because, as of late I’ve been observing more and more that conversations ending with; “Consider it done.” “Yes, absolutely I’ll send that you.” “You can count on me.” “I will be there.” “I’ll call you then.”I could go on … and yet, in actuality don’t necessarily translate into action. In other words, there’s no intended committed action toward what was being said. 

Why?

Here’s my theory; We seem to have a really hard time saying, no. I’ll bet that you actually know before you said it that you weren’t really planning on delivering on what you said yes to in the first place.

Here’s the irony of that – We say yeswhen we really mean noso as not to disappoint another. What happens is the opposite. You’re actually making yourself look worse, and disappointing another. You may never realize this as the other person may never call you out on your word. You’re then left thinking; “Great, no response from the other person – I’m home free.”

This fascinates me. It always has. This isn’t new and yet I’ve noticed this, as I mentioned to be more prevalent.

The compulsion to say yes when really you mean no does you a real disservice for a number of reasons; For one, you’re not building trust. You lose credibility. We won’t believe anything that you say if you don’t deliver on your actions. Unless of course you let us know ahead a time that you’re not able to deliver. If nothings said, then the next time you speak, it’s just ‘noise’ to us.

Another reason not to say yes when you’re planning on not delivering is that the person you say yes too believes you. They aren’t making any assumptions. They’re hoping that yes means yes. It also means that you could really be holding things up for that person. They’re counting on you.

What’s funny is that by you not wanting to disappoint another, or perhaps wanting to show that you’re the ‘man or woman’ of the day, the saviour, the one with connections, etc., which, is ultimately based on ego, backfires miserably. 

Ultimately, we come from a place of either wanting to be helpful, as we’d like others to help us when in need, or it’s a fear that you don’t want to be rejected or abandoned if you say no to someone.

Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor in social work, has spent two decades studying shame, empathy and vulnerability. Brown says that we often don’t set boundaries, we let people do things that are not okay and then we’re resentful. We tend to imagine that setting a boundary means being rude or pushy. But setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re being cold-hearted.

Brown goes on to explain that; “One of the most shocking findings of my work was the idea that the most compassionate people I had interviewed over the last 13 years set the most boundaries.” 

At the end of the day it really comes down to owning your ‘no.’ To have both the confidence and understanding that you’re not always going to please everyone, because you won’t. 

Rather than compromise your good word in order to appease another, tell it like it is. Set your word to action (or not). And yet know that when you say you’re going to do something … we believe you. We. Really. Believe. You.

Try it out today. Think before you speak. Speak once you have an answer that you can live by. If things change, well then speak your truth.

It really is that simple.

Lighthouse of Hope Church | Pastor Tom Tomson | January 7th, 2018

“I’ll do it,” you say. Then the time comes to do it. What happens? Do you keep your word?

When you tell your friend you will meet him at 6 o’clock, are you ready and waiting at 6 o’clock? When you say you’ll have that project ready by Wednesday morning, is it finished on Tuesday night? When you say you will do something, do people know it’s as good as done? Are you a man or woman of your word?

Society today simply does not prioritize keeping one’s word. And we tend to rationalize it: Things happen—no big deal. Most of us thus fail to recognize just what a serious character issue breaking our word is.

“Only recently a prominent public man was criticized throughout the newspaper world as one not having enough character to keep his promises,” Orison Swett Marden wrote in his 1916 book Making Life a Masterpiece. “He had not the stamina to make good when to do so proved difficult” (emphasis added throughout).

That is so often the issue: You say you will do something, but then circumstances change and you realize there is inconvenience involved that you didn’t anticipate. Suddenly, what you said you would do doesn’t seem worth it. But think about the long-term cost of losing your credibility. Think about the high cost of developing a reputation for being unreliable. Think about the high cost of compromising your character.

“He hadn’t the timber, the character fiber, to stand up and do the thing he knew to be right, and that he had promised to do,” Marden continued. “The world is full of these jellyfish people who have not lime enough in their backbone to stand erect, to do the right thing. They are always stepping into the spotlight in the good-intention stage, and then, when the reckoning time comes, taking the line of least resistance, doing the thing which will cost the least effort or money, regardless of later consequences. They think they can be as unscrupulous about breaking promises as they were about making them. But sooner or later fate makes us play fair, or get out of the game.”

What does God think? Well, He keeps His word (Numbers 23:19). When He says He will do something, He does it. When He gives a promise, He keeps it. We can count on Him to fulfill His every word—every time. Not one jot or tittle of God’s Word will pass away before all of it is fulfilled (Matthew 5:18).

In the Old Testament are laws saying that if you make a vow, you’d better keep it (Numbers 30:2; Deuteronomy 23:21-23). They tell us that it’s better not to say something than to say it and not do it. When you think about it, breaking your word is actually breaking the Ninth Commandment, which forbids bearing false witness (Exodus 20:16). When you give your word, failing to follow through makes you a liar.

We can say all kinds of potential lies without really thinking twice: I’ll do it; I’ll be there; I’ll pick you up; I’ll bring it over; I’ll help you out. Don’t say those things if you aren’t willing to do them even when it’s inconvenient. Jesus Christ said that “every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment” (Matthew 12:36). When you say, I will do it, you are signing your name to the contract and committing your reputation and your character. Only a few decades ago, many if not most significant business transactions were sealed with a man’s word and his handshake. No forms. No lawyers. No contracts. The man saying it was the contract. But modern society has gotten further and further from lives of honesty, uprightness, integrity, truth and trustworthiness. Now, agreements must be bound by carefully worded, signed, notarized contracts because people can’t be trusted to keep their word! If everyone struggled and fought to keep his word, no matter the obstacles, we wouldn’t need contracts and lawyers!

How can you become a person of your word? 1) Be careful what you promise. If you’re not sure you can deliver, don’t commit (James 4:13-14). 2) When you can’t do it, admit it. Learn to say no. 3) Once you’ve said it, do it. Do whatever you must to remember and then fulfill what you said, without excuse or hesitation. 4) If you blow it, admit it. Don’t lie or make up an excuse. When you make a mistake, apologize and do what you can to fix it.

“A man is already of consequence in the world when it is known that we can implicitly rely upon him,” Lord Edward Bulwer-Lytton said. “I have frequently seen in life a person preferred to a long list of applicants for some important charge, which lifts him at once into station and fortune, merely because he has this reputation—that when he says he knows a thing, he knows it, and when he says he will do a thing, he will do it.”

What is your reputation? Keeping your word should be as important as the Ten Commandments! Because it is keeping the Ten Commandments. It is, actually, the love of God.

China

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